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"Not really as I’ve always been more if they don’t want me it will make me not want them. I don’t think I could fall for someone or have sex with them if they didn’t want me. It’s hard to explain but I need the mutual want to be there. That’s why I’ve never really understood the obsessive/bunny boiler type thing. If someone doesn’t want you why would you want them? I couldn’t x" Amazing outlook. | |||
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"Yes, sometimes despite really liking someone things can always feel awkward. Weird to describe. Like a personality clash but not in a horrible way if that makes sense?" Yes. And even when there's a degree of mutuality... It's always off. At least I've had experiences like that. | |||
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"Yes, sometimes despite really liking someone things can always feel awkward. Weird to describe. Like a personality clash but not in a horrible way if that makes sense? Yes. And even when there's a degree of mutuality... It's always off. At least I've had experiences like that." Yep it’s so bizarre isn’t it!!! | |||
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"Yes, sometimes despite really liking someone things can always feel awkward. Weird to describe. Like a personality clash but not in a horrible way if that makes sense? Yes. And even when there's a degree of mutuality... It's always off. At least I've had experiences like that. Yep it’s so bizarre isn’t it!!! " Yeah. And depressing. Not worth it. I hope I never put myself through it again. | |||
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"Not really as I’ve always been more if they don’t want me it will make me not want them. I don’t think I could fall for someone or have sex with them if they didn’t want me. It’s hard to explain but I need the mutual want to be there. That’s why I’ve never really understood the obsessive/bunny boiler type thing. If someone doesn’t want you why would you want them? I couldn’t x" I've never experienced the bunny boiler and I don't want to, it's really unhealthy | |||
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"Not really as I’ve always been more if they don’t want me it will make me not want them. I don’t think I could fall for someone or have sex with them if they didn’t want me. It’s hard to explain but I need the mutual want to be there. That’s why I’ve never really understood the obsessive/bunny boiler type thing. If someone doesn’t want you why would you want them? I couldn’t x I've never experienced the bunny boiler and I don't want to, it's really unhealthy " I know a couple of men who have and it’s really quite scary and shocking. | |||
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"Not really as I’ve always been more if they don’t want me it will make me not want them. I don’t think I could fall for someone or have sex with them if they didn’t want me. It’s hard to explain but I need the mutual want to be there. That’s why I’ve never really understood the obsessive/bunny boiler type thing. If someone doesn’t want you why would you want them? I couldn’t x I've never experienced the bunny boiler and I don't want to, it's really unhealthy I know a couple of men who have and it’s really quite scary and shocking. " I agree with this. Its like trying to get a rottweiler to let go of your leg.  | |||
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"I was saying to a friend today that when you fall for someone and you know that they don’t have the same feelings - you loose your “sparkle” around them thus perpetuating them liking you even less and less and you being unable to be yourself. It is so weird how some people just don’t bring out your best yet you really like them , have you been around people who just don’t bring out your best self?? Would love to know your thoughts. " Yeah I get this... me and friends have chatted about it in terms of it being a spark that makes you bounce of eachother and if it dies off you can sometime close off to who you truly are, to subconsciously (most of time) please/fit the other person | |||
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"Not really as I’ve always been more if they don’t want me it will make me not want them. I don’t think I could fall for someone or have sex with them if they didn’t want me. It’s hard to explain but I need the mutual want to be there. That’s why I’ve never really understood the obsessive/bunny boiler type thing. If someone doesn’t want you why would you want them? I couldn’t x I've never experienced the bunny boiler and I don't want to, it's really unhealthy I know a couple of men who have and it’s really quite scary and shocking. " Yeah I can imagine, I hope I steer clear | |||
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"I was saying to a friend today that when you fall for someone and you know that they don’t have the same feelings - you loose your “sparkle” around them thus perpetuating them liking you even less and less and you being unable to be yourself. It is so weird how some people just don’t bring out your best yet you really like them , have you been around people who just don’t bring out your best self?? Would love to know your thoughts. Yeah I get this... me and friends have chatted about it in terms of it being a spark that makes you bounce of eachother and if it dies off you can sometime close off to who you truly are, to subconsciously (most of time) please/fit the other person " Yeah I’m More talking about being around people who bring out the best in you where you bounce off each other. I find it fascinating how you sometimes meet people where it seems great but you realise you’re not yourself and can’t place your finger on it. | |||
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"Not really as I’ve always been more if they don’t want me it will make me not want them. I don’t think I could fall for someone or have sex with them if they didn’t want me. It’s hard to explain but I need the mutual want to be there. That’s why I’ve never really understood the obsessive/bunny boiler type thing. If someone doesn’t want you why would you want them? I couldn’t x I've never experienced the bunny boiler and I don't want to, it's really unhealthy I know a couple of men who have and it’s really quite scary and shocking. Yeah I can imagine, I hope I steer clear " I’ve experienced bunny boilers from men. So I don’t think it’s exclusive to woman and I don’t really think that’s what I was talking about in the original post. | |||
