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Advice,

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Please bear with me its not my usual to ask strangers for advise but im not sure how to approach

the situation.

ive got a apprentice that started to work for me in our small team back in 2019, hes a older apprentice in his early 20s very bright, obsessive in the sector i work in.

Now ive had the chat before with him about personal hygiene and being severely autistic it really knocked him which took quite alot of work to bring him back out his shell. The area i work in is 'Eco Engineering' hes obsessive and driven which is a marvelous attribute but has been shoved from pillar to post i presume because of his autism and the challenge that comes with it.

Not the obsessive side comes in all forms for him hes self sufficient, and anti deodorants, ect ect, the way he lives he doent take great care in his personal hygiene and although all being masked at work is helping atm its becoming a issue for others and myself.

Now at work theres access to showers which are free, so there isnt a issue there ive even put free eco friendly products to use. Im just at a loose end with how to approach it with him, without knocking his confidence like it did last time.

Theres washing machines also free to use for my staff but hes reluctant to use them also.

Help!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I should have proof read that

Excuse the mistakes.

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By *nlyfun3Woman
over a year ago

NEAR Berkhamsted,Herts

Do you have an HR department or someone he trusts/ gets on well with a work. It's a really hard subject to broach at the best of times. Last time although you said he took it badly did he take heed to the advice you gave?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Difficult.

I'd blanket it. Have everyone meet. Give out a list of how to's ......

Give out a list of available facilities.

Use general workplace rules etc about hygiene to EVERYONE and explain that it's vital for everyone employed there to think of everyone else.....

Keep it light ...... ( eek )

Good luck.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think all you can do is have a honest supportive talk with him again... I’m sure it’s very awkward and a hard to conversation to have.... good luck with it

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By *izeMan
over a year ago

Maghull

Maybe you could contact someone close to him like his parents / partner and explain the situation. Tell them you don't want to embarrass him by being direct with him so if they could subtly push him to nip it in the bud it'd be appreciated.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you have an HR department or someone he trusts/ gets on well with a work. It's a really hard subject to broach at the best of times. Last time although you said he took it badly did he take heed to the advice you gave?"

No were a small family company just 8 of us inc me. Ive kind of taken him under my wing, others are fine and tolerate it, but theyve asked for a meeting with me which ive just had and am struggling with how to just approach it really, last time i was really sensitive about it and he took it very well and sorted the issue out for 3 weeks. but it was about 4 months untill he became himself again, he was very withdrawn, workwise was brilliant as usual but for me as his employer i dont like to see my staff unhappy and withdrawn. Ive never had any contact with anyone autistic so its been a really learning curve so far

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Make out that it's that time of year again where you always deal with 'thinking about how we come across to others'

Ask employees how THEY would approach someone they employed....

yada yada

Google will be full of employment advice including hygiene ....... lets face it there are food stores and other places with people who have to deal with the public.

Most employers talk about personal presentation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe you could contact someone close to him like his parents / partner and explain the situation. Tell them you don't want to embarrass him by being direct with him so if they could subtly push him to nip it in the bud it'd be appreciated.

"

This is what I was going to say too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Difficult.

I'd blanket it. Have everyone meet. Give out a list of how to's ......

Give out a list of available facilities.

Use general workplace rules etc about hygiene to EVERYONE and explain that it's vital for everyone employed there to think of everyone else.....

Keep it light ...... ( eek )

Good luck..... "

I have done this also, but i dont like 'rules' as such i like it to feel like a family/friend environment. Its bloody difficult

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe you could contact someone close to him like his parents / partner and explain the situation. Tell them you don't want to embarrass him by being direct with him so if they could subtly push him to nip it in the bud it'd be appreciated.

This is what I was going to say too."

I think that’s really good advice!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Maybe you could contact someone close to him like his parents / partner and explain the situation. Tell them you don't want to embarrass him by being direct with him so if they could subtly push him to nip it in the bud it'd be appreciated.

This is what I was going to say too."

Unfortunately his mum and dad spit up, his mum disowned him at a young age i personally dont think she could cope, and his dads very much the same as him and they dont get on. He literally has no one apart from us, hes so happy and its been difficult getting him to understand the joys of relationships and life outside work. Hes never had a girlfriend/boyfriend and doesnt have friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe you could contact someone close to him like his parents / partner and explain the situation. Tell them you don't want to embarrass him by being direct with him so if they could subtly push him to nip it in the bud it'd be appreciated.

