FabSwingers.com forum: How do you feel about

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"...black men?" I get that asked a lot. Do white men ask that too if they message someone who isn't Caucasian?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never think of asking that question. Maybe that's white privilege tho. I don't ask because I assume that I am ok

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never think of asking that question. Maybe that's white privilege tho. I don't ask because I assume that I am ok"

Could be !

And that sucks.

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

I dont

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is sad to see anyone who will use a single attribute to define themselves. I guess people will use anything they can to work an angle to get a meet.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

A friend of mine had been invited to my parents house and asked me if they'd mind that she's black. Imagine feeling you need to ask

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/04/21 10:22:40]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is sad to see anyone who will use a single attribute to define themselves. I guess people will use anything they can to work an angle to get a meet.

I'm not sure if I worded it well. I'm confused why there is a need to ask? And the phrase "do you mind" being used as well. It is saddening. "

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I have never raised a persons colour or my own when messaging them, nor would I. To me it is inconsequential. If I fancy someone, I fancy them.

anyway all women are the same colour when they are sat on your face....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably because they see a lot of WILL ONLY MEET WHITE PEOPLE on profiles.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Probably because they see a lot of WILL ONLY MEET WHITE PEOPLE on profiles. "

But mine doesn't say it. Hence they didn't read it. Hence I'm prone to delete.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Probably because they see a lot of WILL ONLY MEET WHITE PEOPLE on profiles.

But mine doesn't say it. Hence they didn't read it. Hence I'm prone to delete. "

And then I'm left thinking- that they will think I do have something against the race..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It is sad to see anyone who will use a single attribute to define themselves. I guess people will use anything they can to work an angle to get a meet.

I'm not sure if I worded it well. I'm confused why there is a need to ask? And the phrase "do you mind" being used as well. It is saddening. "

It's probably because a lot of profiles say "no black or Asian" and there is still, even now in the 21st century ingrained, institutional and societal racism

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have never raised a persons colour or my own when messaging them, nor would I. To me it is inconsequential. If I fancy someone, I fancy them.

anyway all women are the same colour when they are sat on your face.... "

Haha.. I laughed more than I should perhaps.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I dont"

Good for you.

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By *tephanjMan
over a year ago

Kettering

I have never asked about anything like that

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"Probably because they see a lot of WILL ONLY MEET WHITE PEOPLE on profiles. "

I never message people that say “black/bbc only” even if they message me first. It’s not their preference I object to, it’s their objectification. But then they say “I only like black men” when they are married/partnered with a white guy Sometimes this site baffles me.

But ho hum, I care not the colour of the fanny that I am munching on (except blue, no Smurf’s for me)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never raised a persons colour or my own when messaging them, nor would I. To me it is inconsequential. If I fancy someone, I fancy them.

anyway all women are the same colour when they are sat on your face.... "

Yep, and we're all the same colour when the lights go out....

It shouldn't matter and it's so sad in this day and age that it does.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

It isn't something I have ever asked, or considered,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it heartbreaking that such a question is asked, we are all one race. The human race. Quirks of UV light and geographical factors in our ancestry are arbitrary divisions created when human were less consciously aware. We are all one and each of us a unique expression of the Divine. It is time for all to feel welcome.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"It is sad to see anyone who will use a single attribute to define themselves. I guess people will use anything they can to work an angle to get a meet.

I'm not sure if I worded it well. I'm confused why there is a need to ask? And the phrase "do you mind" being used as well. It is saddening.

It's probably because a lot of profiles say "no black or Asian" and there is still, even now in the 21st century ingrained, institutional and societal racism "

That’s very true.

Heaven forbid that you try to challenge or point it out though

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Probably because they see a lot of WILL ONLY MEET WHITE PEOPLE on profiles.

But ho hum, I care not the colour of the fanny that I am munching on (except blue, no Smurf’s for me) "

I agree.

I find that fetishisation of a specific physical quality can be problematic in any form

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Probably because they see a lot of WILL ONLY MEET WHITE PEOPLE on profiles.

But ho hum, I care not the colour of the fanny that I am munching on (except blue, no Smurf’s for me)

I agree.

I find that fetishisation of a specific physical quality can be problematic in any form"

Personal preference is problematic?

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Probably because they see a lot of WILL ONLY MEET WHITE PEOPLE on profiles.

But ho hum, I care not the colour of the fanny that I am munching on (except blue, no Smurf’s for me)

I agree.

I find that fetishisation of a specific physical quality can be problematic in any form"

That could apply to many things. Someone daring to address me as milf upon finding out I happen to have children.. makes me want to pull my hair out.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Probably because they see a lot of WILL ONLY MEET WHITE PEOPLE on profiles.

