FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Is it selfish.....

Jump to newest
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Not at all

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No not at all

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

not at all..id be happy to provide that

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very shellfish

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly I don’t know. I mean I want to say no out right, but I know when guys do this they are labelled as selfish.

For the record I’m not one of those guys

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Yes.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

Depends if that was pre agreed.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x

Depends if that was pre agreed. "

Who pre agrees sexual acts between 2? Nope not pre agreed. Does that affect your answer?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep it is.... but no one is saying selfish is bad.

A guy has the right to also refuse if he isn’t wanting too! Or to find someone else who suits what he wants.

All grown ass adults here

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. Nobody should do anything they don’t want to do so not selfish.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

If that's what's been agreed and all concerned are happy then absolutely not selfish regardless of gender.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *razzyhorseMan
over a year ago

cambridge

Personally no...

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Why are people saying it’s selfish when it’s down to the individual what they do?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im torn, part of me wants to say no because its pretty obvious you should never have to partake in any sexual activity you don't want to

but then really i think would i be happy being the only one in a couple giving oral, probably not, would i feel hard done by, probably yes

i’ve often wondered the same about couple that do something like say hotwife where only one of them gets to sleep with other people and how do they decide between them that its fair, but i guess it all comes down to individual dynamic and what works for one couple doesn’t work for another - so i should probably apply the same logic to the oral thing

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

Yep that's selfish sorry

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x

Depends if that was pre agreed. "

Yep, pre-agreed would be perfect

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

People who are saying it’s selfish are the ones who expect the other person to do things they don’t want to do and that’s unfair.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are people saying it’s selfish when it’s down to the individual what they do? "

probably because if you take the sex part out of it, its fairly standard to accept that it would be considered selfish to expect to receive something you would never be willing to give in return any other circumstance

i think the whole sexual consent thing here blurs that selfish line because it adds another layer to consider

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are people saying it’s selfish when it’s down to the individual what they do? "

Because it’s selfishly thinking of their own needs only, and I repeat again... I ain’t saying selfish is bad, but it certainly ain’t about anyone else’s needs. The man has a choice to partake or find something else, so not saying she should do it, not saying he should be unhappy. But her motives are selfish ones lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

If that has what has been discussed between two people, they know the boundaries already and both are happy with that, then no

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

I am all for equal opportunities and unless there is a valid reason then yes, I think it is selfish to expect your lover to give you something that you are not willing to give to them.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *atenaWoman
over a year ago

Hyde

Whilst no one should do anything they don't want to do.....

I wonder what people's thoughts would be if that was flipped on its head...

A guy wants oral but won't give it- I think more would call him selfish

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think so... If I man expected oral regularly and never dished it out I'd think he was being selfish so if the role was reversed I wouldent blaim him if he thought I was selfish if I expected to get but never give

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x

Depends if that was pre agreed.

Who pre agrees sexual acts between 2? Nope not pre agreed. Does that affect your answer? "

A thing called boundaries I thought? So one would know not to say. Hey you gonna suck my dick in the moment.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love giving oral and taking oral...if a woman wants to give..thats up to them..if they prefer getting oral than giving..again thats their choice...nothing selfish about it..everyone has their preference

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People who are saying it’s selfish are the ones who expect the other person to do things they don’t want to do and that’s unfair. "

Why are you asking when you’ve clearly already made your mind up over the issue.

Maybe Fab should copy redit with a “Am I The Asshole” (AITA for short) topic.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes very selfish

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People who are saying it’s selfish are the ones who expect the other person to do things they don’t want to do and that’s unfair. "

Not at all, you didn't ask is it right to do things some one else doesn't want to. I'd say that was wrong, but to receive and not want to give I believe is selfish. but that's just my opinion

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"People who are saying it’s selfish are the ones who expect the other person to do things they don’t want to do and that’s unfair.

Why are you asking when you’ve clearly already made your mind up over the issue.

Maybe Fab should copy redit with a “Am I The Asshole” (AITA for short) topic."

I’m asking because it’s a forum debate. No need for temper my dear.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it is selfish but that does mean it's wrong... No one should do anything they don't want or makes them uncomfortable but the definition of selfish is somone who is chiefly concerned with there own personal profit or plesure and I think refusing to offer to give out the pleasure of oral to a partner but expect them to offer it to you regardless of that fact is quite selfish... But it's your mouth and you don't have to put in anything you don't want too its up to the man if they are okay with the scales of fortune being tipped in your favour as opposed to balanced equally... For some I'm sure it would be a deal breaker and others wouldent be fussed at all

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People who are saying it’s selfish are the ones who expect the other person to do things they don’t want to do and that’s unfair.

Why are you asking when you’ve clearly already made your mind up over the issue.

Maybe Fab should copy redit with a “Am I The Asshole” (AITA for short) topic.

I’m asking because it’s a forum debate. No need for temper my dear. "

Honestly there’s no temper there. I was saying it because it seemed you were genuinely asking rather than starting a debate. Sorry I miss read the situation

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

I only want to give oral I don’t want it in return is that selfish

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same! I prefer giving blowjobs than receiving haha p

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Yes it is selfish but that does mean it's wrong... No one should do anything they don't want or makes them uncomfortable but the definition of selfish is somone who is chiefly concerned with there own personal profit or plesure and I think refusing to offer to give out the pleasure of oral to a partner but expect them to offer it to you regardless of that fact is quite selfish... But it's your mouth and you don't have to put in anything you don't want too its up to the man if they are okay with the scales of fortune being tipped in your favour as opposed to balanced equally... For some I'm sure it would be a deal breaker and others wouldent be fussed at all "

I said for the woman to only want oral, I didn’t say she should expect oral, wanting it and expecting it are two different meanings. You didn’t read my OP properly. I’m after a debate as I’m genuinely curious of what people think about such a topic.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

Not if you live giving

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow


"I only want to give oral I don’t want it in return is that selfish "

Why would you not like oral

R

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

What ones person view is of selfishness will differ from the rest..

I guess it also comes down to the motives involved in just to recieve and reciprocate...if their pure then no...if its just cuz u can n don't then I guess yes its a selfish place, as then there is no thought for the other person...its all based in your gratification of self

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff


"People who are saying it’s selfish are the ones who expect the other person to do things they don’t want to do and that’s unfair. "

No. You can refuse to do anything. Doesn’t stop it being selfish to expect someone to do something for you but get nothing back. And you say it isn’t agreed in advance, which isn’t cool. If you have something that is absolutely off limits for you, you should tell the other person before you meet. I had a meet once where the man outright demanded oral, but wouldn’t give. If he’d told me that in advance I wouldn’t have met him.

