FabSwingers.com forum: Due diligence

By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

A lot of people talk about time wasters, fakes and liars cluttering up fab, about how to spot the cheaters and the fantasists but how do you do it?

Over the course of years I’ve built up a process, almost like a tick box exercise in my head, that allows me to check that a person is being honest, truthful and lots of other things along the way.

In my conversations with friends and partners, it’s become clear that it’s a learning process, something that is trial and error and can take a while to develop.

This has led me to thinking; firstly, how do you do it (in vague terms, otherwise that gives the game away!)? Secondly, is this something that newbies should be made more aware of? And finally is this something that fab should be more responsible for?

Thoughts folks...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone gets tricked, fooled etc.

Sometimes you just don't see it.

If it doesn't feel right best to get out while you can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After being on here twice before and being affected by as you call them time wasters multiple times and at certain times it upsetting my wife we now enjoy a lovely painless fab experience which works very very well for her and therefore it works for me also.

And our secret is our profile.

It’s simple and in plain sight but allows my wife the pleasure of the hunt as opposed to pandering to the cunt.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Everyone gets tricked, fooled etc.

Sometimes you just don't see it.

If it doesn't feel right best to get out while you can."

Absolutely not what I was asking but thanks

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By *lair101TV/TS
over a year ago

Aberdeen, westhill

I shall not divulge the magick used to spot red flags, as it will be used by the dark forces to avoid detection.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I trust my instincts and i also message for a while before having a social. I never experienced someone not showing up.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"After being on here twice before and being affected by as you call them time wasters multiple times and at certain times it upsetting my wife we now enjoy a lovely painless fab experience which works very very well for her and therefore it works for me also.

And our secret is our profile.

It’s simple and in plain sight but allows my wife the pleasure of the hunt as opposed to pandering to the cunt.

That’s interesting.

I’ve seen lots of people say that people tend to ignore profiles, so why do you feel that yours is different?

I might be inclined to say that your location might preclude an awful lot of the negative aspects but that’s my immediate reaction

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I shall not divulge the magick used to spot red flags, as it will be used by the dark forces to avoid detection. "

That’s part of the problem!

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I trust my instincts and i also message for a while before having a social. I never experienced someone not showing up. "

Is it just that or do you use other methods too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take a fairly pragmatic approach when it comes to meeting people from the Internet

I think there's enough information readily available in regards to online safety and beyond for anyone who's new to meeting people that way

And no, I don’t think fab should/could do more in relation to what's essentially an individual making poor choices at times

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I take a fairly pragmatic approach when it comes to meeting people from the Internet

I think there's enough information readily available in regards to online safety and beyond for anyone who's new to meeting people that way

And no, I don’t think fab should/could do more in relation to what's essentially an individual making poor choices at times"

I’m not sure that I agree that people are making poor choices but it absolutely can be a grey area regarding fabs responsibility

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I take a fairly pragmatic approach when it comes to meeting people from the Internet

I think there's enough information readily available in regards to online safety and beyond for anyone who's new to meeting people that way

And no, I don’t think fab should/could do more in relation to what's essentially an individual making poor choices at times

I’m not sure that I agree that people are making poor choices but it absolutely can be a grey area regarding fabs responsibility "

No grey area. Fab is not responsible

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I take a fairly pragmatic approach when it comes to meeting people from the Internet

I think there's enough information readily available in regards to online safety and beyond for anyone who's new to meeting people that way

And no, I don’t think fab should/could do more in relation to what's essentially an individual making poor choices at times

I’m not sure that I agree that people are making poor choices but it absolutely can be a grey area regarding fabs responsibility

No grey area. Fab is not responsible "

In your opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I take a fairly pragmatic approach when it comes to meeting people from the Internet

I think there's enough information readily available in regards to online safety and beyond for anyone who's new to meeting people that way

And no, I don’t think fab should/could do more in relation to what's essentially an individual making poor choices at times

I’m not sure that I agree that people are making poor choices but it absolutely can be a grey area regarding fabs responsibility

No grey area. Fab is not responsible

In your opinion"

Well of course. Just clarifying that in my opinion it's not a grey area.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

Hmmm, interesting, I've never really dissected it...after so many years it's probably a combination of auto-pilot and instinct.

