FabSwingers.com forum: Ex

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So over lockdown an ex of mine contacted me on Facebook. Let's just say he had ways been my one who got away. My what if. Even though it was me who finished things with him. When I met him he was in the army. I was crazy about him. He would just dissappear out of my life and resurface a few months later asking me to meet. I would would meet him. We would have amazing sex. Never for more than a few weeks at a time. Then he would he gone again.

The last time we met which was many years ago he told me that I'd always been the one for him but he was just to scared to settle down. I snagged him. Left his apartment. Ditched my phone number so he couldn't contact me because I didn't want him to break my heart again.

Several years passed and I often looked him up on Google and Facebook but could never find him. Then out of the blue he sends me a message.

We have been chatting for a few months now and of course all them old feelings have came rushing back. He asked me this morning if I'd be willing to meet him for a catch up. I'm pretty sure he means for sex.

I'm at a loss as to what I should do. Part of me wants to meet him but the other part of me thinks he wants to use me for sex as he has done many times before. I know I'll never be able to say no.

What would you do? Meet? Run a mile?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Meet for the catch up, don't have sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Live your life .. go for it

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

I'd say run a mile. I think you know this is the right thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meet him. You must be good at sex. Lol

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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

Leave it alone. This sounds a bit toxic to me but only you will know if you are going to enjoy it guilt/hurt free so whatever we say is irrelevant.

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By *razzyhorseMan
over a year ago

cambridge

Are you asking what would we do or what should we do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re not asking us for advice, are you? You’re simply asking what we would do if we were in this scenario.

I’d very gladly offer myself to her for her own pleasure.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"You’re not asking us for advice, are you? You’re simply asking what we would do if we were in this scenario.

I’d very gladly offer myself to her for her own pleasure.

But OP already suspects he's just after sex & she's scared to meet him as her feelings are too strong to be messed about. X

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By *ostonJoeMan
over a year ago

Boston

It is impossible to know if you both want the same thing until you meet up and share that information. Be sure what you want before you do. Then you can test him to see how mutual that might be. If you just want to scratch an itch, give it a good old scrat. If you want what was not on offer before, then please make sure it is on offer now before you let him scratch.

Tell him you are a swinger and have lovers thrice times daily to service your insatiable needs, which you have high expectations of him living up to, or joining the queue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally for me ex’s are ex’s for a reason. I never look back, especially if someone had hurt me repeatedly. Follow your heart OP if you are confused perhaps it’s best to wonder.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’re not asking us for advice, are you? You’re simply asking what we would do if we were in this scenario.

I’d very gladly offer myself to her for her own pleasure.

But OP already suspects he's just after sex & she's scared to meet him as her feelings are too strong to be messed about. X"

I can’t offer her advice. I can only say that I would very gladly offer myself to a woman who wanted to use me for sex.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What would I do? I'd look at his track record of picking me up and putting me down, put my self respect pants on and politely tell him I didn't want to "catch up" with him, thank you very much. That's what I'd do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hahaha all the blokes saying go for it and all the ladies saying run a mile lol, meet up have a talk and see what happens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So over lockdown an ex of mine contacted me on Facebook. Let's just say he had ways been my one who got away. My what if. Even though it was me who finished things with him. When I met him he was in the army. I was crazy about him. He would just dissappear out of my life and resurface a few months later asking me to meet. I would would meet him. We would have amazing sex. Never for more than a few weeks at a time. Then he would he gone again.

Several years passed and I often looked him up on Google and Facebook but could never find him. Then out of the blue he sends me a message.

I'm at a loss as to what I should do. Part of me wants to meet him but the other part of me thinks he wants to use me for sex as he has done many times before. I know I'll never be able to say no.

What would you do? Meet? Run a mile? "

Run for a mile. Especially if you know you still have a soft spot for him. Don’t let him crawl back to then disappear again for a fun night . There’s plenty more about where you can just have that and not feel shit for weeks after they gone because you care for them.

I think you need to be strong and put the final nail on it. At least until you know 150% you are over him and you mentally buried completely the idea of you two being something more than simple friends.

Cos otherwise your just gonna be back to square 1 if you aren’t ready

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

If you can’t say no then don’t meet him. That way you won’t have to say no.