So yes it’s your right not to do something, and yes it’s also selfish. Some men claim to be happy to give oral and not get anything in return, so it’s not an impossible scenario, but it is one that should be discussed in advance.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes it is selfish but that does mean it's wrong... No one should do anything they don't want or makes them uncomfortable but the definition of selfish is somone who is chiefly concerned with there own personal profit or plesure and I think refusing to offer to give out the pleasure of oral to a partner but expect them to offer it to you regardless of that fact is quite selfish... But it's your mouth and you don't have to put in anything you don't want too its up to the man if they are okay with the scales of fortune being tipped in your favour as opposed to balanced equally... For some I'm sure it would be a deal breaker and others wouldent be fussed at all

I said for the woman to only want oral, I didn’t say she should expect oral, wanting it and expecting it are two different meanings. You didn’t read my OP properly. I’m after a debate as I’m genuinely curious of what people think about such a topic. "

I mean you say you want a debate but then you be padantic because I used expect instead of want?

Yes it is selfish but that does mean it's wrong... No one should do anything they don't want or makes them uncomfortable but the definition of selfish is somone who is chiefly concerned with there own personal profit or plesure and I think refusing to offer to give out the pleasure of oral to a partner but want them to offer it to you regardless of the fact you don't want to give it is quite selfish... But it's your mouth and you don't have to put in anything you don't want too its up to the man if they are okay with the scales of fortune being tipped in your favour as opposed to balanced equally... For some I'm sure it would be a deal breaker and others wouldent be fussed at all

There all fixed to use your preferred wording and if your genuinely curious as to other people's opinions that is mine

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

In what context? On a one off... maybe not, you don't have to have everything on the menu. All the time. Yes.

I wouldn't date a woman that doesn't give head. Not something I'm prepared to give up. But I think if you aren't giving you can't expect to receive.

I also wouldn't date a woman that doesn't receive not prepared to give that up either

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I only want to give oral I don’t want it in return is that selfish "

Yes it bloody well is!

Now sit on my face.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"I only want to give oral I don’t want it in return is that selfish

Yes it bloody well is!

Now sit on my face."

*Puts hand up* I'll volunteer if Belle says no. Selfless pal and all

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I only want to give oral I don’t want it in return is that selfish

Yes it bloody well is!

Now sit on my face.

*Puts hand up* I'll volunteer if Belle says no. Selfless pal and all "

Pops out tongue in anticipation like this

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"I only want to give oral I don’t want it in return is that selfish

Yes it bloody well is!

Now sit on my face.

*Puts hand up* I'll volunteer if Belle says no. Selfless pal and all

Pops out tongue in anticipation like this "

Pick me! Pick me!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People who are saying it’s selfish are the ones who expect the other person to do things they don’t want to do and that’s unfair.

No. You can refuse to do anything. Doesn’t stop it being selfish to expect someone to do something for you but get nothing back. And you say it isn’t agreed in advance, which isn’t cool. If you have something that is absolutely off limits for you, you should tell the other person before you meet. I had a meet once where the man outright demanded oral, but wouldn’t give. If he’d told me that in advance I wouldn’t have met him.

So yes it’s your right not to do something, and yes it’s also selfish. Some men claim to be happy to give oral and not get anything in return, so it’s not an impossible scenario, but it is one that should be discussed in advance."

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax

Yep.

Well. Occasionally is okay if course. But but otherwise..

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x"

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis

It wouldn't be very fair to take but not give..I definitely feel put out if I give oral & the guy I'm with has no intention of doing the same. If you have a partner that's completely happy with that, then good on you.

I wouldn't like it though!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas


"I only want to give oral I don’t want it in return is that selfish

Yes it bloody well is!

Now sit on my face."

You asked for it my mouth might wander

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all! "

I think you have just define selfishness

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

I’m yea it’s selfish. But that just makes you selfish when it comes to sex. You don’t have to change, just find meets wo don’t mind selfish women.

You shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to, maybe just make it clear before you meet to avoid any disappointment and at least give your meet the heads up so they can make an informed choice whether to meet you or not.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness"

Explain?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

To really form a judgement on if its selfishness or not to just recieve oral and not to give...

We would have to know the reasons as to why this is the case. As it stands your asking for a debate that is kind of blind

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness"

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness"

Agreed. Plus that interpretation wasn't in the original question, which was basically is it selfish to receive but not give.

Not giving is selfish in this context.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great."

Exactly. I think she did misunderstand

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

Agreed. Plus that interpretation wasn't in the original question, which was basically is it selfish to receive but not give.

Not giving is selfish in this context. "

No you’ve misunderstood. I’m saying if someone didn’t really want to give me oral but they did it just to please me that wouldn’t please me at all.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

is it selfish if its the reverse where you only want to give it but dont really mind if you receive?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm happy to give and not receive in return

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Selfish. If you're going to lay back and receive pleasure, you should be giving it back.

Some people are all take, take.

If she had a phobia or a dick in her mouth made her gag or vomit, however, then she has a good reason to not reciprocate.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *oomarangMan
over a year ago

Chester

In a small way yes but if the lady in question doesn’t like giving oral then that’s her prerogative just like it’s my choice not to give them oral plus I never go back once I’ve penetrated

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I don’t think it’s selfish to not go something you don’t want to in any situation. It’s free choice with your own body. Sex a shout communicating these things and working out something that pleases both.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Not selfish if this has been discussed beforehand and the guy is aware of what to expect. It would however be quite selfish if you did not tell him until the last minute.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great.

Exactly. I think she did misunderstand "

No, I think the person who said it's about mutual pleasure was saying its selfish to ask for it while saying that you won't give it which is the case here.

OP asked is it selfish to receive when you are refusing to give and also further down said it would not be pre agreed therein lies the 2 selfish bits.

If its pre agreed then the other person has a choice to participate or not knowing in advance.

Personally, regardless if pre agreed or not, don't ask for something that you are not willing to do yourself.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not selfish if this has been discussed beforehand and the guy is aware of what to expect. It would however be quite selfish if you did not tell him until the last minute."

I agree with this really. Anyone I’ve ever met on here I’ve chatted to for ages first so things like that would have always been discussed. I’ve never met randomly so I suppose I can’t really have an opinion on that. It’s my favourite thing anyway so it would never be an issue with me!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great."

I didn't misunderstand at all unless otherwise stated before hand that all you want to do it give oral to a woman.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great.

Exactly. I think she did misunderstand

No, I think the person who said it's about mutual pleasure was saying its selfish to ask for it while saying that you won't give it which is the case here.

OP asked is it selfish to receive when you are refusing to give and also further down said it would not be pre agreed therein lies the 2 selfish bits.

If its pre agreed then the other person has a choice to participate or not knowing in advance.

