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By *roop69 OP   Man
over a year ago

St Columb Major

I know I’m opening up a bomb but why is it that if a married guy comes on here without his wife knowing he’s a cheater unless you know his reasons everyone should be able to do what we all are on here for.what’s peoples views

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I don’t have a problem with married men being here at all but whatever the reasons if your spouse doesn’t know you’re still cheating!

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

Sometimes questions are better not asked.

For the record my view is currently of my back garden, the blue tits and pigeons are busy this morning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My view is if you shout publicly about it, you'll meet a lot of opposition

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone has their own life off of here, sometimes its better left at that. I mean at the end of the day sex is sex

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"My view is if you shout publicly about it, you'll meet a lot of opposition "

I agree. Just do what you do. None of anyone else’s business as long as you’re honest with anyone you are looking to potentially meet. These posts make it everyone else’s business though.

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By *roop69 OP   Man
over a year ago

St Columb Major

Thanks for everyone’s views just frustrated that I get called a cheater that’s all stay safe everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you throw yourself to the wolves, your gonna get bitten Im afraid. Personally, me or anyone else on here can never know what is going on in a person's life. Married people have various reasons for being on here, people should withhold judgement until they have walked in their shoes.

Do I agree with cheating? No.. Would I cheat myself? No but it's not my place to beat anyone with a moral stick. As long as your honest about it to your playmate, they will decide if it's ok with them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes questions are better not asked.

For the record my view is currently of my back garden, the blue tits and pigeons are busy this morning. "

You get tits in your garden this early of a morning ? Tits are still in bed in this household

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By *randmrsc30Couple
over a year ago

East Riding

I don’t want to meet anyone who I know is cheating I’ve been cheated on and it really hurt, but if you didn’t tell me I wouldn’t know. If you put it out there many people won’t like it but it’s your life in the end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not just men who cheat. There are married women cheating too.

Why do we call them cheaters? It's because they are cheating. The reasons may be genuine. But it's still cheating.

If your wife cheated on you and you felt your world fall apart the betrayal left you with a hole in your world, then you would feel differently about it I'm sure.

I could have cheated. My wife had no idea about this app or formal swinging. But I spent time talking to her and respecting her views. And after a few years she decided she wanted to try it too. So we did.

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By *usty kayWoman
over a year ago

Burnham


"Thanks for everyone’s views just frustrated that I get called a cheater that’s all stay safe everyone."

Maybe it’s the guilt you can’t deal with? There are all sorts of reasons people come on here and not everyone cheats but if your wife doesn’t know then you know it would upset or hurt her otherwise you would tell her. That in itself makes being on here akin to cheating even if you never meet. You will always get called out for it if you publicly announce it in the forum. Whatever your reasons are are for you to know but you can’t expect everyone to just understand them or participate in something that would hurt another person.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.


"Sometimes questions are better not asked.

For the record my view is currently of my back garden, the blue tits and pigeons are busy this morning.

You get tits in your garden this early of a morning ? Tits are still in bed in this household "

I think it’s the early chill that makes them blue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for everyone’s views just frustrated that I get called a cheater that’s all stay safe everyone."

But you are tho right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes questions are better not asked.

For the record my view is currently of my back garden, the blue tits and pigeons are busy this morning.

You get tits in your garden this early of a morning ? Tits are still in bed in this household

I think it’s the early chill that makes them blue. "

Blue , pink..... makes no difference to me

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"I know I’m opening up a bomb but why is it that if a married guy comes on here without his wife knowing he’s a cheater unless you know his reasons everyone should be able to do what we all are on here for.what’s peoples views"

Society will judge you for cheating OP and here’s a little secret for you; fab members are also members of that same society. The only difference being is that they are liberal with their perspectives on sex, they aren’t necessarily liberal with their views on people that lie to their partners.

Swinging is based on trust, it is challenging to trust people that openly admit to lying (to their partners)

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Thanks for everyone’s views just frustrated that I get called a cheater that’s all stay safe everyone."

Well much as you may dislike it, if you’re here without your partner’s knowledge, then you are a cheater.

I’m sorry if you’re offended by the truth of a matter.

I’m sure that thieves, murderers and fraudsters get a bit touchy about being called so but it doesn’t change what they are.

If you’re sensitive about being called it, perhaps you shouldn’t cheat

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"I know I’m opening up a bomb but why is it that if a married guy comes on here without his wife knowing he’s a cheater unless you know his reasons everyone should be able to do what we all are on here for.what’s peoples views"

Ask his wife how she feels about whether he's a cheater or not.

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

How often does this topic come up now? every other day or so...

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By *ememberTheNameMan
over a year ago

barnsley

Wrong things done for the right reasons are still wrong things ...

I’ve met quite a few people though this site with really positive/good morals

I don’t think they have an issue with you being here it’s the lying to your partner they have an issue with

That’s my take on the situation anyways best of luck

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"My view is if you shout publicly about it, you'll meet a lot of opposition "

And the Lord said; Ask, and ye shall receive.....

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"Thanks for everyone’s views just frustrated that I get called a cheater that’s all stay safe everyone.

Well much as you may dislike it, if you’re here without your partner’s knowledge, then you are a cheater.

I’m sorry if you’re offended by the truth of a matter.

