FabSwingers.com forum: Attachment theory?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’ve just started a book called ‘Attached’ which is completely fascinating, and honestly has blown my mind already.

Do you know what your attachment style is?

Do you think you can change your attachment style?

I’m interested...

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

How many attachment styles out there? I’m interested to know , not really sure what’s mine is...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've touched upon attachment theory through my work, which is very useful and can be fascinating. Haven't looked into it much on my self though.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

What is it? x

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I identify more with avoidant, however also believe I have some secure traits.

I also believe you can change your attachment style, as long as you want to and understand what it is you want to change - the same as any behavioural modification.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I would say mine was secure, although in time of great emotional trauma, it could be possible to slip into a temporary alternative state

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

I found something online if that’s the one we are talking about here , I’m definitely *not* anxious preoccupied but mix of other 3

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The four styles from the book:

secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you can change your 'style', our feelings towards attachment or rejection are too deep rooted in our childhood relationships, particularly with our parents of course.

We can adapt though, and make better choices through experience. I believe the book you mention points in that direction in its advice ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I identify more with avoidant, however also believe I have some secure traits.

I also believe you can change your attachment style, as long as you want to and understand what it is you want to change - the same as any behavioural modification.

Yes, I believe you can too, with understanding and work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory "

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I identify more with avoidant, however also believe I have some secure traits.

I also believe you can change your attachment style, as long as you want to and understand what it is you want to change - the same as any behavioural modification.

Yes, I believe you can too, with understanding and work. "

Definitely.

The key to any behaviour modification is first wanting to change, knowing what you want to change and accepting you will make mistakes/ fail.

Do you have an idea what your attachment style is?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it. "

Off-topic: your new pictures are amazing.

Thanks for sharing.

On-topic: how 'proven' is this theory - which by definition is a theory - likely one of many as regards to our psychological development. I'm not question its veracity, but I'd be interested in the depth of empirical evidence that may or may not support it?

TLT

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I identify more with avoidant, however also believe I have some secure traits.

I also believe you can change your attachment style, as long as you want to and understand what it is you want to change - the same as any behavioural modification.

Yes, I believe you can too, with understanding and work.

Definitely.

The key to any behaviour modification is first wanting to change, knowing what you want to change and accepting you will make mistakes/ fail.

Do you have an idea what your attachment style is?"

Yes, and I would say being prepared to put the ground work in too.

Being gentle with yourself, and not judging yourself either.

I was anxious last time I did the quiz, but I need to retake it, as listening to the book, I think I’ve changed with the work I’ve done already.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To an extent I guess you can change it, you would need lots of positive experiences to negate the negative.

I studied attachment in depth for my degree.

Bowlbys attachment theory focuses on the relationship between the infant and it's primary care giver, the type of attachment can impact on brain development, the effects of which last long into adulthood affecting your mental health, behaviour and future relationships you may have.

He styled the types of attachment. There are also different stages to attachment also

Ainsworth is notable for her attachment research and expanded on Bowlby's theories. The strange situation experiment is worthy of a look. As is the Bobo doll experiment.

Animals also attach to the PCG in the same way: see Lorenzo's geese.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Not so much in psycho babble but in Buddhism and Nihilism ......

I don't get attached to belongings and I seldom attach to others. I have a few friends , some family and hundreds of 'acquaintances' who think they are friends..... but I don't class them as such.

If I was to lose a real friend I would feel it.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I'm off to google

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it.

Off-topic: your new pictures are amazing.

Thanks for sharing.

TLT"

There is lots of evidence: Bowlby, Ainsworth, Lorenz carried out extensive research and the Early Years Foundation Stage developed the cirruculum for early years around thesee findings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great video to explain it for those who it is new to

https://youtu.be/WjOowWxOXCg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've touched upon attachment theory through my work, which is very useful and can be fascinating. Haven't looked into it much on my self though. "

Im the same lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I do. Insecure sadly, and avoidant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no idea what I am

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it.

Off-topic: your new pictures are amazing.

Thanks for sharing.

TLT"

Thank you

With regards to your question, Miss Dreavus explained more about it, so saves my lazy typing finger

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

80% Secure 20% Dismissive

I like my freedom to roam

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

I took the test now and all came out in the pie but chunky part is secure/avoident

hmmm that’s interesting, I’ll look into that more ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not so much in psycho babble but in Buddhism and Nihilism ......

I don't get attached to belongings and I seldom attach to others. I have a few friends , some family and hundreds of 'acquaintances' who think they are friends..... but I don't class them as such.

If I was to lose a real friend I would feel it.

For me, we all have an attachment style, how can we not? The quiz is interesting, and can be very illuminating.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"80% Secure 20% Dismissive

I like my freedom to roam

I would have known you were mostly secure to be honest. I think that comes across in how you post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know mine. Done this in my counselling last week. I have anxious attachment and disorganised attachment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"80% Secure 20% Dismissive

I like my freedom to roam

Snap !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I took the test and whilst the majority was Secure, Ambivalent was almost as high.

Guess I want that security and to feel safe but there's always doubt creeping in. The 'what ifs'

Its a pretty good description of who I am right now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I know mine. Done this in my counselling last week. I have anxious attachment and disorganised attachment. "

Do you think it helps, to understand? How’s the counselling going?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Not so much in psycho babble but in Buddhism and Nihilism ......

