FabSwingers.com forum: Is possible...

By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’m wondering, with some of the comments I’ve read tonight, whether it’s possible to object to popular posters, threads or ‘jokes’ without appearing to be or being accused of being petty or butt hurt?

Does being ignored, passed over, having objections or contrary opinions equate to sour grapes?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you in the clique?

Am I in the clique?

In answer to your question I really don’t know.

I tend to just not bother getting involved if I don’t agree with stuff these days.

I’ve called stuff out before, it didn’t make me happy so I rarely repeat the exercise.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Well known posters don't even agree or sometimes even like each other *shrugs*

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

Try it and see, I will be watching with my tub of popcorn.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Honestly who knows, the world would be boring if everyone got along with each other.

It's inevitable wherever you go someone will be put out or feel ignored

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Huh?

I think you think too hard mate!

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I’ve noticed stuff more since coming back from an 8 month break.. it can be difficult to challenge some ‘popular’ posters. But if people think their opinions are more important than someone else’s then the place is no longer a conversation.

Nobody should agree with only people they want to shag. It’s dull

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I’m happy to say I don’t really notice or invest enough in the nuances of Fab posters, popularity and who is butthurt anymore. I’m also careful not to post anything which may upset anyone. I like the forums as a way to pass as the time and read the musings of people I that make me smile. I don’t like the forums being a thing I care too much about though.

That didn’t really answer the question but I guess that’s true to my style at least.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

I don't really know and I'm too tired to think too deeply.

I do know that what I have seen and heard today, there are some people on here that causes trouble for others both on here and behind the scenes, and cause unnecessary hurt and bad feelings. It sickens me. I'm not just talking of forumites though.

Mrs

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I’m wondering, with some of the comments I’ve read tonight, whether it’s possible to object to popular posters, threads or ‘jokes’ without appearing to be or being accused of being petty or butt hurt?

Does being ignored, passed over, having objections or contrary opinions equate to sour grapes?

Text is a funny medium in that it the reader can often interpret it in a way unintended by the writer.

This can mean that objections or contrary opinions can be misconstrued leading to accusations of being pretty or butt hurt.

Also when it comes to being ignored or over looked, and accusations of cliques, what people fail to realise is that “friends” will talk with their “friends” and pay more attention to them. People they don’t know or interact with ate less likely to be involved in those conversations.

Just like conversations in person, people are not required to talk to you, the only difference with a forum is everyone has the opportunity to put their point forward.

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

I think it depends on how that initial opinion is challenged. You can have a respectful debate with another person but if your opinion is really against the grain, then it can feel that people pile onto them without giving them a chance to defend themselves.

It's not a clique, but it is certainly a hive mind.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

There can be an air of like minded people coming to the aid of their friends. When I first started using the forum I disagreed with someone and gosh did I know their mates weren't happy.

Luckily it was a subject I'm passionate about and have knowledge on, so could shrug it off. But I did refrain from commenting for a while. Now I don't care who disagrees with me as long as it's done without personal attacks.

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I’ve noticed stuff more since coming back from an 8 month break.. it can be difficult to challenge some ‘popular’ posters. But if people think their opinions are more important than someone else’s then the place is no longer a conversation.

Nobody should agree with only people they want to shag. It’s dull

Absolutely! Since coming back I've noticed a huge difference, mostly in a few peoples attitudes. Some for the better and some, sadly, not.

I'm me. Ignored or not, while it can feel shitty, it certainly won't change me or how I behave around others.

It's not sour grapes, it's disappointment really

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

As hard as it is I tend to resist sometimes as I don't always have what would be deemed to be popular opinions but it goes down badly with me that we are losing our ability to express opinion without being shouted down. I like debate and I am willing to listen to different opimion and angles, it's educational and my even sway your own opinion but most will not engage in reasonable debate to reach middle ground. I enjoy playing devils advocate sometimes to give an opposing perspective but it's not easy on a lot of forums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does being ignored, passed over, having objections or contrary opinions equate to sour grapes?

Define popular? Popular by whose standards? Their own or the happy campers who follow them around the fora

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Does being ignored, passed over, having objections or contrary opinions equate to sour grapes?

Text is a funny medium in that it the reader can often interpret it in a way unintended by the writer.

This can mean that objections or contrary opinions can be misconstrued leading to accusations of being pretty or butt hurt.

Just like conversations in person, people are not required to talk to you, the only difference with a forum is everyone has the opportunity to put their point forward."

I absolutely agree with your first points but the subsequent points about ‘why’ a person might feel ignored is secondary to what I’m asking.

I’m not asking why a person might feel ignored, I’m asking if someone responds about it, is it always construed as being butt hurt?

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Does being ignored, passed over, having objections or contrary opinions equate to sour grapes?

Define popular? Popular by whose standards? Their own or the happy campers who follow them around the fora"

Happy campers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess it is down to the individual, and the mood they are in at the time.

