FabSwingers.com forum: Are they taking the piss?!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you feel like a friend has been dishonest, taking advantage, or been disloyal is some way, do you confront them?

Or would you just stop making so much effort with the friendship and let it die out?

Just wondering what others would do...

(No specifics)

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

Always confront them, I tend to tackle everything head-on, but not in an aggressive way, just in a "let's cut the bullsh*t" way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would sit down and have a talk with them.

Done it before and still got the friendships.

I would also appreciate if someone said it to me.

If I was inaware of how my actions were making a friend feel, I would sooner them just tell me in a calm manner than just start ignoring me and becoming distant, leaving me to wonder what I did and unable to change it x

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I'd tell them how I feel and their response would determine if the friendship carried on..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Always confront them, I tend to tackle everything head-on, but not in an aggressive way, just in a "let's cut the bullsh*t" way"

I'm usually very much the same.

I know they won't admit any wrong doing tho, so it seems pointless to do that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would sit down and have a talk with them.

Done it before and still got the friendships.

I would also appreciate if someone said it to me.

Unaware*

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would sit down and have a talk with them.

Done it before and still got the friendships.

I would also appreciate if someone said it to me.

This would be my usual reaction...finsing it tough in this instance tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always confront them, I tend to tackle everything head-on, but not in an aggressive way, just in a "let's cut the bullsh*t" way

I'm usually very much the same.

I know they won't admit any wrong doing tho, so it seems pointless to do that. "

If you give them the opportunity to change, and they deny everything and don't change, then I would cut the strings.

You know they know why then x

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Depends very much on the individual situation, how much I cared about and valued the relationship, and the exact nature and extent of what they had done.

Sometimes it's best just to walk away and put it behind you, sometimes spelling out what they had done and why it was so upsetting is just as valuable - either as catharsis, or to put things right or even see that actually there had been no wrongdoing, just misunderstanding and misconception.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always confront them, I tend to tackle everything head-on, but not in an aggressive way, just in a "let's cut the bullsh*t" way

I'm usually very much the same.

I know they won't admit any wrong doing tho, so it seems pointless to do that. "
the point of the confrontation is to let them know their actions have repercussions. If they won't admit it, then fine. That has consequences too.

By confronting your friend you give them the chance to make things right.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I would sit down and have a talk with them.

Done it before and still got the friendships.

I would also appreciate if someone said it to me.

Yep, I'm much the same. It can be difficult to do but talking to a friend and listening to them can really help clear things.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Always confront them, I tend to tackle everything head-on, but not in an aggressive way, just in a "let's cut the bullsh*t" way

I'm usually very much the same.

I know they won't admit any wrong doing tho, so it seems pointless to do that.

If you give them the opportunity to change, and they deny everything and don't change, then I would cut the strings.

You know they know why then x"

I have tried to confront them about a couple of things...pure denial thus far...

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village

"I would sit down and have a talk with them.

Done it before and still got the friendships.

I would also appreciate if someone said it to me.

Abso-flipping-lutely!

I've gently told mates and colleagues, and I've said to colleagues who 'follow my shift' (if that makes sense) that if I do anything that irks, tell me and I'll try and smooth stuff out.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I usually take a step back from the friendship unless it's very important to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Always confront them, I tend to tackle everything head-on, but not in an aggressive way, just in a "let's cut the bullsh*t" way

I'm usually very much the same.

I know they won't admit any wrong doing tho, so it seems pointless to do that. the point of the confrontation is to let them know their actions have repercussions. If they won't admit it, then fine. That has consequences too.

By confronting your friend you give them the chance to make things right. "

I have gently approached some issues but have had no real response except to say the same as they always have about the situations.

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By *phrodite_AdonisCouple
over a year ago

It feels a bit toxic not to say anything and just change your behaviour. Communication is so important. Give them a chance to explain and if it’s still not working, at least you’ve said your piece.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I usually take a step back from the friendship unless it's very important to me."

All my friends are super important to me...I'd rather they were my friend...i just don't enjoy feeling like I'm being made a fool of

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always confront them, I tend to tackle everything head-on, but not in an aggressive way, just in a "let's cut the bullsh*t" way

I'm usually very much the same.

By confronting your friend you give them the chance to make things right.

