FabSwingers.com forum: When messaging a couple...

By *arah_kieran_uk OP Couple
over a year ago

Greater London

When messaging a couple... Do you find it irritating when you are unsure which one is replying? The reason we ask is another couple we have been chatting to would always sign off which one was chatting after each message. We really appreciated knowing and are now trying to do the same thing. Is this a big deal to others? Or are you not bothered?

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By *acDreamyMan
over a year ago

Wirral

It can help but when we message from our couple profile we are often together.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

In short, yes.

A couple isn’t a homogeneous entity and it can be really hard to build rapport, even more so when you don’t know who you’re talking to.

Even with knowing, chatting to a couple can feel like an audition or interview at the best of times, without knowing who you’re talking to (and they keep switching) it can be like an audition in the dark and someone keeps throwing things

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We assume it's both of them. Our messages don't change according to whether it's the guy or the woman reading

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In short, yes.

A couple isn’t a homogeneous entity and it can be really hard to build rapport, even more so when you don’t know who you’re talking to.

Simple solution ask to which one your talking too

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By *s2walesCouple
over a year ago

Gwent...

We both read and reply to messages, it may be helpful for some to know who they are chatting with. Could end message with an initial if it helps others...

M and s...

There remembered lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Anyone who messages us will be talking to us both.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

We would assume it's both. We'd like to think couples look at messages together, that's probably not the case though.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"In short, yes.

A couple isn’t a homogeneous entity and it can be really hard to build rapport, even more so when you don’t know who you’re talking to.

Simple solution ask to which one your talking too"

On every message?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's me (Claire) who runs our account, I always make that clear and end my message with my name. If they don't do the same I ask who I'm talking to, nobody takes offense, it's a perfectly good question given it's a couple's account

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is nice to know who your taking to from a singles guys point of view as men do interact different with women to other men when chatting and it can be a bit confusing when u think your talking to 1 and not the other. That being said they are a couple and I feel its best to assume both are present unless told otherwise

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

I strongly suggest merely deciding who you are talking to and address everything to that person.

E.g.

I wanna spaff on youre tits

I wanna spaff on her tits

Own the situation, and it'll always work out well... right?

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Anyone who messages us will be talking to us both.

You each get half the keyboard?

Mrs Qwert and Mr Yuiop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We do sometimes ask , especially if it seems as though the messages are being sent by a male. However whenever we get messages from a couple one of us will read it and then mark it unread until the other has seen it and we can both decide on a suitable reply or if thsure generally what we're looking for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In short, yes.

A couple isn’t a homogeneous entity and it can be really hard to build rapport, even more so when you don’t know who you’re talking to.

Simple solution ask to which one your talking too

On every message? "

At the start of each conversation, come on tea your brighter than that

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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

As a single female I think it’s a good idea personally so that you can see if they are both interested and to clarify what each person would like. I think photos of both partners should be available too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I strongly suggest merely deciding who you are talking to and address everything to that person.

E.g.

I wanna spaff on youre tits

I wanna spaff on her tits

Own the situation, and it'll always work out well... right?

"
ok here goes i wanna staff on your tits hahaha

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

We sign off with our initial so they know who sent the message. If together we let them know

J x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s like those ‘we are each other’ couples, the ones that wear matching jumpers and finish each other’s sentences. ‘Margate was lovely, wasn’t it Ray!’ ‘Yes it was lovely June!’

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

I don't often remember to sign, and given obviously we've fake names here, my real name can potentially go either way when guessing a gender. But I do generally try and including the wife's name, clearly talk about her, often for the sake of it, so that it makes it implicitly obvious.

Alternatively I can send a stupid, nerdy and needy message and presume my wife will also send one apologising for me being a twat, so that's another good way to keep it clear! Ahem...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to establish who I'm talking to straight away because iv found with a lot of couples one tends to be more active and does most if not all the messaging.

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"It’s like those ‘we are each other’ couples, the ones that wear matching jumpers and finish each other’s sentences. ‘Margate was lovely, wasn’t it Ray!’ ‘Yes it was lovely June!’"

I wonder if Howard and Hilda from Ever Decreasing Circles are on here.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Depends on the situation I don't always make it clear initially because then I get quite objectifying messages. We are a couple and we meet as couple therefore the conversation should be the same regardless who they are speaking to. Though if you've spoken to us for a while it'll be one very clear which one of us someone is speaking to.