This is what I was going to say too.

Unfortunately his mum and dad spit up, his mum disowned him at a young age i personally dont think she could cope, and his dads very much the same as him and they dont get on. He literally has no one apart from us, hes so happy and its been difficult getting him to understand the joys of relationships and life outside work. Hes never had a girlfriend/boyfriend and doesnt have friends "

I feel for you. Such a difficult situation! I do have quite a bit of experience with autism though and you will need to be direct and literally say it as it is otherwise he may not take it in. It is a very wide spectrum though so without knowing him it’s difficult to say x

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By *izeMan
over a year ago

Maghull

I used to work at British Home Stores before it went into administration and I was once doing a lot of manual handling of heavy stands and then up ladders hanging signs off the ceiling etc. I was sweating because it was more than I was used to at the time. To add to that the air con wasn't on so it was really warm anywag. So naturally I had an odour of bo. I was well aware of this and wanted to go freshen up but I was pushed to jump on the tills. A customers complained and it got back to my manager, my manager wouldn't approach me about it so she got my cousin who worked there to tell me and I wanted to fold up inside myself.

It is a hard situation to approach without embarrassing them, if you choose to be direct with him lessen the blow by not mentioning that other people have said things.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

You could try the whole "it's my duty to keep an eye on your welfare and that includes your personal welfare. Do you feel you're looking after yourself outside of work? Can the company help you in any way? Is there anything troubling you? It's commonplace when people are down for them to not look after themselves very well. It feels like a massive effort"

Open lines of communication for him to speak up.

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By *izeMan
over a year ago

Maghull

I should've proof read too, sorry about the typos.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

This is going to sound weird but bare with me lol

Have the chat about personal hygiene which will be tough. I've had to do it with a young lady I worked with.

Rather than it being a formal chat just speak to him about his habits at home.

Now the weird bit. Make a show of using the showers. At the end of the day say openly you're going to have a shower to freshen up, make yourself smell nice..... Use a bit of bloke banter of saying you want to smell nice for the ladies etc.

I know you aren't involved in his life other than at work but it sounds like he just needs a bit of guidance and that he hasn't had that stable role model in his life.

Use his obsessions to your favour and make him realise its good to be clean and smell nice. Is it just washing or is it his clothes that aren't being washed and dried properly?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 10/03/21 18:00:09]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

He's an adult. Tread carefully. I'd be fucking furious if someone passed my smelly bod probs to my dad.....

Does he live with them ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Difficult.

I'd blanket it. Have everyone meet. Give out a list of how to's ......

Give out a list of available facilities.

Use general workplace rules etc about hygiene to EVERYONE and explain that it's vital for everyone employed there to think of everyone else.....

Keep it light ...... ( eek )

Good luck.....

I have done this also, but i dont like 'rules' as such i like it to feel like a family/friend environment. Its bloody difficult "

By RULES i meant legal stuff. YOUR responsibility to the other people you employ.

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By *izeMan
over a year ago

Maghull


"This is going to sound weird but bare with me lol

Have the chat about personal hygiene which will be tough. I've had to do it with a young lady I worked with.

Rather than it being a formal chat just speak to him about his habits at home.

Now the weird bit. Make a show of using the showers. At the end of the day say openly you're going to have a shower to freshen up, make yourself smell nice..... Use a bit of bloke banter of saying you want to smell nice for the ladies etc.

I know you aren't involved in his life other than at work but it sounds like he just needs a bit of guidance and that he hasn't had that stable role model in his life.

Use his obsessions to your favour and make him realise its good to be clean and smell nice. Is it just washing or is it his clothes that aren't being washed and dried properly? "

This is really good advice. Subtle but potentially effective!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some autistic people need helpful reminders like a calendar that they can have just for them which they note down what they should be doing like baths and showers, washing clothes,shaving,haircuts etc etc...and on what days or times.

