FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Double standards ...

Jump to newest
 

By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

The other thread made me think of just how much I disliked the differentiation between a woman who has multiple partners or, heaven forbid, slept with many (What is "many" anyway?)

It is quite unfair that even today the same behaviour is called out as "he is a bit of a lad" and "She is a bit of a slapper".

Are attitudes going to change ... ever?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Not for a long time, sad to say

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Probably not.

But I think we're gradually taking the power back.

Definitely better now than it was 20 years ago

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eat the rich and burn the patriarchy!!!... then there might be some change.... I shan’t be holding my breath though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I don't think opinions will ever change. A woman who has had lots of sexual partners will always be labelled as "easy" or a "slapper" while the guys will be seen as studs x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Doesn’t really affect me personally as I don’t discuss sexual partners with anyone else.

Which thread? I’ll have a peek.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Doesn’t really affect me personally as I don’t discuss sexual partners with anyone else.

Which thread? I’ll have a peek. "

Oh, I meant the thread on dating sites made me think of this. Nobody called anybody a slapper etc. But I hear it often in conversations, sometimes openly sometimes more covert, meaningful looks being exchanged when it is a woman enjoying sexual liberation. Just irritating.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

If it ever got sensationalised yes, look what happened after 50 shades

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i doubt it.

i just choose not to give a fuck instead Px

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Doesn’t really affect me personally as I don’t discuss sexual partners with anyone else.

Which thread? I’ll have a peek.

Oh, I meant the thread on dating sites made me think of this. Nobody called anybody a slapper etc. But I hear it often in conversations, sometimes openly sometimes more covert, meaningful looks being exchanged when it is a woman enjoying sexual liberation. Just irritating."

Oh I see. I’ll have a read. I think attitudes have changed a bit in this regard but there’s still a long way to go.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t think the general perspiration will change but not all people think like that

Some people don’t care how meny sexual parents someone’s had

It’s about the person not how meny they sleep with

Some off us even like the fact that a partner has had a vigorous sex life and encourage them to continue there vigorous sex life if they want to as long as everything is on the table up front and truthful

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think opinions will ever change. A woman who has had lots of sexual partners will always be labelled as "easy" or a "slapper" while the guys will be seen as studs x"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Perhaps one day.

I don't think it will be any time soon though - look at how the much lauded documentary on swingers placed trauma at the forefront of a woman's sex life. The negative descriptive words used to describe women who enjoy casual sex. Perhaps if there were more shows like Fleabag but with less sad attached to why women have less casual sex? That's one thing that might help maybe.

To be honest, I have before been part of the issue and judged women who had lots of casual sex because it didn't really match how I did things.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"i doubt it.

i just choose not to give a fuck instead Px "

Absolutely. That said, it kind of bothers me "on behalf of other women" - what people say about me does not.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ourNextAddictionMan
over a year ago

Somerset

I think as time goes on people are slowly become less backwards... But I’d say the shoe fits both parties as even playing rugby I get a label attached to me often.

It’ll always be an ‘issue’ to people, just how the world is

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Perhaps one day.

I don't think it will be any time soon though - look at how the much lauded documentary on swingers placed trauma at the forefront of a woman's sex life. The negative descriptive words used to describe women who enjoy casual sex. Perhaps if there were more shows like Fleabag but with less sad attached to why women have less casual sex? That's one thing that might help maybe.

To be honest, I have before been part of the issue and judged women who had lots of casual sex because it didn't really match how I did things. "

That is a really good point. I grew up with that mindset a bit myself, but no longer... and it was probably about matching one's own ideas of how things should be.

I changed my mind about this long before I joined the scene though - simply because I felt it grossly unfair towards women.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Perhaps one day.

I don't think it will be any time soon though - look at how the much lauded documentary on swingers placed trauma at the forefront of a woman's sex life. The negative descriptive words used to describe women who enjoy casual sex. Perhaps if there were more shows like Fleabag but with less sad attached to why women have less casual sex? That's one thing that might help maybe.

