FabSwingers.com forum: Empaths....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you stop yourself becoming emotionally upset by other's pain?

I am an empath. I feel other's pain very deeply, I've always found it very hard to stop myself.

Whether it be a friend who's being abused, a partner losing a loved one, someone's dog dying or your pal dealing with an emotionally retarded fuck boy...

How do you continue to be supportive without it making you too sad to see them hurting?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you find the answer, please let me know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if you find the answer, please let me know.

And me.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Make that 3

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Four

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

Because I cannot be their rock if I let the feelings overtake me, so I compartmentalise and have a bloody good cry later when it's safe to do so

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ladies

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/04/21 12:28:19]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Because I cannot be their rock if I let the feelings overtake me, so I compartmentalise and have a bloody good cry later when it's safe to do so"

I fear not stopping when I cry

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I see that as more of sympathy. Sympathy echos the emotions whereas empathy understands the feelings.

As for how to distance yourself from it, I don’t know. I think that recognising that it’s not your emotion to feel but you can help by supporting and understanding their pain.

I think that feeling others pain too acutely can end up with you not being any help at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to start with setting boundaries to protect yourself.

As compersion said, you can’t help if you’re overwhelmed.

Mindfulness, conscious breathing, journaling, and grounding will all help.

You can learn how to ground and protect, but not everyone buys into that.

For me, the most important thing is to be grounded within yourself though.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I have to escape. Switch off comms for a night and lose myself in a party for one to reconnect with me, to free my mind.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

"Because I cannot be their rock if I let the feelings overtake me, so I compartmentalise and have a bloody good cry later when it's safe to do so

I fear not stopping when I cry

There are other avenues you can use to release pressure, if you don't want to cry

Physically wise I chop firewood, swinging that axe with deep breathing is very therapeutic

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I see that as more of sympathy. Sympathy echos the emotions whereas empathy understands the feelings.

As for how to distance yourself from it, I don’t know. I think that recognising that it’s not your emotion to feel but you can help by supporting and understanding their pain.

I think that feeling others pain too acutely can end up with you not being any help at all"

Oh no, it's very much both. I understand or I'd not be able to empathise.

I don't allow myself to get too sad and I think that's my problem. I worry that if I break I'll not be able to keep my own shit in check

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You need to start with setting boundaries to protect yourself.

As compersion said, you can’t help if you’re overwhelmed.

Mindfulness, conscious breathing, journaling, and grounding will all help.

You can learn how to ground and protect, but not everyone buys into that.

For me, the most important thing is to be grounded within yourself though. "

I try my best

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"How do you stop yourself becoming emotionally upset by other's pain?

I am an empath. I feel other's pain very deeply, I've always found it very hard to stop myself.

Whether it be a friend who's being abused, a partner losing a loved one, someone's dog dying or your pal dealing with an emotionally retarded fuck boy...

How do you continue to be supportive without it making you too sad to see them hurting?

By Caretakering the fuck out of the situation, where possible.

I’ve always found it better to feel like you are moving forward than standing still (metaphorically speaking), so. I try not to let them stand still. Give them a purpose (regardless of how big or small), tasks, drag them along with you, do it for them.. just keep them active and not let them sit and stew.

I talk with them, a lot. I listen. I offer suggestions. I be there for them and try not to let my emotions show, dealing with them later.

I talk to others about the situation and try and gain other perspectives and points of view that may help.

I understand that while their pain affects me, if we can work through it the pain will subside eventually.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have to escape. Switch off comms for a night and lose myself in a party for one to reconnect with me, to free my mind."

This is my coping technique...

I distract myself so I don't get too sad.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Because I cannot be their rock if I let the feelings overtake me, so I compartmentalise and have a bloody good cry later when it's safe to do so

I fear not stopping when I cry

There are other avenues you can use to release pressure, if you don't want to cry

Physically wise I chop firewood, swinging that axe with deep breathing is very therapeutic "

My art is proving to be a god send lately!

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By *moothpussyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Ground yourself before you go into a situation like that.

Meditate and envisage a golden light surrounding your entire body, while doing this, make a mantra that suits you eg, my golden light deflects and protects me from absorbing others emotions.