You have power over the direction you take in life, but if you keep looking back you’ll never move forward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you can’t say no then don’t meet him. That way you won’t have to say no.

You have power over the direction you take in life, but if you keep looking back you’ll never move forward."

I love this outlook! So true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go with your heart ?

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

Think how you’d feel after?

Ask yourself; would I regret it more if I went or more if I didn’t.

Good luck xx

Mrs J xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would guess this meeting would be just for sex .if your happy to be contacted every so often just for sex then go for it x

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By *ewfie02Couple
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Life is short. Have fun. Do what feels good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Life is short. Have fun. Do what feels good. "

But OP seems conflicted , is it worth it feeling good for a night if you then feel shit for 2 months afterwards (as she has strong feelings for him)? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your going to do somrthing you regret and end up feeling bad just block him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Life is short. Have fun. Do what feels good.

But OP seems conflicted , is it worth it feeling good for a night if you then feel shit for 2 months afterwards (as she has strong feelings for him)? X "

This is what I'm afraid of. He is telling me that it's always been me he had wanted but is afraid.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

"What would I do? I'd look at his track record of picking me up and putting me down, put my self respect pants on and politely tell him I didn't want to "catch up" with him, thank you very much. That's what I'd do."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you’ve already made your mind up.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Life is short. Have fun. Do what feels good.

But OP seems conflicted , is it worth it feeling good for a night if you then feel shit for 2 months afterwards (as she has strong feelings for him)? X

This is what I'm afraid of. He is telling me that it's always been me he had wanted but is afraid. "

I'm not being harsh towards you here but to him. That's the typical bull shit men talk and use as an excuse for why they mess you around and use you for sex.

"Ooo I'm so in love with you I can only see you once every so often for sex because I'm scared". Do you want an emotionally mature man or this guy ?

You must do what you want but to into it with your eyes wide open, prepared for him to be no further forward emotionally.

I would like nothing better than for you to come back in six months and tell me I'm wrong and genuinely hope you do. Whatever you decide I wish you well.

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Let's be honest. You're going to meet him. You are going to have sex and you'll be back to square one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would meet him but make it very clear that sex was not on the table - and stick to that.

If things have changed, he will be happy to prove they have by going at your pace. If he just wants a quick fuck, he won't stick around.

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

All of my ex partners are ex for a reason, I am on friendly terms with most of them but I have strict boundaries which they cannot cross (although some have tried many times)

Sounds very much like he is playing you in order to get what he wants. He's saying what he knows you want to hear because that has always worked in the past. If I were you I'd break the cycle & change your behaviour , if he is genuine in his claim that you are "the one" then he will change his own behaviour in order to prove it.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I'd put pretty good money on him wanting to repeat old patterns and just get his end away.

If you're in the same place and happy to just sleep with him for a week or two before he ghosts then brilliant, have fun and good on you!

If you aren't in the market for no strings sex with him then I wouldn't put myself in a position where that possibility is on the table, even if that meant blocking future messages.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Meet him! Think u will regret if u dont! Who knows u might find hes not such a catch after all this time! X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would meet him but make it very clear that sex was not on the table - and stick to that.

If things have changed, he will be happy to prove they have by going at your pace. If he just wants a quick fuck, he won't stick around."

I think I might just try this.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Personally I'd meet him in a place where there would be no temptation for things to go further.. making it completely clear this was a catch up only and explain briefly why, if he's genuine then he'll respect that, if he's only after one thing it may reveal his true colours x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Personally I'd meet him in a place where there would be no temptation for things to go further.. making it completely clear this was a catch up only and explain briefly why, if he's genuine then he'll respect that, if he's only after one thing it may reveal his true colours x"

Thanks

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By *ussieChrisMan
over a year ago

Walsall

This.. And take a wingman/woman to help you even more incase you might still be tempted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Life is short. Have fun. Do what feels good.

But OP seems conflicted , is it worth it feeling good for a night if you then feel shit for 2 months afterwards (as she has strong feelings for him)? X

This is what I'm afraid of. He is telling me that it's always been me he had wanted but is afraid. "

Talks are just that, talks and nice words. It’s the action you have to look at in a person. If it’s all talks and no action (I mean, not sex but action he takes to truly show u that he cares and wants something) then he’s probably another Fuck boy . Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Life is short. Have fun. Do what feels good.