I have gently approached some issues but have had no real response except to say the same as they always have about the situations. "
then you have a choice. If they don't respect you enough to be honest with you then you need to protect yourself or carry on as you were and nothing will change

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By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

Confront them and then I’d move on. Balls in there court.

I have a genuine condition that basically means if I don’t hear from you then I’ll forget all about you. The term “out of sight out of mind” could have been written for me.

It’s not malice, I can only focus on what’s in front of me. So if a friend pisses me off, I’ll confront them, if they never speak to me again, I won’t even realise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a mate - he's been through hell...his mrs came home one night and told him she's leaving...for two gay guys..

she's since gone on to cause all sorts of issues emotionally and cleaned him out of money.

i've counselled him, been there for him, made sure he's ok ...

sadly he's not the type of guy that works at relationships with his mates -if you dont call him, he dont call you?

so, in short..im leaving him be..he's got enough on his plate i guess..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confront them. I want you to know I know, then you are dead to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on how serious the matter is.

People disclose things you trust them with when they want revenge or to gain advantage.

You can never trust that person again, I finish with them completely, no words, no discussion it's done.

That person will never change its how they get off so cut them out of everything to do with you.

If its something serious that's a different matter.

Time is on my side

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

In real life I would. On here I just make a note in my head and carry on as normal. Got quite a few notes in my head!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I usually take a step back from the friendship unless it's very important to me.

All my friends are super important to me...I'd rather they were my friend...i just don't enjoy feeling like I'm being made a fool of

If a *friend* is making a fool of me and is aware of it I stop regarding them as a friend. I might be harsh on that respect but friendship is a two way street.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i used to be very accommodating for friends until some took an advantage of my generosity, now i just tell them to go fuck themselves if they ask for favours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always confront them, I tend to tackle everything head-on, but not in an aggressive way, just in a "let's cut the bullsh*t" way"

This!

Her x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This happened with 2 friends last year. I just stopped talking to them, never explained why.

I have the emotional maturity of a 5 year old but I don't care.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Personally Lu , if they are a friend then they should appreciate you being honest with them , it's better than never knowing

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’d recognise and appreciate the honesty of someone came to me and said that I’d pissed them off by my actions. It shows that they value our relationship. So I’d do the same.

Unless it was a repeat offence, that shows a different intent

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

My best friend recently moved 100 miles away with her boyfriend and only told me 4 weeks after the move. I was hurt and angry and have had little contact with her since. I wish her well but it opened my eyes to how she sees friendships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It all depends how close I am to them , if it’s a relationship I value then I will always say something and try and resolve it, I absolutely hate bad feeling so will always be prepared to talk things out , having said that I won’t be mugged off so if someone is taking the piss on purpose I will walk away

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Dishonest has so many facets...did they steal a tenner out your purse or just say your bum didn't look big in that new skirt?

Disloyal is the same. And only you can decide if whatever they did or didn't do (or what you percieve they've done or not done) is a deal breaker.

All very subjective.

Olden days me was very much jump in with two feet.

Can't say that ever really solved any issues.

Now days me has found it's best to reflect and pick my battles and also to look inwards as much as outwards.

Maybe look at why your friend feels they can't be honest with you.

If you value the friendship then you need to talk about it, calmly and rationally. Be prepared to listen, and maybe hear things that are uncomfortable or that you were oblivious to.

If they've hurt your feelings in some way they might not even be aware?

Hope it works out for you OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you are having those feelings, then that should tell you what you need to know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bolt, don't like confrontation.

When it has calmed down I may reach out and talk it through.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I bolt, don't like confrontation.

When it has calmed down I may reach out and talk it through. "

You?!

I'm teasing

I hate confrontation. I do understand it's required sometimes tho. There are ways of doing it without being an asshole aren't there

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

They're a good friend and I genuinely don't think any of what's upset me has been intentional.

I think I'm gonna speak to them at some point...im not sure my brain will shut up otherwise

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

In real life or on here my friends know I am going to go straight in with a wtf are you doing conversation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I bolt, don't like confrontation.

When it has calmed down I may reach out and talk it through.

You?!

I'm teasing

I hate confrontation. I do understand it's required sometimes tho. There are ways of doing it without being an asshole aren't there

Yes me!

I dont like people being pissed at me and in the end have to talk it through. Hard one though!

