FabSwingers.com forum: A true sub

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Heard this phrase banded around so many times and it's not one I personally agree with but some still use it. I personally think it can be quite damaging telling someone they aren't a "true sub" if they don't do this or that because everyone and every dynamic is different so who defines what's "True"?

Thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds a bit like negging...

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

A true sub is a person who does what the speaker wants, regardless of the sub's wants or needs.

I'm the fakiest of fake subs.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

True subs have a bumhole exactly the shade of hubba bubba bubblegum pink.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"True subs have a bumhole exactly the shade of hubba bubba bubblegum pink. "

Don't fall for it. It's like that lick your elbow trick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"True subs have a bumhole exactly the shade of hubba bubba bubblegum pink.

Don't fall for it. It's like that lick your elbow trick

*off to check*

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Heard this phrase banded around so many times and it's not one I personally agree with but some still use it. I personally think it can be quite damaging telling someone they aren't a "true sub" if they don't do this or that because everyone and every dynamic is different so who defines what's "True"?

Thoughts? "

Spoken by fake Doms who think submission means no boundaries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A terrible phrase often used as people have said to degrade people and neg them

I've heard a lot of it happening, a good dynamic Will encourage allow growth and build a person up.

Someone throwing terms like "true sub" or "your not a proper sub" should be avoided at all costs

Let people know there are no "true" submissive, there are people and some of those give up control to someone they trust and believe is worthy of it!

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Just bad wording. Completely submissive might describe someone who submits to all demands. Somewhat submissive could be used for those who just like to take a back seat letting whoever is on top do all the work.

I’m lucky in having a completely submissive girl friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A true sub...

Is a person who chooses to be for an individual by their own volition. Not because someone tells them they should be and follow their rules, imho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is the difference not being only Submissive in the bedroom and being compleatly Submissive as a life style choice? Like plenty of people who consider themselfs Submissive love a guy to take charge in the bedroom but if there Dom wanted to say give them a bed time or want to be able to pick out what outfit you ware on any given day then they would draw a line and say that's too far

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

A "true" sub....

Ah, one of those terms that gets hurled by bullies and manipulative cunts in an attempt to get another person under their control. A tactical play by an abuser.

That's my take on it anyway.

Come on mofos, tell me I'm wrong and I'll show you what a true teeth knocker outer looks like

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Surely it is down to the relationship dynamic. A true sub gives her life over to her master completely, being submissive is something completely different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't a true sub the same as a genuine lady? I have yet to find either

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"True subs have a bumhole exactly the shade of hubba bubba bubblegum pink.

Don't fall for it. It's like that lick your elbow trick

*off to check*

I have a shade chart if it helps!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Isn't a true sub the same as a genuine lady? I have yet to find either

Yeah fuck that.

My name is Bruce and I tuck my cock, and I'm a fake sub.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Isn't a true sub the same as a genuine lady? I have yet to find either

Yeah fuck that.

My name is Bruce and I tuck my cock, and I'm a fake sub."

Hahahahahahahaha ... and fish are friends

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Surely it is down to the relationship dynamic. A true sub gives her life over to her master completely, being submissive is something completely different "

Why do they have to be different if that's the person choice? Surely submission is as far as the sub is willing to give and should be accept as so?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Isn't a true sub the same as a genuine lady? I have yet to find either

Yeah fuck that.

My name is Bruce and I tuck my cock, and I'm a fake sub."

You have a cock?!

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

In my experience, it’s a term used to try and manipulate a person into doing what the ‘Dom’ wants. Usually used by people who don’t understand what submission is nor how genuine dynamics work.

If a person is trying to make someone do something that they don’t want to do, it’s often abuse. Even CNC requires agreement beforehand

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By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

"True subs have a bumhole exactly the shade of hubba bubba bubblegum pink. "

I don’t even know what that means haha

No idea of the colour either

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A "true" sub....

Ah, one of those terms that gets hurled by bullies and manipulative cunts in an attempt to get another person under their control. A tactical play by an abuser.

That's my take on it anyway.

Come on mofos, tell me I'm wrong and I'll show you what a true teeth knocker outer looks like "

Kinda my take on it too just wondered what other people thought. I've always associated it with manipulation. I was told, I could never be a true sub because I won't wear a collar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"True subs have a bumhole exactly the shade of hubba bubba bubblegum pink. "

Probably tastes as delicious too x

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

"Surely it is down to the relationship dynamic. A true sub gives her life over to her master completely, being submissive is something completely different

Why do they have to be different if that's the person choice? Surely submission is as far as the sub is willing to give and should be accept as so? "
agreed and maybe I should have been accurate in my response

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"A "true" sub....

Ah, one of those terms that gets hurled by bullies and manipulative cunts in an attempt to get another person under their control. A tactical play by an abuser.

That's my take on it anyway.