But ho hum, I care not the colour of the fanny that I am munching on (except blue, no Smurf’s for me)

I agree.

I find that fetishisation of a specific physical quality can be problematic in any form

Personal preference is problematic?"

Did I say preference?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too? "

What like no bi etc?

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It’s very odd isn’t it, same with posts about race play , what a horrible term but it’s a real thing particularly outside the cities when swinging tends to be very very white

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc? "

Yes

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I had to laugh when a black man messaged me saying I know you don't meet black men etc...

I wasn't sure if he was messing around as I had at least 4 verifications from black men, and was trying to be funny, or hadn't bothered looking at my profile.

I've been asked a lot if I would meet a black man.

It is sad that people feel they should have to ask.

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By *iscreet-is-paramountMan
over a year ago

somewhere only we know.

If women or couples only want to meet black men, it's because it's a fetish like anything else. But stating BBC I find odd. Not all black men have a large tinkle stick. If it was a common myth they all had small.ones, they wouldn't state that. I'd like more black women but that isn't gonna happen Any time soon.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I had to laugh when a black man messaged me saying I know you don't meet black men etc...

I wasn't sure if he was messing around as I had at least 4 verifications from black men, and was trying to be funny, or hadn't bothered looking at my profile.

I've been asked a lot if I would meet a black man.

It is sad that people feel they should have to ask. "

Yes that the other angle to it. Not reading! They just liked your pics it seems.

Yes. Why do they want to know as well? They could just get a generic rejection! Or who knows.. a message to continue. Would really like to know..

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes"

To be honest I’ve never seen a mans profile saying no bi. I just don’t see a need to put certain things on a profile that can be seen as controversial. I know what I like and what I don’t like, i don’t think it needs to be announced publicly. It’s just common sense to me.

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never raised a persons colour or my own when messaging them, nor would I. To me it is inconsequential. If I fancy someone, I fancy them.

anyway all women are the same colour when they are sat on your face.... "

I think this is pretty much sums up everything. I have a preference in men and usually I pretty much go for Caucasian guys. Having said that I have felt attraction to some hot black guys and also mixed. Like if attraction is there , why the heck not?

Like I have a preference for really tall guys, but I had amazing sex with shorter guys.

I think tho completely dismissing a race is borderline racist. As said, in the whole wide world, how is it possible to dismiss attraction to one person? It’s a preconception. U may have a preference but it’s way different than dismissing a whole race blindingly.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I had to laugh when a black man messaged me saying I know you don't meet black men etc...

I wasn't sure if he was messing around as I had at least 4 verifications from black men, and was trying to be funny, or hadn't bothered looking at my profile.

I've been asked a lot if I would meet a black man.

It is sad that people feel they should have to ask. "

Yes, agreed. The statement in itself doesn't deserve an eyeroll, it's a sad state of affairs that they need to open with such a message.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I had to laugh when a black man messaged me saying I know you don't meet black men etc...

I wasn't sure if he was messing around as I had at least 4 verifications from black men, and was trying to be funny, or hadn't bothered looking at my profile.

I've been asked a lot if I would meet a black man.

It is sad that people feel they should have to ask.

Yes, agreed. The statement in itself doesn't deserve an eyeroll, it's a sad state of affairs that they need to open with such a message."

You misunderstood me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It annoys me.

Nowhere on my profile does it mention colour or race.

I dont look for a particular colour or race, yet you just bought colour into the equation.

Whatever your reason, I dont like to answer the question so just delete

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although I'm brown, I've never felt the need to ask anything regarding my race as I prefer to believe it's a non-factor with people I speak to and that it should be based in physical appearance and personality.

If they do reject me for the colour of my skin, I'd rather they lie to me so that I don't think about it being a factor more and more

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some. "

And that Nora is the nub of it. There is no need at all to put a preference for a persons skin colour/race/ethnicity on your profile, if someone messages you and you don’t fancy them, just delete it.

As for beards, they can be shaved off. So putting “no beards” gives the lady the opportunity to shave it off

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Although I'm brown, I've never felt the need to ask anything regarding my race as I prefer to believe it's a non-factor with people I speak to and that it should be based in physical appearance and personality.

If they do reject me for the colour of my skin, I'd rather they lie to me so that I don't think about it being a factor more and more

Thanks for the input. I wouldn't like to think of it either if someone said that to me... In fact it happened to me once outside of fab. I'll never forget that.

"You are perfect! Only if you were black.."

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some.

As for beards, they can be shaved off. So putting “no beards” gives the lady the opportunity to shave it off "

Haha. I’m not shaving my beard off for anyone!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't meet people who use their race as their USP.

