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Say Something Raw.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've done this before. It might get heavy. Triggering for some. Step away if too much, please.

You've got this.

Say something raw. Get it out. Let it pour and sting. And reach out to someone if you think you can be their space keeper in their raw moment.

I have no strength left to carry on that particular battle.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Is this finally the thread for my sushi joke?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Is this finally the thread for my sushi joke? "

Haha. Laughing through tears. Sort of. X go for it. I never say no to nonsense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Raw beef steak?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Raw beef steak? "

Has the worst underwear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this finally the thread for my sushi joke? "

I’m resisting it, having just spoken of it to someone a few minutes ago.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

Oh..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

I’m so sorry sweetheart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m so fed up of being/feeling ill. It’s been a year and I just want to feel and be better. Last night I had to stop and rest halfway up the stairs .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

That gave me a gulp in my throat, sending hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't understand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away.

That gave me a gulp in my throat, sending hugs xx"

Me too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

I'm so sorry. I'm hoping you've plenty of support xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't understand "

Just a free space to let out something we bottle up.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."
No, it never does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll never know the person who violated me, nor the reason why. If it spared someone else that night, then I accept it as something I have survived and will move forward from. You stole a huge part of me and I don't know if I'll ever get that back. But you haven't defeated me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I amstruggling a little today

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I'll never know the person who violated me, nor the reason why. If it spared someone else that night, then I accept it as something I have survived and will move forward from. You stole a huge part of me and I don't know if I'll ever get that back. But you haven't defeated me. "

so glad to see you back here xxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

My heart goes out to you. We didn't have a due date but we still remember.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"Is this finally the thread for my sushi joke?

Haha. Laughing through tears. Sort of. X go for it. I never say no to nonsense. "

Okay. Here goes:

I despise virtue signally, social justice warriors who have done more to set back civil rights, gender equality and freedom of speech than any far right group outside, of 1930s Germany. I detest living in a world that vibrates with the fear of individuals to state an opinion or preference without offending someone, somewhere or being incorrectly categorised as an “ist” because it doesn’t suit their middle class narrative.

So these two Californian rolls walk into a bar.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I start, I might never stop. Much like you OP, the strength to keep fighting is waning day by day but I'll keep fighting because I have to, paint on the smile, face the world and cry in to my pillow.

Sending everyone a huge hug

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By *irmingham_Sissy_MaidTV/TS
over a year ago

sutton Coldfield

Beef tartare?

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

Big hugs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't understand

Just a free space to let out something we bottle up. "

Ahh I see.

I'm not a bottler - but if I was going to say anything 'raw ' I would say that I feel lonely

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Two years ago, my ex and I found out we were going to have a baby, one of the happiest times of my life, three weeks later she lost it, and I couldn't be there to comfort her when it happened

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I amstruggling a little today "

Sorry to hear that, sending hugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm just so, so tired.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I amstruggling a little today

Sorry to hear that, sending hugs. "

Thank you Fallen xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll never know the person who violated me, nor the reason why. If it spared someone else that night, then I accept it as something I have survived and will move forward from. You stole a huge part of me and I don't know if I'll ever get that back. But you haven't defeated me.

so glad to see you back here xxxxxx"
Thank you Nora x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

Awww I just want to give you the biggest hug right now and wipe you tears away and tell you everything will be ok and that your beautiful x

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By *abble-onMan
over a year ago

Lewes

Couldn't have come at a better (or worse) time.

Not sure why, but today I'm on a mega down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Couldn't have come at a better (or worse) time.

Not sure why, but today I'm on a mega down "

Stay strong matey... you can beat whatever it is you are fighting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got most of my raw out in therapy.

I'm pissed that my cats are digging up the vegetables in my planters.

I pissed at myself that I spent hundreds on planters and a poly tunnel and I'm going to get 40 euros worth of spuds back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t start me I am so angry

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By *-man24Man
over a year ago

northwest

Yes I lost me nan this year at ripe old age of 96 miss her like mad so many great memories love you Nan xx

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By *abble-onMan
over a year ago

Lewes


"Couldn't have come at a better (or worse) time.

Not sure why, but today I'm on a mega down

Stay strong matey... you can beat whatever it is you are fighting"

Thank you, had such a good week last week and have woken up today feeling crappy for seemingly no reason... hopefully it will pass.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Thank you all for the love and messages of support. I appreciate every one, even if I can't reply right now.

And to everyone who is struggling, sending you all as much strength and love as I have. You have friends here even if you don't know it or feel it. Reach out and talk if you can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a year ago this week, i made a decision that not only ruined my life, but nearly ended it, as well as ending another too.

you're trying to be fine and fein the smile and distract yourself even moreso than usual so you don't have the chance to even have a single thought enter your brain that could send you spiralling. But then you do. And you just need a hug and to be told everything will be alright.. but nobody cares. So you're back to carrying on like everything is fine.

i am not okay.