I’ve disagreed with people on here occasionally, but the fast moving and busy nature of it, means that I forget who I’ve disagreed with generally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all suppose to be light hearted fun and discussions but unfortunately some people choose to over step the mark on occasion.

I comment on what interests me , if I'm ignored I'm not going to cry over it. Enough going on in this crazy world to worry about than some tit for tat crap..

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I'm not sure I could spot the popular posters who appear untouchable at the moment.

I know the old posters and their styles of getting their comments in. I will read some and not others.

Time away makes it easier to exercise choice not to join in. I recommend regular breaks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't rely on the forums for affirmation, confirmation or validity

I think that's a ticket to sticky wicketville

I come here for my own amusement and if I make someone think or feel differently or smile along the way, great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't really know and I'm too tired to think too deeply.

Mrs"

I am relieved that I dont have this, sometimes ignorance is bliss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There can be an air of like minded people coming to the aid of their friends. When I first started using the forum I disagreed with someone and gosh did I know their mates weren't happy.

I agree, personal attacks, especially using ridicule instead of constructional criticism annoys me.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Does being ignored, passed over, having objections or contrary opinions equate to sour grapes?

Define popular? Popular by whose standards? Their own or the happy campers who follow them around the fora"

There isn’t a system of rating popularity (thankfully) but by popular, I mean those that post regularly and know each other, for arguments sake.

I will also say that I’m not accusing anyone, being popular isn’t a crime or a negative thing

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By *ilfCrumpet9Man
over a year ago

Wirral

Very clicky in here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does being ignored, passed over, having objections or contrary opinions equate to sour grapes?

Define popular? Popular by whose standards? Their own or the happy campers who follow them around the fora

There isn’t a system of rating popularity (thankfully) but by popular, I mean those that post regularly and know each other, for arguments sake.

I will also say that I’m not accusing anyone, being popular isn’t a crime or a negative thing"

When they take the piss to look big annoys me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does being ignored, passed over, having objections or contrary opinions equate to sour grapes?

Define popular? Popular by whose standards? Their own or the happy campers who follow them around the fora

Happy campers

I nearly called them cronies but thought I'd refrain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Very clicky in here "

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

There is definitely a "clique" that I avoid at all costs as its nothing but drama. On most threads they comment on everyone else is overlooked or ignored.

I'd rather stand alone than be one of the flock

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Nobody should agree with only people they want to shag. It’s dull

Absolutely! Since coming back I've noticed a huge difference, mostly in a few peoples attitudes. Some for the better and some, sadly, not.

I'm me. Ignored or not, while it can feel shitty, it certainly won't change me or how I behave around others.

It's not sour grapes, it's disappointment really

Case in point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Text is blind.

You don't know if the poster is making a joke or being serious if they do not add a smiley icon.

Words are important but if we take them to seriously we risk destroying everything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does being ignored, passed over, having objections or contrary opinions equate to sour grapes?

I guess it all comes down to hiw highly do you value people's opinion, on a forum, where in essence you don't actually kniw the full person or tge entirity..

Also peopkes perceptions play into sour grapes, which can change from day to day, what may not affect md today may affect me tomorrow...

Have fun be yourself, accept yourself fir you...then those that mind really don't matter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does being ignored, passed over, having objections or contrary opinions equate to sour grapes?

Define popular? Popular by whose standards? Their own or the happy campers who follow them around the fora

There isn’t a system of rating popularity (thankfully) but by popular, I mean those that post regularly and know each other, for arguments sake.

I will also say that I’m not accusing anyone, being popular isn’t a crime or a negative thing"

No of course not a negative thing at all, but it is horrible when they are in groups and displaying that pack like behaviours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm amused that people care. Let em crack on

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Very clicky in here "

Sorry its my joints. Getting old.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I observe.. I prefer to air my opinions in public as part of healthy, in person, debate.

Things can get so misconstrued when written down, context & tone & body language is completely lost!

Sometimes I want to join in and put my two pennece worth in but sit on my hands as I know I will just get wound up.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

You can almost see the pack circling if you dare to disagree with someone, can no one think for themselves or do they need that pack to feel strong and back them up

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By *oncupiscence73Woman
over a year ago

South

"There is definitely a "clique" that I avoid at all costs as its nothing but drama. On most threads they comment on everyone else is overlooked or ignored.

I'd rather stand alone than be one of the flock

I need to pay more attention I think .... I have no clue really who I’m replying to on most threads ... the ‘top ten forumite threads’ make uncomfortable reading bit high school ish but other than that it goes over my head ... I must pay more attention

Ps I can also never tell who is who when people change their pfps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit fruit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit fruit. "

Sorry, wrong thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure this is a fab specific thing. A lot of people don't stand up for their views in real life too, because it's easier not to, or they'll be liked more if they're more amenable. Some just don't want the agro.