I'm very perceptive in general so a big part of it will be gut feeling while chatting.

Being verified by meeting is a big one for me, although that's more to do with safety than spotting fakes...I'd much rather someone else run the risk of being turned into a lampshade than me

There are the obvious red flags like talking about women as if they're sex objects, all that Mr Grey bollocks, graphic and crude sexual talk, arrogance etc.

I think everything else is going to be very individual as people see different traits and behaviours as either positive or negative depending on their individual outlook and wants.

I've never had a no-show though, so it must be working how I want it to.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

If all someone wants is sex talk, that's a red flag they may not be up meeting. We make it clear on our profile and in messages that we always have a social first (apart from some group events). Generally if folk aren't up for that then they're not for us. That doesn't necessarily mean they're timewasters/fakes, they may just not be up for chat. Either way the result is the same from our perspective so it doesn't really matter to me

Mrs kf x

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"I trust my instincts and i also message for a while before having a social. I never experienced someone not showing up.

Is it just that or do you use other methods too? "

Nope that's pretty much it. Maybe a big pinch of luck and a positive attitude?

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

And no, I don't think fab has a responsibility to police this. Obviously spam profiles eg asking for money, drugs etc can be reported. Same with stolen photos.

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By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

"I trust my instincts and i also message for a while before having a social. I never experienced someone not showing up.

Is it just that or do you use other methods too? "

I've never experienced no show, however I have had cancellations which is perfectly fine, it's natural for people to change their mind. I do all the time although always prior to setting a date .

I "usually" meet quickly from first contact so there's not that much " time to be wasted " anyway.

That aside, it's all gut feeling I guess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To catch liars, cheats and time wasters you need to be sensitive to what they are looking to get from the interaction.

Some people are just fantasists. They love the idea of hot kinky sex but don't have any intention of following through. They don't have the self confidence to be themselves at the start and then cannot follow through because the lie is easier than the truth.

These are the people who will try to catfish you or lead you on a merry chase offering you everything you could want to get you to throw yourself onto their hook.

You avoid the hook by realising that if it seems too good to be true, then it's probably not true.

To avoid Liars, cheats and other types of time wasters you just slow everything down. Take your time, look at what they say and what they don't.

I enter every interaction with a healthy dose of skepticism and caution.

Remember trust needs to be earned. By everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And no, I don't think fab has a responsibility to police this. Obviously spam profiles eg asking for money, drugs etc can be reported. Same with stolen photos. "

I agree. Fab isn't responsible for your behaviour or mine. They set up a sandbox and we interact as we see fit.

Every platform has people who always try to take advantage or time waste or create fake profiles.

It's on me to find the nuggets of gold in the river of crap not them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good topic OP

Regardless of your individual circumstances, we should always go by your gut instincts

My rules are dead simple - engage in good conversation, social meet , make your choices from there - but above all else be honest and watch out for the fall out if it goes wrong ......

Those that know me of old (been here years but had to re boot), know that I was badly stalked by a women and then a MF couple , who after the social meet didn't like it that I actually refused to go further (long storey), one incident involved the police - which was not good

Stay safe always

J xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just so everyone knows and to avoid any future confusion or surprise

I am a fake and a time waster

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And our secret is our profile.

It’s simple and in plain sight but allows my wife the pleasure of the hunt as opposed to pandering to the cunt.

That’s interesting.

I’ve seen lots of people say that people tend to ignore profiles, so why do you feel that yours is different?

I might be inclined to say that your location might preclude an awful lot of the negative aspects but that’s my immediate reaction "

We are just off the A20 which is a main route to Spain and pre-Covid we spent much time in the uk and as for ignoring our profile then that’s one aspect that works in our favor as it states.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmm how to answer this diplomatically...

Recent experiences have shown me I'm yet to learn this little trick! I've fallen pray to those who have ulterior motives and clearly I have misunderstood or not read between the lines.