Come on mofos, tell me I'm wrong and I'll show you what a true teeth knocker outer looks like

Kinda my take on it too just wondered what other people thought. I've always associated it with manipulation. I was told, I could never be a true sub because I won't wear a collar

send him my way, he'll never be a true man when I rip his bollocks off.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Isn't a true sub the same as a genuine lady? I have yet to find either

Yeah fuck that.

My name is Bruce and I tuck my cock, and I'm a fake sub.

You have a cock?!

Umm. Pink, anatomically impossible, with bunny ears

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience, it’s a term used to try and manipulate a person into doing what the ‘Dom’ wants. Usually used by people who don’t understand what submission is nor how genuine dynamics work.

If a person is trying to make someone do something that they don’t want to do, it’s often abuse. Even CNC requires agreement beforehand "

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"A "true" sub....

Ah, one of those terms that gets hurled by bullies and manipulative cunts in an attempt to get another person under their control. A tactical play by an abuser.

That's my take on it anyway.

Come on mofos, tell me I'm wrong and I'll show you what a true teeth knocker outer looks like

Kinda my take on it too just wondered what other people thought. I've always associated it with manipulation. I was told, I could never be a true sub because I won't wear a collar

I agree with you two in a way, from what I know about it but then again I don’t think I know enough to have a true opinion to be honest. I just know I’ll never be one in a million years!

Where’s GM when you need him. He usually explains these things well!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A "true" sub....

Ah, one of those terms that gets hurled by bullies and manipulative cunts in an attempt to get another person under their control. A tactical play by an abuser.

That's my take on it anyway.

Come on mofos, tell me I'm wrong and I'll show you what a true teeth knocker outer looks like

Kinda my take on it too just wondered what other people thought. I've always associated it with manipulation. I was told, I could never be a true sub because I won't wear a collar

send him my way, he'll never be a true man when I rip his bollocks off."

Happily

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Isn't a true sub the same as a genuine lady? I have yet to find either

Yeah fuck that.

My name is Bruce and I tuck my cock, and I'm a fake sub.

You have a cock?!

Umm. Pink, anatomically impossible, with bunny ears

Ahh that kind of cock! I've got one of them too

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Thoughts? "

The first rule of “true sub” club is not to talk about “true subs”!

I have seen it used in a couple of different ways.

The first is the manipulative way, “you will never be/can’t be a true sub unless you do XYZ”.

The second, less common time, is where the Dominant still has a lot to learn and has a limited view on what submission means.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If a person is trying to make someone do something that they don’t want to do, it’s often abuse. Even CNC requires agreement beforehand "

Agreed. It's a term I really can't stand, unfortunately it still seems to be around too much.

I'll get off my soap box now

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"True subs have a bumhole exactly the shade of hubba bubba bubblegum pink.

I don’t even know what that means haha

No idea of the colour either

Twue Domly Dominates know! They only need to catch a glimpse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like them foot long subs with beef and cheese, jalapeños, lettuce and chipotle sauce. Hhhhhmmmmm

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

[Removed by poster at 04/05/21 12:22:04]

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

"I like them foot long subs with beef and cheese, jalapeños, lettuce and chipotle sauce. Hhhhhmmmmm

Now that is my kind of sub

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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

If a person is trying to make someone do something that they don’t want to do, it’s often abuse. Even CNC requires agreement beforehand "

D/S should not be about Making one

Person do what the other wants. Parameters should be negotiated agreed and consented to when participating in bdsm activities. But like you say some individuals seek to manipulate others for their own ends which to me is abuse whichever way you look at it. I also have concerns about whether some individuals engage in these activities without any awareness of or regard for health and safety issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats a true anything - there are so many variations. One persons description or view dosnt make it valid or 'true'

Whats a true aeroplane, car, horse, wine, holiday, cardigan, yacht, race etc etc?

It can be 'true' to one or more people but that dosnt make it so for everyone.

Be the sub you want to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds a bit like negging..."

This!

It's abusive. "If you don't do X you're not a true Y."

"Time waster" blah blah

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

True sub/true Dom make my skin itch. It's manipulative and it's a massive red flag for me. But I see plenty of subs on here call themselves very sub etc. What does that even mean?

There's far too much mystery involved in kink in my opinion. If it doesn't feel right then it isn't doesn't matter if it is a D saying it, don't do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have met submissive ladies and chatted to many.

I prefer the words Natural Sub.

Many women I know outwith fab are naturally sub but probably don't realise it yet.

Fascinating area tho

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

On Holibobs

Its difficult, especially if he has a different dynamic relationship with another sub and wants to explore boundaries with said sub

I suppose it depends on the different relationship communication as to how it moves forwards

Its just words and lots of people choose to be called them, the Master/*lave dynamic is particularly interesting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have met submissive ladies and chatted to many.

I prefer the words Natural Sub.

Many women I know outwith fab are naturally sub but probably don't realise it yet.

