FabSwingers.com forum: I don't want to ... talk about it ...

By *ntrepid Explorers OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

I know this is a bit... meta... or something, but does anyone else get frustrated by the number of discussions people seem intent on shutting down by saying it's pointless talking about it, or it's none of your business?

People join forums to discuss things, because they find them interesting. I like discussing how people work, potential motivations, dynamics... helps people see different perspectives on the landscape in this world as with the rest of life.

But some people seem intent on denying the validity of conversations outright. "Just scroll on. Just block the profile"... No, people have the right to talk about things they find interesting. If you don't think it's a valid conversation, why not put your words into action and just ignore it? Leave the people who like discussing things to discuss them.

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By *ostonJoeMan
over a year ago

Boston

Nope. It can be very entertaining.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

Every person's view is valid to the poster when they type.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Every person's view is valid to the poster when they type."

Do you mean that the view of "your interest in this subject is invalid" is a meaningful contribution?

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I think that in many cases "This isn't an issue" or "We shouldn't be talking about this" with reasoning is still a valid opinion on the subject under discussion. Saying people shouldn't say that seems like a double standard to me.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I think that in many cases "This isn't an issue" or "We shouldn't be talking about this" with reasoning is still a valid opinion on the subject under discussion. Saying people shouldn't say that seems like a double standard to me. "

Well what's an example away from sex..? Is a discussion on which vaccine you'd prefer to have a valid place to say that COVID-19 is a scam? I'd suggest not. Conversations have their starting premises, which seem reasonable to need to work within.

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By *hat BlokeMan
over a year ago

Harrogate

I think some people believe they have the right to direct the narrative of how others think, but they do not have the articulation or grammar to generate a persuasive argument. Hence they try to shut the discussion down.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

"Every person's view is valid to the poster when they type.

Do you mean that the view of "your interest in this subject is invalid" is a meaningful contribution?"

To the person posting it is. Once you open a thread, you can't demand all positive and like minded responses.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Everyone has a differing opinion or perspective and open and honest conversation is a great way to discuss yours.

I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but my thoughts and responses are valid to me whether I agree or disagree with someone, and I am quite happy to defend them, but I will take other people's opinions on board.

There are certain personal things I won't discuss, so I don't comment and move on. That is my choice and that is the beauty of the forums

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By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

How you broke my heart ...

I now have the peskie song in my head , thank you OP

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

How you broke my heart ...

I now have the peskie song in my head , thank you OP

Saame

I think it depends - sometimes it's useful, sometimes it's detailing.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

How you broke my heart ...

I now have the peskie song in my head , thank you OP

Saame

I think it depends - sometimes it's useful, sometimes it's detailing."

Derailing

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Sometimes though, in the opinion of the person saying it, blocking or ignoring is the best thing for the person to do for their own sake. So in some ways it is part of the discussion. There are a lot of people who become very frustrated by things they can't change and I think on some cases it's a way of pointing that out.

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Sometimes though, in the opinion of the person saying it, blocking or ignoring is the best thing for the person to do for their own sake. So in some ways it is part of the discussion. There are a lot of people who become very frustrated by things they can't change and I think on some cases it's a way of pointing that out."

Yes, I see that angle, although I suppose it's down to the replier to get that perspective across as an encouragment rather than a dismissal?

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By *ntrepid Explorers OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

How you broke my heart ...

I now have the peskie song in my head , thank you OP

Saame

What can I say except "You're Welcome"?

I think it depends - sometimes it's useful, sometimes it's detailing."

I suppose so, maybe it's too fine a detail to make black and white.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes, I see that angle, although I suppose it's down to the replier to get that perspective across as an encouragment rather than a dismissal?"

Yeah, I see that. Having your legitimate concern dismissed is pretty galling.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Sometimes it can be fun to thread bomb....but I draw the line at ridiculing what I see as a legitimate serious theme

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know this is a bit... meta... or something, but does anyone else get frustrated by the number of discussions people seem intent on shutting down by saying it's pointless talking about it, or it's none of your business?

It's a place for discussion. Everyone has different opinions. Adults can disagree on one thing and agree on something else.

Children get angry when people disagree with them. Saying they shouldn't be discussing something is just their way of self soothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is an issue that rears it’s head a lot in the virus and politics forums tbh. Lots of people shouting others down or being outright insulting and providing nothing in the way of a coherent counter point to something someone has said or shared. Say something spicy and everyone likes to jump on and stick the boot in, very few people take the time to engage and ask why the poster has those opinions or perspective.

Frustrating really. I’m a big believer in sunlight being the best disinfectant for bad ideas myself. Talk instead of shouting. Listen instead of waiting for your turn to speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once a thread has been started then there is no control on how the thread will play out.

If it starts to become malicious then a mod will shut it down or time out the person(s) posting it.

As long as the posts are within forum rules then it is valid. And sometimes the more interesting threads are the ones which shoot of at an unexpected tanget.