Another huge factor coud be what they have at home to use to wash in, I.e a shower or bath. Some autistic people cannot tolerate the sensation of water from a shower touching there skin but are quite happy to sit in a bath full of water. Also discussing how everyone should be presented and clean at work especially in covid times, may help if its not directed to just one person but a room full instead as no one feels singled out then.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Could you possibly Introduce a freshen up routine into the work day before/after lunch maybe, if his hygiene is not at the forefront of his concentrations, then a small routine for everyone will maybe prompt him

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

Sit down with him and approach it as a development plan, work with him on a schedual: finish work at.....free shower at...

Unless he has the same structure it will not happen, help him develop that ino his work day.

I worked with lots of students with these issue and they have to have a specific routine in their lives,

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By *areasRockinghorsepooWoman
over a year ago

my happy place


"You could try the whole "it's my duty to keep an eye on your welfare and that includes your personal welfare. Do you feel you're looking after yourself outside of work? Can the company help you in any way? Is there anything troubling you? It's commonplace when people are down for them to not look after themselves very well. It feels like a massive effort"

Open lines of communication for him to speak up."

I would of suggested this and if its that he forgets suggest a reminder set on his phone as that may help. Once you get it in his routine problem should be solved. Good luck though thats not an easy conversation to have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being autistic he may not understand any type of ‘beating around the bush’ talking about welfare etc you may just have to hand it to him straight unfortunately, give him facts but obviously in a supporting kind way telling him how good he is at his job but he needs to shower each day, there’s possibly advice online on how to give such advice to someone with autism x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some autistic people need helpful reminders like a calendar that they can have just for them which they note down what they should be doing like baths and showers, washing clothes,shaving,haircuts etc etc...and on what days or times.

"

This is a very good point.

This is a bit embarrassing to admit publicly but I have autism and there have been times in my life when my personal hygiene definitely wasn't great. In my case it's mostly that it just doesn't occur to me to take regular baths and showers. I have managed to get round it by scheduling them in on a weekly plan - Monday and Saturday nights I have a bath, Tuesday and Thursday I take a shower and wash my hair - that kind of thing, and if it's written down then it's there as a reminder.

If he doesn't have a good relationship with his parents, it might be that no one has actually sat down with him and helped him come up with a practical way to tackle the problem.

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By *nlyfun3Woman
over a year ago

NEAR Berkhamsted,Herts

Another thought is maybe at home there may not be facilities to use(I've visited some houses that don't have usable bathrooms through my job). So the advice to maybe suggest a work routine to use your showers may work. He could start earlier before other start and it could be used as part of his work day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As difficult as it will be, you'll have to be direct, but kind. I'm autistic and gentle hinting would be totally lost on me, as would general conversations directed to the group. My eldest son is also autistic and has to be reminded to wash and brush teeth etc. He doesn't notice his own odour and it doesn't occur to him that anyone else would notice it if he doesn't. Setting reminders on his phone is a good suggestion, as is making daily showers at work part of the routine. If sensory issues are a problem for him then a reminder to sink wash or have a bath may be preferable to showering.

Please don't involve any of his family members. If the last conversation you had with him knocked his confidence so severely it would be humiliating for him to have anyone else know about the issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only thing I’d add is when you speak to him privately start by praising his work first and how pleased you are, which you’re obviously are then maybe start by saying that ‘I don’t know if you’re aware but....’ then tell him the issue and what can be done about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well to avoid making feel personally targeted, I suggested your entreprise to introduce uniforms for all. Uniforms that should be put and removed at work and then put in the washing machine every nights.

Maybe introduce in the work policy that every employee needs to have a shower after work (if you have private facilities that allows it)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thankyou all, some brilliant points and advice.

So ive just messaged averyone within the team, we're going to have one on one staff welfare meetings tomorrow and a general catch up, ive asked everyone to just have a think how we can improve the workplace.

Ive always ran a open but relaxed workplace everyone generally uses the shower facilities at the end of the day bar this lad so im going to suggest we're making it a policy from a h&s point of view to have uniform at work instead of just white coveralls for workshop based staff (which he is) ill supply x5 and at the end of every shift a load will go in the washer

And workshop staff to shower post shift in the facilities provided.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thankyou all, some brilliant points and advice.

So ive just messaged averyone within the team, we're going to have one on one staff welfare meetings tomorrow and a general catch up, ive asked everyone to just have a think how we can improve the workplace.