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"I was saying to a friend today that when you fall for someone and you know that they don’t have the same feelings - you loose your “sparkle” around them thus perpetuating them liking you even less and less and you being unable to be yourself. It is so weird how some people just don’t bring out your best yet you really like them , have you been around people who just don’t bring out your best self?? Would love to know your thoughts. Yeah I get this... me and friends have chatted about it in terms of it being a spark that makes you bounce of eachother and if it dies off you can sometime close off to who you truly are, to subconsciously (most of time) please/fit the other person Yeah I’m More talking about being around people who bring out the best in you where you bounce off each other. I find it fascinating how you sometimes meet people where it seems great but you realise you’re not yourself and can’t place your finger on it. " Yeah feel like we’re on the same wave length, I was just focusing more on the relationship side of it but Ofcourse the same outside of that like you said here | |||
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"Not really as I’ve always been more if they don’t want me it will make me not want them. I don’t think I could fall for someone or have sex with them if they didn’t want me. It’s hard to explain but I need the mutual want to be there. That’s why I’ve never really understood the obsessive/bunny boiler type thing. If someone doesn’t want you why would you want them? I couldn’t x I've never experienced the bunny boiler and I don't want to, it's really unhealthy I know a couple of men who have and it’s really quite scary and shocking. Yeah I can imagine, I hope I steer clear I’ve experienced bunny boilers from men. So I don’t think it’s exclusive to woman and I don’t really think that’s what I was talking about in the original post. " No it’s not exclusive to women. I know it’s not what you were talking about. It was a response to something someone picked out in my original comment  | |||
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"I was saying to a friend today that when you fall for someone and you know that they don’t have the same feelings - you loose your “sparkle” around them thus perpetuating them liking you even less and less and you being unable to be yourself. It is so weird how some people just don’t bring out your best yet you really like them , have you been around people who just don’t bring out your best self?? Would love to know your thoughts. " I think that it's a bit unfair to lay blame at the feet of the non reciprocated lover for undesirable behaviour (not saying that's what you've done OP, more some posts further down the thread). That being said, some behaviours do bring out particular traits of mine and if someone I'm interested is in demonstrates them, my own flaws become amplified in an irritating response. I can't say (apart from once) that I've ever been in a situation where I've liked someone and they haven't liked me. I do know however that some people bring out my sparkle more than others - whether that's a romantic or platonic relationship. | |||
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"I was saying to a friend today that when you fall for someone and you know that they don’t have the same feelings - you loose your “sparkle” around them thus perpetuating them liking you even less and less and you being unable to be yourself. It is so weird how some people just don’t bring out your best yet you really like them , have you been around people who just don’t bring out your best self?? Would love to know your thoughts. I think that it's a bit unfair to lay blame at the feet of the non reciprocated lover for undesirable behaviour (not saying that's what you've done OP, more some posts further down the thread). That being said, some behaviours do bring out particular traits of mine and if someone I'm interested is in demonstrates them, my own flaws become amplified in an irritating response. I can't say (apart from once) that I've ever been in a situation where I've liked someone and they haven't liked me. I do know however that some people bring out my sparkle more than others - whether that's a romantic or platonic relationship. " It’s totally not anyone’s fault! I just find personality clashes totally fascinating. I don’t have many examples either of this happening to me as I’m usually pretty happy being myself - it definitely happened to me more when I was younger and I was thinking about that (hence having the chat with my friend) It’s probably unfair for me to just put it in a romantic setting I’ve met people through work; friendship etc - same thing - you just don’t feel comfortable to be yourself around them. | |||
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"I was saying to a friend today that when you fall for someone and you know that they don’t have the same feelings - you loose your “sparkle” around them thus perpetuating them liking you even less and less and you being unable to be yourself. It is so weird how some people just don’t bring out your best yet you really like them , have you been around people who just don’t bring out your best self?? Would love to know your thoughts. Yeah I get this... me and friends have chatted about it in terms of it being a spark that makes you bounce of eachother and if it dies off you can sometime close off to who you truly are, to subconsciously (most of time) please/fit the other person " I think I have experienced both sides of this. Is it that we fall for the idea of someone? We like certain aspects and think they can adjust the other parts to fit what we want? Or you lose sight of what matters to you as you believe you have to compromise but you lose sight of what makes you 'sparkle' in favour of fulfilling the other person's demands. Do people accept that as a relationship matures, it becomes less sparkly in general? Not saying it has to lose all the gloss but as relationships evolve there are different parameters to fulfil. I've no idea about this stuff btw... I'm single  | |||
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