The only difference is forum interaction where it is clear from the outset it's me who is speaking (F). And M doesn't read those messages.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

It definitely helps.

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By *C7995XCouple
over a year ago

London

"When messaging a couple... Do you find it irritating when you are unsure which one is replying? The reason we ask is another couple we have been chatting to would always sign off which one was chatting after each message. We really appreciated knowing and are now trying to do the same thing. Is this a big deal to others? Or are you not bothered?

xx"

We think a lot of men can be the confidence and driving force behind a couple. But they are so scared that we will stop talking to them when we find out it is the male half. This doesn’t mean they aren’t a genuine couple. We just like someone to be honest with us and tel us which half it is.

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By *rMrsBrightsideCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Its always me who does the messaging in here and i tell people that at the start. With couples we try to move to Kik if possible so we can have a group chat where everyone can be involved and you can see who is talking.

Mrs x

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By *aggy dollsCouple
over a year ago

Bradford

We sign off.

Mr H.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I add an initial generally.

If replying to a forum post most people know its the female Red posting so therefore replying.

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By *xfordshireCoupleMFCouple
over a year ago

Nr. Oxford

We sign off with our names. Makes it a lot easier for them and us.

Lily

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By *eandHim2019Couple
over a year ago

preston

We both read the messages but not that it usually makes a difference. Unless the majority wanna play with my tits

Fox

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Yes when I get messages from a couple profile I say is this the m or f x

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Yes when I get messages from a couple profile I say is this the m or f x"

What if there names are Frank and Martha? That could get confusing!

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

I always assume i'm talking with both independently who is typing on that moment , i supose both have access to their profile and both they read the conversation

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Anyone who messages us will be talking to us both.

You each get half the keyboard?

Mrs Qwert and Mr Yuiop."

You know pianists who duet? We're like that on the keyboard

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I always assume i'm talking with both independently who is typing on that moment , i supose both have access to their profile and both they read the conversation

That's certainly the case with us. We do both read messages and although I type the replies we both have input.

Of course there are circumstances where you're going to need to know who it is you're talking to with couples who have a "what do you want to do to my wife" dynamic or where the woman plays alone for instance. However if couples make it clear on day one that you will always be messaging both of them where's the problem?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think that's a great idea

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By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

As a single straight woman , I don't interact with many couples but yes I would definitely find it helpful .

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"In short, yes.

A couple isn’t a homogeneous entity and it can be really hard to build rapport, even more so when you don’t know who you’re talking to.

Simple solution ask to which one your talking too

On every message?

At the start of each conversation, come on tea your brighter than that"

I’m speaking from experience, I’ve had many conversations with couples where one partner will jump in halfway through a chat about Rugby or literature.

I’m also speaking from the experience of friends who simply don’t engage with couples for these reasons

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As on here I always sign off with a T and my with signs off with Carol but to be fair lots of men still don’t get it but I suppose you’d have to read our profile to understand!!!

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By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"we have been chatting to would always sign off which one was chatting after each message. We really appreciated knowing ....,

xx"

Which of you posted this???

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By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"we have been chatting to would always sign off which one was chatting after each message. We really appreciated knowing ....,

Which of you posted this??? "

Well actually, it feels VERY safe to assume that was Sarah. Right? Or is gender stereotyping "xx" unfair? I would certainly presume a woman if they sign off like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm terrible for remembering to do this but really should. It's usually me (Mrs) that replies to most of the messages, particularly the single guys. Couples he replies more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I kind of want the guy to reply...if he likes me after we chat...he introduces me to his partner...perfect

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By *arah_kieran_uk OP Couple
over a year ago

Greater London

"we have been chatting to would always sign off which one was chatting after each message. We really appreciated knowing ....,

Which of you posted this??? "

The emoji of

was my indicator that it was Sarah however, again maybe I could have also added my name to make it clearer - but isn’t that the point I’m making lol

Sarah

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By *arah_kieran_uk OP Couple
over a year ago

Greater London

Reading all the responses and seeing the various answers, it looks like people are split.

Our dynamic is both of us will message when we are not with each other as well as when we are (it depends how our day is) we both also enjoy reading the conversations between our partner and other couples and then like to join in if appropriate - so this can be confusing which is why we are now trying to make it a little clearer when we message.

Also we do tailor our messages depending who is talking as we love to chat and get to know both parts of the couple so if we are talking to the male we will probably want to chat about the things we have identified as his interests and obviously the same goes when chatting with the female partner (as is our preference lol).

Sarah

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