I'm trying to find ways of figuring out who is genuine but maybe seeing the best in everyone is a real drawback whilst in a public forum.

Call it naivety, or blinkered. I just can't get past this and it has been to my detriment a few times.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Profiles. Read and reread then read between the lines looking for red flags.

Messages how they say certain things. Different words.

I may have missed out on some pretty decent guys but im quite astute and never had a cancellation or no show in 15 years

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

“Women” who straight away talk to me in a very sexualised way are guys... I start pressing for a photo and they’re either too shy or don’t know how to upload one... I had a “lady pilot” who was quite creative and had me entertained for a few weeks... shame she didn’t know BA stopped having 757s in its fleet 20 years ago!

Guys- most, or all of the ones who contact me are real, genuine, and would be inside my house pounding me if I let them!

so I only open messages/check profiles/reply if their profile photos are REALLY good and they write a coherent message. Many try the “I’m a pilot” thing but within 2 messages I can tell if they are real... 80% of the time they’re not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been online since Bill Gates were just a twinkle like.

I've never been stood up. Never had my time wasted. Met lots of people and had lots of fun.

I think perhaps it's from experience of catfish before they were even a 'thing'.

Catfish have never bothered me though because I'm open to meeting anyone. I don't care if it's a man pretending to be a woman etc. If I like them as a person it's fine.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Hmmm, interesting, I've never really dissected it...after so many years it's probably a combination of auto-pilot and instinct.

I'm very perceptive in general so a big part of it will be gut feeling while chatting.

Being verified by meeting is a big one for me, although that's more to do with safety than spotting fakes...I'd much rather someone else run the risk of being turned into a lampshade than me

There are the obvious red flags like talking about women as if they're sex objects, all that Mr Grey bollocks, graphic and crude sexual talk, arrogance etc.

I think everything else is going to be very individual as people see different traits and behaviours as either positive or negative depending on their individual outlook and wants.

I've never had a no-show though, so it must be working how I want it to. "

To be honest, I was very instinctive until a couple of years ago when I got led a merry dance by a well verified lady. I then spotted where I’d gone wrong and it became a lot more conscious.

I’ve relied on being a good reader of people for the most part, like you, but that will only take you so far.

Since it became more conscious I found that it made it easier to spot the red flags

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I've only once been stood up, but think he did it out of spite as I had to change a meet when my dad was ill.

I don't do dirty chat and move on if someone keeps pushing for it, also don't give out any more pics than are on my profile or move to kik to swap any.

As for cheats, I've got pretty decent at sussing them out. I do always ask when I chat to someone, but obvs people lie. There are red flags and I don't mean just not accomodating.

I guess if I feel something Is off, I stop engaging with a person and it generally works for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I worry people think I'm one of these time wasters or someone with ulterior motives. I understand why people are way cautious though. Best to be safe than sorry right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I worry people think I'm one of these time wasters or someone with ulterior motives. I understand why people are way cautious though. Best to be safe than sorry right? "

What would make people think that about you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I worry people think I'm one of these time wasters or someone with ulterior motives. I understand why people are way cautious though. Best to be safe than sorry right?

What would make people think that about you? "

Paranoia! A fear of mine is being misunderstood. I don't mind what people think about me as long as it's based in truth.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Having been caught out on two occasions, I am now taking my time to get to know a person.. it works not just on fabs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having been caught out on two occasions, I am now taking my time to get to know a person.. it works not just on fabs.

Good philosophy is that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I worry people think I'm one of these time wasters or someone with ulterior motives. I understand why people are way cautious though. Best to be safe than sorry right?

What would make people think that about you?

Paranoia! A fear of mine is being misunderstood. I don't mind what people think about me as long as it's based in truth.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

There are specific things that I look out for, both in actions and words. My instincts are there for a reason and have served me very well. If it feels off then it is off, no matter how lovely the person seems to be.

It took a while for me to be comfortable with my approach but I’m there now and have been for a while now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are specific things that I look out for, both in actions and words. My instincts are there for a reason and have served me very well. If it feels off then it is off, no matter how lovely the person seems to be.