Fascinating area tho "

What do you suppose will make them realise?

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

I've been called a true and natural submissive before. I take it as that I don't just have submissive tendencies or flit in and out. It's so much more than that. I'm also collared and owned. I don't see them as exclusive either. For me it's naturally in me. Not just a kink or a liking. It's a craving and part of who I am. I know that lots of people don't get that but I can say I'm a proud True submissive

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I have met submissive ladies and chatted to many.

I prefer the words Natural Sub.

Many women I know outwith fab are naturally sub but probably don't realise it yet.

Fascinating area tho

What do you suppose will make them realise?"

Something just clicks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a person is trying to make someone do something that they don’t want to do, it’s often abuse. Even CNC requires agreement beforehand

D/S should not be about Making one

This is how the grown ups play.

At the end of the day, submissiveness is a spectrum imho.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Sorry OP I didn't actually answer your question typical me.

I think everyone in a good and healthy dynamic with their Dom is a true sub. I am truly submissive to my Dom within our agreed dynamic. I don't/won't submit to anyone else. Who can quantity and define true love? It's different for each couple I feel D/s is the same.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Sorry OP I didn't actually answer your question typical me.

I love this! Says it better than me.

Mrs kf x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"True sub/true Dom make my skin itch. It's manipulative and it's a massive red flag for me. But I see plenty of subs on here call themselves very sub etc. What does that even mean?

There's far too much mystery involved in kink in my opinion. If it doesn't feel right then it isn't doesn't matter if it is a D saying it, don't do it. "

Love this!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry OP I didn't actually answer your question typical me.

Haha! No worries. I'm just musing, I'm not sure there is a right or wrong answer but I do believe some terminology can be used to mask abuse.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If a person is trying to make someone do something that they don’t want to do, it’s often abuse. Even CNC requires agreement beforehand

D/S should not be about Making one

This is how the grown ups play.

At the end of the day, submissiveness is a spectrum imho. "

We're supposed to be grown ups?

I didn't get that memo!

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Sorry OP I didn't actually answer your question typical me.

Haha! No worries. I'm just musing, I'm not sure there is a right or wrong answer but I do believe some terminology can be used to mask abuse. "

It most definitely can be used to mask abuse. Which is why I don't really use the term when I'm speaking. If experienced subs didn't use so many different words to say I'm a better sub than you then abuser's would have less places to hide. I'm not a fan of, I'm a natural sub/ collared sub etc etc it's not really important to anyone except you and your Dom in my opinion.

For example a collared sub is no better than anyone else it's just how their dynamic works. You wouldn't tell an unmarried couple you're not as good as a married couple. It's just horses for courses.

Same with natural sub, to be honest I am naturally submissive. And I wish I wasn't because it's bloody hard work not to be in non kink settings.

My feelings is if everyone concentrated what felt right for them as a couple there would be less abuse. It's no different to any other relationship you have. There's no magic to it it's just a normal relationship with an added dimension.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True sub and true Dominant are something that has been thrown around since 50 shades made kink mainstream. It's a phrase used to differentiate people who are serious about their kink and tourists.

The problem is that it's used as to stigmatise others often in praise of someone. "You're a true submissive" is supposed to make the person being spoken to feel superior and therefore puts others down. Or "I'm a real Dominant" meaning the other guys here are not real and you shouldn't pay them attention. The flip of these is also valid. Subs building up a potential Dom by praising his true-ness or a sub praising himself for his realness to his lifestyle.

Bdsm is supposed to be inclusive. If you have even a little bit of kink then you belong. If the most mild mannered and agreeable person in the world let's you dominate them in any way then you are their dominant. Simple as that. Everyone belongs.

My sadism doesn't require me to beat someone to within an inch of their lives. I err on the side of caution. But I like inflicting pain. If a play partner can only endure 3 pussy slaps before it's too much... then that's fine. I get my reactions and I can use the sensations. My sadism might be a candle beside a bonfire compared to others but that's irrelevant. I'm still a sadist.

I take bdsm very seriously. But I don't identify myself as a dominant because of the true/real/genuine discussions. If someone finds my personality and disposition agreeable and feels I could be their dominant then we will talk. But I'm not about to get into a pissing contest about credentials with someone to see who is most alpha alpha of the alphas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know people who sleep in cages. I know Dominants who have not done a physical task for themselves at home because they have people to them things for them.

The person who loves the idea of being spanked while fucking but doesn't actually follow through, is just as true to bdsm as the people who live the lifestyle 24/7.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a person is trying to make someone do something that they don’t want to do, it’s often abuse. Even CNC requires agreement beforehand

D/S should not be about Making one

This is how the grown ups play.

At the end of the day, submissiveness is a spectrum imho.

We're supposed to be grown ups?

I didn't get that memo! "

Don't beat yourself up. It was written in Klingon

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