To stand against the crowd and say "I think this is wrong" is brave and not everyone will do it.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"You can almost see the pack circling if you dare to disagree with someone, can no one think for themselves or do they need that pack to feel strong and back them up "

Yup!!! It’s sad and very common!!!

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"There is definitely a "clique" that I avoid at all costs as its nothing but drama. On most threads they comment on everyone else is overlooked or ignored.

I'd rather stand alone than be one of the flock

Ps I can also never tell who is who when people change their pfps "

You will soon notice if you watch lol. Its quite funny really. I'm still trying to work out who is Gru and in charge of the minions pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not sure this is a fab specific thing. A lot of people don't stand up for their views in real life too, because it's easier not to, or they'll be liked more if they're more amenable. Some just don't want the agro.

To stand against the crowd and say "I think this is wrong" is brave and not everyone will do it."

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I think there can be moments when you try to join in on the threads and you get passed over several times it can get disheartening. But then some threads move so fast you can't keep track.

If I get to the point it's effecting me I know thats the time to put the phone down and walk away - sometimes easier said than done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just post on whatever I feel like. If I'm seen to avoid anyone I can assure you its just a coincidence. I hardly look at who has actually posted in honesty, and if people disagree with something I said that's fine, there's no laws here that anyone has to like me or agree with me and vice versa. I prefer to be blissfully ignorant of who likes who and what goes on. I'd hate to upset anyone so if I ever do please feel free to say something. I need a bollo king or correcting at times, I'm not perfect.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I've got to the point lately where there are certain threads and/or posters where it's pointless commenting with anything other than a view that matches that of the poster or the topic at hand - because to post anything that offers an opposing view will either be dismissed, ignored or shut down out of hand.

As someone said earlier there's no willingness to find a middle ground or common understanding, which I know isn't always possible with some subjects, but views lately seem to be so polarised that it's not even worth exploring to see if it can be found.

Short version is I pick and choose my moments a lot more now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can almost see the pack circling if you dare to disagree with someone, can no one think for themselves or do they need that pack to feel strong and back them up "

I've taken breaks from here and was once subject to a Facebook campaign to get me off the forum.

A woman from here showed me the discussion on a fab ladies private WhatsApp group.

Funny thing was the woman who was bad mouthing me became a subject of bullying on here and hasn't come back.

You just need to carry on.take a break if needed but be yourself.

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By *ilfCrumpet9Man
over a year ago

Wirral

"Very clicky in here

Sorry its my joints. Getting old. "

My point exactly

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

"There is definitely a "clique" that I avoid at all costs as its nothing but drama. On most threads they comment on everyone else is overlooked or ignored.

I'd rather stand alone than be one of the flock

Ps I can also never tell who is who when people change their pfps

You will soon notice if you watch lol. Its quite funny really. I'm still trying to work out who is Gru and in charge of the minions pmsl

If you find them could you ask for a pair of the dungarees - I think I could rock them

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Same as Mac Lass I don’t notice the relationships among posters. I enjoy the feisty posts usually .... and if I don’t then I can ignore them.

V x

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Yes, it is possible. I disagree with posts fairly often. It doesn't mean I dislike the poster, I don't agree with their post. If people can make the debates not a personal attack, I'm not sure why it wouldn't be. Having typed that, it can be horrid to read at times - like when posters have a "laugh" at the expense of a new poster who clearly doesn't like it. I've stood up for the newbie before and I'm not sorry for doing so. I also don't like seeing drama being brought into the forum and the mini digs - no need for it.

Sometimes it's clearly sour grapes and that's fair enough. The whole thing is all smoke and mirrors as a wise old man told me tonight.

The only thing that mildly irks me are those who say about people not including them and yet several times on their threads they've only commented on the attractive opposite sex and ignored my replies. Stones in glass houses comes to mind.

Anyway, fuck it. Too much energy can be spent on thinking about the forums and the myriad of people on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can almost see the pack circling if you dare to disagree with someone, can no one think for themselves or do they need that pack to feel strong and back them up

I've taken breaks from here and was once subject to a Facebook campaign to get me off the forum.

A woman from here showed me the discussion on a fab ladies private WhatsApp group.

Funny thing was the woman who was bad mouthing me became a subject of bullying on here and hasn't come back.

You just need to carry on.take a break if needed but be yourself."

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"You can almost see the pack circling if you dare to disagree with someone, can no one think for themselves or do they need that pack to feel strong and back them up "

There is that.

Coming back, I think it’s become fairly clear that there’s an established way of things and commenting. That perceived opinions are more important than actual honesty and that a number of people believe that they’re above being challenged on their opinions or toxic behaviours and challenging them results in being abused or attacked

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Thinking more on it, do these kind of threads make things worse? Oh the forum has changed, or aren't those people in the elusive clique are silly and can't think for themselves. Is that in itself not ganging up on the "them" thereby fostering a them and us attitude?

