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The One...would you?

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Started watching "The One" on Netflix last night - for those of you that don't know it's a drama about a company that devises a way though science to match you with your perfect partner (The One) via DNA sample matches.

It raised some interesting moral and ethical questions including divorce rates rising hugely as a result of people ditching their existing partners in order to be with their "One" and also an insecure character submitting her partners DNA in order to track down and meet his "match".

So question is - if such a matching service existed would you use it to find your "One" or would you rather remain blissfully ignorant and rely on more traditional methods of meeting people?

It also crossed my mind it could bring a whole new approach to Fab or possibly make it completely redundant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just know I would get matched with Anne Widdecombe

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I just know I would get matched with Anne Widdecombe "

But if she were your "One" you wouldn't be able to resist her

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I’d love to see what science would match me with!!! I fancy so rarely even I have no idea what I like so it could be literally anyone. I’m fascinated by this kind of stuff but doubt it could give that initial fire moment you can sometimes find with a random meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just know I would get matched with Anne Widdecombe

But if she were your "One" you wouldn't be able to resist her "

There are many things I would be unable to resist, this...

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Maybe. Before I had kids, but now? No. The urgency of finding a forever partner that I sometimes felt when younger has passed and I’m getting more and more nonchalant about having a partner.

I prefer spontaneous meetings by chance, with some romance and wooing. Otherwise it sounds a bit clinical.

I want someone to want to be with me, not because he’s odds on favourite to be The One.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I wouldn't use it, DNA is all well and good but doesn't take into account the human heart and brain.

It's too clinical and love isn't. Plus my one when I was 18 certainly isn't the one in my 40's. My life experiences has changed me. Guess it's an argument of nature Vs nurture. Plus if you were with "the one" but were unhappy would you feel pressured into staying in an unhappy relationship. Or feeling that this was a good as it gets for you?

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I’d love to see what science would match me with!!! I fancy so rarely even I have no idea what I like so it could be literally anyone. I’m fascinated by this kind of stuff but doubt it could give that initial fire moment you can sometimes find with a random meeting."

Interesting you said "what" not "who" science would match you with

The premise behind it is that you do have that initial "fire" moment - instant attraction and chemistry etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure lots of us have made poor choices around partners so I don't think we should dismiss the idea of outside help, and most of us have lost old family and friend networks of matchmaking.

I wouldn't leave it to a private company though and I suspect this series has some unpleasant twists to come.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nope.

better the devil you know.. keep me blissfully ignorant please.

im incredibly happy as i am.

Px

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Maybe. Before I had kids, but now? No. The urgency of finding a forever partner that I sometimes felt when younger has passed and I’m getting more and more nonchalant about having a partner.

I prefer spontaneous meetings by chance, with some romance and wooing. Otherwise it sounds a bit clinical.

I want someone to want to be with me, not because he’s odds on favourite to be The One.

"

Oh I agree and personally prefer that spark you get when you meet someone randomly - I just found the premise quite interesting especially when considering some of the moral and ethical dilemmas that the programme highlights

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

I don’t believe there is such a thing, one person for everyone just seems an odd concept to me

We as humans have the capacity to fall in love more than once and the likelihood will be that we fall for completely different people. That could be dependant on the stages of our life, circumstances in which we meet that person or sheer luck that you just click.

If I look at my 3 serious relationships I loved them all but they were completely different.

The process of being matched with someone who theoretically fits seems clinical to me. X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No, I wouldn't. I enjoyed meeting all sorts of different people, getting to know them finding out if we were compatible etc, I even learned a lot from marrying the wrong person and getting divorced. I don't want my life, as imperfect as it is, made safe by science in every aspect. I also think it would keep people in abusive relationships even longer because it would reinforce the idea that it was right for them.

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I wouldn't use it, DNA is all well and good but doesn't take into account the human heart and brain.

It's too clinical and love isn't. Plus my one when I was 18 certainly isn't the one in my 40's. My life experiences has changed me. Guess it's an argument of nature Vs nurture. Plus if you were with "the one" but were unhappy would you feel pressured into staying in an unhappy relationship. Or feeling that this was a good as it gets for you? "

Agree with much of that although I think the premise of the idea is that if you were with your "One" (and you were theirs) then you wouldn't be unhappy because you'd be perfectly matched.

Now of course it's not that simple and totally agree with the points you make, some of which had occurred to me too - was more the dilemma of it that gave me pause for thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knowing my luck they'd be on a different continent and have totally opposite views to me

So probably not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you watched soulmates? I preferred it to the one but the same concept.

Would I??? I don’t know I think curiosity would get the better of me...but I say that as a single woman...if I had a partner with whom I was content possibly not...but the question would still be there...what if??

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

How are they defining “The One”?

Looks, personality, attraction, compatibility, what I look for, what I want, wealth, status, similarity to me etc.?

I would be curious to know who I would be matched with, but that doesn’t mean I would want to be with them.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I wouldn't use it, DNA is all well and good but doesn't take into account the human heart and brain.

