FabSwingers.com forum: Forums v inbox

By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

Why is it that I can spend half the day in the forums and post a fair amount, but I struggle to make myself deal with my inbox? It’s not even a big task, I only have five unread messages and four of them are ongoing conversations, the other is one I’ll probably reply to. But it’s so hard to make myself do it.

Is it because on the forums, no-one is asking how I am, so I don’t have to choose between “fine thanks” and the truth? Or because the forums seem like a less personal interaction?

Does anyone else have this problem? Or is it just my special brand of brain gremlins?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How are you though?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

People aren't making requests or demands on you in the forum. They more often are in the inbox.

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

Couldn’t agree more. I’m like this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In here it’s different

In my inbox I usually get the drivel - occasionally there’ll be a gem, but rarely

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"How are you though?"

Please hold while I over-analyse and try to work out whether it’s a serious question that needs a serious answer (my brain is an arsehole).

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Completely with you.

When I'm having a tough time I find it so easy to mess about on the forum, and so hard to have a one on one conversation.

I just hope the people I am talking to understand and are ok with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get very few messages so they are easily dealt with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hit the nail on the head OP.. you aren't alone.

i love flittering around the forums.. but actually looking at the inbox.. meh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People get messages in their inbox?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How are you though?

Please hold while I over-analyse and try to work out whether it’s a serious question that needs a serious answer (my brain is an arsehole)."

I have all day

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"People aren't making requests or demands on you in the forum. They more often are in the inbox."

That’s the thing, those just get straight up deleted and most of the time I don’t think about them after that point. My messages are just conversations, nothing bad, so it seems weird to me that I have this block when it comes to replying.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"Why is it that I can spend half the day in the forums and post a fair amount, but I struggle to make myself deal with my inbox? It’s not even a big task, I only have five unread messages and four of them are ongoing conversations, the other is one I’ll probably reply to. But it’s so hard to make myself do it.

Is it because on the forums, no-one is asking how I am, so I don’t have to choose between “fine thanks” and the truth? Or because the forums seem like a less personal interaction?

Does anyone else have this problem? Or is it just my special brand of brain gremlins?"

I have 441 unread ... so yup yup and yup from me

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Couldn’t agree more. I’m like this!

I’m glad it’s not just me!

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

What is this inbox you speak of......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP I'm the same as you .. Lol

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Completely with you.

When I'm having a tough time I find it so easy to mess about on the forum, and so hard to have a one on one conversation.

I just hope the people I am talking to understand and are ok with it."

It does seem to be something like that, it didn’t used to be a problem, but things are kind of rough right now and it seems to have made it hard to interact in a normal way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think this lady only problem men don’t seem to get many messages except for friends made on hear suppose a lady’s inbox full of dick pics and remarks this is only a assumption as being a bloke haven’t got scooby about

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

I have messaged you what I think.

Doubt you will see it though

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

What’s an inbox?

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I get very few messages so they are easily dealt with "

I hardly get any either, my filters see to that. I’m definitely not a 100 messages a day kind of woman.

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"People get messages in their inbox? "

They'll be complaining their diamond corsets are too tight next

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Completely with you.

When I'm having a tough time I find it so easy to mess about on the forum, and so hard to have a one on one conversation.

I just hope the people I am talking to understand and are ok with it.

It does seem to be something like that, it didn’t used to be a problem, but things are kind of rough right now and it seems to have made it hard to interact in a normal way."

I don't think we are even close to being alone in this.

Even if no one is making actual demands in your inbox, it can feel like pressure.

Just take time if you need it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm the same. I can't deal with my inbox as I don't like the pressure of having to respond so I usually ignore it. It's easy on the forums to just go at your own pace and flow but once it turns private I find it difficult to keep it going. I have to be in the right mindset.

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By *aughty_tonyMan
over a year ago

King's Lynn

To be honest I rarely send message's, unless inspired by a forum post/game. I do probably spend more time in the forum's than I should lol.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I need emotional energy to respond to inbox messages. In the forums I can post and feel no pressure to come back to it. Other people are available to keep the conversation going. With inbox messages it's just me. Sometimes I wait to respond until I can concentrate enough to put together a good response.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a message I accidentally sent to myself that I can’t do anything about, it’s just sat there unread, I think I’ve mentioned this before on previous threads, but I feel I must mention it again.

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"How are you though?

Please hold while I over-analyse and try to work out whether it’s a serious question that needs a serious answer (my brain is an arsehole).

