FabSwingers.com forum: Sunday Morning Therapy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is my first thread, so please be gentle...

Pretty deep for. Sunday morning, but here goes...

How do you stop yourself becoming a bad person because of bad things that have happened to you?

They say that time heals all wounds but some days I find this to be the opposite. I feel like time hasn’t moved on at all and my feelings are still just as raw.

I am becoming increasingly aware that I hate the person I have become, I have so much anger and I know this isn’t healthy,

I am anxious and stressed and have faked it to my friends and family for a long time.

Some days I am genuinely happy, but I always sabotage it with my thoughts and actions because I feel I don’t deserve happiness or it’s not real so it will turn bad anyway.

This is not a ‘woe is me’ thread, I would genuinely like to hear if anyone else ever feels like this and what they do for self help .

This is not who I want to be.

Thank you in advance xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the fact that you are aware of this is a great starting point. Start small but I'd say definitely try something to release the anger/stress: exercise, relaxation, colouring, whatever works for you. I believe in karma to be honest so I try to be a good person. MmAlso, don't beat yourself up too much and try to remain positive. We all make mistakes, it's hard to recognise it and even more impressive to work on making things better.

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Well that’s a pretty deep first post. Well done for not being bland!

I’m sorry you are feeling the way you do about yourself. I think there are a number of ways that can help. Probably the best way is counselling / CBT. It sounds like you need to rewrite some of the scripts you have about yourself.

Talking to a trusted friend can also help. Someone that has your back and can pull you up on the way you talk about yourself.

I know that change is possible but it isn’t always quick or easy. But good luck to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think the fact that you are aware of this is a great starting point. Start small but I'd say definitely try something to release the anger/stress: exercise, relaxation, colouring, whatever works for you. I believe in karma to be honest so I try to be a good person. MmAlso, don't beat yourself up too much and try to remain positive. We all make mistakes, it's hard to recognise it and even more impressive to work on making things better. "

Thank you so much, that’s great advice. I will definitely invest more time for myself and I want to get back into walking, so that’s a good starting point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you stop yourself becoming a bad person because of bad things that have happened to you?

One doesn't have to equal the other. Decide that's not what you'll become

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well that’s a pretty deep first post. Well done for not being bland!

Talking to a trusted friend can also help. Someone that has your back and can pull you up on the way you talk about yourself.

I know that change is possible but it isn’t always quick or easy. But good luck to you. "

Thank you, that all makes perfect sense. I think I’ve come to the point where I need some kind of counselling to help me deal with what has happened and hoped I move on in a more positive manner! X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you stop yourself becoming a bad person because of bad things that have happened to you?

One doesn't have to equal the other. Decide that's not what you'll become "

I completely agree, thank you.

I think I need a little help thinking good things about myself and remembering what happened to me was not my fault, but choosing to be a shitty person is. x

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By *mTheMrJMan
over a year ago

Barry

"This is my first thread, so please be gentle...

Pretty deep for. Sunday morning, but here goes...

How do you stop yourself becoming a bad person because of bad things that have happened to you?

They say that time heals all wounds but some days I find this to be the opposite. I feel like time hasn’t moved on at all and my feelings are still just as raw.

I am becoming increasingly aware that I hate the person I have become, I have so much anger and I know this isn’t healthy,

I am anxious and stressed and have faked it to my friends and family for a long time.

Some days I am genuinely happy, but I always sabotage it with my thoughts and actions because I feel I don’t deserve happiness or it’s not real so it will turn bad anyway.

This is not a ‘woe is me’ thread, I would genuinely like to hear if anyone else ever feels like this and what they do for self help .

This is not who I want to be.

Thank you in advance xx

I'm sorry this is something you are going through, much of it I can to an extent understand.

I'm far from perfect, but I try to be the best person I can, I learn from the mistakes others have made and won't treat anyone how I've been treated, I've let go of anger and resentment so it doesn't hold me back from moving forward, I'm still learning about myself and will try being a better person today than I was yesterday.