Personally, regardless if pre agreed or not, don't ask for something that you are not willing to do yourself. "

So how have I defined selfishness by saying I wouldn’t get pleasure out of someone doing something they really didn’t want to do and were only doing it for my sake?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great.

I didn't misunderstand at all unless otherwise stated before hand that all you want to do it give oral to a woman."

Yes I’m afraid you did misunderstand. If not how does what I said define selfishness?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great.

Exactly. I think she did misunderstand

No, I think the person who said it's about mutual pleasure was saying its selfish to ask for it while saying that you won't give it which is the case here.

OP asked is it selfish to receive when you are refusing to give and also further down said it would not be pre agreed therein lies the 2 selfish bits.

If its pre agreed then the other person has a choice to participate or not knowing in advance.

Personally, regardless if pre agreed or not, don't ask for something that you are not willing to do yourself.

So how have I defined selfishness by saying I wouldn’t get pleasure out of someone doing something they really didn’t want to do and were only doing it for my sake?"

Are you saying that you would not give oral sex after receiving oral?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great.

Exactly. I think she did misunderstand

No, I think the person who said it's about mutual pleasure was saying its selfish to ask for it while saying that you won't give it which is the case here.

OP asked is it selfish to receive when you are refusing to give and also further down said it would not be pre agreed therein lies the 2 selfish bits.

If its pre agreed then the other person has a choice to participate or not knowing in advance.

Personally, regardless if pre agreed or not, don't ask for something that you are not willing to do yourself.

So how have I defined selfishness by saying I wouldn’t get pleasure out of someone doing something they really didn’t want to do and were only doing it for my sake?

Are you saying that you would not give oral sex after receiving oral?"

No! How on earth did you get that from my comment?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x

Depends if that was pre agreed.

Who pre agrees sexual acts between 2? Nope not pre agreed. Does that affect your answer? "

If it is on here, you might have talked about it? X like what do you enjoy, if you like giving or receiving... then it would have been mentioned and have the understanding then? And if both still agrees to meet, then it is nothing about selfish or not x

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"Not selfish if this has been discussed beforehand and the guy is aware of what to expect. It would however be quite selfish if you did not tell him until the last minute."

I still think it's selfish even if he agrees to it. He might agree just so he can get the fuck.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Yes it's selfish in a way to ask for something that you wouldn't be willing to give back, unless it's part of a dynamic and has been agreed. I love going down on a woman but it's not going to happen if I've been told it won't ever be reciprocated

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great.

Exactly. I think she did misunderstand

No, I think the person who said it's about mutual pleasure was saying its selfish to ask for it while saying that you won't give it which is the case here.

OP asked is it selfish to receive when you are refusing to give and also further down said it would not be pre agreed therein lies the 2 selfish bits.

If its pre agreed then the other person has a choice to participate or not knowing in advance.

Personally, regardless if pre agreed or not, don't ask for something that you are not willing to do yourself.

So how have I defined selfishness by saying I wouldn’t get pleasure out of someone doing something they really didn’t want to do and were only doing it for my sake?"

I didn't say anything about defining selfish behaviour. I said that I thought the person who said about mutual pleasure felt it was selfish to ask for oral with no intention of giving it.

I agree that someone doing something half heartedly is not going to be enjoyable for both involved. This however is not the question at hand.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great.

Exactly. I think she did misunderstand

No, I think the person who said it's about mutual pleasure was saying its selfish to ask for it while saying that you won't give it which is the case here.

OP asked is it selfish to receive when you are refusing to give and also further down said it would not be pre agreed therein lies the 2 selfish bits.

If its pre agreed then the other person has a choice to participate or not knowing in advance.

Personally, regardless if pre agreed or not, don't ask for something that you are not willing to do yourself.

So how have I defined selfishness by saying I wouldn’t get pleasure out of someone doing something they really didn’t want to do and were only doing it for my sake?

I didn't say anything about defining selfish behaviour. I said that I thought the person who said about mutual pleasure felt it was selfish to ask for oral with no intention of giving it.

I agree that someone doing something half heartedly is not going to be enjoyable for both involved. This however is not the question at hand. "

It’s not the question in hand, no. But I think it’s a relevant comment. If someone didn’t want to give me oral I wouldn’t want them to and I would imagine some men would feel the same if the woman didn’t want to but still did it. I wouldn’t find that enjoyable. Someone then said that defines selfishness. I don’t see how it does and asked for an explanation as to how it does.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir


"Very shellfish after all it's about mutual fun x

But how is it fun if someone is doing something just for the sake of the other person when they don’t really want to. That wouldn’t do it for me at all!

I think you have just define selfishness

I think you mis understood there. If a woman didn't like giving me oral but just did it cause i like then that's not mutually fun. It wouldn't be for her or me as it wouldn't be great.

Exactly. I think she did misunderstand

No, I think the person who said it's about mutual pleasure was saying its selfish to ask for it while saying that you won't give it which is the case here.

OP asked is it selfish to receive when you are refusing to give and also further down said it would not be pre agreed therein lies the 2 selfish bits.

If its pre agreed then the other person has a choice to participate or not knowing in advance.

Personally, regardless if pre agreed or not, don't ask for something that you are not willing to do yourself.

So how have I defined selfishness by saying I wouldn’t get pleasure out of someone doing something they really didn’t want to do and were only doing it for my sake?

I didn't say anything about defining selfish behaviour. I said that I thought the person who said about mutual pleasure felt it was selfish to ask for oral with no intention of giving it.

I agree that someone doing something half heartedly is not going to be enjoyable for both involved. This however is not the question at hand.

It’s not the question in hand, no. But I think it’s a relevant comment. If someone didn’t want to give me oral I wouldn’t want them to and I would imagine some men would feel the same if the woman didn’t want to but still did it. I wouldn’t find that enjoyable. Someone then said that defines selfishness. I don’t see how it does and asked for an explanation as to how it does. "

No idea who commented about definition but it wasn't me or the person who said about mutual pleasure, that's what I was saying.

But op had also stated that it wouldn't be pre agreed as in discussed thus taking away the other person's choice to participate in an unfair dynamic. I am not debating the ops choice to not give oral. I am saying it is unfair to not discuss and selfish to expect oral when not giving it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I never said it would be with a Fab meet.....read the OP properly then answer.

After reading all the replies which I thank you all for taking the time to post the comments, the majority seem to think I suggested that oral sex for the woman is expected, it is not.

I’m just curious for the debate.

It’s certainly helped me decide who are the people I would get on with if I was to meet someone from Fab.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. ... and no.

You want whatever, If you get it, and that’s all you want To do and never give anything back , we’ll, it depends if someone thinks you deserve it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Yes. ... and no.

You want whatever, If you get it, and that’s all you want To do and never give anything back , we’ll, it depends if someone thinks you deserve it. "

Explain that last part about deserving it please? I’m baffled.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *melia DominaTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

Everything an individual does sexually is personal choice.