I have all day "

Well, I had to take a diazepam a couple of hours ago to try and contain the panic over my employment tribunal hearing in a couple of weeks, so there’s that. I wish I could say that’s the only thing going on but it’s not. So yeah, I guess the problem is if if I answer truthfully then I look like a walking disaster area!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm similar, I pay scaant attention to the inbox but will spend hours in the forum.

If there was an importance to the messages, equivalent to fuck, kiss, pass etc, then it would be easier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm the same. Love the chat in the forums but got 389 unread messages, and that's after I've deleted the complete crap!

I enjoy the conversation and banter in here. And messages generally lead to - when can we meet? And I'm not meeting right now, so it almost feels pointless even starting the conversation tbh xx

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

Is it because on the forums, no-one is asking how I am, so I don’t have to choose between “fine thanks” and the truth? Or because the forums seem like a less personal interaction?

Does anyone else have this problem? Or is it just my special brand of brain gremlins?

I have 441 unread ... so yup yup and yup from me "

Ooh ouch, I don’t miss those days at all.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"I have a message I accidentally sent to myself that I can’t do anything about, it’s just sat there unread, I think I’ve mentioned this before on previous threads, but I feel I must mention it again. "

Perhaps read it and reply

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Think this lady only problem men don’t seem to get many messages except for friends made on hear suppose a lady’s inbox full of dick pics and remarks this is only a assumption as being a bloke haven’t got scooby about

Yes, there’s often a lot of that, but I delete those without a second thought. This is messages I do actually want to reply to.

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I have messaged you what I think.

Doubt you will see it though

I mean, you haven’t because of my filters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I had a pound for every time I've seen you complain about this!! I'd definitely have a tenner.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

For me replying to forum posts tends to either be flippant type commentary or things that interest me.

Inbox messages require an element of thought to actual engage with and maintain a conversation.

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Completely with you.

When I'm having a tough time I find it so easy to mess about on the forum, and so hard to have a one on one conversation.

I just hope the people I am talking to understand and are ok with it.

It does seem to be something like that, it didn’t used to be a problem, but things are kind of rough right now and it seems to have made it hard to interact in a normal way.

I don't think we are even close to being alone in this.

Even if no one is making actual demands in your inbox, it can feel like pressure.

Just take time if you need it."

It does actually make me feel better to know it’s not just me being a flake, and that other people have similar feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep I get this 100%. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood for a conversation so im guilty of leaving my messages until I've got the energy. Forums are all you need sometimes

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

What inbox messages?

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I'm the same. I can't deal with my inbox as I don't like the pressure of having to respond so I usually ignore it. It's easy on the forums to just go at your own pace and flow but once it turns private I find it difficult to keep it going. I have to be in the right mindset. "

That’s exactly it, needing to be in the right frame of mind. And that frame of mind is hard to find lately.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I spend that much time in the forums, that I just don't have time to reply to the mass of messages I get every day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I once had 3 unread messages. That was one hell of a busy day

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Keeping a conversation going one to one, is harder than just posting on a thread.

I prefer to meet in person than just sending endless messages so I can be quite lazy replying at times.

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I need emotional energy to respond to inbox messages. In the forums I can post and feel no pressure to come back to it. Other people are available to keep the conversation going. With inbox messages it's just me. Sometimes I wait to respond until I can concentrate enough to put together a good response. "

That’s a good way of putting it, it makes a lot of sense.

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

"I have messaged you what I think.

Doubt you will see it though

I mean, you haven’t because of my filters."

Damn, hoisted by my own petard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't say I ever feel like that if I'm having an ongoing conversation with someone, no

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Is it because on the forums, no-one is asking how I am, so I don’t have to choose between “fine thanks” and the truth? Or because the forums seem like a less personal interaction?

Does anyone else have this problem? Or is it just my special brand of brain gremlins?

I have 441 unread ... so yup yup and yup from me "

I'm currently sitting at zero with my pandemic filters

It's glorious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s exactly it, needing to be in the right frame of mind. And that frame of mind is hard to find lately."

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know the full details of your situation but I hope you'll be alright. Honestly, don't even worry about not getting to your inbox, you owe nobody anything and it's more important to put yourself first.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

That’s exactly it, needing to be in the right frame of mind. And that frame of mind is hard to find lately.

Hell yes

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By *irty Pretty OP Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

That’s exactly it, needing to be in the right frame of mind. And that frame of mind is hard to find lately.

Thank you, I’m trying to look after myself and let go of the guilt over not replying quickly, and for the rest of it I’m hoping the extremely expensive barrister will turn out to be a good investment!

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