Through this, I know my worth, I know I deserve to be happy and it's helped me heal from things I've been through.

I'm not sure if this helps, but I can only hope in some ways it might.

Know your worth x

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

A quick follow up question. (Which you may not want to answer openly). But why do you feel you don’t deserve to be happy, when whatever happened to you wasn’t your fault?

Have you done much reading about shame and guilt and the difference between them?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is my first thread, so please be gentle...

Pretty deep for. Sunday morning, but here goes...

How do you stop yourself becoming a bad person because of bad things that have happened to you?

They say that time heals all wounds but some days I find this to be the opposite. I feel like time hasn’t moved on at all and my feelings are still just as raw.

I am becoming increasingly aware that I hate the person I have become, I have so much anger and I know this isn’t healthy,

I am anxious and stressed and have faked it to my friends and family for a long time.

Some days I am genuinely happy, but I always sabotage it with my thoughts and actions because I feel I don’t deserve happiness or it’s not real so it will turn bad anyway.

This is not a ‘woe is me’ thread, I would genuinely like to hear if anyone else ever feels like this and what they do for self help .

This is not who I want to be.

Thank you in advance xx

I'm sorry this is something you are going through, much of it I can to an extent understand.

Through this, I know my worth, I know I deserve to be happy and it's helped me heal from things I've been through.

I'm not sure if this helps, but I can only hope in some ways it might.

Know your worth x"

This is perfect, thank you. I’m glad you’ve been able to move forward.

I need to work on this and understand that I deserve to be happy, like we all do.

‘Know your worth’ is very powerful, thank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A quick follow up question. (Which you may not want to answer openly). But why do you feel you don’t deserve to be happy, when whatever happened to you wasn’t your fault?

Have you done much reading about shame and guilt and the difference between them?

I suppose I blame myself for not seeing what was going on and allowing it to happen. I have questioned my judgement and what was actually real in my life at that time.

I will take a look at that thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We can't control how others treat us but can control our reactions to it. Me personally, I went through a lot of shit and certain people did unforgivable things to me when I was younger. I started with anger but ultimately that anger just turned to pain. After counselling, I learnt to take control back and put my past to bed. I also now have no hesitation of cutting people from my life who make it toxic. It takes a lot of work but you need to find a way of challenging that anger into a form of therapy. Seeing a counsellor might help you but its not for everyone. Also you can try keeping a diary, but keep two.. one for venting and the other for just positive/good thoughts only, sometimes it helps to write it down. The last thing that helped me was exercise, it helps focus your mind and put your frustration into something positive. Hope that helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds a lot like me

Lots of pent up anger. Sometimes I lash out, but mostly laugh things off.

I need a punch bag to let my anger out. I hope once the gyms open I can find one that will just let me go mental on one.

I've built a brick wall up that no one has ever knocked down or even a brick out of place. It holds a violent little kid in there that would cause so much havoc, even I dont want him loose ( that's my way of discribing it all )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bad things happen to everyone. It's a part of life. Just lift your head up and walk through life taking care not to hurt others.

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By *mTheMrJMan
over a year ago

Barry

This is perfect, thank you. I’m glad you’ve been able to move forward.

I need to work on this and understand that I deserve to be happy, like we all do.

‘Know your worth’ is very powerful, thank you

Your welcome, though, honestly, no thanks required, if I can help, I will.

Please don't blame yourself for the actions of another, I take what I've been through as lessons of what I will and won't accept in my life, in some ways I'm grateful for what I've been through as it's helped shape me into who I am today, I believe everything happens for a reason and I do what I can to make a positive out of whatever negative I experience. I can't control what others do but I can control how I react, respond and how I let it affect me, be kind to yourself, first and foremost, you deserve that.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Give yourself time - it is not selfish to look after yourself.

If you feel drained and emotional, take time to work through it - it can be painful and upsetting but bottling up doesn't work in the long run (I have tried)

I read somewhere that emotion = energy in motion. Meaning it is hard work going through emotions so don't feel guilty for them.