(all of the above is just what I think. Other opinions are available.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5 years ago I was a clam. I shared no personal information while at the same time I was known as a great conversationalist and an excellent listener.

Basically I asked a lot of questions and made the conversation all about you so you wouldn't know I wasn't telling you fuck all about me.

Now I am post therapy. I overshare. And its horrible.

Being vulnerable and exposed can be like waiting for someone to slide a knife into your side. You know the pain is coming and there is nothing you can do about it except wait.

So I can understand why people don't want to get into some topics. Vulnerability is best shared with people you trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"5 years ago I was a clam. I shared no personal information while at the same time I was known as a great conversationalist and an excellent listener.

Basically I asked a lot of questions and made the conversation all about you so you wouldn't know I wasn't telling you fuck all about me.

Now I am post therapy. I overshare. And its horrible.

Being vulnerable and exposed can be like waiting for someone to slide a knife into your side. You know the pain is coming and there is nothing you can do about it except wait.

So I can understand why people don't want to get into some topics. Vulnerability is best shared with people you trust.

Do you think the therapy made you want to talk about yourself more? Floodgates opened?

Asking people about themselves is a great way to avoid questions about yourself. Distraction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"5 years ago I was a clam. I shared no personal information while at the same time I was known as a great conversationalist and an excellent listener.

Basically I asked a lot of questions and made the conversation all about you so you wouldn't know I wasn't telling you fuck all about me.

Now I am post therapy. I overshare. And its horrible.

Being vulnerable and exposed can be like waiting for someone to slide a knife into your side. You know the pain is coming and there is nothing you can do about it except wait.

So I can understand why people don't want to get into some topics. Vulnerability is best shared with people you trust.

Do you think the therapy made you want to talk about yourself more? Floodgates opened?

Asking people about themselves is a great way to avoid questions about yourself. Distraction. "

Yes and no.

The shame I felt about what happened to me is lessened. It wasn't my fault. So I can talk about it. And if I can talk about that then I can talk about other things. And it's a slippery slope. The problem is I can throw around triggering concepts and ideas and that is unfair on others.

Also therapy is all about me talking about me. It's a healthy habit that can get out of control.

Finally if I want you to understand me, I need to let you know me.

I can say therapy is good and you can read my words and understand. But if I tell you how much it worked you can understand better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"5 years ago I was a clam. I shared no personal information while at the same time I was known as a great conversationalist and an excellent listener.

Basically I asked a lot of questions and made the conversation all about you so you wouldn't know I wasn't telling you fuck all about me.

Now I am post therapy. I overshare. And its horrible.

Being vulnerable and exposed can be like waiting for someone to slide a knife into your side. You know the pain is coming and there is nothing you can do about it except wait.

So I can understand why people don't want to get into some topics. Vulnerability is best shared with people you trust.

Do you think the therapy made you want to talk about yourself more? Floodgates opened?

Asking people about themselves is a great way to avoid questions about yourself. Distraction.

Yes and no.

Also therapy is all about me talking about me. It's a healthy habit that can get out of control.

Finally if I want you to understand me, I need to let you know me.

I can say therapy is good and you can read my words and understand. But if I tell you how much it worked you can understand better."

Mainly positive then.

I understand about the triggering others though. Agree that's not fair.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Unless you have something constructive to add what’s the point joining in .... attention ?

I mean just copying an entire post and saying ‘This’ with nothing to add, is another example in my opinion. It adds nothing new, it’s boring. Even witty replies should make some kind of point

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By *akjourneyMan
over a year ago

Weston

Unfortunately some people only seek confirmation bias- any other narrative or concept is inconceivable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unless you have something constructive to add what’s the point joining in .... attention ?

I mean just copying an entire post and saying ‘This’ with nothing to add, is another example in my opinion. It adds nothing new, it’s boring. Even witty replies should make some kind of point

This

Only joking.

I think there is a positive from just reinforcing someone else's opinion.

In a conversation around a table people do this all the time. We reinforce statements made by others by nodding or affirming.

This

is the fab version of that

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"Unless you have something constructive to add what’s the point joining in .... attention ?

I mean just copying an entire post and saying ‘This’ with nothing to add, is another example in my opinion. It adds nothing new, it’s boring. Even witty replies should make some kind of point

This

Only joking.

I think there is a positive from just reinforcing someone else's opinion.

In a conversation around a table people do this all the time. We reinforce statements made by others by nodding or affirming.

This

is the fab version of that "

Amen to that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, and tbh it annoys me. For example there’s someone in the clubs forum who tries to stir down any discussion of clubs because the clubs aren’t open and probably won’t be for a while. So what? They can still be discussed!

Also quite often you see the people who try to shut down the conversation thinking their opinion is the “right” one and no other talk is necessary. Okay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess it might come from a place: can't change it, no point of discussing it further? We would need to know the post examples;-)

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