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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’ve been reading an article about asexual people (aces) and it’s struck me that this goes unrecognised in many people.

Obviously on here, many of us are very sexual people but it strikes me that people who are asexual or don’t experience sexual attraction in a manner that others recognise, are far more common than most would know.

In that vein, do you think that understanding that in a partner or communication of that aspect would be important? Is sex a vital part of a relationship and if someone is asexual, should they expect their partner to forego that aspect?

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

I think it's a very personal thing, but for me sex is a very important part of a relationship so I couldn't see myself being happy in the long term with an asexual partner. That said, nothing is ever black and white, and there are possible solutions like the sexually minded partner having sexual partner(s) outside of the relationship to satisfy that need in them. Or perhaps this is where polyamory kicks in...I know I'm not capable of romantic emotional attachment to more than one person at a time, but many are.

That was a very waffly way to say it's important to some people but not to others

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Just because someone is asexual it doesn't necessarily mean they don't have sex.

I'm demisexual so I'm on the grey ace spectrum but I love sex.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I also know an asexual sex worker.

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I think it's a very personal thing, but for me sex is a very important part of a relationship so I couldn't see myself being happy in the long term with an asexual partner. That said, nothing is ever black and white, and there are possible solutions like the sexually minded partner having sexual partner(s) outside of the relationship to satisfy that need in them. Or perhaps this is where polyamory kicks in...I know I'm not capable of romantic emotional attachment to more than one person at a time, but many are.

That was a very waffly way to say it's important to some people but not to others "

I know what you mean.

It’s not waffle though, I think that it’s a complex and personal issue!

I remember that in my youth, I had a gf who didn’t enjoy sex, I was fine with that as I knew up front.

Perhaps it’s a case of knowledge and understanding of the situation?

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Just because someone is asexual it doesn't necessarily mean they don't have sex.

I'm demisexual so I'm on the grey ace spectrum but I love sex. "

Yes, the article covered a spectrum of sexual connections and the associated micro labels.

I was picking out the extreme aspect for discussion but you’re absolutely correct, there are many forms of sexual/asexual connections

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Just because someone is asexual it doesn't necessarily mean they don't have sex.

I'm demisexual so I'm on the grey ace spectrum but I love sex.

Yes, the article covered a spectrum of sexual connections and the associated micro labels.

I was picking out the extreme aspect for discussion but you’re absolutely correct, there are many forms of sexual/asexual connections"

I see. It was the line "if someone is asexual, should they expect their partner to forego that aspect?" that prompted my response. As you were.

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By *lice MaliceWoman
over a year ago

The Facility

I fit into this spectrum and it's a very wide one so, I can only speak for myself and my own experience..

Most of the time, I identify as demisexual and I display this prominently on my profile with an explanation of what it means to me and what I'm looking for in that respect. People can then chose whether or not to interact with me. I get a lot of questions about it and a lot of messages from others who also identify on the asexual scale.

Honest, open communication is essential. It's hugely important for me to make sure that anyone I speak to on a deeper level understands that I'm just a little quirky and that without some kind of mental/emotional connection then I'm just not going to feel turned on by them.

However, not all people on the asexual scale want to forego sex. Some do actually actively enjoy it but that very much is down to the individual and where exactly they fit in on the scale.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I think it's like anything in a relationship - communication is key

Mrs kf x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve been reading an article about asexual people (aces) and it’s struck me that this goes unrecognised in many people.

Obviously on here, many of us are very sexual people but it strikes me that people who are asexual or don’t experience sexual attraction in a manner that others recognise, are far more common than most would know.

In that vein, do you think that understanding that in a partner or communication of that aspect would be important? Is sex a vital part of a relationship and if someone is asexual, should they expect their partner to forego that aspect? "

It depends on if that person realises they themself are asexual and where on the scale they are.

It appears that some people lie about being sexual to fit in.

Sexual desire can disappear for other reasons too though.

If a person is sexual should they expect their asexual partner to have sex against their will......

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

I believe sex is a very important part of a marriage (I say marriage as I'm thinking about my own situation). I would struggle if my husband decided he no longer wanted sex.

If you know upfront that a person is asexual before getting into a relationship with them then that is different. Personally I couldn't be in that sort of relationship as I have a high sex drive and adore sex.

Mrs

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By *ussieChrisMan
over a year ago

Walsall


"I believe sex is a very important part of a marriage (I say marriage as I'm thinking about my own situation). I would struggle if my husband decided he no longer wanted sex.

