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Dear Matron, you won't believe this but....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

An old girlfriend of mine was training to be a nurse. Each week she got a nursing magazine which had at the back of it a page for, mainly, A+E staff to write in and tell all the readers about the unusual things that happened, and also some of the excuses the patients came up with...

One day she asked me to read one such letter which told the following tale...

"A chap turned up late one night at A+E complaining of a pain in his genitalia. He was almost incapable of standing and was helped on to a trolley and taken into a cubicle where a senior nurse started to remove his clothing. When she removed his underwear, she found a large wad of bandages with blood seeping through, being clutched to his cock.

After a LOT of persuading, he relinquished his grip and allowed her to gently remove the 'bandages'... to find the end of his cock completely shredded and haemoraging severly.

She sedated him quickly and he was taken to theatre to have what reconstructive surgery they could manage.

When he came back the Matron decided she was going to 'get to the bottom of this'... When asked how he came to have such injuries, he insisted that he 'fell down the stairs'... Matron was having NONE of that! She got him pumped full of something to 'loosen his tongue' and came back when he felt more like talking.

He finally revealed that his boyfriend had let him down that night, and he was in desperate need to a blow job. He looked around his flat and decided that his old cylinder vacuum cleaner would do the job. He removed the hose, plugged it in, worked himself up to a hard-on and stuck his old man in the end of the cleaner. He then switched on.....

He couldn't get it out before the rotating aluminium disc which creates the suction, had accelerated to about 2000rpm, and its vanes had made mincemeat of the last two inches of his erect cock.......

And the moral of this story is........ ???? Hoovers and Hard-ons DON'T mix!!! Lol!

So, what's your best 'excuse for an injury' story you've ever heard, or used....????

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's probably more common than we think, it sounds excruciating! Don't think Dyson do a cock attachment yet, so maybe it's dieing off now?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Remember the builder who had been enjoying himself?

''A HOSPITAL builder has been sacked after being caught having sex with a Henry the hoover.

The Polish contractor – who was supposed to be locking up the site – was found naked and on his knees with the smiling cleaner in the staff canteen.

The shameless builder later told bosses he was vacuuming his underwear – “a common practice in Poland”.

Guess he was in the right place, at a hospital, should things have gone the wrong way though, so maybe smarter than we'd guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OMG dont know what to say but poor man get well soon xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

while i was at work my flat mate got her boyfriend over 4 sum fun ,they was havin sex in the bath wen at crucial moment her muscles clamped him gud n hard ,,as i came home i heard shouts from b,room help ,,i put my head rnd door ,n just threw towel n a sheet over them n called firebrigade 2 explain wot was wrong ,pulled plug out ,fire crew lifted them both out with the sheet n took b,room window out 2 get em on to a turntable ladder lift ,n take em 2 hospital,,they had 2 go to theatre 2 b released ,,,

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By *acreadCouple
over a year ago

central scotland

Read a book once called the real A&Ein America some of the stories were sad and some hiarious.

One couple were taken to caualty the woman with a bleeding head and the guy with a bleeding cock they had ben celebrating an annivesrary at a restuarant and the lady decided to get under the table and give him a blowjob but she took a siezure and bit into his cock her teeth clenched tight he being in agony picked up a fork and started stabbing her in the head to try and get her to release.

Then there was the man with a dog under his coat but thats another story.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"

Then there was the man with a dog under his coat but thats another story."

Was it a Shih Tzu?

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By *acreadCouple
over a year ago

central scotland

Cant remember it may weel have been but it was a small dog anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i remember a case many years ago in our local village where and couple having an affair were having sex in her car down a country lane

The thing is, he was a big guy and had a heart attack and sadly died on top of her. She couldnt move him cos she was a petite lady and were found the next morning by a woman walking her dog.

The fire brigade had to cut the top off the car and as he was as stiff as a board, (pardon the pun) they had to be seperated at hospital.

they were both local councillers too and caused a bit of a stir...

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

We had a paramedic give us a First Aid course and he said you`d be suprised at the number of men that have accidents in the bathroom and end up "falling on their electric toothbrush" which nearly always seems to end up wedged in their back passage! How humiliating it must be to be carried face down on a stretcher with a mysterious lump in the blanket!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guarantee that every bloke who read that crossed their legs.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

best excuse ever?

a no thanks from a female one time..I mean...seriously..what an excuse...fuckin chicken..probably fake too

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By *ethany10Couple
over a year ago

falkirk

I have some good stories from when I was a paramedic lol

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