FabSwingers.com forum: Racism is taught behaviour

By *onkey_boy87 OP Man
over a year ago

derby

So today I went for a walk in the country (I myself live in the city). Whilst walking a child no older than perhaps 3 pointed at me and said twice "daddy, look dirty man". I understand this may be innocent from a child and no offence was intended. What was annoying was her parents reaction. They didn't bat an eyelid, apologise or correct their child.

I said to the young girl "I'm not dirty, I am black" I also said to her father "you should educate your child" to which he responded with a look of disgust, how dare I say this to him lol.

My question is this child is around 3 so even if she hasn't seen a black person in the flesh (which is rare in this day and age) she has probably seen black people on television, in books etc. I am sure she would of asked her parents prior to this why someone who isn't White looked different to herself.

If this was explained to her that we are all humans but we don't all look the same. Some of us have different colour skin, hair eyes etc. So has this little girl asked this question and been told they are black because they are dirty?

Again I go back to how the parents reacted to why I have come to this conclusion on this particular incident.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So today I went for a walk in the country (I myself live in the city). Whilst walking a child no older than perhaps 3 pointed at me and said twice "daddy, look dirty man". I understand this may be innocent from a child and no offence was intended. What was annoying was her parents reaction. They didn't bat an eyelid, apologise or correct their child.

I said to the young girl "I'm not dirty, I am black" I also said to her father "you should educate your child" to which he responded with a look of disgust, how dare I say this to him lol.

Again I go back to how the parents reacted to why I have come to this conclusion on this particular incident."
which part of the country side was it?

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I agree completely, children rarely show any form of prejudice until they are old enough to follow someone else's example. I don't understand how or why racism is still a thing in this day and age...

Cal

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

[Removed by poster at 20/03/21 16:44:42]

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

When I was a child we were at a family party and my cousin walked up to a black little girl, licked her finger and started rubbing the black girls skin to try and get the 'dirt' off. Of course my aunt explained why she had a different skin colour and that it wasn't dirt but she was never told that a black person was dirty prior to that day.

The innocent ways of children should be forgiven if, as you say OP, thd parents use the opportunity to teach about other people's differences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you saying that's where ethnic cleansing starts?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I’m sure the 3 year old said it in all innocence. 3 year olds don’t have much concept of rascism. It’s the parents that needed to apologise to you and educate their child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course racism is taught. You aren't born racist. It's a learned behaviour sadly.

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster

It's totally wrong of the parents and the little girl has obviously been educated this way by someone,my parents used to tell me similar things about different people and I grew up to be one ! It stems from childhood teachings but that doesn't mean that the girl will be racist or have a ism when she grows up to take responsibility for her own actions thoughts and feelings , despite my parents (particularly father) I have gone through adult hood with no predudices for anyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember my kids doing something totally similar when they were small, I agree its taught, but I do think its taught from many sources. Parents, friends, the media and life experiences. There will be other sources ive missed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All learnt what we see, hear and are shown sad but true..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is shocking, I am so sorry it happened to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said to the young girl "I'm not dirty, I am black" I also said to her father "you should educate your child" to which he responded with a look of disgust, how dare I say this to him lol.

Again I go back to how the parents reacted to why I have come to this conclusion on this particular incident."

I’m really sorry you had to deal with this, and that you had to correct the child, the parents should be ashamed

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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

This is why I'm always thankful that I was born in a city with large black and asian communities already living there, and that one of our next-door neighbours was a black family and she is one of my mum's best friends and her son was best friends with my older brother. So thankfully I was raised seeing them everyday as exactly what they are - normal people just like the rest of us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said to the young girl "I'm not dirty, I am black" I also said to her father "you should educate your child" to which he responded with a look of disgust, how dare I say this to him lol.

Again I go back to how the parents reacted to why I have come to this conclusion on this particular incident. which part of the country side was it?"
I only ask because i was brought up just north of derby in the peak district and untill I was 17 I had never spoken to anyone that wasn't white British there was no one at school of any other race none in the village I only ever saw people of any other race on the tv or if we went away some where and I remember as a child stareing at black people because I never saw any, I even remember when i was about 16 hearing about a family who were black moving into the local town like it was actual news and massive gossip. I'm lucky I went away to college found the outside world and realised that everyone is the same no matter what skin colour but you have to remember however not right some people especially kids in the countryside probably don't encounter anyone who doesnt look like them selves so may not mean to be racist but end up been by accident.

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By *assage_noirMan
over a year ago

1The Angel

Yes the child is none the wiser, but that child is being taught or hearing things from their parents at home which is a shame but am I shock, no.

Society is doigg nothing to combat racism, racism is the non discussed subject. Even on fab, which is part of society has a few racist fellows, even in swingers clubs I at times have witness prejudice.

I normally go swing clubs with my best friend, he is white, many clubs on busy nights will no let me in, and we use to think it was because it was two single males and club had a male quota. So before lockdown and clubs will remain nameless, I would go to the door on busy night and be told, club to capacity for single men, my friend would go in seconds after he saw me walking back from club and he would be allowed in, but would then inform person at door and walk away.

So until we start educating ourselves we are all human beings there will be plenty of kids at that age being taught we was blaxk people are dirty. Rant over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am sorry to say that my upbringing was at the hands of a couple of racist homophones. I am ashamed to say that as a teenager, I was disgusting. I was all sorts of phobic and most kind of 'ist'.

If my teenage me met the current me, we wouldn't get on.

So whilst behaviour is learned, it can be unlearned.

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By *chupforitMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

I am one of the least rasest people. I was taught every one is the same as you. No matter race or religion. It is always the parents fault. One day I hope it will all end. And we can all live as one. As john Lennon said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First of all dude I am sorry that happened to you, yet at the same time it is a sad reality of our society that needs to be dealt with!

Given that race as no biological scientific basis (except the ones from eugenicists), race is a social construct. Therefore, racism is as well.

To make sense of the world, human beings categorise, it is a fact. So, when you know how the categorisation of races happened and at what period (colonialism and sla**very), you understand better where those hegemonic ideas about different races come from and how they endure.

The categorisation of races got stereotyped as soon as their incorporated moral character to those categorisation.