The partner either accepts the choices or a compromise is made or they go their separate ways.

That's why all encounters should have a good base of consent, respect and communication on boundaries and limitations.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very shellfish "

Standoffish

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

That reminds me, I forgot prawns in my Friday food shop.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

If the man really enjoys receiving oral sex then I would definitely feel selfish if I didn't pleasure him if he had done it to me.

Unless it had been agreed beforehand that the man was happy to only give.

Mrs

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"If the man really enjoys receiving oral sex then I would definitely feel selfish if I didn't pleasure him if he had done it to me.

Unless it had been agreed beforehand that the man was happy to only give.

Mrs "

So would there be a tick list of what each should do? What’s happened to good old fashioned passion where you meet and just explore what each other likes during the time spent together. Remember I did not say it would be a Fab meet.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People who are saying it’s selfish are the ones who expect the other person to do things they don’t want to do and that’s unfair.

No. You can refuse to do anything. Doesn’t stop it being selfish to expect someone to do something for you but get nothing back. And you say it isn’t agreed in advance, which isn’t cool. If you have something that is absolutely off limits for you, you should tell the other person before you meet. I had a meet once where the man outright demanded oral, but wouldn’t give. If he’d told me that in advance I wouldn’t have met him.

So yes it’s your right not to do something, and yes it’s also selfish. Some men claim to be happy to give oral and not get anything in return, so it’s not an impossible scenario, but it is one that should be discussed in advance."

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

No they are both different acts. Just make it clear beforehand ..... no probs.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ave 42Man
over a year ago

pontefract


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "
In my opinion no it’s not selfish, as long as both parties are happy .

I’d sooner give than receive anyway but that’s just me

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it’s stated beforehand and she says ‘Look, there’s no chance I’m sucking your penis, but I expect you to do wild and exotic things with your tongue on my vagina, I want enthusiasm while you’re down there, also I will tap you on the head when I’m done with you! ’ If this is clarified beforehand and all parties are in agreement then that’s fine. But if however you look up while you’re down there, circumnavigating the clit and she’s booking a grocery delivery slot and bidding on e bay for a bread maker, then I feel that’s taking the piss!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course it's not wrong.. So long as the guy in question is aware.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one should do anything they don’t want to, whether they are male or female, but this is why it is so important to have pre agreed consent and boundaries.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I never said it would be with a Fab meet.....read the OP properly then answer.

After reading all the replies which I thank you all for taking the time to post the comments, the majority seem to think I suggested that oral sex for the woman is expected, it is not.

I’m just curious for the debate.

It’s certainly helped me decide who are the people I would get on with if I was to meet someone from Fab. "

Your OP gives virtually no information, so don’t complain when people fill in the blanks for themselves. And for someone who’s “just curious for the debate”, you’re pretty butthurt over the responses.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff


"If the man really enjoys receiving oral sex then I would definitely feel selfish if I didn't pleasure him if he had done it to me.

Unless it had been agreed beforehand that the man was happy to only give.

Mrs

So would there be a tick list of what each should do? What’s happened to good old fashioned passion where you meet and just explore what each other likes during the time spent together. Remember I did not say it would be a Fab meet.

"

I don’t care who it is or how you met them, if you have boundaries you should tell them in advance. For both your sakes.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes. ... and no.

You want whatever, If you get it, and that’s all you want To do and never give anything back , we’ll, it depends if someone thinks you deserve it.

Explain that last part about deserving it please? I’m baffled. "

This is just my opinion.

If I rock up and say, “I just want oral, not going to give it you in return’ does that make me sound like I deserve any kind of respect enough for you to do that for me?

I’d be baffled that any woman or man could expect that without having some Kind of respect Of wants and needs being given each way. Sex and any kind of relationship is give and take. Whatever that is.

*just my opinion.

Hopefully that explains what I meant.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Yes. ... and no.

You want whatever, If you get it, and that’s all you want To do and never give anything back , we’ll, it depends if someone thinks you deserve it.

Explain that last part about deserving it please? I’m baffled.

This is just my opinion.

If I rock up and say, “I just want oral, not going to give it you in return’ does that make me sound like I deserve any kind of respect enough for you to do that for me?

I’d be baffled that any woman or man could expect that without having some Kind of respect Of wants and needs being given each way. Sex and any kind of relationship is give and take. Whatever that is.

*just my opinion.

Hopefully that explains what I meant. "

I never used the word ‘expect’ in my OP. No one should ‘expect’ anything to do with sex.....

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

Peoples preferences - it might be disapointing .....I would be disapointed and it would mean that we were not compatible in the long term...buts its not selfish.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Is it selfish to want to receive but not to give?

Simple answer for me would be yes. Why would I want that pleasure and not give it to my partner? Would I be happy if the roles were reversed probably not and it could potentially build resentment.

However, they may be mitigating circumstances that I would understand why they didn't and then it wouldn't be selfish.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

"

That’s also selfish. Or worse, sometimes.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it works in the dynamic of the coupling, it is far from selfish

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *lirty-CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bexley


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

It's fine providing they make it clear beforehand.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"If it works in the dynamic of the coupling, it is far from selfish "

I have to disagree.

It's selfish even if the other person doesn't mind.

My partner has rarely given me oral, in the 11 years I've known him, and I give him loads every time I see him.

It's extremely selfish of him, but I don't really care.

Still selfish though.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"If the man really enjoys receiving oral sex then I would definitely feel selfish if I didn't pleasure him if he had done it to me.

Unless it had been agreed beforehand that the man was happy to only give.

Mrs

So would there be a tick list of what each should do? What’s happened to good old fashioned passion where you meet and just explore what each other likes during the time spent together. Remember I did not say it would be a Fab meet.

"

FAB meet or not, your OP made it sound like a one way experience and not the meeting of two people exploring each other during that time, caught up in the moment.

Would be a big passion killer to be met with, you can do oral on me but you won’t be receiving anything back.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

Not if if was made clear before the meet, no.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it works in the dynamic of the coupling, it is far from selfish

I have to disagree.

It's selfish even if the other person doesn't mind.

My partner has rarely given me oral, in the 11 years I've known him, and I give him loads every time I see him.

It's extremely selfish of him, but I don't really care.

Still selfish though.

"

Maybe I'm selfish then

I give anal, but won't take

I take way more oral than I give

I don't like cum on me, but like cumming on him

I don't like being rimmed, he does

I don't like to be have hands round my neck, he does

That dynamic works for us

It turns him on to be treated rough, suck cock, get fucked and have cum on or in him

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

That’s also selfish. Or worse, sometimes."

?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hubaysi OP   Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

No one should expect any sexual act.....it’s a consent issue then.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

That’s also selfish. Or worse, sometimes."