Ive always ran a open but relaxed workplace everyone generally uses the shower facilities at the end of the day bar this lad so im going to suggest we're making it a policy from a h&s point of view to have uniform at work instead of just white coveralls for workshop based staff (which he is) ill supply x5 and at the end of every shift a load will go in the washer

And workshop staff to shower post shift in the facilities provided.

"

Can you enforce showers on your work force?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thankyou all, some brilliant points and advice.

So ive just messaged averyone within the team, we're going to have one on one staff welfare meetings tomorrow and a general catch up, ive asked everyone to just have a think how we can improve the workplace.

Ive always ran a open but relaxed workplace everyone generally uses the shower facilities at the end of the day bar this lad so im going to suggest we're making it a policy from a h&s point of view to have uniform at work instead of just white coveralls for workshop based staff (which he is) ill supply x5 and at the end of every shift a load will go in the washer

And workshop staff to shower post shift in the facilities provided.

Can you enforce showers on your work force?"

Not enforce but advise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thankyou all, some brilliant points and advice.

So ive just messaged averyone within the team, we're going to have one on one staff welfare meetings tomorrow and a general catch up, ive asked everyone to just have a think how we can improve the workplace.

Ive always ran a open but relaxed workplace everyone generally uses the shower facilities at the end of the day bar this lad so im going to suggest we're making it a policy from a h&s point of view to have uniform at work instead of just white coveralls for workshop based staff (which he is) ill supply x5 and at the end of every shift a load will go in the washer

And workshop staff to shower post shift in the facilities provided.

Can you enforce showers on your work force?"

If its in paid time and its a messy job then I would think so.

KJ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Per usual on fab you will get a lot of people wanting to show just how smart they are, ego central this place. Can honestly say you ain’t gonna get the answer you want on here.

No one knows you, your business or the guy in question well enough to be giving professional advice on personal matters. So I’d advise speaking to a professional in an appropriate setting who are capable of doing so.

People are all very different and will handle things differently, depending on how it’s approached, who approaches them, words use, setting in which the convo takes place... never mind if he is sensitive or has autism.

Good luck

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By *ongueandgroove555Couple
over a year ago

Waterford


"As difficult as it will be, you'll have to be direct, but kind. I'm autistic and gentle hinting would be totally lost on me, as would general conversations directed to the group. My eldest son is also autistic and has to be reminded to wash and brush teeth etc. He doesn't notice his own odour and it doesn't occur to him that anyone else would notice it if he doesn't. Setting reminders on his phone is a good suggestion, as is making daily showers at work part of the routine. If sensory issues are a problem for him then a reminder to sink wash or have a bath may be preferable to showering.

Please don't involve any of his family members. If the last conversation you had with him knocked his confidence so severely it would be humiliating for him to have anyone else know about the issue."

Nell I stopped reading at your message but hopefully there are more like yours.

Autism is complex and can be very difficult to deal with but autistic people like my son, have so much to offer.

I'd like to congratulate the OP for seeing past the autism and giving this guy a chance because that obsession makes autistic people brilliant in their chosen field.

Can u suggest maybe contacting some of the autism societies or the NHS who might have suggestions because if BO is the only issue here then this chap needs allege support he can get.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Could you put visual reminders out (specifically for him but sort of aimed at everyone) like “don’t forget we have free showers etc”

He would probably appreciate plain straight forward, reasoned talking with an explanation. My son is like that. You can tell him something, but you have to give him full in depth reasoning behind it, so he can process it and make sense of it.

Maybe have a look at Autism Society and see if there are any personal hygiene advice.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Also, not sure if mentioned already, but he might have a sensory issue with regard to feeling wet under the arms (with a roll on) so remind him that he could use different types of deodorant and unperfumed ones - because he might dislike the smell.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central


"Maybe you could contact someone close to him like his parents / partner and explain the situation. Tell them you don't want to embarrass him by being direct with him so if they could subtly push him to nip it in the bud it'd be appreciated.

This is what I was going to say too.