Hope you get it sorted x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I bolt, don't like confrontation.

When it has calmed down I may reach out and talk it through.

You?!

I'm teasing

I hate confrontation. I do understand it's required sometimes tho. There are ways of doing it without being an asshole aren't there

Yes me!

I dont like people being pissed at me and in the end have to talk it through. Hard one though!

Hope you get it sorted x"

Tricky isn't it!

Thank You, me too!

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I'm really comfortable with difficult conversations, so I would always try to discuss it.

If it's a friend where I've had the same discussion a few times then I tend to drift away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My best friend recently moved 100 miles away with her boyfriend and only told me 4 weeks after the move. I was hurt and angry and have had little contact with her since. I wish her well but it opened my eyes to how she sees friendships."

Is it possible she's in an abusive relationship and he convinced her not to mention it? Breaking friendships is a tactic they often use.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I have it out with them. I’m not one for keeping my gob shut if I’m upset about something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate confrontation but if I feel mugged off by someone, I will say so and explain why. Ball is in their court then to either explain their actions or ignore it.

Friends are a choice. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I hate confrontation but if I feel mugged off by someone, I will say so and explain why. Ball is in their court then to either explain their actions or ignore it.

Friends are a choice. X"

I choose you a million times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in a situation myself, I absolutely hate confrontation.... Libra

and as much as I know it needs to be spoken about, I know it will end badly.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"If you feel like a friend has been dishonest, taking advantage, or been disloyal is some way, do you confront them?

Or would you just stop making so much effort with the friendship and let it die out?

Just wondering what others would do...

(No specifics)

Just depends how close they are and how valuable to me. I'm not one for unexpressed emotion lol, so if a good friend has behaved badly towards me I will confront them and try to resolve it.

If they don't mean much to me I may just go cold and drift away.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

I let mine die out, I have known the guy since I was 4 months old as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hate confrontation but if I feel mugged off by someone, I will say so and explain why. Ball is in their court then to either explain their actions or ignore it.

Friends are a choice. X

I choose you a million times

And I choose you too, a million times. I adore you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you feel like a friend has been dishonest, taking advantage, or been disloyal is some way, do you confront them?

Or would you just stop making so much effort with the friendship and let it die out?

Just wondering what others would do...

(No specifics)

Pull them up on it

There's a line. If crossed too Many times, you're dead to me

Missy

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I think different people have different definitions of friends. My friends would never do that to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you feel like a friend has been dishonest, taking advantage, or been disloyal is some way, do you confront them?

Or would you just stop making so much effort with the friendship and let it die out?

Just wondering what others would do...

(No specifics)

Is it in your opinion beyond repair? Would you like to repair it?

Sometimes an apparent friend is not worth the hassle. I have sometimes blocked and ignored apparent friends, much like the block function on fab.

At other times, despite events I definitely make efforts to get along.

Maybe as a result I only have a few friends but whom I treasure heavily.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'd investigate, including speaking with them. It's easy to misunderstand things and important to address things quickly, in general. A confrontational approach isn't generally 1 that's going to draw people together and support intimacy.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"If you feel like a friend has been dishonest, taking advantage, or been disloyal is some way, do you confront them?

Or would you just stop making so much effort with the friendship and let it die out?

Just wondering what others would do...

(No specifics)

Well it's simple if you like the friend confront them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't you write them a letter? Tell them how much they mean to you, but calmly explain the pain /frustration that you feel

I hope you resolve it, it's horrible when you loose a friend xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you feel like a friend has been dishonest, taking advantage, or been disloyal is some way, do you confront them?

Or would you just stop making so much effort with the friendship and let it die out?

Just wondering what others would do...

(No specifics)

Always confront them your gut feeling is usually right !

Cause been around that person having these doubts your just been fake !

Just bring the issue up in a subtle way at least you know where you stand

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'd have a conversation unless it was more of an acquaintance. Get to the bottom of it.

If they're not willing to have a conversation, then that says more about them than me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d confront them, it would bug me if I didn’t, I cant do passive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just stop bothering tbh. I can't be arsed with that rubbish, once they notice they confront me, when I explain why they tend not to like my answer, causes an argument

then we never talk again. When I'm done I'm done. If you lie to me or take advantage then we wasn't really friends in the beginning so why should I try putting things right

Mrs

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