I’m sure that thieves, murderers and fraudsters get a bit touchy about being called so but it doesn’t change what they are.

If you’re sensitive about being called it, perhaps you shouldn’t cheat"

I think your comparisons are a bit much to be honest

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village


"Sometimes questions are better not asked.

For the record my view is currently of my back garden, the blue tits and pigeons are busy this morning. "

Enjoy the tits!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do the thieves, murderers and fraudsters get touchy about being called this things, because they know thats what they are, so it begs the question, Do you get sensitive, about being called a cheater! As deep down you feel like you are?

As often the truth hurts the most!! just a thought to consider Op..

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.


"Sometimes questions are better not asked.

For the record my view is currently of my back garden, the blue tits and pigeons are busy this morning.

Enjoy the tits!"

I do. It’s always good to see the cocks hopping about being busy too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes questions are better not asked.

For the record my view is currently of my back garden, the blue tits and pigeons are busy this morning.

Enjoy the tits!

I do. It’s always good to see the cocks hopping about being busy too. "

Without the tits knowledge tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well to call a spade a spade you are a cheater and many dont like to get involved in that.

Surely it should be obvious as to why?

I wont willingly take part in it (sometimes you just dont know)

I prefer my men single or in a consenting swinging couple thanks

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By *oItForYorkshireCouple
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Well to call a spade a spade you are a cheater and many dont like to get involved in that.

Surely it should be obvious as to why?

I wont willingly take part in it (sometimes you just dont know)

I prefer my men single or in a consenting swinging couple thanks"

Miss xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met and dated married women.

They like horse desert orchid.

Old, grey and love a jump.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't often judge people. I do believe that I should walk a mile in your shoes before judging you.

This is one of my blindspots tho. Swinging with consent is so liberating. I can't stress how much fun it is to not have to hide or worry. It's a hard conversation but you can talk to your wife about it and she might surprise you.

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By *heekyeyesMan
over a year ago

Southampton


"I don’t want to meet anyone who I know is cheating I’ve been cheated on and it really hurt, but if you didn’t tell me I wouldn’t know. If you put it out there many people won’t like it but it’s your life in the end. "

Mrs is looking beautiful

Honestly if I would be into a relationship I would cheat with her

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

OP what is your definition of cheating?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

It's cheating, if they are having sexual relations with other women; regardless of circumstances.

Some people won't care that he is married, some will.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Op the married guys who keep quiet about it are usually the most successful. Some of the most popular contributors to the forum are here without their partners permission but they generally only mention it on their profile.

You will be judged its human nature. Often though our harshest judges are ourselves

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Just adding drama to a meet some like it most do not as they may have been hurt and are unwilling to hurt someone for bit of fun..

Still cheating have a honest conversation with your wife .

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

If the cap fits...

I wouldn't get involved with a married man, the deceit, lies, drama are not what I need in my life!

Even if they'd had consent from the wife, it still wouldn't sit right with me.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Thanks for everyone’s views just frustrated that I get called a cheater that’s all stay safe everyone.

Well much as you may dislike it, if you’re here without your partner’s knowledge, then you are a cheater.

I’m sorry if you’re offended by the truth of a matter.

I’m sure that thieves, murderers and fraudsters get a bit touchy about being called so but it doesn’t change what they are.

If you’re sensitive about being called it, perhaps you shouldn’t cheat

I think your comparisons are a bit much to be honest"

I’m not drawing comparisons between the acts, just negative labels.

My point still stands though, if you dislike being called a cheater, don’t be one

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why....

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Dont have a problem with married men on here! Would not knowingly meet one

! In reality they would make the perfect f buddy! As have no expectations of my time! But it's just a case of not being part of any deception! X

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

People can do as they wish, but if someone is willing to dupe someone they claim to be their nearest and dearest, then I'm not expecting openness and honesty with a random fuck partner.

For us we like a chemistry with other people and to have a level of trust impacts that chemistry for us.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I don't judge people who see other people behind their partner's back - I just do not ever want to be part of any deception and as such I get a bit irritated when people justify their action.

Do it or don't do it, but don't make yourself a "victim" of your situation by giving reasons as to why you are cheating.

And do let me know if you are in a relationship/ marriage because I want to have that choice of being complicit or not.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

.

Quite often the subject of why is it ok for women on here to cheat and not men comes up, I don't think people see it as any different to be honest. But has there ever once been a thread from a woman on here trying to gain sympathy or trying to justify their cheating they tend to just get on with it and accept some will meet them and some won't.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Quite often the subject of why is it ok for women on here to cheat and not men comes up, I don't think people see it as any different to be honest. But has there ever once been a thread from a woman on here trying to gain sympathy or trying to justify their cheating they tend to just get on with it and accept some will meet them and some won't."

There have been one of two threads started by women. They usually get a very different response. Not from everyone, there are a few who are consistent in their views. Overall though the general feeling is that if a woman cheats it's the man's fault and if a man cheats it's the man's fault. Unless you're my mother then everything a man does wrong is his wife or his mother's fault

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"Quite often the subject of why is it ok for women on here to cheat and not men comes up, I don't think people see it as any different to be honest. But has there ever once been a thread from a woman on here trying to gain sympathy or trying to justify their cheating they tend to just get on with it and accept some will meet them and some won't."