Having said that, even if most forum users will show you some sympathy, most of them understand racism as a binary construct of right versus wrong. Consequently, as no one wants to be categorised as being in the wrong, they wouldn't even recognise their own racist behaviour... That's how you ended up being targeted by a three years old. The parents certainly thought it was okay ! But would be outraged if it would have happened to them.

The far right isn't really the enemy in my opinion. I mean it is, but the most insidious form of racism that is more dangerous that the far right, is the systemic racism of our society.

That's why a lot of ppl on fab think it is totally okay to state on their profile that (1) they are here to make friends (2) but don't want black or Asian to message them !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First of all dude I am sorry that happened to you, yet at the same time it is a sad reality of our society that needs to be dealt with!

Given that race as no biological scientific basis (except the ones from eugenicists), race is a social construct. Therefore, racism is as well.

The categorisation of races got stereotyped as soon as their incorporated moral character to those categorisation.

The far right isn't really the enemy in my opinion. I mean it is, but the most insidious form of racism that is more dangerous that the far right, is the systemic racism of our society.

That's why a lot of ppl on fab think it is totally okay to state on their profile that (1) they are here to make friends (2) but don't want black or Asian to message them ! "

Sorry for the essay !

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Yes the child is none the wiser, but that child is being taught or hearing things from their parents at home which is a shame but am I shock, no.

So until we start educating ourselves we are all human beings there will be plenty of kids at that age being taught we was blaxk people are dirty. Rant over"

this genuinely happens to you? i am shocked to hear this. certainly the swinging clubs i have been to have no such entry policies (only one has a body beautiful entry requirement, or at lest it did).

as for race and racism not being discussed on here, i can only assume you are new to the forums. it is discussed a lot - mainly in relation to some profiles expressing their preference for certain races but it definitely is a top 10 forum topic and i applaud the fact that things like this are raised and opinions challenged appropriately. unfortunately some people can't play nice and so often threads are pulled.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

My best friend from 6-10 or 11 was called Nazim, they lived next door to us. I knew at a young age they were different, nothing to do with skin colour but their food smelt delicious and they played and watched cricket over football.

Never once thought of him any differently than the white kids I hung around with at School.

Op if one of my Lads had said the same I would have corrected them and apologised.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry that happened to you OP

Hate is definitely learned.

Hopefully the child will grow up to form it's own opinions.

I grew up the only black kid around racists and homaphobes in the 70's / 80's in the Home Counties.

There was a lot of hate and judgement and there still is.

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By *inky_CarpenterMan
over a year ago

Portsmouth

One of my proudest moments as a parent....

I took my 10yr old son to South Africa for Xmas a few years ago. His Nan asked him to describe his best friend.....

"He is really tall, and very skinny, he is funny, and he is super at football, he is super smart and good at maths, he has a trampoline and and xbox one......." he went on describing him for about five minutes, and at no point did it occur to him to point out the fact that his mate was black...

I tried teaching him about slav3ry ,segregation,racism, social injustices and the history of the BLM movement etc, and he just looked at me like I was thick and pointed out that racism was the most stupid, illogical position he had ever heard of, and what the heck does the colour of anyone's skin have to do with who they are as a person...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First of all dude I am sorry that happened to you, yet at the same time it is a sad reality of our society that needs to be dealt with!

Given that race as no biological scientific basis (except the ones from eugenicists), race is a social construct. Therefore, racism is as well.

The categorisation of races got stereotyped as soon as their incorporated moral character to those categorisation.

The far right isn't really the enemy in my opinion. I mean it is, but the most insidious form of racism that is more dangerous that the far right, is the systemic racism of our society.

That's why a lot of ppl on fab think it is totally okay to state on their profile that (1) they are here to make friends (2) but don't want black or Asian to message them !

Sorry for the essay ! "

you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry that happened to you OP

Hate is definitely learned.

Hopefully the child will grow up to form it's own opinions.

I grew up the only black kid around racists and homaphobes in the 70's / 80's in the Home Counties.

There was a lot of hate and judgement and there still is.

"Stinks of sewage & burning flesh. "

It really does!

And it's too religious and - women are second class citizens.

The majority are uneducated and its quite frankly unsanitary...

You mean like the kind of judgment you expressed toward Pakistan fee days ago ?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry that happened to you OP

Hate is definitely learned.

Hopefully the child will grow up to form it's own opinions.

I grew up the only black kid around racists and homaphobes in the 70's / 80's in the Home Counties.

There was a lot of hate and judgement and there still is.

"Stinks of sewage & burning flesh. "

It really does!

And it's too religious and - women are second class citizens.

The majority are uneducated and its quite frankly unsanitary...

You mean like the kind of judgment you expressed toward Pakistan fee days ago ?!

How do you know what my heritage is?

And how I came to make that judgement.

Go and troll someone else!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry that happened to you OP

Hate is definitely learned.

Hopefully the child will grow up to form it's own opinions.

I grew up the only black kid around racists and homaphobes in the 70's / 80's in the Home Counties.

There was a lot of hate and judgement and there still is.

"Stinks of sewage & burning flesh. "

It really does!

And it's too religious and - women are second class citizens.

The majority are uneducated and its quite frankly unsanitary...

You mean like the kind of judgment you expressed toward Pakistan fee days ago ?!

How do you know what my heritage is?

And how I came to make that judgement.

Go and troll someone else!"

I am not claiming knowing your heritage but I find interesting that you seem to see what a negative judgment can do but happy to spread some negative judgment over an entire ethnic minority.

I am not trolling, just copied and pasted what you said about Pakistan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I was a child we were at a family party and my cousin walked up to a black little girl, licked her finger and started rubbing the black girls skin to try and get the 'dirt' off. Of course my aunt explained why she had a different skin colour and that it wasn't dirt but she was never told that a black person was dirty prior to that day.