To be honest, I have before been part of the issue and judged women who had lots of casual sex because it didn't really match how I did things. "

Is that judging though or is that thinking that’s not for me but crack on how you want to live your life. I would say it’s probably the latter. If someone does things you perhaps wouldn’t I don’t think it’s judging.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Away for Christmas

Eventually it will be, slowly but surely it will reach a point of none issue. There will be lots of 1 step forward and 2 steps back along the way but it will become much more accepted and less about people trying to shame women.

It is just as much of a generation thing as it is cultural. Eventually old views are phased out and no longer passed down from parents to children. Sexism, racism, accepting of sexuality etc are slowly becoming better than they used to be. It just takes time, some of us may never see it fully accepted but it will eventually happen.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Eventually it will be, slowly but surely it will reach a point of none issue. There will be lots of 1 step forward and 2 steps back along the way but it will become much more accepted and less about people trying to shame women.

It is just as much of a generation thing as it is cultural. Eventually old views are phased out and no longer passed down from parents to children. Sexism, racism, accepting of sexuality etc are slowly becoming better than they used to be. It just takes time, some of us may never see it fully accepted but it will eventually happen. "

I agree it’s a generation thing. Definitely. I see the difference in my in-laws (80) my parents (70) me, my 24 year old and my 13 year old. Much more accepting these days. This will definitely happen.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don’t think the general perspiration will change but not all people think like that

Some people don’t care how meny sexual parents someone’s had

It’s about the person not how meny they sleep with

Some off us even like the fact that a partner has had a vigorous sex life and encourage them to continue there vigorous sex life if they want to as long as everything is on the table up front and truthful "

what you say is interestingly what i find when trying to date - that there are actually 3 camps of thought among men (ok maybe 4)

camp A - very monogamous based including for themselves , sex is seen as special and they wouldn’t want you or them to have had too many sexual partners

camp B - men can have as many sexual partners as they like , and to an extent so can women because well they beed someone to sleep with obviously, but if you are one of these women you are in some way tainted and less dateable - can’t make a wife out of a hoe and all that jazz

camp C - happy for both male and female to have as many partners as they wish, actually the more the better because they get some sexual kick out of a promiscuous woman, they don’t have a problem with dating you but would expect you to continue to be promiscuous because they get pleasure from it and want to “share you”

camp D - happy for both male and female to have as many previous partners as they like because they really are not threatened or turned on or really even interested by it , past is the pst and its no big deal

i would say the majority still land in camp B , camp C has definitely grown over recent years and D and A probably equally bring up the minority

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

I agree it’s a generation thing. Definitely. I see the difference in my in-laws (80) my parents (70) me, my 24 year old and my 13 year old. Much more accepting these days. This will definitely happen. "

I agree, my kids' generation seems a bit more even footed on judging genders - perhaps because they also grew up with gender fluidity.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"To be honest, I have before been part of the issue and judged women who had lots of casual sex because it didn't really match how I did things.

Is that judging though or is that thinking that’s not for me but crack on how you want to live your life. I would say it’s probably the latter. If someone does things you perhaps wouldn’t I don’t think it’s judging. "

Noooo, it's not the latter. Don't be nice to my younger self, I was a twunt and thought I was better than because I was more "selective" with my low vaginal entries.

Now I'm older and slightly wiser I think it's not for me and don't pass judgement on those who do, more I have an odd sense of respect for women who know what they want and have the confidence to get the D.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a mans world still just about once that finally changes maybe but not while people like donald trump still have influence but the smartest way to make changes is gradual like the boiling frog too much too soon is when people panic at changes

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"

I agree it’s a generation thing. Definitely. I see the difference in my in-laws (80) my parents (70) me, my 24 year old and my 13 year old. Much more accepting these days. This will definitely happen.

I agree, my kids' generation seems a bit more even footed on judging genders - perhaps because they also grew up with gender fluidity. "

Absolutely. Mine too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Slapper - common vocabulary of the male vanilla'ites

The important ones dont care

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

I can't control what other people think but, I can think for myself and point out when people are wrong it their attitudes by using offensives terms.