I don't get attached to belongings and I seldom attach to others. I have a few friends , some family and hundreds of 'acquaintances' who think they are friends..... but I don't class them as such.

If I was to lose a real friend I would feel it.

For me, we all have an attachment style, how can we not? The quiz is interesting, and can be very illuminating."

I'm sure it is to those that need/want it or for those who attempt to understand behaviours particularly childhood behaviours and/or how attachment to parents may/or may not affect their adult relationships.....

I sometimes worry when theories become a bit of a fun quiz in a magazine and people end up using and abusing it. Look at all those that use the term narcissist incorrectly. I see it on here daily......

Where's the quiz ?? I'll have a bash ......

P.S. I'm not saying you are reading a mag.... or that the theory has no value. I just err with caution as I think everyone should.

And as I am content I don't really feel the need to look for 'reasons' for my state of being .

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

"I took the test and whilst the majority was Secure, Ambivalent was almost as high.

Guess I want that security and to feel safe but there's always doubt creeping in. The 'what ifs'

Its a pretty good description of who I am right now. "

I believe those “what ifs” is creeped in during me taking the test too

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By *inamicMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

First time i've heard of this theory, never had any type of test to find out mine. Very curious to find out more, what's the title and author of the book so i can look it up and read it myself?

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

Where's the quiz ?? I'll have a bash ......

P.S. I'm not saying you are reading a mag.... or that the theory has no value. I just err with caution as I think everyone should.

And as I am content I don't really feel the need to look for 'reasons' for my state of being .

I used the one in dianepooleheller website

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Where's the quiz ?? I'll have a bash ......

P.S. I'm not saying you are reading a mag.... or that the theory has no value. I just err with caution as I think everyone should.

And as I am content I don't really feel the need to look for 'reasons' for my state of being .

I used the one in dianepooleheller website

Thanks. I'll go and have a look. Did it hurt your eyes ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Took the test also high percentage secure with a slight percentage of anxious, interesting to know

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By *elethWoman
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

[Removed by poster at 02/04/21 10:45:14]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Dear God.........

I'm part way through .......

I'll have to write my own quiz.

Back in a bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of this has gone straight over my head but I will definitely be looking into this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not so much in psycho babble but in Buddhism and Nihilism ......

I don't get attached to belongings and I seldom attach to others. I have a few friends , some family and hundreds of 'acquaintances' who think they are friends..... but I don't class them as such.

If I was to lose a real friend I would feel it.

For me, we all have an attachment style, how can we not? The quiz is interesting, and can be very illuminating.

Where's the quiz ?? I'll have a bash ......

P.S. I'm not saying you are reading a mag.... or that the theory has no value. I just err with caution as I think everyone should.

And as I am content I don't really feel the need to look for 'reasons' for my state of being .

I took it in the way you meant it

I think it’s great that you’re content and don’t need to look for reasons for your state of being, I imagine there might be a high percentage of secure then? For me, secure is the smaller part, hence the reading and doing the work

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The book is simply called ‘Attached’ and is by Amur Levine and Rachel Heller.

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By *elethWoman
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

I've practiced attachment parenting, which is based in attachment theory, from the birth of my eldest. I haven't really looked into it for myself, though have recently come across it in a podcast.

I find it fascinating too, certainly the parenting aspect has been very useful to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just took the test, 52% secure, 21% dismissive. Really quite interesting though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I then retook the test on a different site and anxious was the higher percentage.

Maybe the questions can change the outcome.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Fearful avoidant. I have a bit of a messed up relationship with my mum. I don't think she means to but she seems to always think the worst of me and can say some pretty hurtful things. I have a lot of memories of regreting opening up to her or beginning to care about her opinion again. I guess it's translated to my romantic relationships as it takes a lot for me to be willing to show any vulnerability and I can come across as indifferent towards someone when I'm not if I'm getting mixed messages from them. I'd rather cut someone off than live with constant anxiety about if they want me. Though on the flip side, if I'm with someone who's good at demonstrating they care for me, I give back in heaps and want to show them how special they are to me. At the same time though, I don't cope very well with someone being possesive or overly needy as I feel suffocated. I totally appreciate that I'm a bit of a contradiction

. I believe I do a pretty good job at not letting my issues mean I shit all over other people. That usually involves word vomiting everything I feel at someone and many people really appreciate the understanding. I'm just really not compatible with other avoidant types though (we just both end up waiting on the other) or anxious types who need constant attention from me to feel secure. I'm just not the right person for them.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Apparently I'm perfect....... Who knew ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I then retook the test on a different site and anxious was the higher percentage.

Maybe the questions can change the outcome. "

That is definitely true. Those online tests can be very blunt instruments.

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

Where's the quiz ?? I'll have a bash ......

P.S. I'm not saying you are reading a mag.... or that the theory has no value. I just err with caution as I think everyone should.

And as I am content I don't really feel the need to look for 'reasons' for my state of being .