I meet people I like. They can be black, blue, brown, or a little bit pink! If I like you, its not because of your colour.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some.

As for beards, they can be shaved off. So putting “no beards” gives the lady the opportunity to shave it off

Haha. I’m not shaving my beard off for anyone! "

Then it’s a “no” from me, happy fabbing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't meet people who use their race as their USP.

I meet people I like. They can be black, blue, brown, or a little bit pink! If I like you, its not because of your colour."

Or despite of it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some.

As for beards, they can be shaved off. So putting “no beards” gives the lady the opportunity to shave it off "

I know beards are not related to the original post. I find it equally disappointing if a man will shave/grow a beard to improve chances of meeting, in the same way a woman shouldn't have to wax to get approval or meets.

Expressing a preference is fine, trying to change yourself to meet that preference sounds a bit desperate.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

It's something I get asked a fair bit and I never know how to reply in all honesty. And if I do reply I more often than not get asked if I want to be a snowbunny. Then I totally feel uncomfortable and then I leave the conversation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some.

As for beards, they can be shaved off. So putting “no beards” gives the lady the opportunity to shave it off

Expressing a preference is fine, trying to change yourself to meet that preference sounds a bit desperate. "

That's perhaps a good material for another thread in itself. Not that I mind discussing it here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's something I get asked a fair bit and I never know how to reply in all honesty. And if I do reply I more often than not get asked if I want to be a snowbunny. Then I totally feel uncomfortable and then I leave the conversation. "

I stopped replying. I'm still uncomfortable. Hence the post.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some.

As for beards, they can be shaved off. So putting “no beards” gives the lady the opportunity to shave it off

Expressing a preference is fine, trying to change yourself to meet that preference sounds a bit desperate. "

Oh absolutely. I would never expect anyone to change themselves for me. I certainly wouldn’t. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some.

As for beards, they can be shaved off. So putting “no beards” gives the lady the opportunity to shave it off

Expressing a preference is fine, trying to change yourself to meet that preference sounds a bit desperate.

That's perhaps a good material for another thread in itself. Not that I mind discussing it here.

"
That is a good topic now you mention it...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some.

As for beards, they can be shaved off. So putting “no beards” gives the lady the opportunity to shave it off

Expressing a preference is fine, trying to change yourself to meet that preference sounds a bit desperate.

That's perhaps a good material for another thread in itself. Not that I mind discussing it here.

That is a good topic now you mention it..."

Do it!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

" Yes, agreed. The statement in itself doesn't deserve an eyeroll, it's a sad state of affairs that they need to open with such a message.

You misunderstood me. "

Ah I read from the bottom up and didn't see the part about you wording it poorly. That will teach me to not just read the OP and the final few posts.

That being said I agree with Nicecouple. Perhaps it is an angle, perhaps it is a reflection of society and worries.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I mean. I see a lot of “no baldies” which you know, is fine, there is fuck all I can do about it (I tried the dead squirrel approach, but they go a bit manky after a few days and I decimated the population around here).

It’s something I can’t change about myself ,but there you go. If people want to be explicit in their dislike of it, okay. One of the main reasons why I don’t message first is I genuinely cannot keep up with all the preferences these days.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Yes, agreed. The statement in itself doesn't deserve an eyeroll, it's a sad state of affairs that they need to open with such a message.

You misunderstood me.

Ah I read from the bottom up and didn't see the part about you wording it poorly. That will teach me to not just read the OP and the final few posts.

That being said I agree with Nicecouple. Perhaps it is an angle, perhaps it is a reflection of society and worries."

Yes. Never good to rush with a critique.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I stopped replying. I'm still uncomfortable. Hence the post. "

I'm getting to that point with me. To me personally I feel like I need to say I don't care about your skin colour, so it starts a conversation and then they fetishize mine. Then I really don't know what the heck I'm supposed to say. Think it's difficult so many different factors involved

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I stopped replying. I'm still uncomfortable. Hence the post.

That's just it! What on earth am I supposed to say without being pulled into conversation I simply don't want. Regardless of what skin you are blessed with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they do reject me for the colour of my skin, I'd rather they lie to me so that I don't think about it being a factor more and more

Thanks for the input. I wouldn't like to think of it either if someone said that to me... In fact it happened to me once outside of fab. I'll never forget that.

"You are perfect! Only if you were black.." "

Yeah, that's a genuine WTF moment because what are their expectations in saying that comment? I genuinely can't get my head around that

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If they do reject me for the colour of my skin, I'd rather they lie to me so that I don't think about it being a factor more and more

Thanks for the input. I wouldn't like to think of it either if someone said that to me... In fact it happened to me once outside of fab. I'll never forget that.