How?

I enjoy anal giving but have no interest in receiving.

If a lady asks for anal I'm happy to oblige but that doesnt mean I should bend over after to be given a good pumping.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

No, not all, quite often with sex things are one-sided; I like to be rimmed but have never wanted to do it to someone, the same goes for fisting

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

Ref the OPS post

Similar arguments if a women enjoys receiving oral from another woman but doesn't enjoy giving is that considered unfair?

If you start putting rules and expectation on meetings, not a meeting we would be interested in. Is the whole idea to be adaptable? That's why we stay away from anyone who says swap only Cos from our experience they seem to be entrenched in ritualistic meetings rather flexible and adaptable

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"No one should expect any sexual act.....it’s a consent issue then. "

I’m assuming you are making a statement and not asking a question here ?

If it is a question, I’m gob smacked it’s even being asked for one; and two yes 100% consent every time from both people on what might take place, it’s basic communication. Oh and just because I consented to it last time we met, doesn’t mean it’s a given the next time.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If thats the rule with you....No problem..

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

That’s also selfish. Or worse, sometimes.

How?

I enjoy anal giving but have no interest in receiving.

If a lady asks for anal I'm happy to oblige but that doesnt mean I should bend over after to be given a good pumping."

Virtually every man I speak to on here expects anal, I get no pleasure from anal and usually actively hate it. So to expect me to let him fuck me in the arse is selfish at best, a consent issue at worst. I think it would be more fair if men would at least find out how painful it is before demanding it from someone else.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

Definitely is “not” deemed selfish, knowing we shouldn’t be made to feel obliged to do something that we do not want to do. Mutual consent being the operative words.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff


"Ref the OPS post

Similar arguments if a women enjoys receiving oral from another woman but doesn't enjoy giving is that considered unfair?

"

Yes. I can’t stand pillow princesses and won’t meet them.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it’s stated beforehand and she says ‘Look, there’s no chance I’m sucking your penis, but I expect you to do wild and exotic things with your tongue on my vagina, I want enthusiasm while you’re down there, also I will tap you on the head when I’m done with you! ’ If this is clarified beforehand and all parties are in agreement then that’s fine. But if however you look up while you’re down there, circumnavigating the clit and she’s booking a grocery delivery slot and bidding on e bay for a bread maker, then I feel that’s taking the piss! "

Very much this, excellent point well made, chapeau Sir, chapeau! (Hat)

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's selfish if you haven't been up front with it or you're in a relationship with someone that wants it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *estman for the jobMan
over a year ago

Lincolnshire


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "
preferences are just that preferances,me personally I don't mind if I don't get oral but I do enjoy giving it and you cumming lots

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

That’s also selfish. Or worse, sometimes.

How?

I enjoy anal giving but have no interest in receiving.

If a lady asks for anal I'm happy to oblige but that doesnt mean I should bend over after to be given a good pumping.

Virtually every man I speak to on here expects anal, I get no pleasure from anal and usually actively hate it. So to expect me to let him fuck me in the arse is selfish at best, a consent issue at worst. I think it would be more fair if men would at least find out how painful it is before demanding it from someone else."

As mentioned above that's a consent issue, if you dont like it tell them.

I still stand by my point. If a lady asks for anal then I will oblige, there should be no onus on me to reciprocate. I've never expected it of a woman. I have tried anal and don't like it on myself.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir


"Yes. ... and no.

You want whatever, If you get it, and that’s all you want To do and never give anything back , we’ll, it depends if someone thinks you deserve it.

Explain that last part about deserving it please? I’m baffled.

This is just my opinion.

If I rock up and say, “I just want oral, not going to give it you in return’ does that make me sound like I deserve any kind of respect enough for you to do that for me?

I’d be baffled that any woman or man could expect that without having some Kind of respect Of wants and needs being given each way. Sex and any kind of relationship is give and take. Whatever that is.

*just my opinion.

Hopefully that explains what I meant.

I never used the word ‘expect’ in my OP. No one should ‘expect’ anything to do with sex....."

If this is a debate which you claim, why do you drop feed info/change the goal posts anytime you get an answer that seems to bother you.

This is not about choice as you have decided that you are going to spring in on the vanilla guy after he has given you oral.

Hiding behind oh I want to just be old fashioned and follow the passion...well guess what, being selfish is a passion killer. If you choose to absolutely not give oral that is fine. That is your choice. But not having a conversation about it takes away his choice and consent to participate and that is deceptive and wanting to receive oral in that scenario is selfish as far as I am concerned.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"No one should expect any sexual act.....it’s a consent issue then. "

True, but they can be disappointed that someone won't reciprocate a sexual act and feel as though they are being selfish.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *herry OnatopWoman
over a year ago

Just over there

Sometimes yes it is a completely selfish act. If I wanted a meet where I'm only receiving oral then I'd hope I'd be upfront enough to explain that or chosen to meet someone who has offered just that!

If I write that into my blog, 'Looking to receove oral only. I do not give.' Yes that's selfish but I'm being clear and honest about what I want. My preference.

If I have a meet and after cumming merrily over his face I announce that I don't give back then I would not be surprised if he accused me of being selfish!

All about respect, communication and consent. Just be open with people about your preferences!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No one should expect any sexual act.....it’s a consent issue then.

True, but they can be disappointed that someone won't reciprocate a sexual act and feel as though they are being selfish.

"

If it wasn't discussed beforehand then I imagine they would be. I think if a woman said she didn't like giving head, and the guy still arranged to meet her, then he can't really complain can he?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

That’s also selfish. Or worse, sometimes.

How?

I enjoy anal giving but have no interest in receiving.

If a lady asks for anal I'm happy to oblige but that doesnt mean I should bend over after to be given a good pumping.

Virtually every man I speak to on here expects anal, I get no pleasure from anal and usually actively hate it. So to expect me to let him fuck me in the arse is selfish at best, a consent issue at worst. I think it would be more fair if men would at least find out how painful it is before demanding it from someone else.

As mentioned above that's a consent issue, if you dont like it tell them.

I still stand by my point. If a lady asks for anal then I will oblige, there should be no onus on me to reciprocate. I've never expected it of a woman. I have tried anal and don't like it on myself.

"

Regardless of whether or not a man wants to receive anal, expecting something that gives the woman no pleasure (and quite often causes pain) is selfish.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *estman for the jobMan
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I'd advocate read the person's profile ,lots say they don't give oral or take anal but will take oral and peg men so it is up to the individual to make a decision based on what's in profile if this person is for them again it's about preferences and it's not selfish if it's your stated preference

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Ultimately this thread doesn't come down to whether something is selfish or not but whether open and honest communication is important with *any* sexual partner regarding *any* sexual preferences and boundaries - establish those in advance and then you can move onto going with the flow and whatever happens happens.