I used the one in dianepooleheller website

Thanks. I'll go and have a look. Did it hurt your eyes ????"

yes it did a little x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just know that some of the people I became attached to were not good choices

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just took the test too..42%..which is pretty accurate

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fearful avoidant. I have a bit of a messed up relationship with my mum. I don't think she means to but she seems to always think the worst of me and can say some pretty hurtful things. I have a lot of memories of regreting opening up to her or beginning to care about her opinion again. I guess it's translated to my romantic relationships as it takes a lot for me to be willing to show any vulnerability and I can come across as indifferent towards someone when I'm not if I'm getting mixed messages from them. I'd rather cut someone off than live with constant anxiety about if they want me. Though on the flip side, if I'm with someone who's good at demonstrating they care for me, I give back in heaps and want to show them how special they are to me. At the same time though, I don't cope very well with someone being possesive or overly needy as I feel suffocated. I totally appreciate that I'm a bit of a contradiction

It sounds like you know yourself really well, and actually word vomiting as you call it, os very valuable, good communication is everything IMO.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Just took the test too..42%..which is pretty accurate

42% what ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A mix of anxious and secure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just took the test apparently I have an iq of 12

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just took the test too..42%..which is pretty accurate

42% what ?"

Whether it involves emotional expression or developing a deep intimate bond, you're the type of person who is very at ease getting close to a partner. You are also comfortable relying on your partner when necessary, as well has having him/her dependent upon you in times of need

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

You don't even know me !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve just started a book called ‘Attached’ which is completely fascinating, and honestly has blown my mind already.

Do you know what your attachment style is?

Do you think you can change your attachment style?

I’m interested..."

Great book isn’t it, and overall helpful for people to read / informative.

It is interesting, as there are often friends who suit each other but don’t have the right emotional / attachment styles etc, or people have very little understanding of self and repeat previous mistakes without realising.

Attachment styles can be changed, but for some it’s a longer journey for sure. I think I had a pretty good understanding of mine prior to reading that book. Plenty of other great ones out there too

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are."

Oohhh off to find one now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You don't even know me !

Let me break those walls down then and let’s have a coffee when I’m next up in Maghull

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By *herry OnatopWoman
over a year ago

Just over there

Well my results were as expected, Secure!

However it doesn't take into consideration those mentalpausal moments when every emotion smashes into your head for 30 mins or so and you become the most anxious terrified complete fruitloop alive

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well my results were as expected, Secure!

However it doesn't take into consideration those mentalpausal moments when every emotion smashes into your head for 30 mins or so and you become the most anxious terrified complete fruitloop alive

Mentalpausal

. I’m remembering that one!

I didn’t think about that kind of thing affecting it, interesting.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it.

Off-topic: your new pictures are amazing.

Thanks for sharing.

TLT"

Gravitational theory is a theory but I'm pretty certain most people are confident in gravity as a thing? The term theory does not mean it is not proven. In Science: "a theory is a well-substantiated explanation of an aspect of the natural world that can incorporate laws, hypotheses and facts."

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it.

Off-topic: your new pictures are amazing.

Thanks for sharing.

TLT

The equivocation on the word theory gets on my tits

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
over a year ago

south coast IOW

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it.

Off-topic: your new pictures are amazing.

Thanks for sharing.

TLT

There is lots of evidence: Bowlby, Ainsworth, Lorenz carried out extensive research and the Early Years Foundation Stage developed the cirruculum for early years around thesee findings"

True but more recent research has identified that the critical period in early childhood is not the only stage early trauma can be addressed or reduced. Teenagers also go through a stage of rapid brain development and the damage caused in early childhood can be reduced if you have the right circumstances and opportunities to attach at that stage. This is why it’s important to have good carers for older kids and not just pre schoolers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which attachment type people is good at sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Attachment in many ways is a theory of love and how we learn to love...a consistent, safe, soothing and enduring attachment in later life can mitigate early deprivation...love can heal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did a test and apparently I'm a 'dismissive avoidant'

Makes sense I guess.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Anxious and then an equal level of the other three

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know too much about it. But I did a test and got secure 50%, anxious 29%, dismissive 14% and fearful 7%. Is that good or bad?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it.

Off-topic: your new pictures are amazing.

Thanks for sharing.

TLT

The equivocation on the word theory gets on my tits"

Loads of research evidence from around the world...can be culturally mediated.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't know too much about it. But I did a test and got secure 50%, anxious 29%, dismissive 14% and fearful 7%. Is that good or bad? "

None of it is good or bad, it is what it is, and you can use the information as it suits you.

If you know how you are attached, and how your partner is attached, you can presumably use that information to aid your communication?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know too much about it. But I did a test and got secure 50%, anxious 29%, dismissive 14% and fearful 7%. Is that good or bad? "

Pretty good I suspect...provided you’re with another securely attached...that way you can tolerate closeness and separation much better. More trusting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know too much about it. But I did a test and got secure 50%, anxious 29%, dismissive 14% and fearful 7%. Is that good or bad?

None of it is good or bad, it is what it is, and you can use the information as it suits you.

If you know how you are attached, and how your partner is attached, you can presumably use that information to aid your communication?"

I'll have to look into it some more. I did have a quick glance but it was mostly about babies?! I'll definitely read up on it. I'll get my partner to do a test too to see how similar we are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know too much about it. But I did a test and got secure 50%, anxious 29%, dismissive 14% and fearful 7%. Is that good or bad?

Pretty good I suspect...provided you’re with another securely attached...that way you can tolerate closeness and separation much better. More trusting "

I've sent my partner the link so I can compare. Thank you for replying. I've never heard of this attachment style before so it's pretty interesting!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it.

Off-topic: your new pictures are amazing.

Thanks for sharing.

