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A weasel walks into a bar.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The bartender says "I've never served a weasel before.

What can I can you?"

"Pop" goes the weasel.

Anymore walks into a bar jokes you funny fabbers?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The bartender says "I've never served a weasel before.

What can I can you?"

"Pop" goes the weasel.

Anymore walks into a bar jokes you funny fabbers?"

"What can I get you" ffs

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

A woman walks into a bar , she orders a drink and notices a frog in a cage behind the bar. She asks the bartender about it and the bartender says this frog performs oral sex on women. The woman has a few more drinks and her curiosity gets the best of her so she asks the bartender to have the frog go down on her. She gets up on the bar in the appropriate position and the bartender puts the frog there and tells it to do its thing. The frog just sits there. The bartender moves the frog to the side and says, "I'm only going to show you one more time!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's just evil reminding us bars are closed!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horse walks into a bar. The barman says ‘why the long face?’ The horse says ‘it’s val, she’s left me?’ The barman says ‘oh I am sorry Craig, here have this one on the house!’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A white horse walks into a bar and the barkeep asks what he would like to drink

The white horse replies that he really doesn't know what he fancies so asks the barkeep what he recommends

After a pause, thinking, the barkeep tells the white horse that there's a drink named after him ...

The white horse looked please and said "What? Eric?" ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A woman walks into a bar , she orders a drink and notices a frog in a cage behind the bar. She asks the bartender about it and the bartender says this frog performs oral sex on women. The woman has a few more drinks and her curiosity gets the best of her so she asks the bartender to have the frog go down on her. She gets up on the bar in the appropriate position and the bartender puts the frog there and tells it to do its thing. The frog just sits there. The bartender moves the frog to the side and says, "I'm only going to show you one more time!""

Omg hahahahahahahaha this made me laugh far too much!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot

I’m celebrating my first blow job He says to the bartender.

Congratulations says the bartender have another one on the house

No it’s ok thanks the man says If the first one didn’t get the taste out of my mouth, the second one won’t either

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

The barman said, ' sorry we don't serve travellers.

A Time Traveller walks into a bar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/03/21 19:59:37]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese roll £2

Ham roll £3

Hand job £10

He checks his wallet and says to the sexy bartender

Are you the one who gives the hand jobs

She reply’s why yes I am

Well do me a favour wash your fucking hands says the man as I want a cheese roll

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

A gorilla walks into a bar

Got any jobs he asks....

The bartender says ...... no sos, try the zoo.

The gorilla replies, Why would the zoo need a bartender ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Granny Crumpet walks into a bar.

A voice from below says...... Help me!

Granny looks down and is fucking amazed to see a talking frog. She picks it up and listens.

Kiss me says the frog, and I will turn into the most handsome man you've ever seen and fuck you every day like you've never been fucked before.

Granny smiles and puts the frog in her handbag......

Oi ... shouts the frog are you mad? Kiss me.....

Granny looks into her bag and says....... Thanks for the offer but at my age i'd rather have a talking frog !

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

A polar bear walk's into a bar ,

Walks up to the bar and saysin a gruff voice" could I have a pint...........................of beer please."

Barman

" Yeah sure but why the big pause?"

Polar bear says holding out his paw's

"Coz I'm a polar bear"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese roll £2

Ham roll £3

Hand job £10

He checks his wallet and says to the sexy bartender

Are you the one who gives the hand jobs

She reply’s why yes I am

Well do me a favour wash your fucking hands says the man as I want a cheese roll"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender “what’s with the meat?”

The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?”

The man takes another look at the meat, then says, “I think I’ll pass. The steaks are too high.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man walks into a bar.

Ouch

It was an iron bar.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

A zookeeper walk's into a bar with a giraffe.

Pint for me and one for the giraffe.

Slightly bemused the barman gives them a drink asking" what's the big occasion"

Zookeeper says

" It's his birthday"

This goes on for hours zookeeper and giraffe getting really d*unk, eventually the giraffe falls over and passes out.

Zookeeper start's to stagger out of the bar leaving his drinking buddy on the floor.

The barman shout's

" Oi you can't leave that lyin there mate"

Zookeeper slurring says

" It's not a lion it's a giraffe !"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A zookeeper walk's into a bar with a giraffe.

Pint for me and one for the giraffe.

Slightly bemused the barman gives them a drink asking" what's the big occasion"

Zookeeper says

" It's his birthday"

This goes on for hours zookeeper and giraffe getting really d*unk, eventually the giraffe falls over and passes out.

Zookeeper start's to stagger out of the bar leaving his drinking buddy on the floor.

The barman shout's

" Oi you can't leave that lyin there mate"

Zookeeper slurring says

" It's not a lion it's a giraffe !""

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