Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Back to forum list |
Back to The Lounge |
Jump to newest |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am spoiling this place for myself. Every time someone compliments me, sets up a future meet, dirty talk just anything my confidence talks me out of it. I have this inner dialogue that talks me out of anything. Anything at all. I can't even dirty talk anymore because I hate my body, its quite honestly the most hideous its ever been and if anyone even mentions nakedness well that turns me right off. Then someone asked what lingerie I like, I'm like its what ever fits at this point mate, so that ends that. Then they put forward a scenario and I'm like too fat for that, no way, fucking hell not in daylight. Not even joking, wish I was joking. I think I need to set up a place where underconfident people can meet in dark rooms and its understood when I brush their hands off my fat thighs and stomach without being offensive. I'm literally ruining every conversation for myself. How can I stop this? How do you heal confidence? Literally never been so bad confidence wise. " What took your confidence away? Was it sudden weight gain or a bad experience? Until you learn to love yourself you won't be able to heal yourself. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am spoiling this place for myself. Every time someone compliments me, sets up a future meet, dirty talk just anything my confidence talks me out of it. I have this inner dialogue that talks me out of anything. Anything at all. I can't even dirty talk anymore because I hate my body, its quite honestly the most hideous its ever been and if anyone even mentions nakedness well that turns me right off. Then someone asked what lingerie I like, I'm like its what ever fits at this point mate, so that ends that. Then they put forward a scenario and I'm like too fat for that, no way, fucking hell not in daylight. Not even joking, wish I was joking. I think I need to set up a place where underconfident people can meet in dark rooms and its understood when I brush their hands off my fat thighs and stomach without being offensive. I'm literally ruining every conversation for myself. How can I stop this? How do you heal confidence? Literally never been so bad confidence wise. What took your confidence away? Was it sudden weight gain or a bad experience? Until you learn to love yourself you won't be able to heal yourself. " I've put on 2 stone since nursing and losing my mum at Christmas. But I've always had that really destructive dialogue in my head but now its cemented in there and can volley back every compliment. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am spoiling this place for myself. Every time someone compliments me, sets up a future meet, dirty talk just anything my confidence talks me out of it. I have this inner dialogue that talks me out of anything. Anything at all. I can't even dirty talk anymore because I hate my body, its quite honestly the most hideous its ever been and if anyone even mentions nakedness well that turns me right off. Then someone asked what lingerie I like, I'm like its what ever fits at this point mate, so that ends that. Then they put forward a scenario and I'm like too fat for that, no way, fucking hell not in daylight. Not even joking, wish I was joking. I think I need to set up a place where underconfident people can meet in dark rooms and its understood when I brush their hands off my fat thighs and stomach without being offensive. I'm literally ruining every conversation for myself. How can I stop this? How do you heal confidence? Literally never been so bad confidence wise. " believe in yourself, you are a sexy empowered woman, with absolutely stunning eyes, i may add, . Be happy with yourself xx | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am spoiling this place for myself. Every time someone compliments me, sets up a future meet, dirty talk just anything my confidence talks me out of it. I have this inner dialogue that talks me out of anything. Anything at all. I can't even dirty talk anymore because I hate my body, its quite honestly the most hideous its ever been and if anyone even mentions nakedness well that turns me right off. Then someone asked what lingerie I like, I'm like its what ever fits at this point mate, so that ends that. Then they put forward a scenario and I'm like too fat for that, no way, fucking hell not in daylight. Not even joking, wish I was joking. I think I need to set up a place where underconfident people can meet in dark rooms and its understood when I brush their hands off my fat thighs and stomach without being offensive. I'm literally ruining every conversation for myself. How can I stop this? How do you heal confidence? Literally never been so bad confidence wise. What took your confidence away? Was it sudden weight gain or a bad experience? Until you learn to love yourself you won't be able to heal yourself. I've put on 2 stone since nursing and losing my mum at Christmas. But I've always had that really destructive dialogue in my head but now its cemented in there and can volley back every compliment. " Sounds like you've been through a tough time so be kind to yourself. This year has been shit for most people and losing your mum during the lockdown must have been hard. Take time to listen to how you are feeling and validate it. Tell yourself it's OK to feel those things but that they won't rule you. Just say thank you to those who pay you compliments. No agreement, not counter argument. Just thank you. It will feel weird at first but get comfortable reading them and accepting them. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am spoiling this place for myself. Every time someone compliments me, sets up a future meet, dirty talk just anything my confidence talks me out of it. I have this inner dialogue that talks me out of anything. Anything at all. I can't even dirty talk anymore because I hate my body, its quite honestly the most hideous its ever been and if anyone even mentions nakedness well that turns me right off. Then someone asked what lingerie I like, I'm like its what ever fits at this point mate, so that ends that. Then they put forward a scenario and I'm like too fat for that, no way, fucking hell not in daylight. Not even joking, wish I was joking. I think I need to set up a place where underconfident people can meet in dark rooms and its understood when I brush their hands off my fat thighs and stomach without being offensive. I'm literally ruining every conversation for myself. How can I stop this? How do you heal confidence? Literally never been so bad confidence wise. " 1. if you don' like it change it only you can, if it's your body, change your life style to where you want to be but love it 'cos its your vessel for life you only get one. confidence wise have you ever heard 'fake it 'til you make it'? ....that's what it means, fake confidence, just put it out there and own it!! what other people think of you is none of your business, just leave them to it and carry on with YOUR life. How you think of you is! We're only ever in a race with ourselves. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It took me losing weight and gaining weight to get a proper perspective on this negative thinking. There are 3 types of women for every plus size. Those who are happy at that size, those losing weight who are overjoyed to be that size, and those gaining weight who find it shameful to be that size. Is this the biggest you've ever been? When I was ill I went up to a size 28. I got better and lost the weight without trying - to my natural, stable, size 22. With lockdown I've strayed into size 24 for 1 or 2 plus size brands. But rather than beat myself up I remind myself how happy I was to be a 24 when I was losing weight. I felt amazing, not ashamed. So why should I feel ashamed now the direction is going the other way? Be kind to yourself. You may feel disgustingly fat; but being fat isn't disgusting x" God this is so true. Our minds are incredibly weird and wonderful things and we often don’t see what others do. Be kind to yourself OP | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am spoiling this place for myself. Every time someone compliments me, sets up a future meet, dirty talk just anything my confidence talks me out of it. I have this inner dialogue that talks me out of anything. Anything at all. I can't even dirty talk anymore because I hate my body, its quite honestly the most hideous its ever been and if anyone even mentions nakedness well that turns me right off. Then someone asked what lingerie I like, I'm like its what ever fits at this point mate, so that ends that. Then they put forward a scenario and I'm like too fat for that, no way, fucking hell not in daylight. Not even joking, wish I was joking. I think I need to set up a place where underconfident people can meet in dark rooms and its understood when I brush their hands off my fat thighs and stomach without being offensive. I'm literally ruining every conversation for myself. How can I stop this? How do you heal confidence? Literally never been so bad confidence wise. " There is a methodology where you create a safe/strong place (great for sub drop). It stops what is an almost stimulus’ negative response behaviour. Your mind can be your biggest enemy, however, refocused it is your biggest pleasure. Relax, have fun. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Thank you everyone I appreciate it xxx " please just take care of you x x x | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Thank you everyone I appreciate it xxx please just take care of you x x x" Thanks Taff! Cuppa once my head is wobbled lol | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Why do you want to stop the feeling? Sex with strangers doesn't define who you are. Why not take the pressure off and hide your profile for 6 months. Who gives a crap what strangers think. They will just piss you off more with their compliments. You don't know if they are serious or just after a shag. 6 months with the pressure off and no need to 'be' someone's wank dream. Just be you. xx" I agree. There’s no point putting yourself out there if you’re not really wanting to be out there. It will just make you miserable. Being pursued for sex when you’re not in the mood for sex just gets super annoying, particularly by folk who just want sex and who don’t give a flying fuck about the person behind the fanny. Your world could be falling apart and they just want to know if you like anal? That’s never going to make you feel better. So focus on YOU for a bit. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am spoiling this place for myself. Every time someone compliments me, sets up a future meet, dirty talk just anything my confidence talks me out of it. I have this inner dialogue that talks me out of anything. Anything at all. I can't even dirty talk anymore because I hate my body, its quite honestly the most hideous its ever been and if anyone even mentions nakedness well that turns me right off. Then someone asked what lingerie I like, I'm like its what ever fits at this point mate, so that ends that. Then they put forward a scenario and I'm like too fat for that, no way, fucking hell not in daylight. Not even joking, wish I was joking. I think I need to set up a place where underconfident people can meet in dark rooms and its understood when I brush their hands off my fat thighs and stomach without being offensive. I'm literally ruining every conversation for myself. How can I stop this? How do you heal confidence? Literally never been so bad confidence wise. " The longest journey starts with one small step, I think you're trying to get to the destination (filthy talks, meets, etc) immediately and to soon. Start with normal chats and then maybe a bit of flirting and progress slowly. If the guy wants to go straight to inbetweeners style "I want to f..k you're f..king fanny off, you twat" talk he's maybe not the kind of guy you need to get your confidence back. Good luck | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am spoiling this place for myself. Every time someone compliments me, sets up a future meet, dirty talk just anything my confidence talks me out of it. I have this inner dialogue that talks me out of anything. Anything at all. I can't even dirty talk anymore because I hate my body, its quite honestly the most hideous its ever been and if anyone even mentions nakedness well that turns me right off. Then someone asked what lingerie I like, I'm like its what ever fits at this point mate, so that ends that. Then they put forward a scenario and I'm like too fat for that, no way, fucking hell not in daylight. Not even joking, wish I was joking. I think I need to set up a place where underconfident people can meet in dark rooms and its understood when I brush their hands off my fat thighs and stomach without being offensive. I'm literally ruining every conversation for myself. How can I stop this? How do you heal confidence? Literally never been so bad confidence wise. " If you're trying to build your confidence in a foundation of sex with casual partners and all that entails you'll be building on shifting sand. Don't measure your worth in numbers of men who want to have sex with you or through the lens of men's eyes. Measure your worth in *your* achievements, the things you've done, your good qualities. Start with one thing and build on it. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Get a notepad and write things you do in it each day. Anything and everything you achieve from did the washing up to started a thread to see how I could improve my confidence. You'll see how they soon mount up, and may surprise yourself how much you do each day without realising. When you see it written down, it's confirmation that these things are real, they exist, and you did them. That alone can give you a confidence boost because you see yourself as more than your reflection. Seeing things you achieve on a daily basis can also give you the confidence to try things that might not be so easy and natural, including giving yourself credit. " I like this. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Post new Message to Thread |
back to top |