Sometimes you have no choice but to remove yourself and recharge your batteries.

A bit odd but there is a prayer to st Michael do cut the silver ties the bind people to you (this could be used to stop absorbing other emotions or to cut the silver ties with toxic people).

I hope this helps x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you stop yourself becoming emotionally upset by other's pain?

I am an empath. I feel other's pain very deeply, I've always found it very hard to stop myself.

Whether it be a friend who's being abused, a partner losing a loved one, someone's dog dying or your pal dealing with an emotionally retarded fuck boy...

How do you continue to be supportive without it making you too sad to see them hurting?

By Caretakering the fuck out of the situation, where possible.

I talk with them, a lot. I listen. I offer suggestions. I be there for them and try not to let my emotions show, dealing with them later.

I talk to others about the situation and try and gain other perspectives and points of view that may help.

I understand that while their pain affects me, if we can work through it the pain will subside eventually."

This is what I try to tell myself!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ground yourself before you go into a situation like that.

Meditate and envisage a golden light surrounding your entire body, while doing this, make a mantra that suits you eg, my golden light deflects and protects me from absorbing others emotions.

Sometimes you have no choice but to remove yourself and recharge your batteries.

A bit odd but there is a prayer to st Michael do cut the silver ties the bind people to you (this could be used to stop absorbing other emotions or to cut the silver ties with toxic people).

I hope this helps x"

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ground yourself before you go into a situation like that.

Meditate and envisage a golden light surrounding your entire body, while doing this, make a mantra that suits you eg, my golden light deflects and protects me from absorbing others emotions.

Sometimes you have no choice but to remove yourself and recharge your batteries.

A bit odd but there is a prayer to st Michael do cut the silver ties the bind people to you (this could be used to stop absorbing other emotions or to cut the silver ties with toxic people).

I hope this helps x"

This is a beautiful way to put it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had empathy when I was younger . Wish I still had it sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had empathy when I was younger . Wish I still had it sometimes."

Why did you lose it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I see that as more of sympathy. Sympathy echos the emotions whereas empathy understands the feelings.

As for how to distance yourself from it, I don’t know. I think that recognising that it’s not your emotion to feel but you can help by supporting and understanding their pain.

I think that feeling others pain too acutely can end up with you not being any help at all"

I've just had to complete a personality strength quiz for work and empathy came out top for me, which wasn't a surprise. Summary in the report through does say 'you do not necessarily feel pity for each person's predicament, this would be sympathy not empathy'

An empath understands and anticipates the need, helping people find the right phrase to express their feelings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just fuck a random, ul be fine

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

You don't is the simple answer.

If you are around abusive emotional feelings which are negative then, you take yourself away from that emotion and the people who are negativley impacting your life.

If is is because of someone who is hurt or is having a hard time either emotionaly or physically then, you find some way of changing that emotion of pain into something loving, something positive but only if the person in pain lets you in. Then you can work together to overcome the negative emotions together no matter how bad the pain becomes. The body and mind may be temporary but the energy that reside within you is eternal and part of a bigger counscience.

Learn to look within yourself, seperate yourself from what you percieve is you, your mind and body. Finding a balence within everything you do.

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By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

"How do you stop yourself becoming emotionally upset by other's pain?

I am an empath. I feel other's pain very deeply, I've always found it very hard to stop myself.

Whether it be a friend who's being abused, a partner losing a loved one, someone's dog dying or your pal dealing with an emotionally retarded fuck boy...

How do you continue to be supportive without it making you too sad to see them hurting?

I’m looking at it from the opposite fence. I have aspergers do I don’t feel any of that. I don’t have empathy or sympathy, so I suppose I’m that “emotionally retarded fuckboy” that you mentioned lol

Luckily, I had great parents who taught me to show that I have empathy/sympathy/feelings in general.

I suppose it makes me a great listener, my friends, and even my ex, comes to me to rant at their latest love life disasters, or credit card bills, or anything in general really.

So if I can be taught to look empathetic, I’m sure you could be taught to be aspergic like me lol

Good luck, I hope you find a happy medium x

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'm not an empath - I can feel empathy for some but not for others if that makes sense?

