FabSwingers.com forum: Rock bottom

By *.R.M OP Man
over a year ago

Norfolk

When you feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom, how or what do you do to lift yourself back up again?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I begin by thinking.......

There's only one way to go now, once you hit rock bottom, bounce back up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask for help!

It takes a strong person to fight their battles alone, takes a stronger one to ask for help.

In the last 3 years I’ve lost 5 mates to PTSD I’d have sooner have had them come tell me their troubles and found a way to sort them, than to wear my regimental tie and beret. And cried over there loss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you're OK OP x

I'm sure there will be others who are a lot wiser than me with advice to give soon - I'm sending you a virtual hug x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww hope you are ok, best way I find talking definitely and focus on today only small steps, walking, meditation and reading

Sending hugs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I called the samaritans, and that one phone call changed my life around.

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By *anther81Man
over a year ago

Drogheda

Try talking to somebody to get some perspective. Better days are ahead especially as things open up.

Might even be able to meet a friend in a bar, restaurant or coffee shop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you know you are digging as deep as you can within yourself, take a step back and be proud with how you are coping.

My life couldn't be worse right now. I'm putting up with a tremendous amount of shit from every direction but I soldier on. I have to , no choice in the matter.

Its not easy ,but as long as I'm doing the best I can, that's all I can physically and mentally do right now

Good luck with your situation and be kind to yourself x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have good mates all around you if there true to you they will know you have it the bottom and will help pull you back to the top

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Music putting a live DVD on loud and that will do it. Before long I'm singing (terribly) along and feeling better.

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By *ap d agde coupleCouple
over a year ago

Broadstairs

Try to do the things you know make you happy

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Talk. And talk some more.

It depends on what is wrong and the seriousness of the situation OP. I could say listen to some Latin music loud and dance around your room, but that’s really for just a “bad day”. If you’re on your knees with depression then you need to talk to someone who will listen, support and step in to help. Be that family, friend, Dr or someone on the phone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a driven guy.

I use anger and deep hated rage to get up and fight for what I want.

I don't mean hurting people, I mean using what others say and do as motivation. Proving them wrong.

Never let things or others stop you getting ahead. It ain't easy but if you want it you sure damn we'll take it, no free passes here.

Take the bull by the horns

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

Talking about it, rather than bottling it up.

By posting here, you have already made a huge step

I left it for years without speaking out. The Samaritans helped me massively and I wish I'd made use of them before.

Apart from that I find looking after my physical self through excercise (inc. Yoga), eating better and dressing and grooming well (even though I don't see anyone) has a positive effect on my mental state.

If you (or anyone) needs to chat or just vent, my inbox is always open.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

In all honesty, having been there, there was nothing anyone could say or do that helped me. Nothing at all. Something will just happen one day and you will start to pick up. You’ve talked about it though which is a good start, something I never did. I’d suggest the GP first of all and if you can talk to people that’s great. I do know that once you do get out of it you will fight with every breath not to get back to that place again which is a struggle in itself. Sending hugs xx

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"When you feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom, how or what do you do to lift yourself back up again? "

Getting "proper" help is always a good call.

Also, decide on what needs to change in your life and what you can do to make those changes happen. Small achievable goals are always the best plan, and each achievement will serve as a motivation.

Good Luck.

Cal

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I have found from personal experience that a lot of us keep things bottled up, dont talk to anyone about issues and pretend everything is ok, you soon realise that you have pushed away the ones who can help, or be there for you when you truly need them.

Dont make the mistake I made, talk to someone, the only way is up now my friend

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Different things work for different people. I tried pills and counselling but the best thing to help me was buying myself a dog and going for very long walks. I find it difficult to open up to people but tell my dog everything which may sound daft but works for me.

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

Talking can often really help, often we don’t know what’s really bothering us until we start to let it out.

Do you have friends or family you can reach out to, that will give you support?

Your GP is a really good resource and can tap into organisations that might be able to help in a more structured way.

Like others have said the Samaritans are fantastic and are there 24hours a day, 365 days a year. You can ring and it’s free, email, write a letter and even online chat to them. They will never judge anyone and will listen for as long or as often as you need.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

My husband called my GP who gave me medication for my nerves and sent me to see a psychiatrist.

