FabSwingers.com forum: Covert gaslighting?

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla

Erm....

A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know

B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.

What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?

Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir

Make stupid statements that make you what??? But not biting the bait.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

We chatted before

We met at x,y,z club

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir

*go

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not had anything like this but if you're lying at the very beginning to find a way in, I imagine that wouldn't give you much hope for carrying on the conversation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s when they say HI it really throws me off track the sneaky fuckers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

try the old 'I've seen you here' 'do you remember me' 'ohhh I knew it was you' BS.. Or even the 'no reply. Knew you were a time wasting slag' (or words to that effect) To try and illicit a response... If only to inform them they have the wrong person.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Anything to get a message. It's quite insidious

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Calling you by a name that isn't your own, even if you respond to inform them they have the wrong person, they see it as a way in

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s when they say HI it really throws me off track the sneaky fuckers.

I'm a sucker for this. apologies.

TBH I don't get those who expect a 50 shades of message to start. although I recognise the M:F ratios do make it hard to sort the corn from the chaff

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arabWoman
over a year ago

derbyshire

"Beautiful picture" = they are all private you cant see them haha

"Can i ask you a question"

"Your a fake because your not replying"

Or my favorite line "your on a sex site stop being fussy you should greatful i even messaged you"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

I find the whole fake pics and photo shopping thing to be a concern.

If they lie about who they fundamentally are in order to get a meet then I see that as gas lighting.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I find the whole fake pics and photo shopping thing to be a concern.

If they lie about who they fundamentally are in order to get a meet then I see that as gas lighting. "

Absolutely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

To be fair anything that is more than ‘Hi’ or mentioning ‘Spurs’ they’ve actually thought outside the box, even if the content is a wee lie

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Trying to say we've met before.....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey. Long time no see.

Or how was last night?

Jesus I don't know you!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Trying to say we've met before....."

Snap

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually get “can I ask u something” or I’ve had people tell me they recognise me from years ago in a pub

... of course you do...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *osco78Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

You should be gratefull your even getting messaged as a single guy....gratefull hmmm

No ta and hola block

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"To be fair anything that is more than ‘Hi’ or mentioning ‘Spurs’ they’ve actually thought outside the box, even if the content is a wee lie "

I would never mention Spurs, I have a modicum of self respect

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's just folks taking a bit of a chance

I don't think it's gaslighting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most people crave contact, even if it's negative in nature, it's better than none at all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

‘Can I ask you a question’ and ‘you’re such a hot couple’ (I have no pictures of my partner up).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or of course, the age old ‘even if you’re not interested can you reply and let me know if I’m wasting my time’. No reply = a tonne of abuse. A polite reply saying no = an excuse to send me more messages

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *superfuse663Man
over a year ago

manchester

I got a message of a guy saying we was chatting when I was working on the bar somewhere, never worked in a bar in my life. Even us males get it, sadly not from people we are interested in

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

There's a lot of trickery/fakery going on on here (my age and height aren't correct).

One must use one's noddle to see through it.

Men who send a message as if they know me give me something to smile about.

I might even chat to one or two of them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I had someone message me on two separate occasions, saying they had seen me in an Asda store, with a child.

I was in a store quite close to Asda at the time so I think they had used the who's near function and were trying to work out if it was me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

Copy and pasted massage, random friend request or a shadow asking if they can suck my cock or impregnate their wife.

I need a shower now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Copy and pasted massage, random friend request or a shadow asking if they can suck my cock or impregnate their wife.

I need a shower now."

Is that trying to trick you into responding by making you question your own memory though?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"To be fair anything that is more than ‘Hi’ or mentioning ‘Spurs’ they’ve actually thought outside the box, even if the content is a wee lie

I would never mention Spurs, I have a modicum of self respect "

Tis a swear word for most

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I normally use "hello"

rarely works for me though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

Trying to instigate any form of conversation with ladies on fab is not easy girls, it’s no wonder guys resort to ‘snide’ tactics as you put it. No I’m not condoning that but I do understand why it’s happening. If you have ever seen a male Black Widow spider try to engage with a female then that’s what it sometimes is like on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Trying to instigate any form of conversation with ladies on fab is not easy girls, it’s no wonder guys resort to ‘snide’ tactics as you put it. No I’m not condoning that but I do understand why it’s happening. If you have ever seen a male Black Widow spider try to engage with a female then that’s what it sometimes is like on here. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

I just don't get what they gain other than becoming despised for being a liar and trying to manipulate.

They're creating their own frustrations. Yes I can understand how shit it must feel getting fuck all back, but surely that's when you think "right, this isn't what I was expecting, maybe I should concentrate the effort I'm putting into messages on something that is far more beneficial, like going to an organised social where the people attending actually want to speak, that's the whole point of them being there"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like people instigating communication.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"To be fair anything that is more than ‘Hi’ or mentioning ‘Spurs’ they’ve actually thought outside the box, even if the content is a wee lie

I would never mention Spurs, I have a modicum of self respect

Tis a swear word for most

Ars*n+\ cough is the swear word I don’t use

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Most people crave contact, even if it's negative in nature, it's better than none at all."

I don't see it as gaslighting. Just an attempt at getting any human contact at all. Same with abusive messages, it's just to make someone reply. A "Fuck off" reply is still a reply from a human being..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think whatever we do to attract someone its a form of fishing.

That could be showing your best angle in photos or (if your a glutton for punishment)reading someones profile to find starting points for conversation.

If you fall for the crafty lines though, I doubt they would have much respect for you.