The innocent ways of children should be forgiven if, as you say OP, thd parents use the opportunity to teach about other people's differences. "

100% agree with this, kids use their imagination and are learning so much they try to relate anything new to them to something they already know, so if their hands/ arms have been darker when playing with mucky stuff they could then associate darker skin with being dirty, innocently thinking its just to be washed off

however its absolutely the parents responsibility at that point to correct and educate in the same way they would about any other mistake / confusion kids have when growing up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst a very young child may say things innocently that could be offensive, it should be better education from parents in those situations, I agree. But racism and division is caused by more than personal choice, so society’s contribution is key to assisting this education too.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

Having worked around very young children for a long time, nothing they say surprises me and things are generally said in innocence but that’s where the adult should take over. Children are simply mini humans who learn from the things they see and hear around them - from all sorts of sources. The adult needs to adult.

I’m sorry that happened OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with you OP.

I know that sometimes kids say stupid shit but the fact the parents didn't apologise says it all really. I am sorry it happened to you.

It's why I think it is so important to teach your children we are all the same and surround them with as much diversity as possible in all aspects of life. I grew up in a very racist household and I'm the only one to not hold those views now. It makes me angry and sad.

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By *odgerMan
over a year ago

Coventry(ish)

" So thankfully I was raised seeing them everyday as exactly what they are - normal people just like the rest of us."

Them and us??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" So thankfully I was raised seeing them everyday as exactly what they are - normal people just like the rest of us.

Them and us?? "

I do agree there, there is in that comment a part of othering. Which indicates an unc**scious and cultural bias.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

At 5yo, I named my first dog, Zulu.

Knew no better, had just arrived from South Africa

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"Yes the child is none the wiser, but that child is being taught or hearing things from their parents at home which is a shame but am I shock, no.

So until we start educating ourselves we are all human beings there will be plenty of kids at that age being taught we was blaxk people are dirty. Rant over"

That is disgusting and a horrible attitude from that club.

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By *erDirtyRockstarMan
over a year ago

buckinghamshire

Yes, a child is none the wiser and the parents reaction was clearly indicative of them being ignorant racist twats.

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

The problem is that the parents' account of this will be that their poor, innocent child said it without knowing any better and you had no right to take offence and blame them for what their child because it's not as if she wanted to offend you.

I'm not saying that's right; they could have defused the situation very simply as you have suggested but their reflex will have been to defend their child. Parents tend to be extremely sensitive to any perceived criticism of their children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" So thankfully I was raised seeing them everyday as exactly what they are - normal people just like the rest of us.

Them and us??

I do agree there, there is in that comment a part of othering. Which indicates an unc**scious and cultural bias. "

i think thats a bit unfair, you need to consider the context, the poster was describing what could have been a scenario for them to see people differently but how it didn’t end that way

without separating 2 groups of people the story doesn’t make sense which is where the them and us comes from but its clear the message ended in we are really all the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP yes I agree racism is most certainly learned behaviour.

However when we are talking about children at such a young age, it isn’t racist but uneducated, don’t understand and possibly even curiosity and innocence.

I very much imagine a white person going to rural parts of Africa might also be looked at differently by children, as these children may have never seen a white person before and I wouldn’t think they are racist but curious and it’s different.

There are no excuses for ignorance or lack of education when older, but it’s worth remembering the world is not a fair place and sometimes people’s behaviours are out of our control, Realistically if the guy cared he would have probably died of embarrassments as soon as the child said anything.

I also agree education on these matters are essential, but I wouldn’t be relying on just parents (some are lost causes) and probably should be don’t in better settings like schools.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" So thankfully I was raised seeing them everyday as exactly what they are - normal people just like the rest of us.

Them and us??

I do agree there, there is in that comment a part of othering. Which indicates an unc**scious and cultural bias.

i think thats a bit unfair, you need to consider the context, the poster was describing what could have been a scenario for them to see people differently but how it didn’t end that way

without separating 2 groups of people the story doesn’t make sense which is where the them and us comes from but its clear the message ended in we are really all the same "

Oh totally. And I do get it, but that illustrates perfectly the Inc*ncious bias I have described above

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By *asual_WandererWoman
over a year ago

A spot you want me

So sorry this happened Dwight. You are right there's no excuse for the parent. Sending you love and heartfelt hugs today x

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

There's every chance the parents were wanting to ground to swallow them whole when they heard the words leave their child's mouth, and that would have prompted them to address the situation and educate when they got home.

I'd have personally been relieved when you addressed it by speaking to the child as I'd have been really embarrassed but think you were wrong going on the attack and I too would have given you a nasty look if you'd confronted me over something a toddler said.

Yes is was shit that you weren't apologised to, but at the same time perhaps the parents thought that may make a bigger deal out of a situation that on the surface, from a child was innocent.

It wasn't malicious, it wasn't like the kid came up and kicked you or was nasty or deliberately wanted to hurt you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with you op racism is taught no one is born racist, it’s not just kids that need to be taught though a lot of adults need to be educated as well otherwise the cycle doesn’t get broken.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree the child will not even understand what racist means or is.but I don't think you should have pointed it out im surprised you wasn't hit definitely here you would have and people would have just walked on im afraid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree the child will not even understand what racist means or is.but I don't think you should have pointed it out im surprised you wasn't hit definitely here you would have and people would have just walked on im afraid."

Why not point it out? That seems to be the attitude many people have. Turn a blind eye.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am sorry to say that my upbringing was at the hands of a couple of racist homophones. I am ashamed to say that as a teenager, I was disgusting. I was all sorts of phobic and most kind of 'ist'.

If my teenage me met the current me, we wouldn't get on.

So whilst behaviour is learned, it can be unlearned."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not point it out? That seems to be the attitude many people have. Turn a blind eye."

Yes, exactly. And what on earth do you mean by you're surprised he wasn't hit?!

If my daughter ever came out with something like that I'd be mortified and apologise immediately.

I would have no issues if OP had of turned around and corrected her as long as there was no malice in his tone and he didn't put her down for saying something stupid.

If you or anyone else would hit someone over something like this then I truly have no words.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Children are blind to colour - I had my hair in a plait a while ago and a tiny toddler stopped staring and said " you look like Elsa "

Which needed explaing to me by the dad that it's a character from the cartoon Frozen.

Best compliment EVER

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Why not point it out? That seems to be the attitude many people have. Turn a blind eye."