It's too clinical and love isn't. Plus my one when I was 18 certainly isn't the one in my 40's. My life experiences has changed me. Guess it's an argument of nature Vs nurture. Plus if you were with "the one" but were unhappy would you feel pressured into staying in an unhappy relationship. Or feeling that this was a good as it gets for you?

Agree with much of that although I think the premise of the idea is that if you were with your "One" (and you were theirs) then you wouldn't be unhappy because you'd be perfectly matched.

Now of course it's not that simple and totally agree with the points you make, some of which had occurred to me too - was more the dilemma of it that gave me pause for thought "

How would it fit for polyamarous people? They have more than one. And what happens if the one died before you met? Sorry I'm far too logical with this kind of thing.

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Have you watched soulmates? I preferred it to the one but the same concept.

Would I??? I don’t know I think curiosity would get the better of me...but I say that as a single woman...if I had a partner with whom I was content possibly not...but the question would still be there...what if?? "

I've not but will keep an eye out for it

And the curiosity is what I think would sway a lot of people, especially the younger generation who are more used to the idea of meeting people through the internet and less "traditional" forms of meeting

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

How would it fit for polyamarous people? They have more than one. And what happens if the one died before you met? Sorry I'm far too logical with this kind of thing. "

I'm only two episodes in Frida give me a chance

I think an element of suspension of belief is required and of course there are no end of scenarios it wouldn't fit with in reality and multiple layers etc

Personally I don't believe we have a single "One" anyway and think sometimes a "One" can be instantaneous, sometimes something that builds and grows over time so it's not quite the exact science the programme suggests of course

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"How are they defining “The One”?

Looks, personality, attraction, compatibility, what I look for, what I want, wealth, status, similarity to me etc.?

I would be curious to know who I would be matched with, but that doesn’t mean I would want to be with them."

It's based on DNA being matched and chemicals within that being an attractant so not looks, wealth or anything based - the premise being instant attraction and connection both ways on meeting your "One"

So an irresistible pull - which is why one of the moral dilemmas it raises is people being "curious" to know who their "One" is then ditching their existing family and partner for them

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"

How would it fit for polyamarous people? They have more than one. And what happens if the one died before you met? Sorry I'm far too logical with this kind of thing.

I'm only two episodes in Frida give me a chance

I think an element of suspension of belief is required and of course there are no end of scenarios it wouldn't fit with in reality and multiple layers etc

Personally I don't believe we have a single "One" anyway and think sometimes a "One" can be instantaneous, sometimes something that builds and grows over time so it's not quite the exact science the programme suggests of course "

The scientist in me can't help it. Though it's why I'm good at my job I can find faults a mile off. Sorry I'm derailing your thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I loved the show and concept. However it seemed a bit like experimenting on humans, taking their free will away, which wouldn't sit well with this rebel soul.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldn't use it, DNA is all well and good but doesn't take into account the human heart and brain.

It's too clinical and love isn't. Plus my one when I was 18 certainly isn't the one in my 40's. My life experiences has changed me. Guess it's an argument of nature Vs nurture. Plus if you were with "the one" but were unhappy would you feel pressured into staying in an unhappy relationship. Or feeling that this was a good as it gets for you?

Agree with much of that although I think the premise of the idea is that if you were with your "One" (and you were theirs) then you wouldn't be unhappy because you'd be perfectly matched.

Now of course it's not that simple and totally agree with the points you make, some of which had occurred to me too - was more the dilemma of it that gave me pause for thought

How would it fit for polyamarous people? They have more than one. And what happens if the one died before you met? Sorry I'm far too logical with this kind of thing. "

I could answer that but it would spoil the ending !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you watched soulmates? I preferred it to the one but the same concept.

Would I??? I don’t know I think curiosity would get the better of me...but I say that as a single woman...if I had a partner with whom I was content possibly not...but the question would still be there...what if??

I've not but will keep an eye out for it

And the curiosity is what I think would sway a lot of people, especially the younger generation who are more used to the idea of meeting people through the internet and less "traditional" forms of meeting "

It’s on Amazon prime same concept but each episode follows a person who’s taken the test and consequences or out come. It’s not as straightforward as you may assume...not nothing ever is

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

How would it fit for polyamarous people? They have more than one. And what happens if the one died before you met? Sorry I'm far too logical with this kind of thing.

I'm only two episodes in Frida give me a chance

I think an element of suspension of belief is required and of course there are no end of scenarios it wouldn't fit with in reality and multiple layers etc

Personally I don't believe we have a single "One" anyway and think sometimes a "One" can be instantaneous, sometimes something that builds and grows over time so it's not quite the exact science the programme suggests of course

The scientist in me can't help it. Though it's why I'm good at my job I can find faults a mile off. Sorry I'm derailing your thread "

No you're not at all - they're all good points that play into the overall concept.

Was the moral and ethical angles of it that I found most interesting if you suspended belief to accept the science part

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've watched it too and while I'd be insanely curious I don't know if I'd take it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah. You might miss out on a lot of fun on the way. Anyway the 'one' always finds us in the end ( I bloody hope)

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I loved the show and concept. However it seemed a bit like experimenting on humans, taking their free will away, which wouldn't sit well with this rebel soul. "

I think it was the clinical nature of it that I would find most difficult although the curious side of me may cause conflict there

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Have you watched soulmates? I preferred it to the one but the same concept.