TLT

The equivocation on the word theory gets on my tits

Loads of research evidence from around the world...can be culturally mediated. "

Of course. But the word "theory" is context dependent, and within research doesn't mean "wild arse guess"

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I’d love to attachment my knob to your fangeen OP

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d love to attachment my knob to your fangeen OP

Again, fucks sake, it hasn’t recovered from last time, and as for my arse

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"I’d love to attachment my knob to your fangeen OP

Again, fucks sake, it hasn’t recovered from last time, and as for my arse

It’s time again

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I don't know too much about it. But I did a test and got secure 50%, anxious 29%, dismissive 14% and fearful 7%. Is that good or bad?

None of it is good or bad, it is what it is, and you can use the information as it suits you.

If you know how you are attached, and how your partner is attached, you can presumably use that information to aid your communication?"

I agree. Knowing my attachment style has helped me know both what I need and what people I'm likely to be incompatible with.

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By *obbychickWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are."

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am. "

Theres also disorganised

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

Theres also disorganised "

Disorganised is another name for fearful avoidant.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

Theres also disorganised "

Yes, I forgot to add that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Secure

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By *obbychickWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

Theres also disorganised

Yes, I forgot to add that one. "

I got a mix of all of them

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

Theres also disorganised

Yes, I forgot to add that one.

I got a mix of all of them "

Yes, I’d say you was disorganised as well

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Done the test and I have a fearful avoidant style. I read more into it and it was quite insightful and yeah, it sums things up.

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By *obbychickWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

Theres also disorganised

Yes, I forgot to add that one.

I got a mix of all of them

Yes, I’d say you was disorganised as well

And you know that...how??

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Done the test and I have a fearful avoidant style. I read more into it and it was quite insightful and yeah, it sums things up."

I've honestly found it really useful to know and help me understand myself. I spent a lot of my younger years feeling like everyone I dated either made me feel suffocated or lonely and neglected and I felt like I was searching for an in between that didn't exist.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve just started a book called ‘Attached’ which is completely fascinating, and honestly has blown my mind already.

Do you know what your attachment style is?

Do you think you can change your attachment style?

I’m interested..."

Sounds really interesting. Who wrote it? Might look into it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve just started a book called ‘Attached’ which is completely fascinating, and honestly has blown my mind already.

Do you know what your attachment style is?

Do you think you can change your attachment style?

I’m interested...

Sounds really interesting. Who wrote it? Might look into it"

Amir Levine

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

Theres also disorganised

Yes, I forgot to add that one.

I got a mix of all of them

Yes, I’d say you was disorganised as well

And you know that...how??

Remember that time in the park?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d love to attachment my knob to your fangeen OP

Again, fucks sake, it hasn’t recovered from last time, and as for my arse

It’s time again

Don’t forget the aubergine, you know how much you like that

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By *obbychickWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

Theres also disorganised

Yes, I forgot to add that one.

I got a mix of all of them

Yes, I’d say you was disorganised as well

And you know that...how??

Remember that time in the park?

very organised from what I recall.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

Theres also disorganised

Yes, I forgot to add that one.

I got a mix of all of them "

A mix is good no

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I don't know what my attachment style is, when friends have previously mentioned it I've sort of pooh-pooed the whole idea of it.

Going by the responses on this thread I might try and find a decent quiz somewhere - the one I briefly looked up had a question about maintaining eye contact and that put me off because that's to do with me being Aspie, not my attachment style. Anyway, it might help me understand better my behaviour in relationships. Hopefully!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are."

I came back as 'Batshit crazy'..

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I'm very sceptical of any books or theories regarding love, attachment etc. All those bdsm and psyche quizzes floating around that are supposed to pinpoint exactly what type people are, I avoid.

I'm not a type of anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve just started a book called ‘Attached’ which is completely fascinating, and honestly has blown my mind already.

Do you know what your attachment style is?

Do you think you can change your attachment style?

I’m interested...

Sounds really interesting. Who wrote it? Might look into it

Amir Levine "

Thank you, will take a look

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By *obbychickWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

Theres also disorganised

Yes, I forgot to add that one.

I got a mix of all of them

A mix is good no

What’s yours then??

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm very sceptical of any books or theories regarding love, attachment etc. All those bdsm and psyche quizzes floating around that are supposed to pinpoint exactly what type people are, I avoid.

I'm not a type of anything. "

I hear what you’re saying, but this is very different to the faddy quizzes floating around.

We have an attachment style as far as I know. I think maybe it’s impossible not to have one.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I'm very sceptical of any books or theories regarding love, attachment etc. All those bdsm and psyche quizzes floating around that are supposed to pinpoint exactly what type people are, I avoid.

I'm not a type of anything.

I hear what you’re saying, but this is very different to the faddy quizzes floating around.

We have an attachment style as far as I know. I think maybe it’s impossible not to have one. "

It's the new "thing" probably making some rich somewhere.

I did one search and 2 sites already conflict. One says there are 3 different styles; another that there are 4.

I'll stick to not knowing which style I am. I don't think it would make a difference to my life anyway.

I'll follow out if interest though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’m going to look this up as I have no idea what style I am.

Theres also disorganised

Yes, I forgot to add that one.

I got a mix of all of them

A mix is good no

What’s yours then??

Mine was mainly secure with a splash of anxious

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm very sceptical of any books or theories regarding love, attachment etc. All those bdsm and psyche quizzes floating around that are supposed to pinpoint exactly what type people are, I avoid.