Having a small child is hard work at the best of times. You're constantly thinking you're doing a shit job and wondering what you could do better, am I letting them down? Am I holding them back from reaching their potential without even realising?

Asking to have a quiet word and offering advice to handle the situation should it arise again, welcomed. Having a pop at bad parenting and telling people they need to educate their small child who's been caged up for a year is too far.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it "

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not point it out? That seems to be the attitude many people have. Turn a blind eye.

Yes, exactly. And what on earth do you mean by you're surprised he wasn't hit?!

If my daughter ever came out with something like that I'd be mortified and apologise immediately.

I would have no issues if OP had of turned around and corrected her as long as there was no malice in his tone and he didn't put her down for saying something stupid.

If you or anyone else would hit someone over something like this then I truly have no words.

"
quite simple I live in a racist place where unless you own the corner shop your not welcome so as said if he was here I wouldn't be surprised that not only hit and told not there business but probably beaten up within a inch of their life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling? "

Does the child not need educating though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When one of my kids was in reception year *so around 4/5 years old* one of the children said to and Indian child: I won't play with you because you are brown. It must have come from home. How sad..

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though? "

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not point it out? That seems to be the attitude many people have. Turn a blind eye.

Yes, exactly. And what on earth do you mean by you're surprised he wasn't hit?!

If my daughter ever came out with something like that I'd be mortified and apologise immediately.

I would have no issues if OP had of turned around and corrected her as long as there was no malice in his tone and he didn't put her down for saying something stupid.

If you or anyone else would hit someone over something like this then I truly have no words.

quite simple I live in a racist place where unless you own the corner shop your not welcome so as said if he was here I wouldn't be surprised that not only hit and told not there business but probably beaten up within a inch of their life."
bloody hell Rotherham I worked with a guy from there and the only word he new for a corner shop was pakki shop didn't matter who was running it that's what he called a corner shop even if it was a white persons shop he would just say "I'm of to pakki shop for some fags"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was."

Well the op stated the father looked at him in disgust rather than embarrassment, if that was my child I would’ve have been mortified yes but if the op had said I need to educate my child I would’ve agreed with him not look at him in disgust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not point it out? That seems to be the attitude many people have. Turn a blind eye.

Yes, exactly. And what on earth do you mean by you're surprised he wasn't hit?!

If my daughter ever came out with something like that I'd be mortified and apologise immediately.

I would have no issues if OP had of turned around and corrected her as long as there was no malice in his tone and he didn't put her down for saying something stupid.

If you or anyone else would hit someone over something like this then I truly have no words.

The worlds an odd place

racism isn’t the one and definitely is taught. I’ve got friends from all different backgrounds. Some of their grandparents still hold onto what they were taught while there parents chose a different path

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was.

And I'd have looked at him in disgust too for confronting me about my parenting in front of my child, my young child who's just embarrassed the shit outta me and shown an area I need to address. As I say, I think he handled the first bit perfectly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not point it out? That seems to be the attitude many people have. Turn a blind eye.

Yes, exactly. And what on earth do you mean by you're surprised he wasn't hit?!

If my daughter ever came out with something like that I'd be mortified and apologise immediately.

I would have no issues if OP had of turned around and corrected her as long as there was no malice in his tone and he didn't put her down for saying something stupid.

If you or anyone else would hit someone over something like this then I truly have no words.

What a very sad world we live in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was.

That’s fair we ain’t all going to have the same views, so I respect your opinion

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By *aurimauriMan
over a year ago

Tunbridge Wells

Most people of colour will not be surprised by this attitude. It's something we have to live alongside.

Yes parents and society are to blame but education can also be positive. We can teach, develop and encourage recognition of difference, we can develop, educate and encourage the positive aspects of all differences in society.

I was lucky, I grew up with activists around me, I listened around the kitchen table as a young teen to activists planning protests, marches, petitions etc. This i took in to later life, to stand up and be heard on prejudice.

The sad part, I have had to tackle my son's school on racial bullying, I instigated black history month in the school, which till 2yrs ago, wasn't on their curriculum. I teach my kids our history, why we should be proud and strength to put our heads up above the parapit, to speak out about injustice. To live with respect of others, of everyone.

The people who have responded, have all been supportive of Ops post, this shows the changing world.

Anti racist

Non racist,

You decide.

But replace the c in racist with a p.

Use the word homophobic

Use the word sexism

A choice we make.

Great post on the forum.

And OP, great on challenging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was.

Are we really blaming and questioning the way he reacted to the parents attitude ?

See, this is exactly what I was mentioning above. White ppl trying to educate you about how you should have reacted to the parents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing that would have really annoyed me, is the parents reaction to the comment then the reaction after you said to educate thier child. That to me would indicate that it is something that the child has learnt from said parent.

Its amazing that there is still very narrow minded, ignorant people in this world that seem think that thier child saying that isnt a problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was.

It’s all about the tonality , I wouldn’t say someone was having a go at me if they spoke to me in a calm manner.

No one was there except for the op , parents and child.

I would of turned to the parents and told them that isn’t right. Even if they were embarrassed.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was.

Are we really blaming and questioning the way he reacted to the parents attitude ?

See, this is exactly what I was mentioning above. White ppl trying to educate you about how you should have reacted to the parents.

I'd have said exactly the same thing to a white person having a go at a black person over something their young child had said. Education in my mind begins with conversation not confrontation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow this reminds me of the time I was playing with children in a park and me and this child fell over and I happen to fall on top of him and grab his hand, he got up and wiped his hands down his t shirt as if I was dirty!

I was only about 8 or 9, but I remember it so clearly and wondering why he did it. It’s definitely taught behaviour because as a child I had friends of all races who never ever did anything like that.

Disgusting really.

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

As an aside from the parenting aspect, surveys have shown that people from ethnic minorities feel generally unwelcome in countryside settings, not so much due to overt hostility but because of a sense that they only belong in urban environments. I can't speak for the OP but being outside of the city is likely to be a more charged experience than for the white majority.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was.

Are we really blaming and questioning the way he reacted to the parents attitude ?

See, this is exactly what I was mentioning above. White ppl trying to educate you about how you should have reacted to the parents.

