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"I have noticed a lot of kink shaming recently too. We all have our thing, and if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it. " Exactly  I hate seeing kink shaming  | |||
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"Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others. Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous " Stupid question alert but what's gatekeeping?  | |||
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"You're not a proper swinger unless you've wrestled in a paddling pool full of marmalade. " Hope that's the smooth not one with bits, be a nightmare to wash out your hair | |||
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"Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others. Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous Stupid question alert but what's gatekeeping? "Not a stupid question...you beat me to asking!  | |||
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"Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others. Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous Stupid question alert but what's gatekeeping? "It where people try to define the rules of entry into a community by ‘keeping the gate’ of entry | |||
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"Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others. Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous Stupid question alert but what's gatekeeping?
Not a stupid question...you beat me to asking! "Haha! Glad it wasn't just me | |||
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"Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others. Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous Stupid question alert but what's gatekeeping?
It where people try to define the rules of entry into a community by ‘keeping the gate’ of entry"Makes sense. Thank you | |||
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"You're not a proper swinger unless you've wrestled in a paddling pool full of marmalade. Hope that's the smooth not one with bits, be a nightmare to wash out your hair "I was going to say the one with bits tastes much nicer though - but now I'm not sure that sounds right in  | |||
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"You're not a proper swinger unless you've wrestled in a paddling pool full of marmalade. Hope that's the smooth not one with bits, be a nightmare to wash out your hair "Stop being such a prude  | |||
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"Think people in general would rather state their disapproval of a kink or whatever, rather than ask and seek to understand. Plus I think people like to feel superior so their way is the correct way. I personally think people should worry more about if they are enjoying themselves than what others do to enjoy. " Yep. Sometimes you just won't understand too and just end up accepting that you don't get it but live and let live. Too many struggle with the let live part though. It's annoying on here to try and start a discussion about something or find other people who enjoy the same thing and just end up with 170/175 comments being from people saying they're not into it  . | |||
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"Think people in general would rather state their disapproval of a kink or whatever, rather than ask and seek to understand. Plus I think people like to feel superior so their way is the correct way. I personally think people should worry more about if they are enjoying themselves than what others do to enjoy. Yep. Sometimes you just won't understand too and just end up accepting that you don't get it but live and let live. Too many struggle with the let live part though. It's annoying on here to try and start a discussion about something or find other people who enjoy the same thing and just end up with 170/175 comments being from people saying they're not into it . "Exactly I know there's things I don't get, doesn't bother me so why comment on it? I fail to see the point in a long list of vomit emoji. It just kills the conversation for those who'd like to discuss it in an open forum. | |||
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"You're not a proper swinger unless you've wrestled in a paddling pool full of marmalade. " Marmalade you say? | |||
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"Think people in general would rather state their disapproval of a kink or whatever, rather than ask and seek to understand. Plus I think people like to feel superior so their way is the correct way. I personally think people should worry more about if they are enjoying themselves than what others do to enjoy. Yep. Sometimes you just won't understand too and just end up accepting that you don't get it but live and let live. Too many struggle with the let live part though. It's annoying on here to try and start a discussion about something or find other people who enjoy the same thing and just end up with 170/175 comments being from people saying they're not into it .
Exactly I know there's things I don't get, doesn't bother me so why comment on it? I fail to see the point in a long list of vomit emoji. It just kills the conversation for those who'd like to discuss it in an open forum. "Agreed. It also makes people less likely to discuss their kinks, if they feel they will be shamed. I don’t always comment on threads if I’m feeling fragile, so I don’t have to defend what I like. | |||
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"I want to know who has the right to put people down because they don't fit in with their ideal. Everyone has preferences and that's ok, just because yours doesn't fit with theirs, it doesn't make you any better than the next person! It just means that you probably wouldn't be compatible in any way. Your way is not the only way! Swinging is what you want it to be! Just because you don't ever go to a swinging club, it doesn't make you any less of a swinger. If you never have a gangbang, it doesn't make you any less of a swinger. There is a saying in the BDSM community...You Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Ok...this applies here. The core of swinging is basically casual sex, where you branch out from there is completely your choice. Some people only meet at clubs, some people only meet someone once, some people like to form friendships with others and meet on a regular basis. No matter what you decide, it is all ok, it doesn't make you any less of a swinger. You just have to find someone who's preferences match yours. Shaming someone because your preferences don't match...that is definitely not ok!! People like this are what gives the community a bad reputation, have a bit of respect before putting others down and take a long hard look in the mirror...being cruel is not attractive no matter how pretty the face. I may get some stick for this, but I've noticed more and more shaming on here recently and it is not good. For God sake, if you have nothing nice to say, then keep your god damn mouth shut! Your words could hurt someone more than you realise. And no, I am not bothered personally it's water off a ducks back, but I'm just fed up with it. I'll get back in my box now lmao "Hear hear... We've been at the sharp end of this and it's not nice... | |||