I'm not a type of anything.

I hear what you’re saying, but this is very different to the faddy quizzes floating around.

We have an attachment style as far as I know. I think maybe it’s impossible not to have one.

It's the new "thing" probably making some rich somewhere.

I did one search and 2 sites already conflict. One says there are 3 different styles; another that there are 4.

I'll stick to not knowing which style I am. I don't think it would make a difference to my life anyway.

I'll follow out if interest though.

It’s been around since the sixties

There were three original styles, and one was added after after more research.

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By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are."

I’ve just done the online test.

I’m 39% avoidant and 31.7% secure. 29% ambivalent/anxious and 7.3% disorganised

What does it all mean? Haha

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I’ve just started a book called ‘Attached’ which is completely fascinating, and honestly has blown my mind already.

Do you know what your attachment style is?

Do you think you can change your attachment style?

I’m interested..."

Secure with a little bit of fearful avoidant.

Yes it changes over time as you develop emotional intelligence

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By *oxyVikingCouple
over a year ago

East Anglia

Pretty even split between all of them. Is that a good thing or does it prove the fact that I’m confused about who I am and what I’m feeling? Freya

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’ve just done the online test.

I’m 39% avoidant and 31.7% secure. 29% ambivalent/anxious and 7.3% disorganised

What does it all mean? Haha"

Even spreads on psychometric tests are always invalid. It probably means you took too long to answer each question or just answer accurately.... do it again and answer fast and honestly !

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Fearful Avoidant: 18%

Anxious Preoccupied: 9%

Dismissive Avoidant: 9%

Secure: 64%

Not much of a surprise there

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I'm very sceptical of any books or theories regarding love, attachment etc. All those bdsm and psyche quizzes floating around that are supposed to pinpoint exactly what type people are, I avoid.

I'm not a type of anything.

I hear what you’re saying, but this is very different to the faddy quizzes floating around.

We have an attachment style as far as I know. I think maybe it’s impossible not to have one.

It's the new "thing" probably making some rich somewhere.

I did one search and 2 sites already conflict. One says there are 3 different styles; another that there are 4.

I'll stick to not knowing which style I am. I don't think it would make a difference to my life anyway.

I'll follow out if interest though.

It’s been around since the sixties

There were three original styles, and one was added after after more research. "

Yes, but, with the Internet and promotion it's becoming a popular thing to think about.

All articles I've read so far have based their information on one man's research of attachment theory.

Note, that it's a theory.

All good fun, and maybe it may help people who have attachment issues. I would only do the quiz out of curiosity, and wouldn't put any faith in them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know mine. Done this in my counselling last week. I have anxious attachment and disorganised attachment.

Do you think it helps, to understand? How’s the counselling going? "

Haven’t got to doing any exercises or techniques yet. I’m 6 weeks into it. Still in the talking part trying to get it all out.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’ve just done the online test.

I’m 39% avoidant and 31.7% secure. 29% ambivalent/anxious and 7.3% disorganised

What does it all mean? Haha

Even spreads on psychometric tests are always invalid. It probably means you took too long to answer each question or just answer accurately.... do it again and answer fast and honestly ! "

I watched an interesting Ted Talk on the Ink blot test recently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Disorganised and fearful/avoidant here. Only recently found out but it explains a lot about who I am!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Attachment to what? Family friends relationships books plants

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Attachment to what? Family friends relationships books plants"

Super glue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Attachment to what? Family friends relationships books plants

Super glue

Secure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm Anxious Preocupied according to the test i did. It was about relationships not parenting.

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By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are.

I’ve just done the online test.

I’m 39% avoidant and 31.7% secure. 29% ambivalent/anxious and 7.3% disorganised

What does it all mean? Haha

Even spreads on psychometric tests are always invalid. It probably means you took too long to answer each question or just answer accurately.... do it again and answer fast and honestly ! "

Trust me, I whittled through my responses and clicked the answer that hit my head first.

I do have aspergers though so could that possibly skew my results? Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are."

Which one would you recommend?

I googled 'attachment style quiz'.

Do they always ask about previous partners? If so the quiz is pointless as it gives the answer based on a shit or great partner.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I think that attachment is very complex. Humans are of course complex beings and the inter-relationship between different people multiplies the options and variables. We do form habits, stimulated and motivates by many things, in different ways. We have patterns but aren't closed to change either. Any relationship or experience along the way can jettison us towards a new outcome for our lives.

I think it's better to think of the facets of ourselves as existing upon continua. Some of them may be apparently contradictory to each other, which may highlight how we have more than 1 potential outcome, or never quite get what we think we want too.

My own experiences are mixed, from my life. We don't ever experience much of what we could in life and we also only get a fractionated superficial grasp of ourselves and others, including via psychology.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it.

Off-topic: your new pictures are amazing.

Thanks for sharing.

TLT

The equivocation on the word theory gets on my tits

Loads of research evidence from around the world...can be culturally mediated.

Of course. But the word "theory" is context dependent, and within research doesn't mean "wild arse guess""

Swing - your way with words is phenomenal

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Something I'd have to study so could understand it ... interesting in theory

The book is fascinating already and I’m not far into it.

Off-topic: your new pictures are amazing.

Thanks for sharing.

TLT

The equivocation on the word theory gets on my tits

Loads of research evidence from around the world...can be culturally mediated.