I'd have said exactly the same thing to a white person having a go at a black person over something their young child had said. Education in my mind begins with conversation not confrontation."

I also wasn't speaking from "white person" with my view I was speaking from "parent"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was."

Really he shouldn't need to do the 1st bit, the parent should have done it straight away, then the 2nd part doesnt happen at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was.

Are we really blaming and questioning the way he reacted to the parents attitude ?

See, this is exactly what I was mentioning above. White ppl trying to educate you about how you should have reacted to the parents.

I'd have said exactly the same thing to a white person having a go at a black person over something their young child had said. Education in my mind begins with conversation not confrontation."

Would you have a nice, polite and educational conversation to a man who hates and probably best women ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was.

Are we really blaming and questioning the way he reacted to the parents attitude ?

See, this is exactly what I was mentioning above. White ppl trying to educate you about how you should have reacted to the parents.

I'd have said exactly the same thing to a white person having a go at a black person over something their young child had said. Education in my mind begins with conversation not confrontation.

I also wasn't speaking from "white person" with my view I was speaking from "parent" "

As a white person living in a predominantly white society you can't really what the op went through. You are white, he is black, it doesn't to be said, the attitude of educate the op is self explanatory.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think he op has every right to point it out, how can we ask for change if people turn blind eyes to it

He didn't point it out tho, he confronted and said they need to educate their child. How is that gonna breed anything other than bad feeling?

Does the child not need educating though?

Which they probably had no idea of until that very moment and were quite taken aback by it. He handled it great by saying what he said to the child.

Having a go at parents who are likely embarrassed and feeling like shit isn't educating, the first bit, speaking to the child was.

Imagine being more disgusted by a man responding to a comment by a child than the outrageous comment your child came out with.

This is the problem, you expect a man who probably had to deal with comments like that regularly to be “kind” and “nice” and deal with things properly but you don’t expect anything of the parent who has a child who notices skin colour.

This is why racism is still rife, because people don’t want to hold those responsible accountable.

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

I said to the young girl "I'm not dirty, I am black" I also said to her father "you should educate your child" to which he responded with a look of disgust, how dare I say this to him lol.

Again I go back to how the parents reacted to why I have come to this conclusion on this particular incident."

From personal experience via my 3 yrs old nephews (and actually adults in winter particularly) who live in the city & whom see most colors of skins regularly in person & on tv, they still have turned round to me & said my hand are dirty, now my parents are both white but i (& son) seem to have salo skin (mediterrean) toneage to our skin where as my daughter is as pale as they are....the children just question everything.

Agreed racism absolutely is taught & the adults should have done way more to educate, they may however have wished to have wait until you were passed to have that convo though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're talking about a 3yr old, who will say what they see.

There was no intent. It was innocent.

My youngest when around the same age saw a woman in a wheelchair and said oh look mum that lady is in a pram cause to her little mind that's what it looked like, the woman and I laughed, she explained to my daughter she was in the chair cause her legs didn't work properly, end of story. I felt no need to apologise for my childs curiosity, the woman didn't insult my child's education... Was it discriminatory? Of course not but she came home having learned something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone remember that viral video of that 5 year old singing “Millwall fuck em all” who says “you fucking black c**nts” after?

Yeah... racism is learnt behaviour and children mimic the behaviour of those around them very very easily.

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By *onkey_boy87 OP Man
over a year ago

derby

It's really refreshing to see such thoughtful and positive comments from most people on this thread.

Princess Peach and Captain Cargo you are entitled to your opinion and not all of us think the same. However I have no regrets over the way I handled this situation.

I titled this post "Racism is learnt behaviour". The reason I titled it this is because of the reaction/behaviour of the parents. I think we all agree that the child wouldn't have meant this maliciously. However Princess Peach I also am a father of 4 kids and no matter how embarrassed I was over something they did or said I would 100 percent apologize for their actions. Regardless of if my child meant no offence, to acknowledge it and express your disapproval shows that you do not condone this.

If I was issued with an apology I perhaps wouldn't need to tell the father to educate his child. However as it didn't seem to concern him one bit I felt the need to express that education will help your child going forward. At no point did I use any aggression towards him when saying this.

If you don't feel that these issues should be challenged or pointed out then you in my opinion are part of this ongoing never changing problem. (More directed at Captain Cargo when I say this). Also Captain Cargo your post seems to take pride in that I would be ATTEMPTED to be shoed in around your neck of the woods!

If this was not a race related issue and I had for example downs syndrome I imagine an apology would have been given by the parents then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We're talking about a 3yr old, who will say what they see.

There was no intent. It was innocent.

My daughter did exactly the same as this when she was younger! I later spoke to her in my own time sat down at home, not in the middle of Tesco’s where it happened.

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

I agree no one is born racist but racism is something that they learn from their parents or other adults around them.I remember the 1979 general election when I was 11 in my last year in junior school as kid you either wanted the reds to win ( Labour ) or blues ( Conservative

) yet when a couple of boys said to me who are you voting for National Front and laughed I almost cried.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you saying that's where ethnic cleansing starts?"

Am I allowed to laugh or would it be seen as racist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you check the meaning of confrontation, it's just simply meeting a situation with a considered response. In this case it was appropriate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to put another slant on this. And I’m talking about you addressing the child here and not the parent. I don’t think that’s the right thing to do at all. I have an autistic child and I remember very clearly we were at a country show once and she did/said something (which actually wasn’t that bad) a man went up to her and said something, quite nastily and she was in tears. I followed him and confronted him, not aggressively I may add, even though I was absolutely livid. He eventually apologised and I asked him to come back and apologise to her.

Regardless of the situation you do not have a pop at a child. I wouldn’t have that at all I’m afraid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you did right talking to the child. Sometimes when my children ask things about 'differences' and people can hear them asking, I tell my children to respectfully ask them straight. Or I asked that person to please explain things to my children, two situations to be precise a person in a wheelchair and a person with dwarfism. IMHO That's how we create a space for an open and healthy communication. Thankfully I never had a bad experience but I get some people would get uncomfortable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ll give you another example. She gets transport to school as she goes to a special school. She said to me once mummy the driver must have had a shower and forgot to take the towel off his head. It was a turban. She’d never seen one before. Does that make my child, who has never heard or seen any racism in this house, racist?