Px

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By *-man24Man
over a year ago

northwest


"a year ago this week, i made a decision that not only ruined my life, but nearly ended it, as well as ending another too.

you're trying to be fine and fein the smile and distract yourself even moreso than usual so you don't have the chance to even have a single thought enter your brain that could send you spiralling. But then you do. And you just need a hug and to be told everything will be alright.. but nobody cares. So you're back to carrying on like everything is fine.

i am not okay.

Px "

Big Virtual Hugs from me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't understand

Just a free space to let out something we bottle up.

Ahh I see.

I'm not a bottler - but if I was going to say anything 'raw ' I would say that I feel lonely "

I hear you. Sending hugs to you .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"a year ago this week, i made a decision that not only ruined my life, but nearly ended it, as well as ending another too.

you're trying to be fine and fein the smile and distract yourself even moreso than usual so you don't have the chance to even have a single thought enter your brain that could send you spiralling. But then you do. And you just need a hug and to be told everything will be alright.. but nobody cares. So you're back to carrying on like everything is fine.

i am not okay.

Px "

I care, and I hear you. Sending a huge hug xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All this vulnerability is really inspiring and humbling. Thank you all.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

It’s always good to face our own vulnerabilities.

I struggle for acceptance and I’m not nearly as confident as I come across on here. I find it very difficult to accept that people really might like me or even heavens forbid think I’m attractive to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't understand

Just a free space to let out something we bottle up. "

I wish I could and perhaps I should but I oughtn’t. Better to bottle up, lock or throw away and keep moving forward.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.


"a year ago this week, i made a decision that not only ruined my life, but nearly ended it, as well as ending another too.

you're trying to be fine and fein the smile and distract yourself even moreso than usual so you don't have the chance to even have a single thought enter your brain that could send you spiralling. But then you do. And you just need a hug and to be told everything will be alright.. but nobody cares. So you're back to carrying on like everything is fine.

i am not okay.

Px "

Hiya.

You might not be ok, but you are here and you are in the now.

I hope you push through and move on. It’s hard but we can’t let the past ruin what’s to come. Learn from it yes but being tied to it is not good.

Keep going, don’t feel you have to be strong but you do have to be kind to yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't understand

Just a free space to let out something we bottle up.

I wish I could and perhaps I should but I oughtn’t. Better to bottle up, lock or throw away and keep moving forward."

This might not be the right place for you to talk but pushing shit down doesn't work. Each mile you walk is like having a 50 lb weight on your back. You can keep pushing until you drop but when you do drop it will be harder to get back up and you don't need to.

Talk to a professional. Just let it out. You will feel better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry cant il heed your warning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you said your last goodbye

I died a little bit inside....

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I'm angry at myself that I'm not emotionally strong enough to handle a relationship, that I can't leave the past in the past. That the lessons learnt throughout my life have been carved into my psyche by others. You know the ones, not enough, try harder, be better, do more, sell you fucking soul to the devil just to feel accepted and then feel that's still not good enough.

I'm fucked off that I am the result of other peoples trauma they didn't deal with. I'm fucked off that my happy ever after has had to come from choosing to be alone, coz anything else will be self sabotage.

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By *elethWoman
over a year ago

Gloucestershire


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

Oh Posh, I'm so sorry. All my love

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Garlic

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'll never know the person who violated me, nor the reason why. If it spared someone else that night, then I accept it as something I have survived and will move forward from. You stole a huge part of me and I don't know if I'll ever get that back. But you haven't defeated me. "

Thank you for sharing that. Kudos to all you warriors.

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

I feel like I get frustrated at people over the littlest things. I've had a short temper since I was younger and while I've learned to try and keep it in, it's started coming out recently, not in anger but in sarcasm and snide remarks which probably makes those closest to me feel small.

I don't want them to just put up with me because I'm close to them and I'm sincerely worried I could isolate myself from them because I think they don't meet my expectations

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry cant il heed your warning "

That's ok. As someone said.. this might be not right space for everyone.

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By *elethWoman
over a year ago

Gloucestershire


"I'm angry at myself that I'm not emotionally strong enough to handle a relationship, that I can't leave the past in the past. That the lessons learnt throughout my life have been carved into my psyche by others. You know the ones, not enough, try harder, be better, do more, sell you fucking soul to the devil just to feel accepted and then feel that's still not good enough.

I'm fucked off that I am the result of other peoples trauma they didn't deal with. I'm fucked off that my happy ever after has had to come from choosing to be alone, coz anything else will be self sabotage."