Of course. But the word "theory" is context dependent, and within research doesn't mean "wild arse guess"

Swing - your way with words is phenomenal

Haha, thank you

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"Apparently I'm perfect....... Who knew ?

Perfect exists on a spectrum too Granny - I think you were graded a little behind me, weren't you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone wanting a decent overview of all this and more check out ‘They Fuck You Up’ by Oliver James...covers all this and has lots of ‘tests’ for those that like them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think you can change your 'style', our feelings towards attachment or rejection are too deep rooted in our childhood relationships, particularly with our parents of course.

We can adapt though, and make better choices through experience. I believe the book you mention points in that direction in its advice ? "

I think your uncon.scious bias always shines through, but you can be aware of these things and work on improving them (if you want to change).. But you tend to find yourself naturally slipping back to your 'comfort zone'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Attachment theory fascinating, all stemming back to childhood, hiw it plays out today, so parent, child or adult, these being what we can be in certain situations...and yes with work your attachments or self defeating negative patterns of behaviour or coping mechanisms can defiantly be changed, but only you can change your script you are the greatest actor in your play of life

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By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman
over a year ago

lancashire

"Attachment styles are

Secure

Anxious

Avoidant.

There are online quizzes you can do to find out which style you are."

Does every one not have some of these? some 'attachments' more than other ones?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

According to the test i am 52% secure, 25% avoidant/dismissive 16% ambivalent/anxious, 5.6% disorganised

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

42% Fearful-avoidant

Fearful-avoidant attachment is also known as disorganized attachment. "reluctant to engage in a close relationship and a dire need to be loved by others." You don't want to be intimate with anyone, and yet you desperately crave affection.

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

I did one of those online test things once, I can't remember 100% but I think I was mostly secure type but closely followed by avoidant. Can't remember which sub-type it was... fearful? Dunno.

Basically from what I recall reading up on it, your attachment style is formed and moulded by your parents and how you were raised as a child. But yes, I'm sure it could be changed or altered (for better or worse) through life events or personal development.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm more intolerant to bs and liars.

Will only attach if I see honesty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am fascinated by this sort of thing, thanks covid my life has become this sad

I assume the only way these theories are created is by the study of a large number of actual instances. This makes sense as we are creatures of habit and usually follow the usual repeatable paths.

Random behaviour is not our preprogrammed mode. I know on a project I worked on it required someone to come up with a random pattern of 100 from 3 options. After 3 attempts it just stopped becoming random. Patterns would emerge so that would effect the person and they would mentally challenge their future random choices

In the end the only way we could guarantee randomness was to role a dice 1,2,3 then tin save time 4 =1, 5=2, 6=3

So if this theory is based upon actually people it must be fairy accurate

Belbin tests I think people know what they want to be seen as and try to influence the results

If you want to understand a lot more about yourself the jaharis window model is real insight

As for my attachment preference well I guess its another option altogether- looking for the impossible

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Any scientific theory is based on empirical evidence etc. That's what a scientific theory is. A theory is not just a random idea, it's "a well-substantiated explanation of an aspect of the natural world that can incorporate laws, hypotheses and facts."

So to the previous poster, attachment theory has substantial evidence to support it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any scientific theory is based on empirical evidence etc. That's what a scientific theory is. A theory is not just a random idea, it's "a well-substantiated explanation of an aspect of the natural world that can incorporate laws, hypotheses and facts."

So to the previous poster, attachment theory has substantial evidence to support it

But there are theories around dream interpretation and phrenology but can’t be based upon evidence

Any theories based upon personality traits are surely based upon patterns in human behaviour that have not really changed but we now have a name for them?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

So to the previous poster, attachment theory has substantial evidence to support it

But there are theories around dream interpretation and phrenology but can’t be based upon evidence

Any theories based upon personality traits are surely based upon patterns in human behaviour that have not really changed but we now have a name for them?

Phrenology etc is pseudoscience. It isn't a scientific theory. I'm not aware of scientific theories underpinning dream interpretation either. That's the issue with using the word theory in its non scientific sense (usually taken to mean a sketchy idea lacking evidence). It means the total opposite in my world!!

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

Bowlby's original research paper on attachment style was published in 1969, and has been further developed by other theoriticians over the past 50 years.

The fact that it is still bring discussed and developed is indicative of its veracity and validity.

The more aware one is of this and other psychological theories the better, because one can detect the developmental influences on current behaviours; and tweek ones responses.

But I am sceptical of quizzes; attachment is a complex issue.

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

"The four styles from the book:

secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized.

hmm disorganised probably (haven't read or done much, prob under a diff area).

My adhd basically makes me a bit all over the place, change quickly, even uproot and move within short periods of decision. largely driven by impulse and interest. It can be as obsessive over a person for a short period of time as it can a subject.

the personality side of me is probably secure, I'm quite content in my own company most of the time.

I'll find a quiz and see what i get.

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

Okay, going by the one I looked up the questions are geared at those in relationships, I'm not in one and tbh most I have been in for short periods of time have been abusive so I suppose maybe the answer of anxious is correct, since it is when people get close they harm me instead of loving me.

that sound really sad actually but I'm good with being on my own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Attachment theory has established four types of attachment: secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. Studies have shown that how a child first attaches to there caregivers has a lasting impact on how there relates to other people as they get older.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized.