Does being an empath mean that you feel other's pain regardless of your relationship with them? It's not just pain is it though? I think it's meant to be all feelings? So can you accurately feel other's feelings on reading their messages, their posts?

And yes, I know this is a bit of a tangent but I've always been curious about this sort of thing and tend to ask people questions who identify as an empath!

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Another empath here.

The only way I ever found to stop feeling others pain was to shut off my emotions entirely. Which lead to me being rather unpleasant to be around for 6 months or so.

I prefer to think of it as my super power.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had empathy when I was younger . Wish I still had it sometimes.

Why did you lose it?"

Was in the military after high school. Deployed 3 times. It desensitizes you after awhile. I have empathy twords cats and dogs but humans not so much. It's weird to explain.

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

"I'm not an empath - I can feel empathy for some but not for others if that makes sense?

And yes, I know this is a bit of a tangent but I've always been curious about this sort of thing and tend to ask people questions who identify as an empath!"
You can feel a closer connection with other, distance is not a factor as we are all connected to the same energy source, it's not just reading into words. People have had spiritual connection with other whim they have never met and live in other parts of the globe. It's an eternal energy some people have with others which makes this bond stronger. At least in my belief system.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I understand other's feeling but never let them project them on me ... otherwise I wouldn't be able to be helpful to myself or them! It's wasted time excepting other people's feelings in our lives, when we all tend to have enough of our own.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I see that as more of sympathy. Sympathy echos the emotions whereas empathy understands the feelings.

As for how to distance yourself from it, I don’t know. I think that recognising that it’s not your emotion to feel but you can help by supporting and understanding their pain.

I think that feeling others pain too acutely can end up with you not being any help at all

Oh no, it's very much both. I understand or I'd not be able to empathise.

I don't allow myself to get too sad and I think that's my problem. I worry that if I break I'll not be able to keep my own shit in check

That sounds like being human and a feeling emotional person.

When I’m in that situation, I try and compartmentalise the emotion, separate myself from it and try to wait until I can feel it in a safe space.

Make sure that you have your own support too, remember that counsellors and therapists have their own support networks

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Another Empath here - the only way I find this manageable is to use my head.

I am aware (head-driven) that I cannot help everybody, I do not have the energy to save the world and as such I try to focus on those whom I can help in some way be it people or animals.

I tell myself there are many other empaths who will hopefully help others in need. This may sound cold but it really is a survivor strategy. xx

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By *ondon MikeMan
over a year ago

St Albans

I find my empathy levels at their highest when my personal mental health is lowest. The empathy becomes exhausting and I tend to shut down for a day or two, like being turned off and on.

I'm not sure if high empathy is a blessing or a curse but I wouldn't want rid of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had empathy when I was younger . Wish I still had it sometimes.

Why did you lose it?

Was in the military after high school. Deployed 3 times. It desensitizes you after awhile. I have empathy twords cats and dogs but humans not so much. It's weird to explain."

Makes sense. I did wonder if that might be the reason.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"if you find the answer, please let me know.

Exactly what I was gonna put , let me know if you do .

Sometimes you can't help those that don't want to be helped , sadly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you stop yourself becoming emotionally upset by other's pain?

I am an empath. I feel other's pain very deeply, I've always found it very hard to stop myself.

Whether it be a friend who's being abused, a partner losing a loved one, someone's dog dying or your pal dealing with an emotionally retarded fuck boy...

How do you continue to be supportive without it making you too sad to see them hurting?

I think it’s a contextual thing. If you’re upset as someone close to you is suffering due to bereavement, then embrace your own emotions, think what may help them, practically or emotionally etc, and try to help them however you see fit. Personally in those circumstances I try to let my emotions flow, so letting them all out, then seeing said friend suffering so you’ve let yours pass so to speak, and reflect quite a bit to keep myself best able to support.

If I had a friend who was being abused, or anyone frankly, I’d support them whilst thinking of how best to manage that. And that would be my focus, rather than concentrating on emotions, but that is more around inner conversations and controls I suppose. Sympathy and empathy are different, I try to identify both correctly which helps me too.