I’ve been around here for about 10 years. I have never seen a thread entitled “why won’t men meet me when I say I am married - signed A woman”

It’s a little duplicitous because single men love the married men threads (and trust me, we single men do) we get to “out” another man and reduce the male/female imbalance by one (woopdedoo) (insert eye rolling emoji here) yet the truth is, most of the fellas saying it was heinous to cheat, would turn a blind eye if a woman told them they were cheating.

Fab morals are best served with a pinch of salt, else they tend to get stuck in your throat.

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

Discretion ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheating is cheating. Don’t care how they justify it. We wouldn’t ever knowingly meet anyone that is.

J

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

My aim in life is to meet a cheating lady who can squirt

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Op if someone is on here behind a partners back(male or female) , they are cheating, that's a fact I'm afraid.

Yes you may have what you think are good reasons, not everyone will agree with you though.

Just concentrate on the people who will meet you, not moaning about those who won't.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Quite often the subject of why is it ok for women on here to cheat and not men comes up, I don't think people see it as any different to be honest. But has there ever once been a thread from a woman on here trying to gain sympathy or trying to justify their cheating they tend to just get on with it and accept some will meet them and some won't.

I’ve been around here for about 10 years. I have never seen a thread entitled “why won’t men meet me when I say I am married - signed A woman”

It’s a little duplicitous because single men love the married men threads (and trust me, we single men do) we get to “out” another man and reduce the male/female imbalance by one (woopdedoo) (insert eye rolling emoji here) yet the truth is, most of the fellas saying it was heinous to cheat, would turn a blind eye if a woman told them they were cheating.

Fab morals are best served with a pinch of salt, else they tend to get stuck in your throat. "

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed


"Quite often the subject of why is it ok for women on here to cheat and not men comes up, I don't think people see it as any different to be honest. But has there ever once been a thread from a woman on here trying to gain sympathy or trying to justify their cheating they tend to just get on with it and accept some will meet them and some won't.

There have been one of two threads started by women. They usually get a very different response. Not from everyone, there are a few who are consistent in their views. Overall though the general feeling is that if a woman cheats it's the man's fault and if a man cheats it's the man's fault. Unless you're my mother then everything a man does wrong is his wife or his mother's fault "

I think that is because the audience for those two threads tends to be quite different.

Men cheating threads tend to attract, people who are either pro or anti cheaters.

Women cheating threads (although fewer in number) tend to attract pro and anti cheater people, but also people hoping to get some action.

I'm not sure many men starting cheating threads get open offers to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are married ladies on here so why not?

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Plenty of married guys messsge me

Sorry not for me

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Why tell everyone? Just pop it on profile and let folk decide for themselves. No drama.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Why is a packet of biscuits called a packet of biscuits? Coz a packet of biscuits IS a packet of biscuits.

It ain't that difficult to grasp surely?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well your post doesn’t really make sense

you have asked why someone who is the definition of cheating , is called a cheater - that should be fairly obvious , because they are cheating

if what you really mean is why are they judged without people knowing their reasons , well thats just life - people have opinions on stuff , different moral viewpoints, past experience sometimes hurtful that drives those opinions - if you want to partake in cheating nobody on here can stop you but you have to be prepared to meet some opposition as its never going to be something that everyone is happy to stand by and observe quietly

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"Why tell everyone? Just pop it on profile and let folk decide for themselves. No drama."
.this x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why...."

i think you might be able to very easily detach sex and a relationship by the sounds of it which is why you see it the way you do

for most people , love , sex, the relationship, the life, kids finances are all much more tangled up than that and people usually find it much harder to strip that back and say ok we will stay connected in this vein only and the others just go away now

that isn’t a justification for cheating at all, just my take on why others don’t see just changing the parameters of a relationship as quite that easy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

all i would see, how would you feel if things were the other way round, if you are happy with that then ok, if not then dont

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you’re on here without a partners knowledge or consent then it’s cheating. Whether you find it acceptable or not is a different debate.

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By *irtylittletramp100TV/TS
over a year ago

Notts


"Why is a packet of biscuits called a packet of biscuits? Coz a packet of biscuits IS a packet of biscuits.

It ain't that difficult to grasp surely? "

so whats a jaffa cake? lol is it a cheese biscuit or a cheese wafer?

there will be situations that arent easy to navigate!

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why....

i think you might be able to very easily detach sex and a relationship by the sounds of it which is why you see it the way you do

for most people , love , sex, the relationship, the life, kids finances are all much more tangled up than that and people usually find it much harder to strip that back and say ok we will stay connected in this vein only and the others just go away now

that isn’t a justification for cheating at all, just my take on why others don’t see just changing the parameters of a relationship as quite that easy "

Understood however the justification for cheating is given to strangers and not to the most important person; their partner. If the justification “stood up” and was acceptable, logical and fair then surely their partner would understand too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why....

i think you might be able to very easily detach sex and a relationship by the sounds of it which is why you see it the way you do

for most people , love , sex, the relationship, the life, kids finances are all much more tangled up than that and people usually find it much harder to strip that back and say ok we will stay connected in this vein only and the others just go away now

that isn’t a justification for cheating at all, just my take on why others don’t see just changing the parameters of a relationship as quite that easy

Understood however the justification for cheating is given to strangers and not to the most important person; their partner. If the justification “stood up” and was acceptable, logical and fair then surely their partner would understand too? "

nope i disagree , for most, love and relationships don’t just exist inside the guidelines of logical and fair , in fact i think the heart is very rarely logical and fair (and i mean the heart not the libido - referring to the relationship not the fling on the side)

again not a justification for cheating, not in the slightest, i just think your personal position on relationships has allowed you to oversimplify them way more than others are able to

i completely agree the partner is the person that deserves the truth and honesty and reasons like you say, i just see the outcome probably being quite different to what you originally describe

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

.