It’s interesting that 3 of those styles could be perceived as negative traits.

Without reading the book or taking whatever tests there are, I would say I am personally looking for the opposite of everyone of those styles

Perhaps one day will come where you meet someone in a bar and ask them to just complete a quick questionnaire

Seems it’s was easier when options were

Beer goggles, completely d*unk, do you come here often, wow really your dad owns a pub ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Attachment theory has established four types of attachment: secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. Studies have shown that how a child first attaches to there caregivers has a lasting impact on how there relates to other people as they get older."

I wonder how that has impacted the results over the last century with the diversity of parents and caregivers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how that has impacted the results over the last century with the diversity of parents and caregivers "

The attachments stay the same, they'll play out in diffrebt ways in today's society.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how that has impacted the results over the last century with the diversity of parents and caregivers

The attachments stay the same, they'll play out in diffrebt ways in today's society....."

Here's a link to read about attachment theory

https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how that has impacted the results over the last century with the diversity of parents and caregivers

The attachments stay the same, they'll play out in diffrebt ways in today's society.....

Here's a link to read about attachment theory

https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html"

Thank you for that

Who would have thought I would have learnt psychology on a swingers site !!

Incredible how so many behaviours are set out for life from such a young age

I knew babies weren’t born with sweat glands and they only develop the amount needed based on their initial environment

Also children that are abandoned even as adults will hide food and not be able to answer “ what is your favourite colour/ film / song etc”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how that has impacted the results over the last century with the diversity of parents and caregivers

The attachments stay the same, they'll play out in diffrebt ways in today's society.....

Here's a link to read about attachment theory

https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html

Thank you for that

Who would have thought I would have learnt psychology on a swingers site !!

Incredible how so many behaviours are set out for life from such a young age

I knew babies weren’t born with sweat glands and they only develop the amount needed based on their initial environment

Also children that are abandoned even as adults will hide food and not be able to answer “ what is your favourite colour/ film / song etc”"

We can learn anywhere, fab is diverse the perfect breeding ground for learning if your open minded to others knowledge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay, going by the one I looked up the questions are geared at those in relationships, I'm not in one and tbh most I have been in for short periods of time have been abusive so I suppose maybe the answer of anxious is correct, since it is when people get close they harm me instead of loving me.

that sound really sad actually but I'm good with being on my own. "

I found this too. The quiz is surely assessing the crap ex and not you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Avoidment, ambivalent and disorganised. We have discovered why messages don't get answered on Fab!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think we need to not attach too much importance to the words used.

Your childhood and younger years, and your parenting mainly dictate your style, and it isn’t a negative/flaw in you.

There are lots of resources about it, where you can learn more, and view it as a positive thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how that has impacted the results over the last century with the diversity of parents and caregivers "

Only going by my own observations but I work in a day Nursery and we have all the babies in now who were born prior to lockdown and were in lockdown during those crucial months where they should be engaging in the world around them but instead they were in 4 walls not having the experiences of new surroundings and other people

At base level the over attached children are anxious, all needed extra time to transition and they have struggled to bond with their keyperson.

Time with the parents to ensure there is a triangulated approach to caring, as it is the relationship you create with the parents which determine the keyperson bond with the child.

We aren't seeing the parents so the triangulation approach hasn't worked.

Like I say at base level the children are anxious, fearful. They lack confidence and have no resilience or the ability to regulate emotion. And because they haven't attached to the keyperson there is no secure base.

I fear if we don't work hard now then god help society in their later life.

This is why secured attachment is so crucial to a child's development, the term 'attachment' doesn't mean 'glue yourself' it means nurturing the child, building the life skills they will need for future learning and living.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Very interesting thread to read through OP

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

I have to admit I’m always a bit sceptical on theory’s. A bit like stats they can be manipulated. If I remember correctly from school, John bowlby was commissioned by the world health organisation shortly after the end of the 2nd world war to do a report on this, the effects of separation, the needs of attachment of children to a maternal figure and the affects on their mental health. The aim being to get women back out of the factories and into the homes to give men their jobs back after war had ended. Maybe I’m just cynical

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how that has impacted the results over the last century with the diversity of parents and caregivers

At base level the over attached children are anxious, all needed extra time to transition and they have struggled to bond with their keyperson.

Time with the parents to ensure there is a triangulated approach to caring, as it is the relationship you create with the parents which determine the keyperson bond with the child.

We aren't seeing the parents so the triangulation approach hasn't worked.

I fear if we don't work hard now then god help society in their later life.

This is sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think we need to not attach too much importance to the words used.

Your childhood and younger years, and your parenting mainly dictate your style, and it isn’t a negative/flaw in you.

There are lots of resources about it, where you can learn more, and view it as a positive thing. "

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Secured attachment here. I’m very grateful for my upbringing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have to admit I’m always a bit sceptical on theory’s. A bit like stats they can be manipulated. If I remember correctly from school, John bowlby was commissioned by the world health organisation shortly after the end of the 2nd world war to do a report on this, the effects of separation, the needs of attachment of children to a maternal figure and the affects on their mental health. The aim being to get women back out of the factories and into the homes to give men their jobs back after war had ended. Maybe I’m just cynical"

Probably was. But his theory is still as relevant now as it ever was because it interlinks everything we do as parents

Like I said above I work in early years and my job is founded on these theories....Interwined in my practice and throughout the curriculum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how that has impacted the results over the last century with the diversity of parents and caregivers

At base level the over attached children are anxious, all needed extra time to transition and they have struggled to bond with their keyperson.