Does that make me an uneducated ignorant parent? Please remember you have no idea of anyone’s situation if you don’t know them.

Ignorance comes in many forms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/03/21 23:22:45]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before I was born we had neighbors back in the 80s and my brothers told me he was playing in the street outside the house and the mother says to her daughter

"Look at at the monkeys playing"

Shocking that very similar things are still happening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/03/21 23:30:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ll give you another example. She gets transport to school as she goes to a special school. She said to me once mummy the driver must have had a shower and forgot to take the towel off his head. It was a turban. She’d never seen one before. Does that make my child, who has never heard or seen any racism in this house, racist?

Does that make me an uneducated ignorant parent? Please remember you have no idea of anyone’s situation if you don’t know them.

Ignorance comes in many forms. "

Of course not, and nobody has said that. But if the driver had of turned around to your daughter and said "this is not a towel, it is a turban" would you have had an issue with that? And would you have explained this to your child if you were with her and she said mummy he has a towel on his head? Because that's all the OP has done. And in the way I have read it, he wasn't being nasty or having a pop at anyone but a few people on here have assumed otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does that make me an uneducated ignorant parent? Please remember you have no idea of anyone’s situation if you don’t know them.

Ignorance comes in many forms.

If he said it in a polite way of course I’d be fine with it. I wouldn’t be fine with him telling me I should educate my child though no. The title of the thread if I remember rightly was “racism is taught”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does that make me an uneducated ignorant parent? Please remember you have no idea of anyone’s situation if you don’t know them.

Ignorance comes in many forms.

And from a child “no older than 3”?? I personally don’t think it was.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does that make me an uneducated ignorant parent? Please remember you have no idea of anyone’s situation if you don’t know them.

Ignorance comes in many forms. "

thats just a child’s innocent comment the same way that it was just a child’s innocent comment in the OP - kids can’t know things until they learn them wether that be from seeing them or being told about them - there is nothing wrong whatsoever with the uncorrupted mind of a child trying to relate the new thing their eyes are seeing to something their mind already knows even if it happens to be mistaken

the only bit i think anyone took issue with was the response of the adult in this situation , we only hear one side of the story but what we have heard suggests they were dismissive of the error and instead directed their disappointment at the OP - its understandable they would see that as a problem

what we don’t know however and neither does the OP is if the parent would have used that as a learning point to discuss later at home in what they thought was a more appropriate setting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly would be mortified if my children's behaviour offended anyone. That would only speak of me as a mother and my level of education. And my son has autism too. He is the most polite person I've ever met, he even corrects me sometimes. There's so much to learn from children too. And we owe them the best of ourselves.

OP thanks for addressing this issue, I really feel sick we still have to deal with this type of crap in 2021.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does that make me an uneducated ignorant parent? Please remember you have no idea of anyone’s situation if you don’t know them.

Ignorance comes in many forms.

what we don’t know however and neither does the OP is if the parent would have used that as a learning point to discuss later at home in what they thought was a more appropriate setting "

I agree but I can’t say my look would be that pleasant if someone told me I “should educate my child” especially at age 3!

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By *onkey_boy87 OP Man
over a year ago

derby

"Just to put another slant on this. And I’m talking about you addressing the child here and not the parent. I don’t think that’s the right thing to do at all. I have an autistic child and I remember very clearly we were at a country show once and she did/said something (which actually wasn’t that bad) a man went up to her and said something, quite nastily and she was in tears. I followed him and confronted him, not aggressively I may add, even though I was absolutely livid. He eventually apologised and I asked him to come back and apologise to her.

Regardless of the situation you do not have a pop at a child. I wouldn’t have that at all I’m afraid. "

I'd like to point out because maybe you are misunderstanding my post. I said very calm and politley in a nice voice as she is a child I'm not dirty I'm black. If that is an issue to you then fair enough but you seem to be the only one to say it's wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does that make me an uneducated ignorant parent? Please remember you have no idea of anyone’s situation if you don’t know them.

Ignorance comes in many forms.

Yes but like he said what initially annoyed him was the parents reaction. Absolutely nothing from them, no apology, no correction, just ignoring what their child said and I don't think as an adult you can justify that at all.

I wouldn't have an issue with someone telling me to educate my child if she was describing another skin colour as dirty. If he screamed in my face and was rude about it I'd be angry but if he was giving me some advice it wouldn't be an issue and he would be right to do so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Regardless of the situation you do not have a pop at a child. I wouldn’t have that at all I’m afraid.

That’s fine if I’m the only the one. Doesn’t change how I feel at all. Just giving my take on it.

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By *laymateteeMan
over a year ago

bristol

I said to the young girl "I'm not dirty, I am black" I also said to her father "you should educate your child" to which he responded with a look of disgust, how dare I say this to him lol.

Again I go back to how the parents reacted to why I have come to this conclusion on this particular incident."

Racism and hate ate definitely taught .The child said twice 'look daddy dirty man ,this suggest that she's heard someone in her household say it or she's asked about a black person and that's the response she got from her parents. Kinds are quick to point out something they're seen on TV or in a book when they see in in real life and most of the time they'll say it the way it has explain them. Perfect example is when your child sees a cow on tv or in a book for the first time they'll ask you what it is and you'll tell them it's a cow. When they see it in person they will then say look daddy/mummy, a cow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said to the young girl "I'm not dirty, I am black" I also said to her father "you should educate your child" to which he responded with a look of disgust, how dare I say this to him lol.

Again I go back to how the parents reacted to why I have come to this conclusion on this particular incident."

So sorry you had to endure this and you did the right thing

I have been working in childcare environments for 25 years, different ages and demographs

In my experience children don't notice skin colour, they only see playmates and potential friends

Not once have I ever heard another child talk about skin colour or question anyones cultural differences because children don't

judge, they don't have the ability. I work with a Muslim lady who wears a hijab, the children never query it.