I hear you, Peach

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't understand

Just a free space to let out something we bottle up.

I wish I could and perhaps I should but I oughtn’t. Better to bottle up, lock or throw away and keep moving forward."

Might be not today. Maybe not here. Everyone cracks at some point. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I am not ignoring anyone. Just don't want to flood the thread with my replies. I'll do it now and then. If I can find the words.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont always feel enough, feel worthy off love life and happiness, often feel insecure, inadequate and inferior

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"All this vulnerability is really inspiring and humbling. Thank you all. "

Right?

Last one I did maybe half a year ago. Takes a toll to let something out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m needy and seek validation from others to boost my feelings of self worth! When I don’t get it, it can knock me sideways and makes me v insecure. I just want to be liked & wanted at the end of the day.

However I’m learning to accept that I am me, I’m perfectly imperfect and if that’s not appreciated or loved by others fuck em.

Much easier said than done and I doubt I’ll ever get to a point where I can accept rejection, or that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea & move on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont always feel enough, feel worthy off love life and happiness, often feel insecure, inadequate and inferior "

Yet I know from what you've written before that you've overcome great challenges in your life. You must have strength and resources that do make you worthy of love and respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this finally the thread for my sushi joke?

Haha. Laughing through tears. Sort of. X go for it. I never say no to nonsense.

Okay. Here goes:

I despise virtue signally, social justice warriors who have done more to set back civil rights, gender equality and freedom of speech than any far right group outside, of 1930s Germany. I detest living in a world that vibrates with the fear of individuals to state an opinion or preference without offending someone, somewhere or being incorrectly categorised as an “ist” because it doesn’t suit their middle class narrative.

So these two Californian rolls walk into a bar....."

Yes to this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It’s always good to face our own vulnerabilities.

I struggle for acceptance and I’m not nearly as confident as I come across on here. I find it very difficult to accept that people really might like me or even heavens forbid think I’m attractive to them. "

You're funny, friendly and attractive.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I’m a little bit apprehensive about the future , but I’m sure it will all work out ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont always feel enough, feel worthy off love life and happiness, often feel insecure, inadequate and inferior

Yet I know from what you've written before that you've overcome great challenges in your life. You must have strength and resources that do make you worthy of love and respect. "

Knowing and believing two sorbate things, it's on any given day, what I do know when I feel those things I'm travelling well internally, it's an Indication of where I'm at with me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm angry at myself that I'm not emotionally strong enough to handle a relationship, that I can't leave the past in the past. That the lessons learnt throughout my life have been carved into my psyche by others. You know the ones, not enough, try harder, be better, do more, sell you fucking soul to the devil just to feel accepted and then feel that's still not good enough.

I'm fucked off that I am the result of other peoples trauma they didn't deal with. I'm fucked off that my happy ever after has had to come from choosing to be alone, coz anything else will be self sabotage."

Once again you’ve said it so much more eloquently than I would. But yes I’m feeling the same.

Wish I saw myself as my kids see me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm intensely private with feelings so I can't find the way to put them on here.

Which makes me admire each and every one of you who have.

You are strong magnificent humans.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't understand

Just a free space to let out something we bottle up.

I wish I could and perhaps I should but I oughtn’t. Better to bottle up, lock or throw away and keep moving forward.

This might not be the right place for you to talk but pushing shit down doesn't work. Each mile you walk is like having a 50 lb weight on your back. You can keep pushing until you drop but when you do drop it will be harder to get back up and you don't need to.

Talk to a professional. Just let it out. You will feel better"

Thanks for the advice. I feel time will take care of it. I am putting it behind me and it seems to be working. I think in time, when it’s less acute, I would speak of it. Like your advice except not to a professional and not quite so immediate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear mum

Why, oh why, are you still best buds with that sadistic cruel man who put your children through hell for years with his physical and emotional abuse? You are the first to criticise our parenting choices if you think it will impact your grandchildren in a negative way, yet your continued association with the man who attacked your 15 year old son while he was asleep, called us cunts and bastards regularly, gave us the silent treatment for months at a time etc tells me we weren't worth protecting. I love you, but you were a shit parent. You showed me exactly how not to raise children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't understand

Just a free space to let out something we bottle up.

I wish I could and perhaps I should but I oughtn’t. Better to bottle up, lock or throw away and keep moving forward.