"Quite often the subject of why is it ok for women on here to cheat and not men comes up, I don't think people see it as any different to be honest. But has there ever once been a thread from a woman on here trying to gain sympathy or trying to justify their cheating they tend to just get on with it and accept some will meet them and some won't.

There have been one of two threads started by women. They usually get a very different response. Not from everyone, there are a few who are consistent in their views. Overall though the general feeling is that if a woman cheats it's the man's fault and if a man cheats it's the man's fault. Unless you're my mother then everything a man does wrong is his wife or his mother's fault

I think that is because the audience for those two threads tends to be quite different.

Men cheating threads tend to attract, people who are either pro or anti cheaters.

Women cheating threads (although fewer in number) tend to attract pro and anti cheater people, but also people hoping to get some action.

I'm not sure many men starting cheating threads get open offers to meet. "

Probably not, but I bet they were hoping it might get them a few lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you imagine if the wife found out, got hold of his fab account and associated messages, if she read the verifications? Saw the photos on the profiles of the verifications, the hotlist profiles and so on?

How would she feel? How much would it destroy her and her self confidence? How much would it turn her world upsidedown?

What if the verification or profile or messages were mine? I'd be the source of her pain as well as him.

I don't want to do that to any woman. It doesn't matter what I look like or what the messages or pics showed, she would be broken either way. I don't want it to be because of my existence.

So for that reason I stay away from married men.

Don't get me wrong I get why some stray, I get why dome can't voice what they need and go elsewhere, I get why people also stay in relationships that maybe they shouldn't. I just wouldn't want to be involved.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I know I’m opening up a bomb but why is it that if a married guy comes on here without his wife knowing he’s a cheater unless you know his reasons everyone should be able to do what we all are on here for.what’s peoples views"

People have enough of their own dramas to care about those of casuals meets. Who needs the drama of married people when there are scores of singles around?

Add to that there's an air of entitlement shown by married men. If people don't want to meet you they don't owe you an explanation, move on! Married women just get on with it without drawing attention to themselves.

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village


"...

Don't get me wrong I get why some stray, I get why dome can't voice what they need and go elsewhere, I get why people also stay in relationships that maybe they shouldn't. I just wouldn't want to be involved. "

This is exactly our stance.

We don't much care what folks do in their lives, we're all adults, we just don't want the added hassle it could bring.

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By *irtylittletramp100TV/TS
over a year ago

Notts


"...

Don't get me wrong I get why some stray, I get why dome can't voice what they need and go elsewhere, I get why people also stay in relationships that maybe they shouldn't. I just wouldn't want to be involved.

This is exactly our stance.

We don't much care what folks do in their lives, we're all adults, we just don't want the added hassle it could bring."

married can be good for that very reason, they dont want to make trouble, they want it secret, singles have nothing to lose.... i love you...

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley


"Sometimes questions are better not asked.

For the record my view is currently of my back garden, the blue tits and pigeons are busy this morning.

You get tits in your garden this early of a morning ? Tits are still in bed in this household "

In my filthier younger days, once when a male colleague came to my house I said to him "Come and look at the tits on this bit of stuff out at the back".

Excited and ogle ready, he followed me to see a deserted fat ball hanging from a garden support.

"Oh, they've flown away" I added, disappointedly.

He, of course subsequently played the same trick on another hypersexed friend.

I will add that, nowadays, I would not refer to anyone as a 'bit of stuff'. Neither would my ex colleague. Our equal opportunities minded employer ran flagship courses to successfully alter such crass perceptions.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"...

Don't get me wrong I get why some stray, I get why dome can't voice what they need and go elsewhere, I get why people also stay in relationships that maybe they shouldn't. I just wouldn't want to be involved.

This is exactly our stance.

We don't much care what folks do in their lives, we're all adults, we just don't want the added hassle it could bring.

married can be good for that very reason, they dont want to make trouble, they want it secret, singles have nothing to lose.... i love you..."

Oh no, they may not want trouble, but fuck me that's exactly what's coming if the partner finds out.

And well deserved too.

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village


"...

Don't get me wrong I get why some stray, I get why dome can't voice what they need and go elsewhere, I get why people also stay in relationships that maybe they shouldn't. I just wouldn't want to be involved.

This is exactly our stance.

We don't much care what folks do in their lives, we're all adults, we just don't want the added hassle it could bring.

married can be good for that very reason, they dont want to make trouble, they want it secret, singles have nothing to lose.... i love you...

Oh no, they may not want trouble, but fuck me that's exactly what's coming if the partner finds out.

And well deserved too."

Last thing we want is a knock on the door...or brick through the window

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
over a year ago

south coast IOW


"Why is a packet of biscuits called a packet of biscuits? Coz a packet of biscuits IS a packet of biscuits.