Unfortunately his mum and dad spit up, his mum disowned him at a young age i personally dont think she could cope, and his dads very much the same as him and they dont get on. He literally has no one apart from us, hes so happy and its been difficult getting him to understand the joys of relationships and life outside work. Hes never had a girlfriend/boyfriend and doesnt have friends

I feel for you. Such a difficult situation! I do have quite a bit of experience with autism though and you will need to be direct and literally say it as it is otherwise he may not take it in. It is a very wide spectrum though so without knowing him it’s difficult to say x

"

I agree. We can't rely on subtle indirect messages, because they can completely fail to be understood. If it's clear that others understand something, like such a message, but you don't, it can also feel isolating. In this instance, someone within the autistic spectrum might try asking others what was going on.

You could try to introduce things gradually, so that things aren't so potentially overwhelming, as if lots of things are expected.

I'd encourage you to get a regular coaching programme with him, so that you create a forum where anything can be discussed or support provided. You'd not need to raise issues, you could incorporate anything into them - if they have a regular schedule, it becomes the norm. He can be encouraged to raise topics for inclusion too. You could check with him whether he has problems with work/life balance, as it may be that he's not giving himself permission and opportunities to have a satisfying life outside of work. It's obviously been tough for the last year in any event.

Check his home circumstances with him. His presentation may be a representation of things not going so well. Does he have facilities, affording bills etc? Does he have enough clothing?

Also check if he experiences sensory overload - some smells and sensations may be uncomfortable for him. This may include deodorants, he or others may use, as well as washing products for self or clothing.

See how you can introduce consultation of him and his preferences for things at work. As someone else said, it could include suggestions for daily washing, antiperspirant and fresh clothing for everyone, as company policy. Things will have to be direct and clear to be understood. Likewise, with the onsite washing machine, it could be helpful for him to formalise when and how he would use it, in or outside of working hours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey OP

Have you thought about contacting someone for from an Autism Support group, or something similar?

They maybe be able to guide you on how to approach the subject again?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Hey OP

Have you thought about contacting someone for from an Autism Support group, or something similar?

They maybe be able to guide you on how to approach the subject again?

"

Personally I think this is the only way forward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey OP

Have you thought about contacting someone for from an Autism Support group, or something similar?

They maybe be able to guide you on how to approach the subject again?

Personally I think this is the only way forward. "

The National Autistic Society has some very good advice on autism and work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Please bear with me its not my usual to ask strangers for advise but im not sure how to approach

the situation.

ive got a apprentice that started to work for me in our small team back in 2019, hes a older apprentice in his early 20s very bright, obsessive in the sector i work in.

Now ive had the chat before with him about personal hygiene and being severely autistic it really knocked him which took quite alot of work to bring him back out his shell. The area i work in is 'Eco Engineering' hes obsessive and driven which is a marvelous attribute but has been shoved from pillar to post i presume because of his autism and the challenge that comes with it.

Not the obsessive side comes in all forms for him hes self sufficient, and anti deodorants, ect ect, the way he lives he doent take great care in his personal hygiene and although all being masked at work is helping atm its becoming a issue for others and myself.

Now at work theres access to showers which are free, so there isnt a issue there ive even put free eco friendly products to use. Im just at a loose end with how to approach it with him, without knocking his confidence like it did last time.

Theres washing machines also free to use for my staff but hes reluctant to use them also.

Help! "

With some love n compassion, taking into account his Autism

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Would you be able to find out if he has a support worker of some sort? He may be known to SS. They won't break confidences but they may be able to help you in the way to approach him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So a little update as ive had afew ask, things have got much better and i thought fantastic.. however

Ive just spent the last hour sat in my car very teary after popping to where he lives this morning.

He lives on a boat which is a way of life to him however ive just been on at its like a squat. The basics are there and you can tell its a nice boat however its filthy. The cooker is black, the floors are covered in plates and wrappers, old food cartons honestly its like going into a dustbin lorry. Ìve jsut had a chat with him and hes admitted things have got alittle bad and he struggles to cope with 'day to day' simple tasks.

Now i know im a clean freak and like things to a unrealistic level but honestly his home is worse than squats you see on tv cleaning programs. I know this will be a long process to get order a normality for him but he wont accept professional help. I never realised things were so bad

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"So a little update as ive had afew ask, things have got much better and i thought fantastic.. however

Ive just spent the last hour sat in my car very teary after popping to where he lives this morning.