*IF* someone said to me in advance that one of their boundaries is doing a specific thing (no matter what it was) then I have the choice to either take things further or not and *IF* I chose to accept that boundary then absolutely it's not selfish on the part of the person that has it.

Likewise *IF* there was something with an established partner that had happened before that didn't happen on a particular time as you went with the flow, then again it's not selfish, it just didn't happen that time.

*IF* however there had been no upfront discussion about boundaries and limits and someone "expected" something to happen then even then I'm not sure it's selfish but it *IS* poor communication on both parts.

One thing it's definitely not though is about reciprocation - suggesting "I did x, y or z to you, therefore you have to do it back to me" is pretty childish really. Good sex isn't about that, but *IS* about good communication, being on the same wavelength as a partner and going with the flow without expectations in either direction of the specifics of what will happen.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir


"Ultimately this thread doesn't come down to whether something is selfish or not but whether open and honest communication is important with *any* sexual partner regarding *any* sexual preferences and boundaries - establish those in advance and then you can move onto going with the flow and whatever happens happens.

*IF* someone said to me in advance that one of their boundaries is doing a specific thing (no matter what it was) then I have the choice to either take things further or not and *IF* I chose to accept that boundary then absolutely it's not selfish on the part of the person that has it.

Likewise *IF* there was something with an established partner that had happened before that didn't happen on a particular time as you went with the flow, then again it's not selfish, it just didn't happen that time.

*IF* however there had been no upfront discussion about boundaries and limits and someone "expected" something to happen then even then I'm not sure it's selfish but it *IS* poor communication on both parts.

One thing it's definitely not though is about reciprocation - suggesting "I did x, y or z to you, therefore you have to do it back to me" is pretty childish really. Good sex isn't about that, but *IS* about good communication, being on the same wavelength as a partner and going with the flow without expectations in either direction of the specifics of what will happen."

This

It's the deception of no conversation = no choice for other person

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

That’s also selfish. Or worse, sometimes.

How?

I enjoy anal giving but have no interest in receiving.

If a lady asks for anal I'm happy to oblige but that doesnt mean I should bend over after to be given a good pumping.

Virtually every man I speak to on here expects anal, I get no pleasure from anal and usually actively hate it. So to expect me to let him fuck me in the arse is selfish at best, a consent issue at worst. I think it would be more fair if men would at least find out how painful it is before demanding it from someone else.

As mentioned above that's a consent issue, if you dont like it tell them.

I still stand by my point. If a lady asks for anal then I will oblige, there should be no onus on me to reciprocate. I've never expected it of a woman. I have tried anal and don't like it on myself.

Regardless of whether or not a man wants to receive anal, expecting something that gives the woman no pleasure (and quite often causes pain) is selfish."

If people you meet are expecting it then you're not communicating the fact you dont enjoy it clearly enough.

If they still insist then fuck them off.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"No one should expect any sexual act.....it’s a consent issue then.

True, but they can be disappointed that someone won't reciprocate a sexual act and feel as though they are being selfish.

If it wasn't discussed beforehand then I imagine they would be. I think if a woman said she didn't like giving head, and the guy still arranged to meet her, then he can't really complain can he?"

He can't but he's allowed to feel a bit gutted no?

I know I would be tbh, but as long as I knew in advance I could then decide if I would like to proceed or not. All down to frank and honest discussion. Relationship wise I'm not sure someone who wouldn't would be compatible with me.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

That’s also selfish. Or worse, sometimes.

How?

I enjoy anal giving but have no interest in receiving.

If a lady asks for anal I'm happy to oblige but that doesnt mean I should bend over after to be given a good pumping.

Virtually every man I speak to on here expects anal, I get no pleasure from anal and usually actively hate it. So to expect me to let him fuck me in the arse is selfish at best, a consent issue at worst. I think it would be more fair if men would at least find out how painful it is before demanding it from someone else.

As mentioned above that's a consent issue, if you dont like it tell them.

I still stand by my point. If a lady asks for anal then I will oblige, there should be no onus on me to reciprocate. I've never expected it of a woman. I have tried anal and don't like it on myself.

Regardless of whether or not a man wants to receive anal, expecting something that gives the woman no pleasure (and quite often causes pain) is selfish.

If people you meet are expecting it then you're not communicating the fact you dont enjoy it clearly enough.

If they still insist then fuck them off."

Kindly point out to me where I said I meet them?

Besides, if I meet someone without having discussed it, they ask for it, I say no, they insist - there’s a word for that. And it isn’t “well that’s your fault for not communicating”.

My point is the very selfish expectations a lot of men on here have.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

That’s also selfish. Or worse, sometimes.

How?

I enjoy anal giving but have no interest in receiving.

If a lady asks for anal I'm happy to oblige but that doesnt mean I should bend over after to be given a good pumping.

Virtually every man I speak to on here expects anal, I get no pleasure from anal and usually actively hate it. So to expect me to let him fuck me in the arse is selfish at best, a consent issue at worst. I think it would be more fair if men would at least find out how painful it is before demanding it from someone else."

i always say to guys if butt stuff is on the table thats fine but its on for both of us ... now proceed as you wish

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The op lacks enough situation and circumstance.

But in general pursuing something without consideration or compromise will progressively exclude folk. Who will assume you are being selfish.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No one should expect any sexual act.....it’s a consent issue then. "

i agree that nobody should expect a sexual act in terms of thinking its guaranteed and they are entitled to it

but in life people do have expectations of things in their head in advance, particularly if its things that tend to follow a similarish pattern, for example i generally expect sex to go. ... kissing, then foreplay (which is usually a bit of fondling, teasing and oral each way), the main event then a spoon after ... the specifics at each stage can vary and go back and forth between them sure but its the boxes i like to be ticked along the way somewhere so i do come with some expectation

having an expectation of how things might go doesn’t mean you don’t respect consent or that the expectation will definitely be met

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never want someone I'm with to do things they don't enjoy. Neither would I want them to expect it of me. So no it's not selfish.

However communication is key

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ubmissive guyMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Of course not, there are plenty of males on here, who would love that, as long as the Female likes to receive, Im more than happy.

If a Women told me she loves to receive, but not give, that makes me want to meet her more, not less.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes. ... and no.

You want whatever, If you get it, and that’s all you want To do and never give anything back , we’ll, it depends if someone thinks you deserve it.

Explain that last part about deserving it please? I’m baffled.

This is just my opinion.

If I rock up and say, “I just want oral, not going to give it you in return’ does that make me sound like I deserve any kind of respect enough for you to do that for me?

I’d be baffled that any woman or man could expect that without having some Kind of respect Of wants and needs being given each way. Sex and any kind of relationship is give and take. Whatever that is.