Thoughts can really influence emotions, so I often try to reflect upon those first and give them some thought and find it helps to keep emotions in check, not overwhelming or avoiding them etc. Helps me to give the most, and have natural emotions, whilst not suffering myself, if that makes sense.

I am sorry if you’re finding something particularly tough OP, I’ve learned many tools through various professional and personal development that have helped me, I’ll be happy to send on anything.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I find my empathy levels at their highest when my personal mental health is lowest. The empathy becomes exhausting and I tend to shut down for a day or two, like being turned off and on.

I'm not sure if high empathy is a blessing or a curse but I wouldn't want rid of it"

I think you have point that at our own heightened emotional sensitivity we are more likely to empath deeper perhaps.

As for the question of blessing or curse... it is a bit like being intelligent, being a thinker or less so; I think overall the empath (as with the deep thinker) has the opportunity to experience the world and life in a more profound way and that alone is something to be grateful for... that's how I see it. Others may disagree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had empathy when I was younger . Wish I still had it sometimes.

Why did you lose it?

Was in the military after high school. Deployed 3 times. It desensitizes you after awhile. I have empathy twords cats and dogs but humans not so much. It's weird to explain.

Makes sense. I did wonder if that might be the reason.

Both of us are horrible sometimes with dark humor. It's a trait we picked up to cope. Some people take offense. Strange how different human interaction can change you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there is a difference in empathy levels between genders. This is strength as well as weakness for women.

I am psychotic so nothing touches me ( kidding). I actively listen with the intention of finding solutions (not a great trait). So Work in progress.

I think it's a tough one and depends on individuals ability to separate themselves from the cause whilst giving support to the other person.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Recent research has found that those they categorized as type E, or those with a bias towards empathizing, preferred mellow music that might fall within the genres of R&B and soft rock, while those that prefer “Intense dimension” genres such as heavy metal and hard rock tend to show a bias towards systemizing, or logic-based thinking, rather than showing empathy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Recent research has found that those they categorized as type E, or those with a bias towards empathizing, preferred mellow music that might fall within the genres of R&B and soft rock, while those that prefer “Intense dimension” genres such as heavy metal and hard rock tend to show a bias towards systemizing, or logic-based thinking, rather than showing empathy."

I would agree we both love heavy metal.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Hmm...full on empath who loves 70s progressive rock, hard rock, some metal, jazz and baroque.

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By *oreno0969Man
over a year ago

Rugby

"How do you stop yourself becoming emotionally upset by other's pain?

I am an empath. I feel other's pain very deeply, I've always found it very hard to stop myself.

Whether it be a friend who's being abused, a partner losing a loved one, someone's dog dying or your pal dealing with an emotionally retarded fuck boy...

How do you continue to be supportive without it making you too sad to see them hurting?

You come and allow me to be the big spoon for a while

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Since covid ruined almost everything in my life i dont have room for others pain iv found my humanity to be more and more strained as iv started detaching myself from more and more people

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I'm crap at it but trying to get more mindful about it.

I tend to take in a lot and then have to take myself for a walk and sit by the beach or something and let the emotions wash over me and away. Also watching something that will make me cry (Disney) help release the emotions

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Draw in your head a circle, this represents a safety bubble and in that circle place a stickman this is you.

Keep that image in your head as often as possible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both of us are horrible sometimes with dark humor. It's a trait we picked up to cope. Some people take offense. Strange how different human interaction can change you."

Dark humour is a great thing, I used to be a counsellor for people who were abused as children and some of the stuff we would come out with was very dark to say the least.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Honestly I just see it as how I am and I don't think it gets in the way of me being there for people. Aa long as they don't mind me crying too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this a real thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both of us are horrible sometimes with dark humor. It's a trait we picked up to cope. Some people take offense. Strange how different human interaction can change you.

Dark humour is a great thing, I used to be a counsellor for people who were abused as children and some of the stuff we would come out with was very dark to say the least. "

In stressful situations it helped to keep calm.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Dont think it's possible! We are what we are! And tbh it's a good thing to be! even if its draining at times! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You dig deep, listen and console..its their time...yours can come later. They have come to you for love and support not to see you crumble.

It's really hard but i found this the best way for me to cope with some of the students that have come to me for help. Believe me some things you never want to hear from a child.

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