Might be not today. Maybe not here. Everyone cracks at some point. X"

You’re right. I think when someone comes along who has the ability to make you trust and open yourself up. I see that as my cracking point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear mum

Why, oh why, are you still best buds with that sadistic cruel man who put your children through hell for years with his physical and emotional abuse? You are the first to criticise our parenting choices if you think it will impact your grandchildren in a negative way, yet your continued association with the man who attacked your 15 year old son while he was asleep, called us cunts and bastards regularly, gave us the silent treatment for months at a time etc tells me we weren't worth protecting. I love you, but you were a shit parent. You showed me exactly how not to raise children."

I can’t imagine if that happened to my son!!!! I’m so sorry this happened to you and continues to.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I've had enough of everything, feel like I'm treading water most of the time. I need a break I need rest from the relentlessness of the past. Today it feels too much, I know I'll get through it, I always do. But I'm tired, tired of battling to what seems no avail.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had enough of everything, feel like I'm treading water most of the time. I need a break I need rest from the relentlessness of the past. Today it feels too much, I know I'll get through it, I always do. But I'm tired, tired of battling to what seems no avail. "

Such a familiar feeling. I'm sorry you have it too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish I was confident enough to share my story, I never will be. They say it’s unhealthy to bottle it up, but I know most people could never understand... and fear of rejection is strong.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

A year ago today my fragile heart that I'd just managed to piece together again was broken by the first man I'd let myself fall for after my split the year previously. What hurt more was I was given no explanation as to why, he just cut all contact, I always be left in limbo as to what went wrong and what I did wrong. My heart is still in pieces one year on

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I've had enough of everything, feel like I'm treading water most of the time. I need a break I need rest from the relentlessness of the past. Today it feels too much, I know I'll get through it, I always do. But I'm tired, tired of battling to what seems no avail.

Such a familiar feeling. I'm sorry you have it too."

I read your post and that was familiar to me also. We will endure it and make a better life for our children.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest


"Is this finally the thread for my sushi joke?

Haha. Laughing through tears. Sort of. X go for it. I never say no to nonsense.

Okay. Here goes:

I despise virtue signally, social justice warriors who have done more to set back civil rights, gender equality and freedom of speech than any far right group outside, of 1930s Germany. I detest living in a world that vibrates with the fear of individuals to state an opinion or preference without offending someone, somewhere or being incorrectly categorised as an “ist” because it doesn’t suit their middle class narrative.

So these two Californian rolls walk into a bar....."

Absolutely this

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away."

They always live with you, 12 years ago this week I found out I was carrying my angel,

Sending you love xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had enough of everything, feel like I'm treading water most of the time. I need a break I need rest from the relentlessness of the past. Today it feels too much, I know I'll get through it, I always do. But I'm tired, tired of battling to what seems no avail. "

I hear you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had enough of everything, feel like I'm treading water most of the time. I need a break I need rest from the relentlessness of the past. Today it feels too much, I know I'll get through it, I always do. But I'm tired, tired of battling to what seems no avail.

Such a familiar feeling. I'm sorry you have it too.

I read your post and that was familiar to me also. We will endure it and make a better life for our children. "

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Deep breath...

This past year has stripped away many of the things that make me, me. I feel adrift and and it's hard to be the one holding things together when I feel like a shadow of me some days. Today is a better day though.

Mrs kf x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am facing one of the toughest challenges any parent could face and every parent fears but I AM facing it, I WILL face the monster eye to eye and I will NOT back down.

I have battled my natural instincts to protect and punish the perpetrator and I have given myself time to process this shocking secret.

I am now ready to stand strong next to my child, show resilience and help her to empower herself as we support her as a united family to seek justice.

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel like I’m becoming more hollow and less connected to the world around me everyday, and I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve tried helping others who are struggling too but feel like I’m having the opposite effect.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've had enough of everything, feel like I'm treading water most of the time. I need a break I need rest from the relentlessness of the past. Today it feels too much, I know I'll get through it, I always do. But I'm tired, tired of battling to what seems no avail. "

This.

We always do. Somehow.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m needy and seek validation from others to boost my feelings of self worth! When I don’t get it, it can knock me sideways and makes me v insecure. I just want to be liked & wanted at the end of the day.

However I’m learning to accept that I am me, I’m perfectly imperfect and if that’s not appreciated or loved by others fuck em.

Much easier said than done and I doubt I’ll ever get to a point where I can accept rejection, or that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea & move on!"

Thanks for today x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many posts I want to reply to. To all those who are struggling, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many posts I want to reply to. To all those who are struggling, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through "

Thank you. Sometimes it really is the thought that counts..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A year ago today my fragile heart that I'd just managed to piece together again was broken by the first man I'd let myself fall for after my split the year previously. What hurt more was I was given no explanation as to why, he just cut all contact, I always be left in limbo as to what went wrong and what I did wrong. My heart is still in pieces one year on "

I never replied to your comment on another post. Yes it sucks not having a closure. So we need to give it to ourselves. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm tired of never being good enough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am facing one of the toughest challenges any parent could face and every parent fears but I AM facing it, I WILL face the monster eye to eye and I will NOT back down.