It took a while for me to be comfortable with my approach but I’m there now and have been for a while now

FAir enough is that. Might be as simple as there's just no chemistry too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I worry people think I'm one of these time wasters or someone with ulterior motives. I understand why people are way cautious though. Best to be safe than sorry right?

What would make people think that about you? "

This thread, all the talk on the site of fakers and time wasters, photo bunnies, etc.

From the other side it is another barrier for genuine single men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I worry people think I'm one of these time wasters or someone with ulterior motives. I understand why people are way cautious though. Best to be safe than sorry right?

What would make people think that about you?

This thread, all the talk on the site of fakers and time wasters, photo bunnies, etc.

From the other side it is another barrier for genuine single men."

Why is it a barrier?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what do you class as a time waster vs someone with delusional aspirations /expectations

I think my profile is pretty clear... But often a forum conversation will go along the lines of 'i dont do BDSM, or know what SSC or RACK mean, but we could still meet, because i really like you... Etc etc"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I worry people think I'm one of these time wasters or someone with ulterior motives. I understand why people are way cautious though. Best to be safe than sorry right?

What would make people think that about you?

This thread, all the talk on the site of fakers and time wasters, photo bunnies, etc.

From the other side it is another barrier for genuine single men.

Why is it a barrier? "

I do agree. If people are more weary then things can be taken the wrong way . But I get it totally. I think as in life you just have to be yourself right? Then see what happens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I worry people think I'm one of these time wasters or someone with ulterior motives. I understand why people are way cautious though. Best to be safe than sorry right?

What would make people think that about you?

This thread, all the talk on the site of fakers and time wasters, photo bunnies, etc.

From the other side it is another barrier for genuine single men.

Why is it a barrier? "

Thanks for correct. It should have been hurdle, sometimes a high hurdle.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I put them through the long haul conversations, most will fade away pretty quickly after a day or two once they realise I am actually serious about non gratification chatting

However that doesn't stop the determined and once you meet they ghost or fast fade, I haven't found a solution for that yet...

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I've only once been stood up, but think he did it out of spite as I had to change a meet when my dad was ill.

I don't do dirty chat and move on if someone keeps pushing for it, also don't give out any more pics than are on my profile or move to kik to swap any.

As for cheats, I've got pretty decent at sussing them out. I do always ask when I chat to someone, but obvs people lie. There are red flags and I don't mean just not accomodating.

I guess if I feel something Is off, I stop engaging with a person and it generally works for me. "

The gut feeling is definitely a big thing for me

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Chat for awhile, then tell them they’ll be a social first or the very least meet at a club.

Only the very few get to come to my flat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chatting for a while sorts out the wheat from the chaff...

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I worry people think I'm one of these time wasters or someone with ulterior motives. I understand why people are way cautious though. Best to be safe than sorry right?

What would make people think that about you?

This thread, all the talk on the site of fakers and time wasters, photo bunnies, etc.

From the other side it is another barrier for genuine single men.

Why is it a barrier?

Thanks for correct. It should have been hurdle, sometimes a high hurdle."

I completely disagree.

If you fall foul of a persons due diligence, then that’s just how it is.

I’ve probably discounted people in the past that could have been a positive experience but I don’t regret making decisions that are intended to keep me safe, happy and my experiences good

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I ask lots of questions, often repeatedly, to see if they give the same answers.

If they're local I'll search for them on social media etc, to see if they're who they say they are. See if we have any mutual friends, go to the same places, they know stuff that goes on in the local area.

There's also reverse image apps you can try to see if they're using someone else's photos.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Quite simple really - a good dose of common sense is all that is needed for those initial interactions, couple that with a bit of gut instinct, and spending time getting to know someone rather than diving straight in and you won't go far wrong.

Of course there are no guarantees and there will always be those who are out to dupe and deceive and you need to keep your guard up in case of them, but generally common sense and gut instinct are all that's needed.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Quite simple really - a good dose of common sense is all that is needed for those initial interactions, couple that with a bit of gut instinct, and spending time getting to know someone rather than diving straight in and you won't go far wrong.

Hey GM!

I hate to welcome you back by disagreeing, but here we are!