"You are perfect! Only if you were black.."

Yeah, that's a genuine WTF moment because what are their expectations in saying that comment? I genuinely can't get my head around that

The worst was it was said in front of other people. Heh. The silence in the room.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

" Yes, agreed. The statement in itself doesn't deserve an eyeroll, it's a sad state of affairs that they need to open with such a message.

You misunderstood me.

Ah I read from the bottom up and didn't see the part about you wording it poorly. That will teach me to not just read the OP and the final few posts.

That being said I agree with Nicecouple. Perhaps it is an angle, perhaps it is a reflection of society and worries.

Yes. Never good to rush with a critique. "

It wasn't a critique, much like the other replies in the thread it was a statement of opinion, agreeing with another poster.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I stopped replying. I'm still uncomfortable. Hence the post.

That's just it! What on earth am I supposed to say without being pulled into conversation I simply don't want. Regardless of what skin you are blessed with. "

Exactly this if I delete, I don't want them thinks it's because of skin colour. But on the other hand if I don't find them attractive then I don't and don't want to get sucked in. Sometimes it's hard to know what is for the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stopped replying. I'm still uncomfortable. Hence the post.

That's just it! What on earth am I supposed to say without being pulled into conversation I simply don't want. Regardless of what skin you are blessed with. "

You're probably best to say absolutely nothing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never raised a persons colour or my own when messaging them, nor would I. To me it is inconsequential. If I fancy someone, I fancy them.

anyway all women are the same colour when they are sat on your face....

Yep, and we're all the same colour when the lights go out....

It shouldn't matter and it's so sad in this day and age that it does."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some.

As for beards, they can be shaved off. So putting “no beards” gives the lady the opportunity to shave it off

Expressing a preference is fine, trying to change yourself to meet that preference sounds a bit desperate.

That's perhaps a good material for another thread in itself. Not that I mind discussing it here.

That is a good topic now you mention it...

Do it! "

Done.

Cha-cha-cha changes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I stopped replying. I'm still uncomfortable. Hence the post.

That's just it! What on earth am I supposed to say without being pulled into conversation I simply don't want. Regardless of what skin you are blessed with.

You're probably best to say absolutely nothing "

I'll stick with that. But I thought it would be good to address.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they do reject me for the colour of my skin, I'd rather they lie to me so that I don't think about it being a factor more and more

Thanks for the input. I wouldn't like to think of it either if someone said that to me... In fact it happened to me once outside of fab. I'll never forget that.

"You are perfect! Only if you were black.."

Yeah, that's a genuine WTF moment because what are their expectations in saying that comment? I genuinely can't get my head around that

The worst was it was said in front of other people. Heh. The silence in the room. "

I think silence was probably the best case scenario after that

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

Does that extend to sexualities too?

What like no bi etc?

Yes

Having said that I’ve always had no beards on mine so maybe it’s a bit hypocritical as that could offend some.

As for beards, they can be shaved off. So putting “no beards” gives the lady the opportunity to shave it off

Expressing a preference is fine, trying to change yourself to meet that preference sounds a bit desperate.

That's perhaps a good material for another thread in itself. Not that I mind discussing it here.

That is a good topic now you mention it...

Do it!

Done.

Cha-cha-cha changes"

I do like prompting threads

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Probably because they see a lot of WILL ONLY MEET WHITE PEOPLE on profiles.

But mine doesn't say it. Hence they didn't read it. Hence I'm prone to delete.

And then I'm left thinking- that they will think I do have something against the race..

I mean they will have seen it on other profiles and also had nasty replies screeching "no xyz!!" So they are tentatively asking if you are ok with it to avoid getting an abusive reply.

Even if a profile doesn't say 'no xyz' people can still get abusive.

I don't mean you do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Probably because they see a lot of WILL ONLY MEET WHITE PEOPLE on profiles.

But mine doesn't say it. Hence they didn't read it. Hence I'm prone to delete.

And then I'm left thinking- that they will think I do have something against the race..

I mean they will have seen it on other profiles and also had nasty replies screeching "no xyz!!" So they are tentatively asking if you are ok with it to avoid getting an abusive reply.

Even if a profile doesn't say 'no xyz' people can still get abusive.

I don't mean you do.

I wish they didn't feel like they had to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""...black men?" I get that asked a lot. Do white men ask that too if they message someone who isn't Caucasian?!

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By *iss.ddWoman
over a year ago

Leeds + Newcastle

I get asked a lot and it makes me feel uncomfortable, especially if I politely declined them for other reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I personally don’t like to see no blacks, whites, Asians or white only, black only etc on profiles. Totally puts me off no matter what their reason.

You only see me when lonely and I'm all out of beer

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