I have battled my natural instincts to protect and punish the perpetrator and I have given myself time to process this shocking secret.

I am now ready to stand strong next to my child, show resilience and help her to empower herself as we support her as a united family to seek justice.

NBVN x"

Hugs, I’ve been in that position myself x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear mum

Why, oh why, are you still best buds with that sadistic cruel man who put your children through hell for years with his physical and emotional abuse? You are the first to criticise our parenting choices if you think it will impact your grandchildren in a negative way, yet your continued association with the man who attacked your 15 year old son while he was asleep, called us cunts and bastards regularly, gave us the silent treatment for months at a time etc tells me we weren't worth protecting. I love you, but you were a shit parent. You showed me exactly how not to raise children."

Sometimes it's the best way to look at some people- I want to be nothing like you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am facing one of the toughest challenges any parent could face and every parent fears but I AM facing it, I WILL face the monster eye to eye and I will NOT back down.

I have battled my natural instincts to protect and punish the perpetrator and I have given myself time to process this shocking secret.

I am now ready to stand strong next to my child, show resilience and help her to empower herself as we support her as a united family to seek justice.

NBVN x"

Oh.. my heart goes out to your child and you. It's heartbreaking to read.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I feel like I’m becoming more hollow and less connected to the world around me everyday, and I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve tried helping others who are struggling too but feel like I’m having the opposite effect.

"

Build up yourself first. It doesn't work for everyone to be a pillar for others when your foundation is shaky.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The perfect day for it Rose.

I was due today and the pain never goes away.

They always live with you, 12 years ago this week I found out I was carrying my angel,

Sending you love xx"

I'm so sorry dear

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I'm so so sorry.

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By *ampshirehotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

Getting old sucks!!!! On the outside it doesn't look so bad but on the inside things are happening to me that I don't like!!! WTF!?!?!?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I amstruggling a little today "

What's up?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this finally the thread for my sushi joke?

Haha. Laughing through tears. Sort of. X go for it. I never say no to nonsense.

Okay. Here goes:

I despise virtue signally, social justice warriors who have done more to set back civil rights, gender equality and freedom of speech than any far right group outside, of 1930s Germany. I detest living in a world that vibrates with the fear of individuals to state an opinion or preference without offending someone, somewhere or being incorrectly categorised as an “ist” because it doesn’t suit their middle class narrative.

So these two Californian rolls walk into a bar....."

Too often there's far more division and arrogance coming from these types.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chafing?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm so so sorry."

I hope you feel better. I like writing it all out. X

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I'm too scared to attempt to heal the "right" way.

I'm afraid that the pain of therapy, the opening of wounds will be too much to take and I'll let down those that care about me by exiting this life before my natural time. I'm also afraid that I may try and it doesn't work. I thought it worked to a degree last time and ok, I didn't end up with someone who was physically abusive, but one who was more manipulative than I realised, who's truth was sprinkled with fairy dust.

I'm scared that I may end up with no hope at all, that all my avenues will be exhausted and I'm left with fuck all other than pain, shame, guilt and self loathing.

You see, it doesn't matter how many times you're told you aint to blame, you feel like you are responsible for at least some of it, coz you believed the crap you've been told. If you didn't, the situations would never have happened.

Problem is, not only do you not trust other people now, you've stopped trusting yourself to do what's best for you.

You can know something but not believe in it, and you can believe in something but not know it.

I don't believe I deserved the shit I've had thrown my way, but at the same time I don't know for a fact I didn't. I don't know there's not some higher force or purpose.

I want to be happy, of course I do, but now I'm afraid of it, so living in a state of depressive tendencies is uncomfortably comfortable. At least I know who that person is and that I'm not gonna fuck someone else's life up, or destroy my own even further, that I have morals and values that can't be shifted whilst I'm in this phase.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm too scared to attempt to heal the "right" way.

I'm afraid that the pain of therapy, the opening of wounds will be too much to take and I'll let down those that care about me by exiting this life before my natural time. I'm also afraid that I may try and it doesn't work. I thought it worked to a degree last time and ok, I didn't end up with someone who was physically abusive, but one who was more manipulative than I realised, who's truth was sprinkled with fairy dust.

I'm scared that I may end up with no hope at all, that all my avenues will be exhausted and I'm left with fuck all other than pain, shame, guilt and self loathing.

You see, it doesn't matter how many times you're told you aint to blame, you feel like you are responsible for at least some of it, coz you believed the crap you've been told. If you didn't, the situations would never have happened.