*just my opinion.

Hopefully that explains what I meant.

I never used the word ‘expect’ in my OP. No one should ‘expect’ anything to do with sex....."

So. In answer to your original. No. You are not selfish to want.

*i just do t think you’ll get it, unless you are willing to give what the other party wants.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No not at all everyone has there own likes and dislikes

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, not at all, you want what you like, I would be happy to provide oral and not receive X

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m honestly amazed at the amount of people that think not doing something you don’t want to, is selfish!

As long as you’ve discussed it prior to meeting, there shouldn’t be a problem.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m honestly amazed at the amount of people that think not doing something you don’t want to, is selfish!

As long as you’ve discussed it prior to meeting, there shouldn’t be a problem."

i dont think anyone is saying not wanting to do it is the selfish part

i was reading it as the wanting to receive something you dont want to give is what is selfish

also even if it is selfish motivation, if it still works for both parties there would still be no problem

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m honestly amazed at the amount of people that think not doing something you don’t want to, is selfish!

As long as you’ve discussed it prior to meeting, there shouldn’t be a problem.

i dont think anyone is saying not wanting to do it is the selfish part

i was reading it as the wanting to receive something you dont want to give is what is selfish

also even if it is selfish motivation, if it still works for both parties there would still be no problem "

I would still stand by my statement. If they like to receive oral, but don’t want to give it, that’s not selfish in the slightest. The key is in the communication

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Being selfish is being concerned for your own pleasure.

The ideal situation would be to find a man who isn't bothered about receiving oral (there must be one or two out there) who loves giving oral.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think anyone should have to do something they really don't want to do.

But I also think it's unfair to insist on receiving something if you aren't going to reciprocate.

My first ex was like that. He wouldn't even consider giving me oral because it was 'dirty', but he expected to suck his cock on demand. I'm fairly neutral when it comes to receiving oral (I much prefer giving) but the double standard pissed me off!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

"

thats how i see it too

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

I would say no. There shouldn't be any expectations of anything but if it is something you feel uncomfortable doing and have said so beforehand then that is your choice. The guy can also make his own choice to meet or not. If this is a deal breaker for him then he shouldn't agree then expect.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too "

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *andSCouple
over a year ago

PDI for now


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

Personally as long as everyone knows the boundaries, it should be fine.

What about between two women though, how would that be viewed?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ubmissive guyMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

You can class a lot of things as being selfish, but if you make it clear beforehand its hardly selfish. What if your a guy that loves to give, but doesnt like to receive, or vice versa, this kind of meet is perfect.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *isAdventure69Woman
over a year ago

Hampshire

I think that oral is quite a big part of sexual play and that should be mentioned before hand .

As in "by the way I don't give bj but I'm rather fond of receiving oral"

I'd be very annoyed if upon meeting the person was to say oh by the way I don't go down on women but I'm keen on receiving oral .

I'd want to know that in advance , giving me the opportunity to assess whether I still want to meet ...

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish. "

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish. "

Saying no to something isn't being selfish. Asking for something purely for your own pleasure is.

The other person agreeing to do it doesn't negate the selfishness of it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish "

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *olex99Man
over a year ago

Hull

Not selfish. Just disappointing

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do. "

No, it's selfish to ask for it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Being selfish is being concerned for your own pleasure.

The ideal situation would be to find a man who isn't bothered about receiving oral (there must be one or two out there) who loves giving oral.

"

That's easy, theres untold profiles saying they can do it for hours on end.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do.

No, it's selfish to ask for it.

"

Which goes back to my first comment, it’s all about consent, boundaries and communication.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do. "

but in the described scenario you are concerned exclusively with your own sexual pleasure

it quite often is selfish to choose not to do something , for example if your family expect you to be at an event but you have something else that will benefit you at work that day and decide to do that instead , you made your decision based on what was best for you - that is a selfish motivation, that doesn’t then mean the decision made was wrong or should be condemned in any way and i think its that extension of the word selfish as bad that people are hung up on , selfish doesn’t automatically equal bad

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do.

but in the described scenario you are concerned exclusively with your own sexual pleasure

it quite often is selfish to choose not to do something , for example if your family expect you to be at an event but you have something else that will benefit you at work that day and decide to do that instead , you made your decision based on what was best for you - that is a selfish motivation, that doesn’t then mean the decision made was wrong or should be condemned in any way and i think its that extension of the word selfish as bad that people are hung up on , selfish doesn’t automatically equal bad "

It’s not about me though. I bloody love giving oral , but I am defending my right to choose what I wish to do as I see fit

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do.

but in the described scenario you are concerned exclusively with your own sexual pleasure

it quite often is selfish to choose not to do something , for example if your family expect you to be at an event but you have something else that will benefit you at work that day and decide to do that instead , you made your decision based on what was best for you - that is a selfish motivation, that doesn’t then mean the decision made was wrong or should be condemned in any way and i think its that extension of the word selfish as bad that people are hung up on , selfish doesn’t automatically equal bad

It’s not about me though. I bloody love giving oral , but I am defending my right to choose what I wish to do as I see fit "

oh yeah sorry when i say you i am just meaning generically whoever the you is in the scenario , not you personally

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do.

but in the described scenario you are concerned exclusively with your own sexual pleasure

it quite often is selfish to choose not to do something , for example if your family expect you to be at an event but you have something else that will benefit you at work that day and decide to do that instead , you made your decision based on what was best for you - that is a selfish motivation, that doesn’t then mean the decision made was wrong or should be condemned in any way and i think its that extension of the word selfish as bad that people are hung up on , selfish doesn’t automatically equal bad

It’s not about me though. I bloody love giving oral , but I am defending my right to choose what I wish to do as I see fit

oh yeah sorry when i say you i am just meaning generically whoever the you is in the scenario , not you personally "

also the right to choose isn’t at risk at all, its not about consent , consent trumps everything in terms of what acts happen

but consent and communication doesn’t change that asking for something for your own pleasure that you would not be willing to give back to the same person is a selfish viewpoint, even if all parties are happy to accept it

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do.

but in the described scenario you are concerned exclusively with your own sexual pleasure

it quite often is selfish to choose not to do something , for example if your family expect you to be at an event but you have something else that will benefit you at work that day and decide to do that instead , you made your decision based on what was best for you - that is a selfish motivation, that doesn’t then mean the decision made was wrong or should be condemned in any way and i think its that extension of the word selfish as bad that people are hung up on , selfish doesn’t automatically equal bad

It’s not about me though. I bloody love giving oral , but I am defending my right to choose what I wish to do as I see fit

oh yeah sorry when i say you i am just meaning generically whoever the you is in the scenario , not you personally

also the right to choose isn’t at risk at all, its not about consent , consent trumps everything in terms of what acts happen

but consent and communication doesn’t change that asking for something for your own pleasure that you would not be willing to give back to the same person is a selfish viewpoint, even if all parties are happy to accept it "

We will have to agree to disagree. I believe autonomy over my/anyone’s body is more important, but I respect your opinion

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do.