It will depend why you feel like you do as to the treatment, but getting professional help is probably the best place to start.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reach out to someone, you be surprised who is there to support you. Take one day at a time even break it down into hours if you have too.

If you listen to books or read books pick up Matt Haigs Reasons to stay alive.

Sending you a virtual hug op xx

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Maybe get help, or just process it or ready to move forward? If you are remember a small handful of key decisions and actions in your life got you to this exact place, maybe 2-3 things. Not hundreds of little things and unlikely not external things that happened to you (maybe your responses). So just 1 or 2 decisions can get you to the next place, a much better place

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By *entlemenpipMan
over a year ago

not far

I dont know everytime I think I've hit rock bottom and try and pull myself up I slip and fall deeper

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By *hat BlokeMan
over a year ago

Harrogate

I think mentally wiping the slate clean and giving your ego time to recover for a few days always helps. Throw yourself into something like music or reading or tv. That way you can hopefully regain your equilibrium.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Small steps. Don't try and overcome all of your problems in one go.

Most importantly though, don't be afraid of asking for help. Whether that be a friend, loved one or professional, you never have to fight your battles alone xx

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By *rFeelsGoodMan
over a year ago

Carmarthen

Rock bottom is a state of mind. There are people the world over who live in terrible circumstances and yet smile every day.

Your emotional reaction does not define you. You can choose at any given instant how you want to feel and the only thing stopping you is you.

Yes, things happen that we don't like or that make us sad but they are simply events that come to pass. The judgement about whether they were good or bad events is our choice.

Reality will not change, however we feel about it.

My Wife left me last year. At first I was devastated. But I refuse to feel like this was a thing being done TO me. I decided to use the opportunity to reinvent my life. I got a new, much better paid job. I moved to be nearer friends. I started fight training again. I am, without a doubt, much happier than I was when I was married.

Sometimes I still feel sadness but it won't change anything. So I put that to one side, bring myself back to the present and I count my blessings and I choose to focus on the good.

Ask yourself,

who are you? Right now?

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

Hi OP, firstly great to see you speak out. Well done! I think that's a massive step.

I've been affected by depression before and even now am working my way through the grieving process. Talking is good but for me only alleviates in the short term.

My first step was acknowledging I was like I was, then as Nora said speaking to my GP. I then did a self referral to the local mental health team who then triaged and invited me on a course that I did for about 8 weeks. That really helped me.

Things will never be like they were, but I have learned more about myself and there were a couple of tips about resilience that, in particular, helped in my case.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Depends on how far down that bottom is.

If you're a danger to yourself right now, go to A&E. If you can't make yourself go, tell someone who'll make you.

If you might be a danger to yourself, call your GP urgently and/or the Samaritans, to get you through the worst of it and make a plan.

If you're not that bad yet - do whatever it takes to survive. Rest. Rest and survive.

A bit above that - rest and wallow in self indulgent things for awhile. Eat the chocolate sort of thing. Just, whatever it takes to feel a bit better, numb the pain.

A bit above that, do things that are productive and make you feel good about yourself, or normally would.

Above that, begin to gently confront your issues.

In all things be kind to yourself and talk to people if you can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I booked in to see a counsellor/therapist when I hit my lowest point.

Having a neutral person that I could talk to really helped me.

As for day to day, little things can help, music was a huge comfort for me. I also wrote lots of letters to myself, putting my thoughts onto paper was very therapeutic and something I still do.

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By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

"I booked in to see a counsellor/therapist when I hit my lowest point.

Having a neutral person that I could talk to really helped me.

As for day to day, little things can help, music was a huge comfort for me. I also wrote lots of letters to myself, putting my thoughts onto paper was very therapeutic and something I still do.

I also very much agree with finding something you like that gives you pleasure as _naswingdress and virginiagirl say.

I journalled for quite a while both during the darker days and afterwards and have those thoughts to refer back to. Also still committing my thoughts to paper on occasion.

Full respect to everyone commenting on this thread.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

As a lot of people have said small steps, talking to someone neutral helped me so much when my relationship broke down, I felt I had nothing left, 11 years of my life destroyed in one moment of weakness by him.