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"You're not a proper swinger unless you've wrestled in a paddling pool full of marmalade. " Dam thats where I'm going wrong | |||
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"This is the way " To where? Amarillo? | |||
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"This is the way To where? Amarillo? " Depends on the car we are using | |||
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"Couldn't agree more OP - no matter the preference, whether it be a kink, or how someone approaches the site etc there is no room for judgement - I personally find it fascinating to learn from others about their preferences and kinks, especially those I don't necessarily "get" myself - there have been some I have come to appreciate or be interested in more simply because I've been able to understand someone else's liking of them better through talking about it. The only slight word of caution I'd add is around where someone has a liking of something but may have a skewed view of it, it can be a dangerous thing - the most obvious example being BDSM where there are many who think it is simply a case of a sub doing whatever a Dom tells them - which if they have a level of knowledge and understanding it of course can be, sadly in a lot of cases that knowledge and understanding is not there - and where that is obvious I think it's absolutely right to question and try and educate, although not necessarily judge." Yes, your point about BDSM is a good one. I myself have been in the BDSM scene twice as long as I have the swinging scene and have made some very good, knowledgeable friends. I was extremely lucky to have a great introduction to it and an amazing mentor who pointed me in the right direction and helped me do hours and hours of research before meeting anyone. Just so that I had a very basic understanding of the roles, fetishes and safety aspects before jumping in. It can be extremely dangerous, both mentally and physically, so everyone should always question everything, but unfortunately you will always get the ones who will use naivety and lack of knowledge to their own advantage...in both communities
So yes, question absolutely everything! Do your own research and don't rely on what someone is telling you.
If anyone ever approached me for advice, then I would do my best to help them. I will never profess to being an expert, far from it and I always see "experienced Dom" as a red flag, but I can point them towards a few websites and books for them to do their own research.
There is so much more I could add, but this has gone way off the original topic and has gotten way too long. If anyone does want to drop me a message to know how and where I started my BDSM journey, then please feel free and I can point you towards a couple sites x | |||
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"You're not a proper swinger unless you've wrestled in a paddling pool full of marmalade. Marmalade you say? "I knew your ears would prick up at that! | |||
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"if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it. " Well thats us on the naughty step then.... Its quite eye opening when you realise that there are some things you are unable to consent to in the eyes of the law. | |||
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"if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it. Well thats us on the naughty step then.... Its quite eye opening when you realise that there are some things you are unable to consent to in the eyes of the law." Oh  , that might be stuff I do too, do I need to know which things ? | |||
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" There is so much more I could add, but this has gone way off the original topic and has gotten way too long. If anyone does want to drop me a message to know how and where I started my BDSM journey, then please feel free and I can point you towards a couple sites x" Snipped to save scroll angst but I don't think you've gone way off topic at all - many of the principles you would apply to BDSM have a correlation to any other topic also - it essentially comes down to knowledge, respect, personal integrity, preference, and a degree of self-awareness along with comfort whether it be about BDSM, swinging, watersports, sploshing or any of a myriad of activities. For me those that judge others "way" are lacking knowledge and respect just for starters. | |||
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"if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it. Well thats us on the naughty step then.... Its quite eye opening when you realise that there are some things you are unable to consent to in the eyes of the law. Oh , that might be stuff I do too, do I need to know which things ?"Basically a lot of BDSM. Apparently you can't consent to assault. | |||
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"You're not a proper swinger unless you've wrestled in a paddling pool full of marmalade. Marmalade you say?
I knew your ears would prick up at that! "It's like my Bat Signal | |||
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"I agree that nobody has the right to tell others "how" to swing, however one thing that should be commonplace is respect and morals. Those 2 lack massively across the site, therefore I wouldn't call those people swingers, I'd call them cunts." That's a whole other issue...whose moral code should everyone follow | |||
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"Basically a lot of BDSM. Apparently you can't consent to assault. " R v Brown. Every law student's favourite/least favourite case. | |||
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"if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it. Well thats us on the naughty step then.... Its quite eye opening when you realise that there are some things you are unable to consent to in the eyes of the law. Oh , that might be stuff I do too, do I need to know which things ?
Basically a lot of BDSM. Apparently you can't consent to assault. "Oh well, then I will change my response to, as long as it’s not harming anyone except me, with my consent, we should be left to get on with it | |||
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"Basically a lot of BDSM. Apparently you can't consent to assault. R v Brown. Every law student's favourite/least favourite case. " Very good  | |||
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