It ain't that difficult to grasp surely? "

I totally love how you have worded this xxxx

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire


"Thanks for everyone’s views just frustrated that I get called a cheater that’s all stay safe everyone."

Why would you feel frustrated about being called what you are, it's not an opinion, it is by you're own admission, a fact.

You don't seem to be too concerned about your wife's feelings, but on here crying about your own hurt feelings!

Jeez, some people

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why....

i think you might be able to very easily detach sex and a relationship by the sounds of it which is why you see it the way you do

for most people , love , sex, the relationship, the life, kids finances are all much more tangled up than that and people usually find it much harder to strip that back and say ok we will stay connected in this vein only and the others just go away now

that isn’t a justification for cheating at all, just my take on why others don’t see just changing the parameters of a relationship as quite that easy

Understood however the justification for cheating is given to strangers and not to the most important person; their partner. If the justification “stood up” and was acceptable, logical and fair then surely their partner would understand too?

nope i disagree , for most, love and relationships don’t just exist inside the guidelines of logical and fair , in fact i think the heart is very rarely logical and fair (and i mean the heart not the libido - referring to the relationship not the fling on the side)

again not a justification for cheating, not in the slightest, i just think your personal position on relationships has allowed you to oversimplify them way more than others are able to

i completely agree the partner is the person that deserves the truth and honesty and reasons like you say, i just see the outcome probably being quite different to what you originally describe "

In my mind. Cheating and deception are both forms of control. There is no equality in their relationship and therefore one is controlling the other. If they were honest, they would give their partner equality through truth.

People that cheat, should leave the relationship. You can/may accuse me of over-simplifying things but to imply that there is any justification to lying rather than just a desire to control someone else’s actions so that it benefits you and you alone is create a layer of complexity that only exists in the cheaters mind, that layer called “justification”.

If they told their partner, 2-1 their partner wouldn’t see the situation as complex at all, but rather simple. “You’ve lied to me, you’ve put my sexual health at risk, you have done what you damn well choose, without treating me with any respect, please leave”.

You can add as many complexities as you like to that but I should imagine a fair percentage of people would kick the cheater out. If that doesn’t tell you that the complexes are moot, I don’t know what would.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why....

i think you might be able to very easily detach sex and a relationship by the sounds of it which is why you see it the way you do

for most people , love , sex, the relationship, the life, kids finances are all much more tangled up than that and people usually find it much harder to strip that back and say ok we will stay connected in this vein only and the others just go away now

that isn’t a justification for cheating at all, just my take on why others don’t see just changing the parameters of a relationship as quite that easy

Understood however the justification for cheating is given to strangers and not to the most important person; their partner. If the justification “stood up” and was acceptable, logical and fair then surely their partner would understand too?

nope i disagree , for most, love and relationships don’t just exist inside the guidelines of logical and fair , in fact i think the heart is very rarely logical and fair (and i mean the heart not the libido - referring to the relationship not the fling on the side)

again not a justification for cheating, not in the slightest, i just think your personal position on relationships has allowed you to oversimplify them way more than others are able to

i completely agree the partner is the person that deserves the truth and honesty and reasons like you say, i just see the outcome probably being quite different to what you originally describe

In my mind. Cheating and deception are both forms of control. There is no equality in their relationship and therefore one is controlling the other. If they were honest, they would give their partner equality through truth.

People that cheat, should leave the relationship. You can/may accuse me of over-simplifying things but to imply that there is any justification to lying rather than just a desire to control someone else’s actions so that it benefits you and you alone is create a layer of complexity that only exists in the cheaters mind, that layer called “justification”.

If they told their partner, 2-1 their partner wouldn’t see the situation as complex at all, but rather simple. “You’ve lied to me, you’ve put my sexual health at risk, you have done what you damn well choose, without treating me with any respect, please leave”.

You can add as many complexities as you like to that but I should imagine a fair percentage of people would kick the cheater out. If that doesn’t tell you that the complexes are moot, I don’t know what would. "

Exactly.

Was I given the choice to accept chlamydia or not? Nope. Would I have had unprotected sex with my ex if I knew he was fucking around behind my back? Nope.

I got more than "just" my trust betrayed, I got more than "just" my head fucked with due to all the lies.

I got more than "just" PTSD.

He was an abusive cunt anyway, and having that over me would have no doubt made him feel all the more powerful.

It is about control as far as I'm concerned. Controlling the narrative with a web of deception. I also feel it's theft, because it's allowing their partner to continue investing (emotionally, financially) in something that's not the truth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why....

i think you might be able to very easily detach sex and a relationship by the sounds of it which is why you see it the way you do

for most people , love , sex, the relationship, the life, kids finances are all much more tangled up than that and people usually find it much harder to strip that back and say ok we will stay connected in this vein only and the others just go away now

that isn’t a justification for cheating at all, just my take on why others don’t see just changing the parameters of a relationship as quite that easy

Understood however the justification for cheating is given to strangers and not to the most important person; their partner. If the justification “stood up” and was acceptable, logical and fair then surely their partner would understand too?

nope i disagree , for most, love and relationships don’t just exist inside the guidelines of logical and fair , in fact i think the heart is very rarely logical and fair (and i mean the heart not the libido - referring to the relationship not the fling on the side)

again not a justification for cheating, not in the slightest, i just think your personal position on relationships has allowed you to oversimplify them way more than others are able to

i completely agree the partner is the person that deserves the truth and honesty and reasons like you say, i just see the outcome probably being quite different to what you originally describe

In my mind. Cheating and deception are both forms of control. There is no equality in their relationship and therefore one is controlling the other. If they were honest, they would give their partner equality through truth.