If you feel you can't talk in person then there are text services you can use or even just journal it, getting those thoughts and feelings out of your head can help so much, and it certainly have me clarity.

And just remember it's ok to not be ok, you're not the only one don't feel you're alone x

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

"Different things work for different people. I tried pills and counselling but the best thing to help me was buying myself a dog and going for very long walks. I find it difficult to open up to people but tell my dog everything which may sound daft but works for me."

That's not daft at all.

Often getting things off your chest is all you want and so you need a good listener, not answers or solutions.

Dogs are great at listening and giving comfort.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

That's not daft at all.

Often getting things off your chest is all you want and so you need a good listener, not answers or solutions.

Dogs are great at listening and giving comfort. "

Yes indeed. My dog later became a therapy pet and went to work to help others. He has retired now but still there to help me along whenever times get tough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am on meds have been for while been on meds for two years now incident at work

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Rock bottom is a state of mind. There are people the world over who live in terrible circumstances and yet smile every day.

All the same, suffering isn't a competition, and the OP is asking to cope with what he feels is extreme

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom, how or what do you do to lift yourself back up again? "

Scoff some of my meds and eat crap.

And just having hope dude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all suffer in some way just some more than others. I find a good long drive with loud music gives me a chance to clear my head and work through stuff. Also talking to friends and loved ones can help.

Hope your all well and this helps anyone who needs it.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Be as compassionate as you can to yourself, the best friend that you'd be to someone else. Take things easy, reduce the stress and also consider which people could support you in different ways, so that you get a comprehensive safety net.

Contact with others is vital. Integrate some regular exercise into your life. Contact with nature is very healing.

If you have practical problems, see how your friends may be able to organise and resolve them, to prevent you from shouldering everything.

Use fab wisely, so that it doesn't knock you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funnily enough listen to depressing music. Makes me realise that things are really not as bad as it seems.

Or talk to my best friend in world who I can talk to anything about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Funnily enough listen to depressing music. Makes me realise that things are really not as bad as it seems.

Or talk to my best friend in world who I can talk to anything about

Not the smiths though I hope!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom, how or what do you do to lift yourself back up again? "

Rock bottom or gift of desperation, my Rock bottom was definitely a gift, was the cataclysm for change, however without opening my mouth Nd asking fir help off the right people, then continuing with the action to change....

However rock bottom comes in a few forms, mentally, physically and spiritually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ask for help!

It takes a strong person to fight their battles alone, takes a stronger one to ask for help.

If it’s financial talk to CAB

If it’s family talk to friends,

If it’s medical talk to family and friends

Find a good outlet for frustrations, I throw axes with a local club. It’s a really good way to de stress abd great people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope you’re okay Op

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Funnily enough listen to depressing music. Makes me realise that things are really not as bad as it seems.

Or talk to my best friend in world who I can talk to anything about

Sometimes a good cathartic sing and cry does lift the world from your shoulders

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Funnily enough listen to depressing music. Makes me realise that things are really not as bad as it seems.

Or talk to my best friend in world who I can talk to anything about

Sometimes a good cathartic sing and cry does lift the world from your shoulders"

Yes this . And the help of good friends too . Like this one ^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom, how or what do you do to lift yourself back up again? "
Google homeless statistics, cancer rates, child abuse ECT then when you have finished reading about them you will realise rock bottom is a long way off.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Funnily enough listen to depressing music. Makes me realise that things are really not as bad as it seems.

Or talk to my best friend in world who I can talk to anything about

Sometimes a good cathartic sing and cry does lift the world from your shoulders

Yes this . And the help of good friends too . Like this one ^

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Funnily enough listen to depressing music. Makes me realise that things are really not as bad as it seems.

Or talk to my best friend in world who I can talk to anything about

Sometimes a good cathartic sing and cry does lift the world from your shoulders

Yes this . And the help of good friends too . Like this one ^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom, how or what do you do to lift yourself back up again? Google homeless statistics, cancer rates, child abuse ECT then when you have finished reading about them you will realise rock bottom is a long way off."