If you know upfront that a person is asexual before getting into a relationship with them then that is different. Personally I couldn't be in that sort of relationship as I have a high sex drive and adore sex.

Mrs"

I myself am of a similar disposition. Although I'm single I have a very high sex drive and would have sex all day every day if I could.

That being said, in my current situation I am struggling, as I don't have a partner, fwb, fb etc.. And well then there is all this covid milarky..

So I too would find it difficult if I were in a relationship where sex was.. Minimal to non existing. I would at that point seek a way of being able to sort my urges amicably with said partner, or that relationship probably wouldn't work out.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Apologies if this comes across as slightly stupid - I didn't know demisexual was on the asexual spectrum, why is that? Demisexual being in order to have sexual attraction you have to have a connection with another? Is that it or have I simplified that terribly?

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

My bestie is asexual. But she only realised it a couple of years ago. She always just thought she had a low/no sex drive. Her husband struggles with the lack of sex (she used to occasionally have sex knowing it was the done thing) and now rarely does. She IS affectionate though.

I know a few people and they are in relationships and are open about who/what they are.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Apologies if this comes across as slightly stupid - I didn't know demisexual was on the asexual spectrum, why is that? Demisexual being in order to have sexual attraction you have to have a connection with another? Is that it or have I simplified that terribly? "

That's a simple way that it's often explained but a more in depth explanation is the absence of primary sexual attraction but still having secondary sexual attraction. The absence of primary sexual attraction is why it falls under the grey ace spectrum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Apologies if this comes across as slightly stupid - I didn't know demisexual was on the asexual spectrum, why is that? Demisexual being in order to have sexual attraction you have to have a connection with another? Is that it or have I simplified that terribly? "

It's not stupid.

"Demisexual people only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person. They can be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual, and may have any gender identity."

There are different aspects of asexuality, it's not just one thing. I read up on it for one of my friends and I'm still confused.

They could be demisexual but also aromantic or other aspects.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Just because someone is asexual it doesn't necessarily mean they don't have sex.

I'm demisexual so I'm on the grey ace spectrum but I love sex. "

Me too!

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Apologies if this comes across as slightly stupid - I didn't know demisexual was on the asexual spectrum, why is that? Demisexual being in order to have sexual attraction you have to have a connection with another? Is that it or have I simplified that terribly?

It's not stupid.

"Demisexual people only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person. They can be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual, and may have any gender identity."

There are different aspects of asexuality, it's not just one thing. I read up on it for one of my friends and I'm still confused.

They could be demisexual but also aromantic or other aspects. "

Yeah asexual is probably the sexuality with the most variation and types! It's a bit of an umbrella term really.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Just because someone is asexual it doesn't necessarily mean they don't have sex.

I'm demisexual so I'm on the grey ace spectrum but I love sex.

Me too! "

High five!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Apologies if this comes across as slightly stupid - I didn't know demisexual was on the asexual spectrum, why is that? Demisexual being in order to have sexual attraction you have to have a connection with another? Is that it or have I simplified that terribly?

It's not stupid.

"Demisexual people only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person. They can be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual, and may have any gender identity."

There are different aspects of asexuality, it's not just one thing. I read up on it for one of my friends and I'm still confused.

They could be demisexual but also aromantic or other aspects.

Yeah asexual is probably the sexuality with the most variation and types! It's a bit of an umbrella term really. "

A massive confusing Venn diagram of umbrellas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just because someone is asexual it doesn't necessarily mean they don't have sex.

I'm demisexual so I'm on the grey ace spectrum but I love sex.

Me too! "

Me three. I didn't know demisexual was included in the ace category.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Apologies if this comes across as slightly stupid - I didn't know demisexual was on the asexual spectrum, why is that? Demisexual being in order to have sexual attraction you have to have a connection with another? Is that it or have I simplified that terribly?

It's not stupid.

"Demisexual people only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person. They can be gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual, and may have any gender identity."

There are different aspects of asexuality, it's not just one thing. I read up on it for one of my friends and I'm still confused.

They could be demisexual but also aromantic or other aspects.

Yeah asexual is probably the sexuality with the most variation and types! It's a bit of an umbrella term really.

A massive confusing Venn diagram of umbrellas. "

Definitely

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Just because someone is asexual it doesn't necessarily mean they don't have sex.

I'm demisexual so I'm on the grey ace spectrum but I love sex.

Me too!

Me three. I didn't know demisexual was included in the ace category."