People that cheat, should leave the relationship. You can/may accuse me of over-simplifying things but to imply that there is any justification to lying rather than just a desire to control someone else’s actions so that it benefits you and you alone is create a layer of complexity that only exists in the cheaters mind, that layer called “justification”.

If they told their partner, 2-1 their partner wouldn’t see the situation as complex at all, but rather simple. “You’ve lied to me, you’ve put my sexual health at risk, you have done what you damn well choose, without treating me with any respect, please leave”.

You can add as many complexities as you like to that but I should imagine a fair percentage of people would kick the cheater out. If that doesn’t tell you that the complexes are moot, I don’t know what would. "

i think we might have misunderstood each other , i am not trying to justify cheating , have said that multiple times , and your posts didn’t read to me like leave the relationship, i read it as just tell them where your head is at and you can probably change your relationship into something else - that was the part i think is more complex - i don’t think for many relationships can evolve to something else - they are either everything or nothing

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why....

i think you might be able to very easily detach sex and a relationship by the sounds of it which is why you see it the way you do

for most people , love , sex, the relationship, the life, kids finances are all much more tangled up than that and people usually find it much harder to strip that back and say ok we will stay connected in this vein only and the others just go away now

that isn’t a justification for cheating at all, just my take on why others don’t see just changing the parameters of a relationship as quite that easy

Understood however the justification for cheating is given to strangers and not to the most important person; their partner. If the justification “stood up” and was acceptable, logical and fair then surely their partner would understand too?

nope i disagree , for most, love and relationships don’t just exist inside the guidelines of logical and fair , in fact i think the heart is very rarely logical and fair (and i mean the heart not the libido - referring to the relationship not the fling on the side)

again not a justification for cheating, not in the slightest, i just think your personal position on relationships has allowed you to oversimplify them way more than others are able to

i completely agree the partner is the person that deserves the truth and honesty and reasons like you say, i just see the outcome probably being quite different to what you originally describe

In my mind. Cheating and deception are both forms of control. There is no equality in their relationship and therefore one is controlling the other. If they were honest, they would give their partner equality through truth.

People that cheat, should leave the relationship. You can/may accuse me of over-simplifying things but to imply that there is any justification to lying rather than just a desire to control someone else’s actions so that it benefits you and you alone is create a layer of complexity that only exists in the cheaters mind, that layer called “justification”.

If they told their partner, 2-1 their partner wouldn’t see the situation as complex at all, but rather simple. “You’ve lied to me, you’ve put my sexual health at risk, you have done what you damn well choose, without treating me with any respect, please leave”.

You can add as many complexities as you like to that but I should imagine a fair percentage of people would kick the cheater out. If that doesn’t tell you that the complexes are moot, I don’t know what would.

i think we might have misunderstood each other , i am not trying to justify cheating , have said that multiple times , and your posts didn’t read to me like leave the relationship, i read it as just tell them where your head is at and you can probably change your relationship into something else - that was the part i think is more complex - i don’t think for many relationships can evolve to something else - they are either everything or nothing "

My apologies. I was trying to articulate “tongue in cheek” why not have your cake and eat it. Poorly done, for that I apologise. It’s such an emotive subject, I’m always a little baffled when guys come on here and say. “I’m cheating, why won’t people meet me”. It’s obvious to me, at least.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why....

i think you might be able to very easily detach sex and a relationship by the sounds of it which is why you see it the way you do

for most people , love , sex, the relationship, the life, kids finances are all much more tangled up than that and people usually find it much harder to strip that back and say ok we will stay connected in this vein only and the others just go away now

that isn’t a justification for cheating at all, just my take on why others don’t see just changing the parameters of a relationship as quite that easy

Understood however the justification for cheating is given to strangers and not to the most important person; their partner. If the justification “stood up” and was acceptable, logical and fair then surely their partner would understand too?

nope i disagree , for most, love and relationships don’t just exist inside the guidelines of logical and fair , in fact i think the heart is very rarely logical and fair (and i mean the heart not the libido - referring to the relationship not the fling on the side)

again not a justification for cheating, not in the slightest, i just think your personal position on relationships has allowed you to oversimplify them way more than others are able to

i completely agree the partner is the person that deserves the truth and honesty and reasons like you say, i just see the outcome probably being quite different to what you originally describe

In my mind. Cheating and deception are both forms of control. There is no equality in their relationship and therefore one is controlling the other. If they were honest, they would give their partner equality through truth.

People that cheat, should leave the relationship. You can/may accuse me of over-simplifying things but to imply that there is any justification to lying rather than just a desire to control someone else’s actions so that it benefits you and you alone is create a layer of complexity that only exists in the cheaters mind, that layer called “justification”.

If they told their partner, 2-1 their partner wouldn’t see the situation as complex at all, but rather simple. “You’ve lied to me, you’ve put my sexual health at risk, you have done what you damn well choose, without treating me with any respect, please leave”.