Problem is, not only do you not trust other people now, you've stopped trusting yourself to do what's best for you.

You can know something but not believe in it, and you can believe in something but not know it.

I don't believe I deserved the shit I've had thrown my way, but at the same time I don't know for a fact I didn't. I don't know there's not some higher force or purpose.

I want to be happy, of course I do, but now I'm afraid of it, so living in a state of depressive tendencies is uncomfortably comfortable. At least I know who that person is and that I'm not gonna fuck someone else's life up, or destroy my own even further, that I have morals and values that can't be shifted whilst I'm in this phase.

"

Is it a case of familiar hell being seemingly safer option than unknown heavenly realms of getting - possibly- better?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Chafing?"

Ouch! That is raw.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines


"I'm too scared to attempt to heal the "right" way.

I'm afraid that the pain of therapy, the opening of wounds will be too much to take and I'll let down those that care about me by exiting this life before my natural time. I'm also afraid that I may try and it doesn't work. I thought it worked to a degree last time and ok, I didn't end up with someone who was physically abusive, but one who was more manipulative than I realised, who's truth was sprinkled with fairy dust.

I'm scared that I may end up with no hope at all, that all my avenues will be exhausted and I'm left with fuck all other than pain, shame, guilt and self loathing.

You see, it doesn't matter how many times you're told you aint to blame, you feel like you are responsible for at least some of it, coz you believed the crap you've been told. If you didn't, the situations would never have happened.

Problem is, not only do you not trust other people now, you've stopped trusting yourself to do what's best for you.

You can know something but not believe in it, and you can believe in something but not know it.

I don't believe I deserved the shit I've had thrown my way, but at the same time I don't know for a fact I didn't. I don't know there's not some higher force or purpose.

I want to be happy, of course I do, but now I'm afraid of it, so living in a state of depressive tendencies is uncomfortably comfortable. At least I know who that person is and that I'm not gonna fuck someone else's life up, or destroy my own even further, that I have morals and values that can't be shifted whilst I'm in this phase.

"
I think you have just described near enough word for word how I feel, self doubt and guilt

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm intensely private with feelings so I can't find the way to put them on here.

Which makes me admire each and every one of you who have.

You are strong magnificent humans. "

So am I. Hence mine being so enigmatic. Still seems a lot to me. Everyone shares what they are comfortable with.

When you open up, you make yourself even more vulnerable in a way. Some can handle it better than others. Don't feel bad.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"I'm too scared to attempt to heal the "right" way.

I'm afraid that the pain of therapy, the opening of wounds will be too much to take and I'll let down those that care about me by exiting this life before my natural time. I'm also afraid that I may try and it doesn't work. I thought it worked to a degree last time and ok, I didn't end up with someone who was physically abusive, but one who was more manipulative than I realised, who's truth was sprinkled with fairy dust.

I'm scared that I may end up with no hope at all, that all my avenues will be exhausted and I'm left with fuck all other than pain, shame, guilt and self loathing.

You see, it doesn't matter how many times you're told you aint to blame, you feel like you are responsible for at least some of it, coz you believed the crap you've been told. If you didn't, the situations would never have happened.

Problem is, not only do you not trust other people now, you've stopped trusting yourself to do what's best for you.

You can know something but not believe in it, and you can believe in something but not know it.

I don't believe I deserved the shit I've had thrown my way, but at the same time I don't know for a fact I didn't. I don't know there's not some higher force or purpose.

I want to be happy, of course I do, but now I'm afraid of it, so living in a state of depressive tendencies is uncomfortably comfortable. At least I know who that person is and that I'm not gonna fuck someone else's life up, or destroy my own even further, that I have morals and values that can't be shifted whilst I'm in this phase.

"

I don’t really know you Peach, but I sometimes wish I could wave a magic wand for you to take that pain and hurt away from you. You are not to blame, in any way. You loved and you trusted. That’s all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But don’t let them take away your sparkle, they are not worth it. You’ve risen like a Phoenix from the ashes before and you’ll bloody well do so again, I have no doubt. Just keep putting one front of the other and hold your head up high and let life see the fiery glint of determination in your eyes.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Why am I never good enough for anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I wish I was confident enough to share my story, I never will be. They say it’s unhealthy to bottle it up, but I know most people could never understand... and fear of rejection is strong."

Bottling up is a coping mechanism. If it's too much.. might burst. But if its manageable ..even though not a long term solution.. it does help you to get through the day. Until you find trust in someone to share. Who will understand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The box I place my negativity in is getting too full to keep locking away, its bursting out more and more. Its rubbish, I feel rubbish, rubbish at parenting, rubbish at relationships, just so bloody rubbish.