Welcome to the club

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I read up on it for one of my friends and I'm still confused.

They could be demisexual but also aromantic or other aspects. "

So if a person only felt sexual attraction to someone when they had an emotional bond with them but they had a high sex drive... would they be still be demisexual and under the asexual spectrum?

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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme


"I believe sex is a very important part of a marriage (I say marriage as I'm thinking about my own situation). I would struggle if my husband decided he no longer wanted sex.

If you know upfront that a person is asexual before getting into a relationship with them then that is different. Personally I couldn't be in that sort of relationship as I have a high sex drive and adore sex.

Mrs"

My ex told me she was asexual a while after we started living together. She said she would be happy for me to have sex with someone else but I didn’t as there were other aspects of the relationship which I felt were important to me and so I accepted not having a physical relationship. Many years later the relationship deteriorated significantly for several reasons and I said that I wanted to look elsewhere which she didn’t like. We are now divorced. At first I felt a lot of bitterness and regret, feeling I have wasted so many years of my life. But I am free to explore my sexuality now in a

way I never was before. As for relationships I don’t ever conceive of committing to a long term live in relationship ever again. That bridge has

been well and truly burned for me.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I read up on it for one of my friends and I'm still confused.

They could be demisexual but also aromantic or other aspects.

So if a person only felt sexual attraction to someone when they had an emotional bond with them but they had a high sex drive... would they be still be demisexual and under the asexual spectrum? "

Asexuality is a sexual orientation, i.e. Who you're sexually attracted to. Libido is a separate thing. Yes there are asexual people with low or no libido but there are also heterosexual people with a low libido.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"So if a person only felt sexual attraction to someone when they had an emotional bond with them but they had a high sex drive... would they be still be demisexual and under the asexual spectrum?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation, i.e. Who you're sexually attracted to. Libido is a separate thing. Yes there are asexual people with low or no libido but there are also heterosexual people with a low libido. "

I understand asexuality and it being a sexual orientation. I'm doing some reading and have sent a couple of messages to friends to explain demisexuality a bit more to me - I don't want to be taking up the thread with my lack of knowledge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I also know an asexual sex worker. "

The oxymoron ha but then again maybe it actually works best as she/he must be in “business mode” for real

I always thought if I had sex in exchange of payment it’d probably ruin my own views on how I appreciate sex

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By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"So if a person only felt sexual attraction to someone when they had an emotional bond with them but they had a high sex drive... would they be still be demisexual and under the asexual spectrum?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation, i.e. Who you're sexually attracted to. Libido is a separate thing. Yes there are asexual people with low or no libido but there are also heterosexual people with a low libido.

I understand asexuality and it being a sexual orientation. I'm doing some reading and have sent a couple of messages to friends to explain demisexuality a bit more to me - I don't want to be taking up the thread with my lack of knowledge. "

To be honest, I thought that this thread would be the perfect place to communicate knowledge.

In regards to heterosexual people with low libido vs asexual people with low libido, what’s the difference?

That’s a genuine question, if a person has low libido, doesn’t that make them on the asexual scale? Much in the same way that a guy who enjoys oral sex with a guy is on the bisexual scale, not just spicy straight or whatever term is in vogue for protecting heterosexuality

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"So if a person only felt sexual attraction to someone when they had an emotional bond with them but they had a high sex drive... would they be still be demisexual and under the asexual spectrum?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation, i.e. Who you're sexually attracted to. Libido is a separate thing. Yes there are asexual people with low or no libido but there are also heterosexual people with a low libido.

I understand asexuality and it being a sexual orientation. I'm doing some reading and have sent a couple of messages to friends to explain demisexuality a bit more to me - I don't want to be taking up the thread with my lack of knowledge.

To be honest, I thought that this thread would be the perfect place to communicate knowledge.

In regards to heterosexual people with low libido vs asexual people with low libido, what’s the difference?

That’s a genuine question, if a person has low libido, doesn’t that make them on the asexual scale? Much in the same way that a guy who enjoys oral sex with a guy is on the bisexual scale, not just spicy straight or whatever term is in vogue for protecting heterosexuality "

For me libido is the desire/urge to have sex/sexual release and is independent of sexual attraction. So asexual people with high libidos could still have sex or masterbate, just to satisfy that “itch”.

As such having a low libido doesn’t necessarily make you asexual, as you can still find people sexually attractive you just have little to no desire or need to engage in sex/sexual relief.

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