You can add as many complexities as you like to that but I should imagine a fair percentage of people would kick the cheater out. If that doesn’t tell you that the complexes are moot, I don’t know what would.

i think we might have misunderstood each other , i am not trying to justify cheating , have said that multiple times , and your posts didn’t read to me like leave the relationship, i read it as just tell them where your head is at and you can probably change your relationship into something else - that was the part i think is more complex - i don’t think for many relationships can evolve to something else - they are either everything or nothing

My apologies. I was trying to articulate “tongue in cheek” why not have your cake and eat it. Poorly done, for that I apologise. It’s such an emotive subject, I’m always a little baffled when guys come on here and say. “I’m cheating, why won’t people meet me”. It’s obvious to me, at least. "

no apology necessary, i often put stuff down that i think is saying one thing and people read it another way - the dangers of text only forums

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why....

i think you might be able to very easily detach sex and a relationship by the sounds of it which is why you see it the way you do

for most people , love , sex, the relationship, the life, kids finances are all much more tangled up than that and people usually find it much harder to strip that back and say ok we will stay connected in this vein only and the others just go away now

that isn’t a justification for cheating at all, just my take on why others don’t see just changing the parameters of a relationship as quite that easy

Understood however the justification for cheating is given to strangers and not to the most important person; their partner. If the justification “stood up” and was acceptable, logical and fair then surely their partner would understand too?

nope i disagree , for most, love and relationships don’t just exist inside the guidelines of logical and fair , in fact i think the heart is very rarely logical and fair (and i mean the heart not the libido - referring to the relationship not the fling on the side)

again not a justification for cheating, not in the slightest, i just think your personal position on relationships has allowed you to oversimplify them way more than others are able to

i completely agree the partner is the person that deserves the truth and honesty and reasons like you say, i just see the outcome probably being quite different to what you originally describe

In my mind. Cheating and deception are both forms of control. There is no equality in their relationship and therefore one is controlling the other. If they were honest, they would give their partner equality through truth.

People that cheat, should leave the relationship. You can/may accuse me of over-simplifying things but to imply that there is any justification to lying rather than just a desire to control someone else’s actions so that it benefits you and you alone is create a layer of complexity that only exists in the cheaters mind, that layer called “justification”.

If they told their partner, 2-1 their partner wouldn’t see the situation as complex at all, but rather simple. “You’ve lied to me, you’ve put my sexual health at risk, you have done what you damn well choose, without treating me with any respect, please leave”.

You can add as many complexities as you like to that but I should imagine a fair percentage of people would kick the cheater out. If that doesn’t tell you that the complexes are moot, I don’t know what would. "

I usually find myself agreeing with you on most things. But it really isn’t that black and white. They may not be putting sexual health at risk. Not it they’re not having sex at home. There could be an ill partner, there could be so so much you don’t know. I’ve said before, I met a married men and his situation was absolutely heartbreaking and I totally get why he didn’t leave/tell her. Not all married people on here are scum, I don’t deny that some are but I won’t accept they all are. I know I’m probably in the minority with that opinion but I totally stand by it.

My only problem is if they don’t tell me they are married. Be honest to whoever you are chatting to on here or potentially meeting so they can make an informed decision. Other than that it is absolutely no business of anyone else’s why you are here. These constant threads just don’t help. You need to expect to be slated by posting these threads. I don’t know why people don’t just get on with it and stop worrying what Joe Public thinks.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..


"

I usually find myself agreeing with you on most things. But it really isn’t that black and white. They may not be putting sexual health at risk. Not it they’re not having sex at home. There could be an ill partner, there could be so so much you don’t know. I’ve said before, I met a married men and his situation was absolutely heartbreaking and I totally get why he didn’t leave/tell her. Not all married people on here are scum, I don’t deny that some are but I won’t accept they all are. I know I’m probably in the minority with that opinion but I totally stand by it.

My only problem is if they don’t tell me they are married. Be honest to whoever you are chatting to on here or potentially meeting so they can make an informed decision. Other than that it is absolutely no business of anyone else’s why you are here. These constant threads just don’t help. You need to expect to be slated by posting these threads. I don’t know why people don’t just get on with it and stop worrying what Joe Public thinks. "

I totally agree with Nora here. As long as people are honest before a meet then I’m fine with it.

We are so accepting of some things on here, we’re not allowed to judge folk or ‘shame’ folk for so many things but it never seems to apply to this, even though some of the things that. people are accepting of are illegal.

Lots of people say they won’t meet attached people but they do, even though they say something different on the forums and on their profiles. There are couples right here that swing together but also cheat. I’m not sure who gets the moral high ground.

There are many reasons you can question someone’s morals on here, most of society would question everyone’s on a site like this.

To the OP, it is a fact from what you say, that you are cheating. Why you need to seek permission, advice or acceptance from others, I’m not really sure. Just enjoy fab in the way that suits you but be honest with people you meet. It’s all about informed choice

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley


"... I also feel it's theft, because it's allowing their partner to continue investing (emotionally, financially) in something that's not the truth."

A very sobering thought, which more should consider, now that it has been pointed out.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton


"I’ve never really understood cheating if I’m honest and to me it feels like a form of control “I can do what I want without telling you, so you carry on believing that everything is okay and don’t look elsewhere”

It seems a little childlike. If you have to stay together (although why you would want to I do not know) for the sake of the kids, cultural reasons, finances etc. Then tell your partner that, for the look of the thing, you are doing that. Give them a choice too.

