FabSwingers.com forum: Why?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Can you lot help me figure something out?

Now I've always been of the opinion that those who aren't into me are not meant for me. As soon as I know someone isn't keen, I switch off....it's pointless.

So why is it, soooooo often when you tell someone you're not interested, they ask Why?

I mean, would you really want a list of all the reasons someone doesn't want to shag you?

I just don't get it...

Are you gonna change those things they didn't like?

What about those who would've liked you anyway?

If you're someone who likes to know why.....why????

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I’ve never thought of it like that.

I always assume that if somebody doesn’t want me to give them a sexual experience like they’ve never had that it must be because they’ve previously had good sexual experiences.

You’re bang on Lu, please don’t tell me what you don’t like about me as it’s unlikely I can do anything about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd wonder why but will always reply back with a "no worries, all the best!"

After that, I'd look in the mirror for the next 2 hours pointing out all the things wrong with me while a sobbing mess and telling myself I'll never be good enough for anyone... And then I'll message the next person

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve never thought of it like that.

I always assume that if somebody doesn’t want me to give them a sexual experience like they’ve never had that it must be because they’ve previously had good sexual experiences.

You’re bang on Lu, please don’t tell me what you don’t like about me as it’s unlikely I can do anything about it.

Fiddles! We think you're grand!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd wonder why but will always reply back with a "no worries, all the best!"

I used to feel the same...but I don't now. I try to never question myself. You can't appeal to everyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people are a glutton for punishment and like to know where they went wrong. Others might be genuinely interested because they see it as a chance of bettering theirselves. I guess we are all different in that way, me personally I'd rather not know!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get asked that soooo often, and it's hard to respond to without offending. I guess some people relish the feedback and use it to improve (e.g. perhaps profile pics are too graphic or something, so they can actively respond to that feedback) but mostly I think they're hoping they can argue with me and prove that they are in fact my type after all lol

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I think they just want to defend themselves and then wear your down and try and persuade you that you might actually like them.

It doesn't work.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I had a guy asking me why I didn’t want to meet him, so I spent a good ten minutes on a long message back giving those reasons. Let’s say he wasn’t happy and I probably dented his ego a bit.

I wasn’t trying to be cruel but as he persisted I have him both barrels.

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

"I get asked that soooo often, and it's hard to respond to without offending. I guess some people relish the feedback and use it to improve (e.g. perhaps profile pics are too graphic or something, so they can actively respond to that feedback) but mostly I think they're hoping they can argue with me and prove that they are in fact my type after all lol"

Agree with this. In my experience, when they ask why & I tell them, they then often proceed to tell me why I'm wrong & why they really are what I'm looking for.

Now I don't give a reason why.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think that it can be taken two ways;

To see what they’ve done wrong so they can be better and improve, fix or adapt their approach for future people.

To try to change your mind and argue the reasons.

Ultimately though, it should be the case that ‘no’ is a complete sentence and no one owes anyone an explanation as to why they don’t want sex with them.

No one should expect emotional labour from others and it’s no one else’s responsibility to invest effort in another’s self improvement.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

It’s highly possible they view any response here as a positive sign to build on.

Let’s face it, anyone who thinks that asking why you don’t want to meet them has relevance is not going to be too thoughtful, and is probably firing off messages all over the place, 99% of which will be going unanswered.

So any response must be worth following up, right?

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

For myself the curiosity is around self awareness and growth.

When you look at something like the johari window, understanding why people aren't interested can allow you to identify things in your blind spot.

With that being said, I wouldn’t ask someone on fab why they were not interested as some people would see it as confrontational.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agree with this. In my experience, when they ask why & I tell them, they then often proceed to tell me why I'm wrong & why they really are what I'm looking for.

Now I don't give a reason why. "

The annoying thing is, I end up having to be quite brutal if they keep arguing, and I don't like being brutal!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you lot help me figure something out?

Now I've always been of the opinion that those who aren't into me are not meant for me. As soon as I know someone isn't keen, I switch off....it's pointless.

So why is it, soooooo often when you tell someone you're not interested, they ask Why?

I mean, would you really want a list of all the reasons someone doesn't want to shag you?

I just don't get it...

Are you gonna change those things they didn't like?

What about those who would've liked you anyway?

If you're someone who likes to know why.....why????

I think it’s generally the guys that think this is a free shagging site who have that attitude unfortunately. Just cos they want any woman with a pulse they think women are just theirs to take.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Yeah I wouldn't want to know why either. We all have different preferences and I don't want a list of reasons I didn't make the cut. I'd rather concentrate on those who really want to meet me.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Asking why will, if you answer, usually be followed by an attempt to show you that you're wrong.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I rarely ask why .

If I get a message saying for example " sorry not my/our type" then that's totally fine , I don't need to know why as I'm me , some will like me some won't.

Thats it really

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Makes no sense to me. I can come up with enough reasons that someone wouldn't want to meet me all by myself, never mind finding out what their actual reasons are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd wonder why but will always reply back with a "no worries, all the best!"

I used to feel the same...but I don't now. I try to never question myself. You can't appeal to everyone

It's definitely the best way to go. It's a weird one too because you didn't know they existed before you messaged them so why worry when they're not interested? Thinking like that definitely made it easier to just move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you lot help me figure something out?

Now I've always been of the opinion that those who aren't into me are not meant for me. As soon as I know someone isn't keen, I switch off....it's pointless.

So why is it, soooooo often when you tell someone you're not interested, they ask Why?

I mean, would you really want a list of all the reasons someone doesn't want to shag you?

I just don't get it...

Are you gonna change those things they didn't like?

What about those who would've liked you anyway?

If you're someone who likes to know why.....why????

I used to. Now I genuinely don't care.

Loveeee you x

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Ignorance is bliss! I don’t need to know anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I rarely ask why .

If I get a message saying for example " sorry not my/our type" then that's totally fine , I don't need to know why as I'm me , some will like me some won't.

Thats it really

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By *heonixRaven 777Woman
over a year ago

Guildford

I often get back a message when I have replied I am not the lady you seek.

I often find those that those who do message me back are trying to get me to change my mind because they read my profile and see me as a fantasy.

Surprising how many people are ok with smokers when their profile says they wish not to meet with smokers

But I will add I get more gentleman say thanks for the response and good luck than the idiots that don’t like being told no.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

Yes, a polite ‘thanks for the response, have fun!’ is the only appropriate response to a rejection here.

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