But OP seems conflicted , is it worth it feeling good for a night if you then feel shit for 2 months afterwards (as she has strong feelings for him)? X

This is what I'm afraid of. He is telling me that it's always been me he had wanted but is afraid. "

there is the possibility that is true, especially if you have been chatting again for months and only now is he suggesting to meet, but if you want to test the water of doing things properly you have yo make it clear to him that if you meet up, initially it wont be for sex , and if he pushes that boundary then you have your answer

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Meet for a specified period, such as 2 hours, to just catch up, to discover what it's all about.

All whilst being prepared to thank him and to let him go, if he's not offering what I need. I'd ensue that I'd be clear about what I want and any boundaries, before agreeing to meet.

If any part of it is not right for me today, including a brief, non sexual meet, I would not do it. It sounds potentially a bit of a game. If it is, I absolutely would not continue contact.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I did meet him today. We had a coffee and a good catch up but that was it.

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

Well done. Has it helped calm your mind of the what ifs? Or ramped them up?

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I did meet him today. We had a coffee and a good catch up but that was it.

Did you get the impression he wanted more

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Good

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

"I did meet him today. We had a coffee and a good catch up but that was it.

Good. I hope you're ok with it x

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

"I did meet him today. We had a coffee and a good catch up but that was it.

Did you get the flutter?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was going to advise, if you think your going to get hurt then don’t meet him but I see you already have met him. How was it? Did you agree to meet again?

We all meet people just for sex or fun but if one person develops feelings and the other doesn’t it will always end in tears. Protect your heart but still remember that life is short so have as much fun as you can. If he feels the same then you could be perfect for each other that’s why you keep drifting into each other’s life’s.

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By *amesoflondonMan
over a year ago

London

"I did meet him today. We had a coffee and a good catch up but that was it.

Good on you and all power to you.

Stay strong, this forum has your back x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was an article in the paper about this last year. Apparently the solitude has this effect on some of us, thinking about ex’s and what happened, quite natural in the circumstances apparently.

Glad you met up and seemed to have had a lovely time. Take it slow I guess and make sure you don’t get hurt again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well done. Has it helped calm your mind of the what ifs? Or ramped them up? "

Well he said that he was willing to wait for me and wasn't in a hurry for things to go further

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By *amesoflondonMan
over a year ago

London

"Well done. Has it helped calm your mind of the what ifs? Or ramped them up?

Well he said that he was willing to wait for me and wasn't in a hurry for things to go further "

I would offer that you follow your heart, but, also keep in mind that you guys split for some reason. Whatever that reason might be, has it changed? A.N.Other in the past? Will it rear it's head again if you dive in or are bygones bygones?

All of that can go to the four winds if you know what you want, and most importantly know that you cannot be hurt again or more from hedonism.

Look after yourself! Put yourself first, live the best life you want, take no nonsense, best luck and I sincerely hope that it works out for you both second time around.

a motto I have: better by far to regret what one has done than what one did not do.

All power to you, keep us updated, Jx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well done. Has it helped calm your mind of the what ifs? Or ramped them up?

Well he said that he was willing to wait for me and wasn't in a hurry for things to go further

All of that can go to the four winds if you know what you want, and most importantly know that you cannot be hurt again or more from hedonism.

Look after yourself! Put yourself first, live the best life you want, take no nonsense, best luck and I sincerely hope that it works out for you both second time around.

a motto I have: better by far to regret what one has done than what one did not do.

All power to you, keep us updated, Jx

So true. Thanks.

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By *ubmissiveman2uMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Meet im a coffee shop then you can do a runner if his motives are dishonorable...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well done. Has it helped calm your mind of the what ifs? Or ramped them up?

Well he said that he was willing to wait for me and wasn't in a hurry for things to go further

All of that can go to the four winds if you know what you want, and most importantly know that you cannot be hurt again or more from hedonism.

Look after yourself! Put yourself first, live the best life you want, take no nonsense, best luck and I sincerely hope that it works out for you both second time around.

a motto I have: better by far to regret what one has done than what one did not do.

All power to you, keep us updated, Jx

So far so good. Not actually slept with him much to my surprise and his. We have met a couple of times now.

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