Common sense and gut instinct can be enough but often it’s not, I thought that it would be but I’ve been caught out

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Hey GM!

I hate to welcome you back by disagreeing, but here we are!

Common sense and gut instinct can be enough but often it’s not, I thought that it would be but I’ve been caught out "

Like I said there are no guarantees but 95% of the time that's all that's needed for those initial interactions.

The vast majority of posts about people having their time wasted (especially from single men) essentially come down to people not having used either and dived in feet first at the merest sniff of a meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey GM!

I hate to welcome you back by disagreeing, but here we are!

Common sense and gut instinct can be enough but often it’s not, I thought that it would be but I’ve been caught out "

Do you think fab could have done more to save you being hoodwinked?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't describe it. I just seem to be able to get a good sense of a person over messages. All I will say is I never rush into anything and I never let myself be persuaded to bend my rules. Oh and no. I don't think it's the site's responsibility to do more.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Hey GM!

I hate to welcome you back by disagreeing, but here we are!

Common sense and gut instinct can be enough but often it’s not, I thought that it would be but I’ve been caught out

Do you think fab could have done more to save you being hoodwinked? "

That’s not what I mean by fab having a degree of responsibility. It’s not about ‘time wasters’, etc but I do think that there are points at which more could be done. That’s more of a personal safety thing though

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Oh missed the last bit...is it heck Fab's responsibility to do more - it provides a conduit for people to meet nothing more - if people are unable to use their own due diligence that's not the site's fault or problem

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Hey GM!

I hate to welcome you back by disagreeing, but here we are!

Common sense and gut instinct can be enough but often it’s not, I thought that it would be but I’ve been caught out

Like I said there are no guarantees but 95% of the time that's all that's needed for those initial interactions.

I think that the term time waster is bandied around with far too much alacrity.

Passing messages isn’t time wasting, reading isn’t time wasting. Being stood up is time wasting.

Thinking that you’re chatting to a 20 year old that looks just like a porn star who wants to meet a 45 year old bald overweight guy, isn’t time wasting

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Oh missed the last bit...is it heck Fab's responsibility to do more - it provides a conduit for people to meet nothing more - if people are unable to use their own due diligence that's not the site's fault or problem

Even if the people in question have been flagged, reported and have a history of assault, then go on to do it again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I treat everyone as I like to be treated, here and everywhere, I do actually trust my instincts ... but as we have no control whatsoever on how other people chose to behave, does it matter if we make mistakes? Aren't life lessons learned from making mistakes? Isn't here just meant to be fun? If something doesn't sit well or feel right best to just move on?

But there again I'm a seriously annoyingly happy optimist ... so ignore me!

I just bounce from lesson learned to the next one to learn!

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Hey GM!

I hate to welcome you back by disagreeing, but here we are!

Common sense and gut instinct can be enough but often it’s not, I thought that it would be but I’ve been caught out

Like I said there are no guarantees but 95% of the time that's all that's needed for those initial interactions.

I think that the term time waster is bandied around with far too much alacrity.

Passing messages isn’t time wasting, reading isn’t time wasting. Being stood up is time wasting.

Thinking that you’re chatting to a 20 year old that looks just like a porn star who wants to meet a 45 year old bald overweight guy, isn’t time wasting "

Agree that it's much overused, as is "fakes" but even putting aside those instances that *aren't* time-wasting - the number of "stood up" posts where with little probing it turns out the guy was in his car five minutes after the first message is quite common place, and lacking in common sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if the people in question have been flagged, reported and have a history of assault, then go on to do it again?

Assault should be reported to the police and dealt with by the law ... all fab can do is ban them but they can open up a new profile the next day?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Even if the people in question have been flagged, reported and have a history of assault, then go on to do it again?

That's a somewhat different scenario from your OP though, and even then Fab is limited in what it can do - not only to verify the "situation" in the first place but to block someone from the site in this day and age of VPNs and multiple IP/email address sources etc

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By *arakiss12TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

I usually point my erect penis at their profile on my screen if it stays erect they are genuine if it goes limp they are fake, simples.

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