I can remember son's best friend was Pakistani, they went through Nursery and primary together, skin colour was never mentioned until my boy heard a parent at the gate make a comment, my boy got upset as he couldn't understand why it was an issue, he said to me "I never notice his colour, I just see my friend"

I think it is disgusting that racism is still an issue in 2021

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By *laymateteeMan
over a year ago

bristol

Does that make me an uneducated ignorant parent? Please remember you have no idea of anyone’s situation if you don’t know them.

Ignorance comes in many forms. "

This is totally different and it doesn't make you a bad or ignorant parent. I heard a kid once ask his mom why a man was wearing his pyjamas at tesco,he was ge Muslim gentleman and she explained to her child why the man was dressed in those clothes. This doesn't make a child racist and it certainly doesn't suggest that they were taught. Kids are very curious human beings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry you had to hear this OP, and I do feel your pain - but....... is all as it seems or has been interpreted as? Just to play Devil's Advocate, I know a mother that teaches her little girl that all men are dirty (except Daddy) and that they should stay away from them because they're dirty. In other words, the mother is using the simplest language to the child to stay away from men she doesn't know. Just a thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said to the young girl "I'm not dirty, I am black" I also said to her father "you should educate your child" to which he responded with a look of disgust, how dare I say this to him lol.

Again I go back to how the parents reacted to why I have come to this conclusion on this particular incident.

So sorry you had to endure this and you did the right thing

I have been working in childcare environments for 25 years, different ages and demographs

In my experience children don't notice skin colour, they only see playmates and potential friends

Not once have I ever heard another child talk about skin colour or question anyones cultural differences because children don't

judge, they don't have the ability. I work with a Muslim lady who wears a hijab, the children never query it.

I think it is disgusting that racism is still an issue in 2021

i find it very hard to believe that in 25 years you haven’t come across an inquisitive child that has asked why they look different to their friend (be that darker skinned, lighter skinned, different hair colour, wearing glasses etc etc) or what is the hijab that your coworker is wearing and why does she wear it but you don’t, have they also never asked why some of them have girl parts and some of them have boy parts ?

children are naturally inquisitive and learning and absorbing everything around them, they might not see any of these things as problematic (which is great!) but they still have eyes , and can still visually see differences so to not ask about them just out of kids innocent nosiness is something i can’t reconcile in my brain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My daughter at around 4 saw a blind man with a white stick get on the bus she shouted "don't fall over Mr Wonka Man" ( Charlie and the chocolate factory)

Next stop a lady dressed in a hijab got on the bus and she shouted " a witch"

Obviously both were explained, but children do come out with the greatest things sometimes!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does that make me an uneducated ignorant parent? Please remember you have no idea of anyone’s situation if you don’t know them.

Ignorance comes in many forms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s so interesting how some are making assumptions in regards to how you responded to the child & the adult, whilst being ignorant to the fact the parent didn’t react (from what you’ve said) to the child’s comment at all, instead they reacted to yours with a disgusted look.

I would say I’m shocked that once again people attempt shift the blame, but I’m not, this is nothing new. You receive a comment on your skin colour and you reply and all of a sudden you’re the baddie.

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By *appyaslarry2018Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

I don't know if it is so much taught, or or just a lack of correction from the parents.

Inherently people fear those who aren't the same as them and unfortunately some are never taught to question this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know if it is so much taught, or or just a lack of correction from the parents.

Inherently people fear those who aren't the same as them and unfortunately some are never taught to question this "

i disagree about inherent fear

inherent questioning sure, but fear to me is learned , even as basic as kids not knowing to be scared of falling over when they are learning to walk , we are not born with fear of anything - its all learned, some justified for our safety, and some irrational like phobias, and some that just comes from someone passing down a disgusting bias

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sorry you had to hear this OP, and I do feel your pain - but....... is all as it seems or has been interpreted as? Just to play Devil's Advocate, I know a mother that teaches her little girl that all men are dirty (except Daddy) and that they should stay away from them because they're dirty. In other words, the mother is using the simplest language to the child to stay away from men she doesn't know. Just a thought."

BigBongoBoy the white man trying to educate the black on how to interpret racism, which actually, according to the white may not be racism.

Keeping in mind that bigbongoboy wrote on a thread that the country Pakistan was the " Birthplace of diarrhoea " but wait : he is sorry that the op has to hear this

Here you are the thread https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1127797#message_27004725

When a white man describes an entire country that has a different ethnical background than his as the birthplace of diarrhoea, is opinion about what may or may not be racist has lost its credibility !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to know that since lockdown if you have a different opinion to a black person you are called a racist, Despite having black cousins and friends and then called racist for saying that..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to know that since lockdown if you have a different opinion to a black person you are called a racist, Despite having black cousins and friends and then called racist for saying that.."

Having black family, black friend or even being black doesn't make you a non racist person ! Your opinion is somehow as valid as anyone's else. However, as you have the right to stare, others have the right to not agree with it and think that your opinion is racist.

Now if you can't accept it or not, it is another issue completely but speak a lot about white fragility.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's being serious. ^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to know that since lockdown if you have a different opinion to a black person you are called a racist, Despite having black cousins and friends and then called racist for saying that..

Having black family, black friend or even being black doesn't make you a non racist person ! Your opinion is somehow as valid as anyone's else. However, as you have the right to share* it, others have the right to not agree with it and think that your opinion is racist.

Now if you can't accept it or not, it is another issue completely but speak a lot about white fragility. "

Share* it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to know that since lockdown if you have a different opinion to a black person you are called a racist, Despite having black cousins and friends and then called racist for saying that..

Now if you can't accept it or not, it is another issue completely but speak a lot about white fragility. "

"White fragility"

Let me spell it out.. I have black people in my family and black people as friends, I do not see colour I only see people. Hpw exactly does that make me racist? It doesn't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BigBongoBoy the white man trying to educate the black on how to interpret racism, which actually, according to the white may not be racism.

Keeping in mind that bigbongoboy wrote on a thread that the country Pakistan was the " Birthplace of diarrhoea " but wait : he is sorry that the op has to hear this

Here you are the thread https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1127797#message_27004725

granted i haven’t gone away and read the context, but is that really racist?

i’ve often heard people visit india and then refer to dehli belly , which lets be honest is just another way of saying the place gave me the shits.

i wouldn’t hear that and interpret it as a slur on the country, its people, the culture, ethnicity or race, not even on the sanitation

all it says to me is the person visiting has a digestive system that wasn’t used to and couldn’t cope with, the locally available food

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to know that since lockdown if you have a different opinion to a black person you are called a racist, Despite having black cousins and friends and then called racist for saying that..