No, it's selfish to ask for it.

Which goes back to my first comment, it’s all about consent, boundaries and communication. "

The question here is whether it's a selfish thing to do, not about boundaries or consent.

Consenting to it doesn't mean it's not selfish.

I consent to sucking my partners cock every time I see him, but the selfish fucker never reciprocates.

He gives so much in other ways though

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do.

but in the described scenario you are concerned exclusively with your own sexual pleasure

it quite often is selfish to choose not to do something , for example if your family expect you to be at an event but you have something else that will benefit you at work that day and decide to do that instead , you made your decision based on what was best for you - that is a selfish motivation, that doesn’t then mean the decision made was wrong or should be condemned in any way and i think its that extension of the word selfish as bad that people are hung up on , selfish doesn’t automatically equal bad

It’s not about me though. I bloody love giving oral , but I am defending my right to choose what I wish to do as I see fit

oh yeah sorry when i say you i am just meaning generically whoever the you is in the scenario , not you personally

also the right to choose isn’t at risk at all, its not about consent , consent trumps everything in terms of what acts happen

but consent and communication doesn’t change that asking for something for your own pleasure that you would not be willing to give back to the same person is a selfish viewpoint, even if all parties are happy to accept it

We will have to agree to disagree. I believe autonomy over my/anyone’s body is more important, but I respect your opinion"

You're not losing autonomy over your body by asking and not reciprocating. You're being selfish though.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know why people are talking about consent.

Asking for something that is purely for your own pleasure and not reciprocating is selfish.

No one is being forced to do anything, and many people-myself included-will do what selfish people want.

There isn't a problem; we can all say no.

But, it's still selfish.

thats how i see it too

I see what you’re saying, but I can’t get past the fact that, if you don’t like/don’t want to do something, you should be able to say no without being labelled selfish. Would it be better if she was a people pleaser and did it to keep someone happy?

If the other person turns round and says well I’m not doing it either, then fair enough, but it still isn’t selfish.

you absolutely are still able to say no, and you absolutely don’t have to be a people pleaser, but it doesn’t stop you from being selfish

i think the problem is people take very negative connotations from the word selfish so don’t want to identify the scenario with it - it really just means you are out for yourself and this scenario is textbook example of that , you want an act for your pleasure and do not want to reciprocate that act for someone elses

its not necessarily wrong to be selfish in this case, but it is still selfish

Selfish means concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself.

It isn’t selfish to choose not to do something you don’t want to do.

but in the described scenario you are concerned exclusively with your own sexual pleasure

it quite often is selfish to choose not to do something , for example if your family expect you to be at an event but you have something else that will benefit you at work that day and decide to do that instead , you made your decision based on what was best for you - that is a selfish motivation, that doesn’t then mean the decision made was wrong or should be condemned in any way and i think its that extension of the word selfish as bad that people are hung up on , selfish doesn’t automatically equal bad

It’s not about me though. I bloody love giving oral , but I am defending my right to choose what I wish to do as I see fit

oh yeah sorry when i say you i am just meaning generically whoever the you is in the scenario , not you personally

also the right to choose isn’t at risk at all, its not about consent , consent trumps everything in terms of what acts happen

but consent and communication doesn’t change that asking for something for your own pleasure that you would not be willing to give back to the same person is a selfish viewpoint, even if all parties are happy to accept it

We will have to agree to disagree. I believe autonomy over my/anyone’s body is more important, but I respect your opinion"

fair enough, i think i am possibly not articulating my thoughts properly though because i don’t think your bodily autonomy is up for grabs and would never suggest so, i just see them as 2 separate points

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I think, if you're not going to suck his cock in return at least give him a hand job and let him finish on your face.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How is this still going

If you don’t wanna suck cock, don’t lol

If the person you meet doesn’t agree with that then find someone else.

I wouldn’t wanna meet a woman who doesn’t want me too go down on her, or doesn’t shave... it’s preferences!

This is going down hypothetical scenarios that no one has even suggested to begin with haha

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think some men get as much pleasure giving as receiving

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope! Not at all!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People who are saying it’s selfish are the ones who expect the other person to do things they don’t want to do and that’s unfair. "

I agree. Sex isn’t about giving to receive. If you’re having sex with someone it’s because you want to and because you want to pleasure them.

It shouldn’t be about “If I do this you have to do that” it sounds so mechanical.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x "

Don't ask for what you can't give?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wouldnt say its selfish. Lots of men enjoy giving anal but dont want to receive it

Peoples preferences - it might be disapointing .....I would be disapointed and it would mean that we were not compatible in the long term...buts its not selfish."

Spot on!

Are the men who love giving anal but don’t receive it selfish? I have a feeling the answers from many would be different...

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

What is selfish is when you've given them oral in order to secure a repeat visit and a place in their affection and they then won't let you pop something else in for afters!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For a woman to only want to receive oral sex but not give it to a man?

What do you think?

Bhubaysi x

Don't ask for what you can't give? "

I see you like anal, do you take anal too then?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ubmissive guyMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I think, if you're not going to suck his cock in return at least give him a hand job and let him finish on your face."

What if the guy didnt want that, he only wanted to give, there are plenty of guys, who just want to give, without receiving anything else. I love the idea of a local lady, messaging me to get to hers, just to give oral and go. I know Im unlikely to find that, but doesnt mean, I cant wish for it lol

I would say there are more guys on here who would love a give oral only meet than Women looking for it. What if you hate the taste of male or Female cum should you not have meets because your being selfish?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 
 

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"...but consent and communication doesn’t change that asking for something for your own pleasure that you would not be willing to give back to the same person is a selfish viewpoint, even if all parties are happy to accept it

We will have to agree to disagree. I believe autonomy over my/anyone’s body is more important, but I respect your opinion"

To be honest I don't even think it's agreeing to disagree - you're both saying the same thing different ways and getting hung up on the semantics of the definition of the word "selfish" with one of you applying a distinct negative connotation to the word.

As I said further up good sex isn't about everything being reciprocal and in fact on some level taking an "I've done that so you have to too" is a very childish way of looking at it - the key is communication, understanding and respecting boundaries and going with the flow within those boundaries.

Am I going to throw my toys out of the pram because someone doesn't give me oral but expects me to do it to them? Not if they've clearly communicated in advance that they don't I'm not, and to be honest even if they hadn't but it didn't happen and we'd had an otherwise mutually pleasurable time I wouldn't either.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
back to top