Time with the parents to ensure there is a triangulated approach to caring, as it is the relationship you create with the parents which determine the keyperson bond with the child.

We aren't seeing the parents so the triangulation approach hasn't worked.

I fear if we don't work hard now then god help society in their later life.

This is sad.

It makes for bleak reading doesn't it

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"You don't even know me !

Let me break those walls down then and let’s have a coffee when I’m next up in Maghull

Maghull .... hmmmmmmm. Curiouser and curiouser.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how that has impacted the results over the last century with the diversity of parents and caregivers

At base level the over attached children are anxious, all needed extra time to transition and they have struggled to bond with their keyperson.

Time with the parents to ensure there is a triangulated approach to caring, as it is the relationship you create with the parents which determine the keyperson bond with the child.

We aren't seeing the parents so the triangulation approach hasn't worked.

I fear if we don't work hard now then god help society in their later life.

This is sad.

It makes for bleak reading doesn't it

Yep. X

I thought in cases where babies from broken environments were later adopted into caring families, they can 'recover'. I know it's not the same thing but gives some hope?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder how that has impacted the results over the last century with the diversity of parents and caregivers

At base level the over attached children are anxious, all needed extra time to transition and they have struggled to bond with their keyperson.

Time with the parents to ensure there is a triangulated approach to caring, as it is the relationship you create with the parents which determine the keyperson bond with the child.

We aren't seeing the parents so the triangulation approach hasn't worked.

I fear if we don't work hard now then god help society in their later life.

This is sad.

It makes for bleak reading doesn't it

Yep. X

I thought in cases where babies from broken environments were later adopted into caring families, they can 'recover'. I know it's not the same thing but gives some hope? "

They can; but it can take a lot of work and they can go onto live stable lives but their still might be traits apparent such as a personality trait or mental health issues, this is why it is so complex as it isn't something that can be measured.

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

that sound really sad actually but I'm good with being on my own.

I found this too. The quiz is surely assessing the crap ex and not you."

Ex's, plural in my case. Which doesn't help because it's 3/5 that behaved like that.

I don't know if these tests work on ND folk because my personality (largely capricorn traits) vs my combined ADHD (more like gemini traits) are very conflicting to the point they are almost exact opposites or each other in the one body...FUCK!

They do work together at times other times its like a war!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I studied attachment theory in depth when I was younger. While a person has their own overall style, they will respond differently to other people based on their style. Two avoidant people will fade out of each others lives, fearful or anxious types will push each other away. A secure type will generally be an anchor for a fearful or avoidant type. I'm massively oversimplifying, but that's the gist of it.

I'm generally avoidant/ambivalent, so swinging suits me as it's got that distance. I don't tell people much about myself or allow myself to get invested. Anybody who's spoken to me knows I randomly go quiet for days at a time. It's really interesting stuff.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

" I don't know if these tests work on ND folk because my personality (largely capricorn traits) vs my combined ADHD (more like gemini traits) are very conflicting to the point they are almost exact opposites or each other in the one body...FUCK!

They do work together at times other times its like a war! "

Yep, I've been thinking the same thing. I've done a few of them now, read up on them and they do all seem to very much be on a neurotypical frame of thinking, rather redundant for those of us who are ND. Being skewed to cater towards the NT isn't surprising but it does mean I can't quite take it seriously on a personal level. For those who it works for, that's genuinely fantastic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve just started a book called ‘Attached’ which is completely fascinating, and honestly has blown my mind already.

Do you know what your attachment style is?

Do you think you can change your attachment style?

I’m interested..."

I feel like I've been negative on this thread but I've found it really interesting. Just want to say sorry and also thank you for making me think. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve just started a book called ‘Attached’ which is completely fascinating, and honestly has blown my mind already.

Do you know what your attachment style is?

Do you think you can change your attachment style?

I’m interested...

I feel like I've been negative on this thread but I've found it really interesting. Just want to say sorry and also thank you for making me think. X "

That’s great

. You don’t need to apologise, everyone’s viewpoints were welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/04/21 15:48:25]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve just started a book called ‘Attached’ which is completely fascinating, and honestly has blown my mind already.

Do you know what your attachment style is?

Do you think you can change your attachment style?

I’m interested...

I feel like I've been negative on this thread but I've found it really interesting. Just want to say sorry and also thank you for making me think. X

That’s great

. You don’t need to apologise, everyone’s viewpoints were welcome

How lovely to see this kindness and welcoming of different opinions from both of you. Its a pleasant change to the vitriol that is often exhibited in some threads

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By *onkey_boy87Man
over a year ago

derby

[Removed by poster at 03/04/21 16:20:50]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to bring this back into discussion, I took a more accurate test and could relate to my anxious result.

I definitely need to work on this as I tend to push people away when I worry they don't feel the way I do.

Something to work on, in the future

Thank you for bringing this subject up, it's revealed a side of me I need to work on xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just took a test and I'm a dismissive avoidant. Makes sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just did a quiz

Says I am mostly secure followed by avoident

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can all if them, depends on the day and what's going on for me internally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am working towards non-attachment,but I fall asleep. I’m falling awake more often though.

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