Now if you can't accept it or not, it is another issue completely but speak a lot about white fragility.

"White fragility"

Let me spell it out.. I have black people in my family and black people as friends, I do not see colour I only see people. Hpw exactly does that make me racist? It doesn't "

Using them as a proof of you allegedly non racist behaviour, speak about itself...

While some ppl have black, Asian, gay, disabled... Friends, family...

Others have just friends, family.

I have never felt the need to brand my friends' race, sex, religious, political ...and so on background in order to prove something I am not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BigBongoBoy the white man trying to educate the black on how to interpret racism, which actually, according to the white may not be racism.

Keeping in mind that bigbongoboy wrote on a thread that the country Pakistan was the " Birthplace of diarrhoea " but wait : he is sorry that the op has to hear this

Here you are the thread https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1127797#message_27004725

granted i haven’t gone away and read the context, but is that really racist?

i’ve often heard people visit india and then refer to dehli belly , which lets be honest is just another way of saying the place gave me the shits.

i wouldn’t hear that and interpret it as a slur on the country, its people, the culture, ethnicity or race, not even on the sanitation

all it says to me is the person visiting has a digestive system that wasn’t used to and couldn’t cope with, the locally available food "

The OP seems to have an agenda because I love people of all colour including my own family and he still called me a racist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to know that since lockdown if you have a different opinion to a black person you are called a racist, Despite having black cousins and friends and then called racist for saying that..

Now if you can't accept it or not, it is another issue completely but speak a lot about white fragility.

"White fragility"

Let me spell it out.. I have black people in my family and black people as friends, I do not see colour I only see people. Hpw exactly does that make me racist? It doesn't

Using them as a proof of you allegedly non racist behaviour, speak about itself...

While some ppl have black, Asian, gay, disabled... Friends, family...

Others have just friends, family.

I have never felt the need to brand my friends' race, sex, religious, political ...and so on background in order to prove something I am not. "

I will repeat myself.. I do not see colour only people, Take your agenda somewhere else because you shouldn't accuse people of being racist when they are not. I won't reply again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

BigBongoBoy the white man trying to educate the black on how to interpret racism, which actually, according to the white may not be racism.

Keeping in mind that bigbongoboy wrote on a thread that the country Pakistan was the " Birthplace of diarrhoea " but wait : he is sorry that the op has to hear this

Here you are the thread https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1127797#message_27004725

granted i haven’t gone away and read the context, but is that really racist?

i’ve often heard people visit india and then refer to dehli belly , which lets be honest is just another way of saying the place gave me the shits.

i wouldn’t hear that and interpret it as a slur on the country, its people, the culture, ethnicity or race, not even on the sanitation

all it says to me is the person visiting has a digestive system that wasn’t used to and couldn’t cope with, the locally available food "

Trying to educate me about the context of a white men pejorative description of a non white country ?

This is exactly where systemic racism lies in. White ppl telling non white ppl that they shouldn't be offended, that it wasn't racism...and entirely invalidate the feelings of non whites.

A bit like colonialism, the white educated folks trying to show the way to the non white uneducated folks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to know that since lockdown if you have a different opinion to a black person you are called a racist, Despite having black cousins and friends and then called racist for saying that..

Now if you can't accept it or not, it is another issue completely but speak a lot about white fragility.

"White fragility"

Let me spell it out.. I have black people in my family and black people as friends, I do not see colour I only see people. Hpw exactly does that make me racist? It doesn't "

I’m confused. What do the black people in your family and friends have anything to do with racism?

Sounding very much like “I’m not racist I have black friends” so someone called you racist once, there’s no need to bring up the non white members in your life to prove how “non racist” you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to know that since lockdown if you have a different opinion to a black person you are called a racist, Despite having black cousins and friends and then called racist for saying that..

Now if you can't accept it or not, it is another issue completely but speak a lot about white fragility.

"White fragility"

Let me spell it out.. I have black people in my family and black people as friends, I do not see colour I only see people. Hpw exactly does that make me racist? It doesn't

Using them as a proof of you allegedly non racist behaviour, speak about itself...

While some ppl have black, Asian, gay, disabled... Friends, family...

Others have just friends, family.

I have never felt the need to brand my friends' race, sex, religious, political ...and so on background in order to prove something I am not.

I will repeat myself.. I do not see colour only people, Take your agenda somewhere else because you shouldn't accuse people of being racist when they are not. I won't reply again"

Well now you don't see colours ? But few minutes ago you kept saying that you have black family ?! So you see them as people when it suits your needs and as coloured when it doesn't ?

And if I don't see colour ? You don't mind if I don't see your gender either ? See where I am going at ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will repeat myself.. I do not see colour only people, Take your agenda somewhere else because you shouldn't accuse people of being racist when they are not. I won't reply again"

I always think people have something to hide if they feel the need to justify themselves to strangers on the internet who they will never meet.

I’ve been called many names in my time, I’ve never needed to “prove” I’m not something. If it’s not true, ignore it.

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By *entGent75Man
over a year ago

Dartford

"OP yes I agree racism is most certainly learned behaviour.

However when we are talking about children at such a young age, it isn’t racist but uneducated, don’t understand and possibly even curiosity and innocence.

I also agree education on these matters are essential, but I wouldn’t be relying on just parents (some are lost causes) and probably should be don’t in better settings like schools.

My wife and i travelled in India and had to drive from Dehli to Ranthambore by taxi. About 7 hours drive. We had to stop off at many checkpoints and often the car would get surrounded by peolpe wanting to see two white, pasty blue eyed passengers in the back. Whilst driving, motorbikes would pass us and the riders would do double takes as we were a rare sight. Humans are curious by nature. However, i agree that racism is learned and it can be unlearned aswell but it won't happen if it can not be spoken about freely and discussed so people can understand why this is so bad and that it affects people of all races in different ways.