I have been intentionally crafty on this post with the comment (if your a glutton for punishment) could be a little nod to show you I've read your profile but It is still coercive!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It turns them into an instant no, the slightest whiff of manipulation, and I’m off!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

"Make stupid statements that make you what??? But not biting the bait. "

That’s me buggered

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

The old, we've spoken before

Yes, most likely when you sent the same message a few weeks ago and I didn't reply.

I had one a few years ago adament we'd met, we hadn't and then there followed well we could always meet now.

I know I'm over/under your age limits..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I think whatever we do to attract someone its a form of fishing.

That could be showing your best angle in photos or (if your a glutton for punishment)reading someones profile to find starting points for conversation.

If you fall for the crafty lines though, I doubt they would have much respect for you.

I have been intentionally crafty on this post with the comment (if your a glutton for punishment) could be a little nod to show you I've read your profile but It is still coercive!

??"

I don't think it shows anything other than you've read a bit of my profile. That's what they're there for, to find a common ground or basis to start from.

Saying you'd read it and enjoyed it would be different if you hadn't, coz that would be bollocks.

Cold calling "you've been involved in an accident" bullshit. We've all had those calls. They're con phone calls, a scam in a sense.

Stating someone has spoken to you before, you've met before, their best mates dog told them to contact you, basically, if they know it ain't true it's essentially a scam.

And as for respect, if they had any whatsoever they'd not try to trick you in the first place.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello I don’t know if you remember me we meet xxxxx amount off years ago I have just come back

We talked before on xxx site would you like to chat hear

My friend meet you before would you like to meet me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *antasy Explorers 1313Couple
over a year ago

A place where others reside (West Oxfordshire)

"‘Can I ask you a question’ and ‘you’re such a hot couple’ (I have no pictures of my partner up). "

This!

'You're such a cute couple/you look great together etc etc.

Zero pictures of male partner in public view due to not playing with others.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Mildly irritating and immature communication openers .... but gaslighting????

V x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla

Erm....

A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know

B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.

What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?

Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in? "

I get, alot "Hey (insert any female name but mine) how you been?"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that's a fair point.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many rules and regulations, not all of us are scammers or out to decieve anyone. Reading this i now understand abit more why alot of profiles have these regulations, just sometimes there is a real genuine person trying to contact your profile. You may drive off the good ones with all the guidelines especially the profiles that ask for face pic on the first msg or no reply, and face pics are not a gaurantee of a reply. Being told what to send someone or not to send someone eliminates the chance of you finding out anything about this person, how can you evaluate someones character if you have told them what to say or not to say? Not having an argument just asking in general

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Isn’t that more cat fishing than gaslighting?

Pretending to be some other person than who thru really are, gaslighting to me has far darker undertones than Dave trying to be 6 years younger and still have all his own hair

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Hey, so we going to arrange that meet we talked about awhile ago? How's tonight?"

... Profile name is blue. I click it, and I've never messaged them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Isn’t that more cat fishing than gaslighting?

Pretending to be some other person than who thru really are, gaslighting to me has far darker undertones than Dave trying to be 6 years younger and still have all his own hair

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate manipulation. Maybe some folk think they have to do that shit to get replies? Or maybe they're just arseholes? Probs a bit of both.

It's a shame too as it makes people cautious. Understandable though, if there's a small chance they could be nutters it's best not to chance it.

I prefer the honest and straight forward way myself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I am a very cautious person. I rarely trust what anyone says, preferring where possible to validate things for myself as I find people can and do lie, deceive and otherwise manipulate others for their own gain.

If someone believes they stand to benefit from their duplicitous behaviour then it can be hard for them to act in any other way. The internet makes that so much easier as you no longer have to be in close proximity to any potential targets.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Isn’t that more cat fishing than gaslighting?

Pretending to be some other person than who thru really are, gaslighting to me has far darker undertones than Dave trying to be 6 years younger and still have all his own hair

That's what I'm trying to work out. As I understand it gaslighting is trying to confuse someone and have them believe that something may or may not have happened, they doubt themselves. Even though they truly think they know, doubt gets cast and they wonder if perhaps it did happen and maybe they forgot, weren't concentrating, had a bit much to drink even.

By telling someone you've spoken before, met before, that they've seen you in a location that may be close to you or somewhere you do frequent at times but you don't remember being there it can have ya thinking "fuck me did I? I know I've been tired lately but I thought I'd remember that. I must be fuckihg losing it"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla

Erm....

A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know

B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.

What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?

Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in? "

They just message. No ones ever said ‘I’ve met you’ etc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla

Erm....

A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know

B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.

What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?

Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in?

They just message. No ones ever said ‘I’ve met you’ etc. "

I've had loads claiming to have met me in places I've never been. If I HAD been to those places tho, I'd be wondering if I had and couldn't remember.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We get a lot of single guys saying ‘your pics are fantastic’

To which we’ll reply ‘thanks for the compliments’

Then they come back with ‘FAF’

We say ‘we aren’t looking for single guys’

You could have stuck it on the first message to save us both having to send 2 messages

But if I pre-empt it and say ‘thanks, but we aren’t looking’, they come back with ‘erm, I didn’t ask to meet’

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla

Erm....

A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know

B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.

What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?

Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in?

They just message. No ones ever said ‘I’ve met you’ etc.

I've had loads claiming to have met me in places I've never been. If I HAD been to those places tho, I'd be wondering if I had and couldn't remember. "

I’ve been to Tooting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla

Erm....

A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know

B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.

What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?

Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in?

They just message. No ones ever said ‘I’ve met you’ etc.

I've had loads claiming to have met me in places I've never been. If I HAD been to those places tho, I'd be wondering if I had and couldn't remember.

I’ve been to Tooting

I ain't

well, driven through it a couple of times in my 20s but that's it