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Avoidable conflict...

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

On the back of the other thread, a slightly different question: What does being "nice" actually mean?

Is it the same for everybody (male/female/LGBT)?

Is conflict a result of not having been "nice enough"?

What do we mean by "being nice"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often think it means being agreeable or complimentary

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I’m not keen on the word nice. I’m polite to one and all. I prefer that word personally.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I often think it means being agreeable or complimentary "

I agree (pardon pun) that many would define it as "agreeable"

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By *herry OnatopWoman
over a year ago

Just over there

Being mindful of others is all we need to do. Think before speaking/typing. Put yourself in the other persons shoes, would you appreciate what you're about to say? Does it need to be said?

Mindfulness people always

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I’m not keen on the word nice. I’m polite to one and all. I prefer that word personally. "

Neither am I, which is why I am challenging it here - Somebody paying me a compliment on fabs e.g. about a photo, is not necessarily being nice but more an opening line to a dialogue with the hopeful outcome of my agreeing to meet them.

But others see it differently no doubt?

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Personally I hate the word as it’s so bland.

I think that it’s become the shorthand for being affable, unassuming but also a bit soft and liable to avoid conflict.

Often I see guys using the term to indicate that they’re pleasant and respectful but also some guys seem to think that being nice is deserving of reward.

It’s a vague word that carries many connotations, means very little but is used as a badge of honour by some

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd probably say respectful - respectful of other's feelings, opinions, boundaries etc; but also respectful of other people's right to disagree with your views too.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I’m not keen on the word nice. I’m polite to one and all. I prefer that word personally.

Neither am I, which is why I am challenging it here - Somebody paying me a compliment on fabs e.g. about a photo, is not necessarily being nice but more an opening line to a dialogue with the hopeful outcome of my agreeing to meet them.

But others see it differently no doubt?"

Yes that’s true. x

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I don't like the term as a descriptor of someone's behaviour. To me it kinda a bit like beige it's inoffensive. But it's use with #benice has its own life now. And I feel sometimes it's used to close a conversation with those you don't agree with.

But I do use the word to describe things, like a nice cup of tea etc. So I think it has it's place depending on context

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Being mindful of others is all we need to do. Think before speaking/typing. Put yourself in the other persons shoes, would you appreciate what you're about to say? Does it need to be said?

Mindfulness people always "

I like that definition - if we all did a bit of that, we probably would not even need a word for "nice" behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all know that the majority of the 'be kind' threads are virtue signalling and make me do this

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Respect for each other, consideration for each other this is part of being nice

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"We all know that the majority of the 'be kind' threads are virtue signalling and make me do this

"

Granted, some are.

My intention here was more about trying to define what we are asking for when we plead with people to be "nice"

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


".

It’s a vague word that carries many connotations, means very little but is used as a badge of honour by some"

I think that hits the nail on the head - maybe that is why it feels overused without any specific value?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We all know that the majority of the 'be kind' threads are virtue signalling and make me do this

Granted, some are.

My intention here was more about trying to define what we are asking for when we plead with people to be "nice""

I guess it's to protect the more sensitive among us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be passive aggressive, a way to stop people expressing honest opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure but it seems a few people need a lesson in what being nice means

Empathy is another that is several lacking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It can be passive aggressive, a way to stop people expressing honest opinion."

Very often this ^^^

The easiest thing with most conflict is avoidance! Walk away = don't post! Simple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally I hate the word as it’s so bland.

I think that it’s become the shorthand for being affable, unassuming but also a bit soft and liable to avoid conflict.

Often I see guys using the term to indicate that they’re pleasant and respectful but also some guys seem to think that being nice is deserving of reward.

It’s a vague word that carries many connotations, means very little but is used as a badge of honour by some"

.. Totally agree. Its a boring bland word that your mother or granny would have used when you were a kid. As an adult I would like to known more than just nice..

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Pondering about what people have posted, I am thinking that actually I do not really want to be known as "nice".

I think, I would prefer "genuine" or "has integrity" or empathetic. Not fishing here, just thinking out loud.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Pondering about what people have posted, I am thinking that actually I do not really want to be known as "nice".

I think, I would prefer "genuine" or "has integrity" or empathetic. Not fishing here, just thinking out loud. "

I agree.

I think that I’d rather most things that being called nice. Even a negative I can work on and resolve than being called nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to make your mark so people know your not a push over.

Sadly being nice attracts the wrong sort so you need to a little rough around the edges until they prove worthy to be an associate.

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

Nice is a simple word but shorter than saying be considerate of others feelings, be pleasant and thoughtful towards others. This is good advice to follow even if someone has been "not nice" to you because not giving the reaction they expect can totally throw them and possibly shame them to feeling bad if you continue to be nice. On the whole this site has many nice people, I even had a very pleasant no thanks in more words than that last night and it makes a difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you need to be agreeable to be nice.

Being nice is being polite in company and graceful out of company. Its about not being negative about others.

It's not nice to say something positive to your face and then slaughter you behind your back. Or to be passive aggressive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The dictionary definition of 'nice' is 'agreeable' or 'exhibiting courtesy and politeness'.

But when 'nice' is used on the internet (the #BeNice hashtag for example) it's a platitude. It's like saying 'why can't we all just get along and love one another?' or 'life's not fair' and can be a way to actually stop discussion without actually saying anything.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Accepting others have different opinions! And not trying to make them feel that their opinion is of any less value than yours! See so many on here getting bullied for a better word or ganged up on! My muma said if u cant say something nice say nothing at all! Or just bite yr tounge! My tounge is like a piece of crochet at times here lol! It's nice to b nice! X

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Perhaps it is all about boundaries and respect.

Perhaps if we as humans could respect our fellow humans' boundaries, not be huffy and negative when a request is denied? I am not talking fabs behaviour - I am talking in general.

And if we are not being treated in a respectful manner, rather than biting back and escalating... just calmly stating our position.

Easier said than done, for sure.

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