Please feel free to ignore, disagree or god forbid agree as you will

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you in the clique?

Am I in the clique?

In answer to your question I really don’t know.

I tend to just not bother getting involved if I don’t agree with stuff these days.

I’ve called stuff out before, it didn’t make me happy so I rarely repeat the exercise."

This is my take now, I really can’t be arsed on here to get involved most of the time, its different in real life I will call stuff out if I think someone’s being a dick to someone else.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"There is definitely a "clique" that I avoid at all costs as its nothing but drama. On most threads they comment on everyone else is overlooked or ignored.

I'd rather stand alone than be one of the flock

Ps I can also never tell who is who when people change their pfps

You will soon notice if you watch lol. Its quite funny really. I'm still trying to work out who is Gru and in charge of the minions pmsl

If you find them could you ask for a pair of the dungarees - I think I could rock them

You would but only with a yellow polo neck lol

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I dont take much notice these days. Ive mellowed and generally leave things than get into an arguement.

Like someone else said i have no idea who the untouchables are i pay little attention

Im here for myself.

When i hid ny profile i expected to be ignored but am somewhat surprised people do include me.

Think your over thinking it op

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"You can almost see the pack circling if you dare to disagree with someone, can no one think for themselves or do they need that pack to feel strong and back them up

There is that.

I agree with that.

As said previously you just think what is the point, the art of debate / discussion doesn’t exist.

Some prefer to shout, my view is all that matters, will not listen to the other view, just repeat the same over & over or usually results in them trying to belittle someone as they are deemed ‘stupid’ for not listening, for not accepting the only view

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's ban the serious bring back the fun

do I have a second

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By *ny1localMan
over a year ago

READING

"You can almost see the pack circling if you dare to disagree with someone, can no one think for themselves or do they need that pack to feel strong and back them up "
there's been many an occasion I've seen 'pack action 'at work in the forums, but you know what? I'm too old and experienced to worry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The forums can be a wonderful fun place most the time, but occassionally having a difference of opinion or simply agreeing with a friend can have you branded as a bully or being in a clique.

This however is life. Even in the real world, people will debate, people will make friends and people will hate each other.

The only time it is not ok is to publically ridicule someone for simply being different or having a different kink.

I like to post fun threads, i do fun cam nights to try bring people together, but sometimes just being noticed on forums and people noticing you have friends can bring unwanted drama.

I wish this wasnt the case but as I said, it is part and parcel of life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can almost see the pack circling if you dare to disagree with someone, can no one think for themselves or do they need that pack to feel strong and back them up

I've taken breaks from here and was once subject to a Facebook campaign to get me off the forum.

A woman from here showed me the discussion on a fab ladies private WhatsApp group.

Funny thing was the woman who was bad mouthing me became a subject of bullying on here and hasn't come back.

You just need to carry on.take a break if needed but be yourself.

There are a few groups out there which the woman on here slag men off and give them bad reputations to prevent them getting meets.

And most of the time is over a forum post they disagree with and judge them on that instead of forming an opinion on any actual conversation.

This is what happens when it's in the women's favour on sites like this. They bitch about each other and get jealous over one getting a guy before them.

I'm not saying all women on here behave like this but it goes on, I've seen it and to be honest I'm not surprised

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Regular does not equal popular, and why does anyone care anyway? Most of us will never meet..

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Let's ban the serious bring back the fun

do I have a second "

There are plenty of fun threads, some people like to be serious too, it’s all about balance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let's ban the serious bring back the fun

do I have a second

There are plenty of fun threads, some people like to be serious too, it’s all about balance "

I know that Op merely a bit of sarcasim

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By *ny1localMan
over a year ago

READING

"Let's ban the serious bring back the fun

do I have a second "
totally agree

seconded!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 28/03/21 22:43:39]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I pick and choose threads based on titles rather than posters and express my own unique and sometimes quirky opinion...

I don't generally join many threads and to be honest I'm completely oblivious as to who is friendly with who.

If my comment gets ignored i don't take offence at all.. It's just one of thousands that is expressed everyday in the virtual world

I stay true to myself at all times and try to be a glass is half full / positive influence in here, as well as irl

Midnight x

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Thinking more on it, do these kind of threads make things worse? Oh the forum has changed, or aren't those people in the elusive clique are silly and can't think for themselves. Is that in itself not ganging up on the "them" thereby fostering a them and us attitude?

Please feel free to ignore, disagree or god forbid agree as you will

I agree to an extent but I think they serve a useful purpose in highlighting that you're not the only one thinking similar, not everyone is on behind the scenes groups (and I am not saying anyone here is either) or chats regularly to others on a friendly basis - so threads like this do serve the purpose of validating that.