I’ve been cheated on, when I found out i was “so we can see other people? Cool”, strangely the relationship was ended by me saying that, I wonder why....

i think you might be able to very easily detach sex and a relationship by the sounds of it which is why you see it the way you do

for most people , love , sex, the relationship, the life, kids finances are all much more tangled up than that and people usually find it much harder to strip that back and say ok we will stay connected in this vein only and the others just go away now

that isn’t a justification for cheating at all, just my take on why others don’t see just changing the parameters of a relationship as quite that easy

Understood however the justification for cheating is given to strangers and not to the most important person; their partner. If the justification “stood up” and was acceptable, logical and fair then surely their partner would understand too?

nope i disagree , for most, love and relationships don’t just exist inside the guidelines of logical and fair , in fact i think the heart is very rarely logical and fair (and i mean the heart not the libido - referring to the relationship not the fling on the side)

again not a justification for cheating, not in the slightest, i just think your personal position on relationships has allowed you to oversimplify them way more than others are able to

i completely agree the partner is the person that deserves the truth and honesty and reasons like you say, i just see the outcome probably being quite different to what you originally describe

In my mind. Cheating and deception are both forms of control. There is no equality in their relationship and therefore one is controlling the other. If they were honest, they would give their partner equality through truth.

People that cheat, should leave the relationship. You can/may accuse me of over-simplifying things but to imply that there is any justification to lying rather than just a desire to control someone else’s actions so that it benefits you and you alone is create a layer of complexity that only exists in the cheaters mind, that layer called “justification”.

If they told their partner, 2-1 their partner wouldn’t see the situation as complex at all, but rather simple. “You’ve lied to me, you’ve put my sexual health at risk, you have done what you damn well choose, without treating me with any respect, please leave”.

You can add as many complexities as you like to that but I should imagine a fair percentage of people would kick the cheater out. If that doesn’t tell you that the complexes are moot, I don’t know what would.

I usually find myself agreeing with you on most things. But it really isn’t that black and white. They may not be putting sexual health at risk. Not it they’re not having sex at home. There could be an ill partner, there could be so so much you don’t know. I’ve said before, I met a married men and his situation was absolutely heartbreaking and I totally get why he didn’t leave/tell her. Not all married people on here are scum, I don’t deny that some are but I won’t accept they all are. I know I’m probably in the minority with that opinion but I totally stand by it.

My only problem is if they don’t tell me they are married. Be honest to whoever you are chatting to on here or potentially meeting so they can make an informed decision. Other than that it is absolutely no business of anyone else’s why you are here. These constant threads just don’t help. You need to expect to be slated by posting these threads. I don’t know why people don’t just get on with it and stop worrying what Joe Public thinks. "

I was going to delight the massive quote, but I am afraid bone idleness got the better of me, so apologies for that.

It’s okay by me that your opinion is different Nora, it’s well constructed and articulated. I am a very black and white man I am afraid. So much is indeed lost in the twilight between, nuance, context, rationale. However, living a lie, for whatever reason, for me, will be a life not worth living.

Whether it was me being the cheater or cheated upon, at some point, the apple will ripen and fall from the tree, better to pick the apple whilst it’s memory is sweet, than watch it rot on the stalk and drop, wasp ridden, to split upon the ground.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Delight “delete”.... long day x

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By *nique_GymMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

The interesting aspect for me in this is always how the OP would think and feel ‘if’ he found his wife or significant other on here or indeed having a relationship behind his back.

The majority of men I know who are on here that are with someone justify it by saying things like their wife going off sex is a reason, she isn’t kinky enough etc. When in reality she might be struggling to bring the children up, working full time etc. But that is overlooked because ‘he needs sex’ So in my humble opinion it’s often a high degree of selfishness on the part of the man on here - because after all his needs must be met, and having a wank isn’t enough!

Only my humble opinion so peace and love xx

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By *eventysixCouple
over a year ago

glossop

Honestly is the best policy. Cheating shouldn't be a thing if both sexes can be honest with each other

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

If its behind someone's back then its cheating regardless of the reasons... I dont judge.. I just don't want to meet or play with anyone playing behind their partners back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you’re seeing people without your other half knowing them it’s cheating and you are a cheater. There is no 2 ways about it.

I don’t want to be involved with cheaters so I don’t meet them. I have been unfortunate enough to be involved with 2 men who I found out after the fact were married and didn’t tell me. I did not appreciate that, if I’d known I wouldn’t have done there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""

What she did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Exactly.

Was I given the choice to accept chlamydia or not? Nope. Would I have had unprotected sex with my ex if I knew he was fucking around behind my back? Nope.

I got more than "just" my trust betrayed, I got more than "just" my head fucked with due to all the lies.

I got more than "just" PTSD.

He was an abusive cunt anyway, and having that over me would have no doubt made him feel all the more powerful.

It is about control as far as I'm concerned. Controlling the narrative with a web of deception. I also feel it's theft, because it's allowing their partner to continue investing (emotionally, financially) in something that's not the truth."

This is exactly right. The bit about theft is the most perfect description I’ve heard too.

I don’t think people have any idea sometimes the devastation cheating can leave behind.

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