He lives on a boat which is a way of life to him however ive just been on at its like a squat. The basics are there and you can tell its a nice boat however its filthy. The cooker is black, the floors are covered in plates and wrappers, old food cartons honestly its like going into a dustbin lorry. Ìve jsut had a chat with him and hes admitted things have got alittle bad and he struggles to cope with 'day to day' simple tasks.

Now i know im a clean freak and like things to a unrealistic level but honestly his home is worse than squats you see on tv cleaning programs. I know this will be a long process to get order a normality for him but he wont accept professional help. I never realised things were so bad "

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights


"So a little update as ive had afew ask, things have got much better and i thought fantastic.. however

Ive just spent the last hour sat in my car very teary after popping to where he lives this morning.

He lives on a boat which is a way of life to him however ive just been on at its like a squat. The basics are there and you can tell its a nice boat however its filthy. The cooker is black, the floors are covered in plates and wrappers, old food cartons honestly its like going into a dustbin lorry. Ìve jsut had a chat with him and hes admitted things have got alittle bad and he struggles to cope with 'day to day' simple tasks.

Now i know im a clean freak and like things to a unrealistic level but honestly his home is worse than squats you see on tv cleaning programs. I know this will be a long process to get order a normality for him but he wont accept professional help. I never realised things were so bad "

If he won't accept professional help, have you asked him if he will accept your help

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire


"So a little update as ive had afew ask, things have got much better and i thought fantastic.. however

Ive just spent the last hour sat in my car very teary after popping to where he lives this morning.

He lives on a boat which is a way of life to him however ive just been on at its like a squat. The basics are there and you can tell its a nice boat however its filthy. The cooker is black, the floors are covered in plates and wrappers, old food cartons honestly its like going into a dustbin lorry. Ìve jsut had a chat with him and hes admitted things have got alittle bad and he struggles to cope with 'day to day' simple tasks.

Now i know im a clean freak and like things to a unrealistic level but honestly his home is worse than squats you see on tv cleaning programs. I know this will be a long process to get order a normality for him but he wont accept professional help. I never realised things were so bad "

All credit to you for looking out for him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe you could contact someone close to him like his parents / partner and explain the situation. Tell them you don't want to embarrass him by being direct with him so if they could subtly push him to nip it in the bud it'd be appreciated.

This is what I was going to say too."

Not sure if advice is still needed OP but I certainly wouldn’t do this. This simply undermines him as a person and as an adult.

I don't have the answers but it is great to see you taking the time as an employer to check how to approach this situation.

Hope it goes well

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Contact the adult social care team the number will be on your county council's web site. Ask their advice without naming names and take it from there. You can't deal with this alone and as he's an adult you can't make him live a certain way because you or I want him to.

I've been in a similar situation with my parents and the bottom line is that as long as the people you're worried about are "coping", not in immediate danger and refuse your help you can do no more than advise. They might make decisions that you feel are unwise and go against your advice but that is their choice. It's tough to watch and extremely difficult to accept but...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Cheers guys yes ive had a chat with him. He doesnt want 'others' to help or interfere as he says but Hes happy for me to go and get the place ship shape and clean. Ive recommended he has a check list (which a other member recommended by message- so thankyou) to do before he comes to work which hes all for. He said he struggles with organisation and day to day menial tasks like washing up, tidying ect then it all becomes too much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Cheers guys yes ive had a chat with him. He doesnt want 'others' to help or interfere as he says but Hes happy for me to go and get the place ship shape and clean. Ive recommended he has a check list (which a other member recommended by message- so thankyou) to do before he comes to work which hes all for. He said he struggles with organisation and day to day menial tasks like washing up, tidying ect then it all becomes too much. "

You’re such a good boss! Hopefully once his home is clean and tidy he will find it easier to keep on top of it , the check list is a great idea x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some autistic people need helpful reminders like a calendar that they can have just for them which they note down what they should be doing like baths and showers, washing clothes,shaving,haircuts etc etc...and on what days or times.

Another huge factor coud be what they have at home to use to wash in, I.e a shower or bath. Some autistic people cannot tolerate the sensation of water from a shower touching there skin but are quite happy to sit in a bath full of water. Also discussing how everyone should be presented and clean at work especially in covid times, may help if its not directed to just one person but a room full instead as no one feels singled out then. "

This^^

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