I am not ok.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The box I place my negativity in is getting too full to keep locking away, its bursting out more and more. Its rubbish, I feel rubbish, rubbish at parenting, rubbish at relationships, just so bloody rubbish.

I am not ok. "

And scream. Or I'll sit on the lid of the box with you. That should do it x

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'm too scared to attempt to heal the "right" way.

I'm afraid that the pain of therapy, the opening of wounds will be too much to take and I'll let down those that care about me by exiting this life before my natural time. I'm also afraid that I may try and it doesn't work. I thought it worked to a degree last time and ok, I didn't end up with someone who was physically abusive, but one who was more manipulative than I realised, who's truth was sprinkled with fairy dust.

I'm scared that I may end up with no hope at all, that all my avenues will be exhausted and I'm left with fuck all other than pain, shame, guilt and self loathing.

You see, it doesn't matter how many times you're told you aint to blame, you feel like you are responsible for at least some of it, coz you believed the crap you've been told. If you didn't, the situations would never have happened.

Problem is, not only do you not trust other people now, you've stopped trusting yourself to do what's best for you.

You can know something but not believe in it, and you can believe in something but not know it.

I don't believe I deserved the shit I've had thrown my way, but at the same time I don't know for a fact I didn't. I don't know there's not some higher force or purpose.

I want to be happy, of course I do, but now I'm afraid of it, so living in a state of depressive tendencies is uncomfortably comfortable. At least I know who that person is and that I'm not gonna fuck someone else's life up, or destroy my own even further, that I have morals and values that can't be shifted whilst I'm in this phase.

Is it a case of familiar hell being seemingly safer option than unknown heavenly realms of getting - possibly- better? "

Yep. If it was a guarantee I'd go for it, but it ain't, and with the responsibility of maintaining going to work etc I can't afford to potentially get even more fucked.

I can't do my job with a sad face, it can be brutal even when I'm feeling strong, to try and face it whilst raw and vulnerable isn't something I can do. I ain't the sort of person that can walk in and switch off my emotions. I wish I was.

I've been doing research and in many cases it takes years of combination therapy and giving yourself breaks and whatnot to heal. I ain't got the money to take breaks away, I ain't got the willpower to attempt to heal and when I've got the menopause coming in the next however many years that's likely to make me think I'm losing my mind and all the rest that comes with it, it seems a pointless exercise that'll only harm me further.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel lucky for so many reasons right now, I'm generally happy and content. But I also feel tired... Tired of being tired because of my hidden illness, tired of other people's fuck ups that could have been avoided and still have what I term as 'doomsday 3' hanging over me.

Tired of the ex having issues with me any time he thinks or knows there's a man around.

Tired of the constant battles with the NHS to try and get me to a more well and better place. I know they are strained now but in the time before this it was still a battle.

But like I said I'm very lucky and I know what I have that I am truly grateful for. I would just to love to enjoy it more if the things I have hanging over me or the battles I'm having would just fuck off.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m so fed up of being/feeling ill. It’s been a year and I just want to feel and be better. Last night I had to stop and rest halfway up the stairs .

"

It's been so long. And one thing after another. And lots of waiting. You would eventually feel the weight of it on your mind too. And yet you carried on. And held my space so many times too. So thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This time last year I was a broken woman, broken beyond repair I thought. We can't control the damage people do but we can come back fighting. Eventually things got a little better and the days became a little brighter.

Everyone who is struggling I hope your okay and you get your ray of sunshine soon. You got this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The box I place my negativity in is getting too full to keep locking away, its bursting out more and more. Its rubbish, I feel rubbish, rubbish at parenting, rubbish at relationships, just so bloody rubbish.

I am not ok.

And scream. Or I'll sit on the lid of the box with you. That should do it x"

Thank you Rose, I'm needing that little bit of help there for sure. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll never know the person who violated me, nor the reason why. If it spared someone else that night, then I accept it as something I have survived and will move forward from. You stole a huge part of me and I don't know if I'll ever get that back. But you haven't defeated me. "

Sending you hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"a year ago this week, i made a decision that not only ruined my life, but nearly ended it, as well as ending another too.

you're trying to be fine and fein the smile and distract yourself even moreso than usual so you don't have the chance to even have a single thought enter your brain that could send you spiralling. But then you do. And you just need a hug and to be told everything will be alright.. but nobody cares. So you're back to carrying on like everything is fine.

i am not okay.

Px "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want to send a message of hope and love for all of those struggling on this thread, my inbox is open xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"a year ago this week, i made a decision that not only ruined my life, but nearly ended it, as well as ending another too.

you're trying to be fine and fein the smile and distract yourself even moreso than usual so you don't have the chance to even have a single thought enter your brain that could send you spiralling. But then you do. And you just need a hug and to be told everything will be alright.. but nobody cares. So you're back to carrying on like everything is fine.

i am not okay.