Their will always be negative attitudes to whatever or whomever you want to be, sexual oriantation, race, too tall, bald, spiritual, goth, sexualy liberated, single parents.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you


"The other thread made me think of just how much I disliked the differentiation between a woman who has multiple partners or, heaven forbid, slept with many (What is "many" anyway?)

It is quite unfair that even today the same behaviour is called out as "he is a bit of a lad" and "She is a bit of a slapper".

Are attitudes going to change ... ever? "

Good conversation post OP

But unfortunately double standards ain't going away anytime soon . Some are more obvious (like the 1 you gave) & some are more subtle you might anyone can be guilty of them & not even be aware

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ntrepid ExplorersCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Is this difference fundamentally linked to the dynamic of men having to woo women etc?

I always hated the dating scene, and of course its replicated here too when it comes to the gender imbalance. But I kind of came to appreciate the difference, and like the fact that for some reason of... Evolution..?... There is an imbalance. It's a system that works, for all it's frustrations and downsides. If nothing else I find it fascinating in itself.

But it's that dynamic that drives the slut / stud views right? It can't go away while the general dating dynamic still exists in society, right?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Funnily enough my partner gets more hate for having two partners than I do. I just get the assumption that my partners are in some was defective/desperate/somehow not "real men" if they're willing to share me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don’t think the general perspiration will change but not all people think like that

Some people don’t care how meny sexual parents someone’s had

It’s about the person not how meny they sleep with

Some off us even like the fact that a partner has had a vigorous sex life and encourage them to continue there vigorous sex life if they want to as long as everything is on the table up front and truthful

what you say is interestingly what i find when trying to date - that there are actually 3 camps of thought among men (ok maybe 4)

camp A - very monogamous based including for themselves , sex is seen as special and they wouldn’t want you or them to have had too many sexual partners

camp B - men can have as many sexual partners as they like , and to an extent so can women because well they beed someone to sleep with obviously, but if you are one of these women you are in some way tainted and less dateable - can’t make a wife out of a hoe and all that jazz

camp C - happy for both male and female to have as many partners as they wish, actually the more the better because they get some sexual kick out of a promiscuous woman, they don’t have a problem with dating you but would expect you to continue to be promiscuous because they get pleasure from it and want to “share you”

camp D - happy for both male and female to have as many previous partners as they like because they really are not threatened or turned on or really even interested by it , past is the pst and its no big deal

i would say the majority still land in camp B , camp C has definitely grown over recent years and D and A probably equally bring up the minority "

Yes that’s whare I have based it on

I would say I fall in to category C and D I wouldn’t expect them to continue on if they didn’t want to and would respect that by not continue on my self

Also fall in to D as we all have past and who cares what that past is in that sens it’s about the future that matters

being stuck in the middle as I like to say gives me some wonderful insights

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The other thread made me think of just how much I disliked the differentiation between a woman who has multiple partners or, heaven forbid, slept with many (What is "many" anyway?)

It is quite unfair that even today the same behaviour is called out as "he is a bit of a lad" and "She is a bit of a slapper".

Are attitudes going to change ... ever? "

This isn't the case any more - (and yes I'm fully aware that I'm likely to receive a backlash for saying this but its the truth) men are far too busy trying to get meets with women to simply mess it up by referring to a woman as such. Times change and attitudes do too - the "women are slurs but men are studs" is outdated and not used. The only people who peddle that are hostile, angry, bitter or desperate white knights hoping it will get then laid

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"The other thread made me think of just how much I disliked the differentiation between a woman who has multiple partners or, heaven forbid, slept with many (What is "many" anyway?)

It is quite unfair that even today the same behaviour is called out as "he is a bit of a lad" and "She is a bit of a slapper".

Are attitudes going to change ... ever?

This isn't the case any more - (and yes I'm fully aware that I'm likely to receive a backlash for saying this but its the truth) men are far too busy trying to get meets with women to simply mess it up by referring to a woman as such. Times change and attitudes do too - the "women are slurs but men are studs" is outdated and not used. The only people who peddle that are hostile, angry, bitter or desperate white knights hoping it will get then laid "

Ahh, I guess we've just imagined all the times we've been called sluts then. Good to know

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top