You have taken the first steps and that's amazing, now you need to find what works for you, meditation, going for a walk, curling up with a book, a hot bath, writing what you are feeling down so you see it in B&W etc.

Talking it out is also good but I know myself I don't like to feel a 'burden' on friends and family, the fact is I'm sure they would love to know you trust them enough to talk.

Or if you need a chat then I'm always happy to

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

Counselling can be a good starting point, you might be surprised what comes out in sessions that’s been bothering you and you didn’t even realise. Don’t necessarily take the first counsellor you enquire about, it needs to be a good fit for you.

Don’t be hard on yourself, be kind to yourself and if you can, talk to someone you trust as well. All of us go through hard times and it can be good to share. It often ends up being a two way street.

Exercise is good as it’s a positive way to channel energy and you can think better afterwards. It gives you perspective. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry your feeling so bad.... you have taken a massive step reaching out.... I’d suggest keeping a diary of your thoughts and feelings, then when your ready to seek professional help you have your diary to refer to.... Its ok if that is something you choose not to do... just a suggestion...

I do hope you see, help, but if you ever want to talk or a rant, I’m only an inbox away xxxxx

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

You need to think positive. Change your username for starters. Getting a dog and walking/running helped me. I do not focus on the past as it upsets me, I just plan ahead and try and keep busy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We can't control how others treat us but can control our reactions to it. Me personally, I went through a lot of shit and certain people did unforgivable things to me when I was younger. I started with anger but ultimately that anger just turned to pain. After counselling, I learnt to take control back and put my past to bed. I also now have no hesitation of cutting people from my life who make it toxic. It takes a lot of work but you need to find a way of challenging that anger into a form of therapy. Seeing a counsellor might help you but its not for everyone. Also you can try keeping a diary, but keep two.. one for venting and the other for just positive/good thoughts only, sometimes it helps to write it down. The last thing that helped me was exercise, it helps focus your mind and put your frustration into something positive. Hope that helps

Thank you so much for that I really appreciate it. I’m sorry you’ve been through that, but glad you’ve found some peace.

I’m definitely going to get back into running again, that was a major distraction for me a few years ago, I lost my mojo, but I’m determined to get it back once the warmer weather comes back!

I love the diary idea and I have notebooks coming out my ears so I’ll give that a go.

Thanks again xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you so much everyone, I am overwhelmed with the support here and in my messages.

I do feel better already and will definitely take on board your advice and I’ll start to put things in place to get me moving forward in a positive direction.

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By *mTheMrJMan
over a year ago

Barry

"Thank you so much everyone, I am overwhelmed with the support here and in my messages.

I do feel better already and will definitely take on board your advice and I’ll start to put things in place to get me moving forward in a positive direction.

I'm really glad you're feeling better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you so much for that I really appreciate it. I’m sorry you’ve been through that, but glad you’ve found some peace.

I’m definitely going to get back into running again, that was a major distraction for me a few years ago, I lost my mojo, but I’m determined to get it back once the warmer weather comes back!

I love the diary idea and I have notebooks coming out my ears so I’ll give that a go.

Thanks again xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is my first thread, so please be gentle...

Pretty deep for. Sunday morning, but here goes...

How do you stop yourself becoming a bad person because of bad things that have happened to you?

They say that time heals all wounds but some days I find this to be the opposite. I feel like time hasn’t moved on at all and my feelings are still just as raw.

I am becoming increasingly aware that I hate the person I have become, I have so much anger and I know this isn’t healthy,

I am anxious and stressed and have faked it to my friends and family for a long time.

Some days I am genuinely happy, but I always sabotage it with my thoughts and actions because I feel I don’t deserve happiness or it’s not real so it will turn bad anyway.

This is not a ‘woe is me’ thread, I would genuinely like to hear if anyone else ever feels like this and what they do for self help .

This is not who I want to be.

Thank you in advance xx

Op only you can change the script in life, you are the greatest actor on the stage of your life...

Past experiences do not have to dictate, the present, only you have the power to allow that to happen

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