Px "

Sending you a big hug, people do care, I’m here if your ever want someone to chat to hun xx Natalie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My inbox is open too if anyone wants a friendly ear xx Always good to talk xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Is this finally the thread for my sushi joke?

Haha. Laughing through tears. Sort of. X go for it. I never say no to nonsense.

Okay. Here goes:

I despise virtue signally, social justice warriors who have done more to set back civil rights, gender equality and freedom of speech than any far right group outside, of 1930s Germany. I detest living in a world that vibrates with the fear of individuals to state an opinion or preference without offending someone, somewhere or being incorrectly categorised as an “ist” because it doesn’t suit their middle class narrative.

So these two Californian rolls walk into a bar....."

That did make sense though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've done this before. It might get heavy. Triggering for some. Step away if too much, please.

You've got this.

Say something raw. Get it out. Let it pour and sting. And reach out to someone if you think you can be their space keeper in their raw moment.

I have no strength left to carry on that particular battle.

"

Hope you are ok. Rainbows follow storms. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could i probly need to too but it wont really change anything id still wake up tomorrow thinking the same things i do everyday

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've done this before. It might get heavy. Triggering for some. Step away if too much, please.

You've got this.

Say something raw. Get it out. Let it pour and sting. And reach out to someone if you think you can be their space keeper in their raw moment.

I have no strength left to carry on that particular battle.

Hope you are ok. Rainbows follow storms. X "

Better now. Thanks to all above.

It felt like sitting together around fire and just letting everyone stand up, burn it out and be simply listened to. All the pain in ashes. Not all. But whatever extra one couldn't carry today by themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m so fed up of being/feeling ill. It’s been a year and I just want to feel and be better. Last night I had to stop and rest halfway up the stairs .

It's been so long. And one thing after another. And lots of waiting. You would eventually feel the weight of it on your mind too. And yet you carried on. And held my space so many times too. So thank you. "

You are so welcome, you did the same for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Uncooked meat

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Uncooked meat "

I found your post about helping autistic employee very raw. I didnt feel like I could have added anything to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Uncooked meat

I found your post about helping autistic employee very raw. I didnt feel like I could have added anything to it. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If I start, I might never stop. Much like you OP, the strength to keep fighting is waning day by day but I'll keep fighting because I have to, paint on the smile, face the world and cry in to my pillow.

Sending everyone a huge hug "

Painting the smile resonates. I lathered the make up and went for a long walk today. Worked.

And gosh if anyone invented waterproof pillows, they'll be millionaire.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I came back to say thank you..

If I haven't replied individually, please do know I read all and it helped me massively to get through a tough day. Knowing you are all amazing at battling each day despite of what might be eating you on the inside. Please carry on.

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By *-man24Man
over a year ago

northwest


"I came back to say thank you..

If I haven't replied individually, please do know I read all and it helped me massively to get through a tough day. Knowing you are all amazing at battling each day despite of what might be eating you on the inside. Please carry on. "

The title of the post was 100 percent true reading the posts was heartbreaking tearful and very inspirational the strength people show and compassion is beautiful love to all x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here goes...90% of the time I hate myself...when I'm on the forums its only 70% hate for myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

****My Cancer Battle****

I will never give up fighting this. I will fight it with all the strength I carry within me. Cancer is such an ugly word with a scary meaning but I need to keep up the battle or the result could be deadly. I don't know how I'm dealing with this, but I am, it sucks, it's awful but I won't let it win.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My heart breaks everyday

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Here goes...90% of the time I hate myself...when I'm on the forums its only 70% hate for myself "

And i hope you can work your way down that measurement!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"****My Cancer Battle****

I will never give up fighting this. I will fight it with all the strength I carry within me. Cancer is such an ugly word with a scary meaning but I need to keep up the battle or the result could be deadly. I don't know how I'm dealing with this, but I am, it sucks, it's awful but I won't let it win.

"

I don't know how you do it as well. I hope you punch it in a face, Dana x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My heart breaks everyday"

I wish I could glue it for you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I came back to say thank you..

If I haven't replied individually, please do know I read all and it helped me massively to get through a tough day. Knowing you are all amazing at battling each day despite of what might be eating you on the inside. Please carry on.

The title of the post was 100 percent true reading the posts was heartbreaking tearful and very inspirational the strength people show and compassion is beautiful love to all x"

a rite of passage thread I call it in my head.. sometimes you can't keep calm and carry on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/04/21 16:01:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I border insanity cut off my humanity i gave away my soul to a friend to look after

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