Would I??? I don’t know I think curiosity would get the better of me...but I say that as a single woman...if I had a partner with whom I was content possibly not...but the question would still be there...what if??

I've not but will keep an eye out for it

And the curiosity is what I think would sway a lot of people, especially the younger generation who are more used to the idea of meeting people through the internet and less "traditional" forms of meeting

It’s on Amazon prime same concept but each episode follows a person who’s taken the test and consequences or out come. It’s not as straightforward as you may assume...not nothing ever is "

Thanks - have bookmarked

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester


"I’d love to see what science would match me with!!! I fancy so rarely even I have no idea what I like so it could be literally anyone. I’m fascinated by this kind of stuff but doubt it could give that initial fire moment you can sometimes find with a random meeting.

Interesting you said "what" not "who" science would match you with

The premise behind it is that you do have that initial "fire" moment - instant attraction and chemistry etc "

Well to be honest based on the last 11 years I think I’m mostly compatible with my dogs

As a non sociable soul I find it fascinating because I don’t meet many people in everyday life and for me wavelength is way more important than any look... I’d love to do something like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah, just because they're my one doesn't mean I'm there's.

Plus, I feel that knowing this would cause me to overthink it, forcing my personality to try and make it work and inevitably fucking it up

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

No I wouldn't because things happen and people change, I'd rather have a less than perfect few to play with

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Nah, just because they're my one doesn't mean I'm there's.

Plus, I feel that knowing this would cause me to overthink it, forcing my personality to try and make it work and inevitably fucking it up "

Ah but the thing was the match was both ways so you'd be theirs as well as theirs being yours

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

IF, and it’s a big IF, science could come up with the perfect match. Then, yes, I’d love that. (Assuming it was a reciprocal match).

But unfortunately there are more factors than DNA involved in that equation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah, just because they're my one doesn't mean I'm there's.

Plus, I feel that knowing this would cause me to overthink it, forcing my personality to try and make it work and inevitably fucking it up

Ah but the thing was the match was both ways so you'd be theirs as well as theirs being yours "

That would be a hell of a lot more tempting then. However, there are still too many other factors. They haven't taken the test and wouldn't know I'm their one, they could already be married with kids, we could have the awkward beginning of the relationship to deal with. This all can't be solved with the answer of "But you're my one".

Although that may just be my fear of commitment creeping in

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Hard to discuss this without giving away too much.

To answer your OP no I wouldn’t. If you are given your ‘one’ and everything is rosy and blissful as they state it should be, how would you learn life’s lessons of relationships, to compromise, to hurt, to appreciate, to communicate, to trust - it feels almost like my worst nightmare a ‘yes’ person who will agree with anything and everything.

As for the character that takes her partner’s dna and sends it off and finds out his match, then goes meet her, befriends her.... damn right weird and only doing damage to herself, getting jealous over something that her partner hasn’t done and her actions alone coukd bring her partner and his match together

Still to finish it but I think there is a dark side to your match and it’s almost a honeymoon phase that burns out, time will tell.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

No thank you. I'm incredibly happy with the guy u have and if science is right, we're probably a good DNA match too because I find his natural scent intoxicatingly delicious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was a great series, but yes it made you think and definitely wonder if you would do it.

If I was happily married, definitely not!

But then you'd always wonder if you with the 'one'

I don't think I'd want to know x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

Me and Ash would never have been matched as we couldn't be be more different.

We work well together and its definitely a case of opposites attract.

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By *emini Man OP   Man
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Nah, just because they're my one doesn't mean I'm there's.

Plus, I feel that knowing this would cause me to overthink it, forcing my personality to try and make it work and inevitably fucking it up

Ah but the thing was the match was both ways so you'd be theirs as well as theirs being yours

That would be a hell of a lot more tempting then. However, there are still too many other factors. They haven't taken the test and wouldn't know I'm their one, they could already be married with kids, we could have the awkward beginning of the relationship to deal with. This all can't be solved with the answer of "But you're my one".

Although that may just be my fear of commitment creeping in "

Oh all valid points and kind of where the programme makes you think - the premise is that you're only "matched" if the other person has already sent their DNA sample in - so that deals with that one

The "they could be married with kids" thing is one of the ethical/moral dilemmas it throws up - it's not giving too much away that it's a point raised early on when it's reported that divorce rates have gone through the roof as people use the service to find their "one" and leave existing partners when they find them.

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport


"I’d love to see what science would match me with!!! I fancy so rarely even I have no idea what I like so it could be literally anyone. I’m fascinated by this kind of stuff but doubt it could give that initial fire moment you can sometimes find with a random meeting.

Interesting you said "what" not "who" science would match you with

The premise behind it is that you do have that initial "fire" moment - instant attraction and chemistry etc "

It would probably have crazy hair and fury

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