Don't think that's particularly helpful.Just because someone else is worse off doesn't make their feelings any less valid. Emotions aren't a competition

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

Don't think that's particularly helpful.Just because someone else is worse off doesn't make their feelings any less valid. Emotions aren't a competition "

Spot on

Not particularly healthy neither.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thing about rock bottoms is they are subjective to each individual, what may take you to a bottom, would be trivial to others...

So saying a bottom is a long way off, takes away from how the OP is feeling,

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"When you feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom, how or what do you do to lift yourself back up again? "

Talk to someone.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Yes that can certainly put things into perspective for a little while. Every time I have to go to GOSH I come out furious with myself for moaning about what I have to deal with. But everyone has their own battles and likening it to things like this aren’t going to help long term.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all get those days at some point in life. Sleep on it. I look at folk worse off than myself, see what's happening in poor countries and thank my lucky stars that I have a better chance than they do. I don't whine or moan, and I get on with it. Go to a gym if you can, and push yourself harder than ever it will be rewarding.

Not suggesting that approach suits everybody, but it does for some. Good luck, fella.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Sorry to hear you feel that way OP. Try and not stay in and mope get outside and try and get some sunshine and exercise even for a short term pick me up.

Failing that watch Arsenal play if you are a non fan. That will cheer you up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Funnily enough listen to depressing music. Makes me realise that things are really not as bad as it seems.

Or talk to my best friend in world who I can talk to anything about

Not the smiths though I hope!

They are a particular favourite

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

I just keep reminding myself nothing is permanent and even bad times pass.

Try getting in touch with the movember foundation.

They do a lot for men's mental health.

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By *ark ph0enixWoman
over a year ago

Teesside

Music blasting is how I try to manage that low feeling.

If that fails I rip up a patio or pull down a fence. If I dont have those options I hit the gym and hope I can get onto the bags. Not been possible for so long tho.

Cannot sit idle or I overthink too much

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

"Talk. And talk some more.

It's harder for men to talk. Specially to women and doubly Spon here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When people say their are worse things and people worse off to someone who is struggling its not helpful and has to stop. It has been said to me numerous times which only makes me feel worse and a burden so what do I do, I end up bottling the feelings further down and feeling worse.

I remember one therapist saying it doesn't matter what anyone else is struggling with or how big their issue is , yours is yours, I love the analogy of the black cloud. Mins might be a lit smaller than most but to me it's huge and drowning me.

Someone mentioned above about being a friend to yourself, if a friend called you at 4am and said they were tick bottom what would you do? It's time to do this for yourself. For me I have made friends with myself forgiven myself for things I have done and accepted my faults but do you know what life is so full of possibilities and happiness its just a matter of opening your heart to the possibilities .

Op we have chatted before and you are always welcome to pop me a message anytime x

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"When people say their are worse things and people worse off to someone who is struggling its not helpful and has to stop. It has been said to me numerous times which only makes me feel worse and a burden so what do I do, I end up bottling the feelings further down and feeling worse.

Op we have chatted before and you are always welcome to pop me a message anytime x"

Great post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found that even at my worst there were times when everything was OK, someone in work would make a joke and I'd laugh, I'd go for a run and for a few minutes things would be fine etc. I made a conscious effort to be aware of those moments, point then out to myself. Then when the cloud came back over I had some memory that actually there is pleasure and enjoyment in life.

Sounds simple but it's really hard, most times it wouldn't work, everything would be shit and life not worth it, those remembered moments dismissed as fake or not worth the effort. Sometimes though, it felt like it made it easier just to keep going. I don't know if my strategy helped or not or simply that time, friends and my natural personality won over but eventually there were more of the good times and less of those deep wells of despair. When in the dark places I learnt that even if I can't stop myself feeling awful I can keep going and try to ignore the pain and that's all it takes, eventually it eases - till the next time.

Physical activity helped, I run a lot but part of my process meant moving to a new area in November. I found this hard, I didn't know routes, it was always dark and (being S Wales valleys) often wet when I wasn't in work so I struggled to get out. Again, it may just be coincidence but spring, better weather, learning new running routes all coincided with improvements in my mental health.

I doubt I'll ever be totally the same as I was but after nearly 5 years I'm a very different person, my old confidence is back, my capacity for handling life stress isn't far off what it was before and those really dark days are very rare now.

I really hope you find your way out.

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