FabSwingers.com forum: The oracle is open

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Jennie the omniscient knows all. Come to the oracle and ask your question. The great all seeing and all knowing will provide your answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

Or long people for that matter?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

They do, but they call them bidets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

Or long people for that matter?"

I can lay flat in my bath

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

Or long people for that matter?"

They do they call them sheep dips

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

They do, but they call them bidets."

I want to wash more than my arse

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

Or long people for that matter?

I can lay flat in my bath

Likewise, taking a soak is remembering to float

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Oh all knowing, most sexy Jennie....

Will all my deepest wishes and desires come true?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

Or long people for that matter?

I can lay flat in my bath

I don’t believe you? Need a pic for proof

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

Or long people for that matter?

I can lay flat in my bath

Likewise, taking a soak is remembering to float

I have to wear armbands

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just how much is that doggie in the window ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

They do, but they call them bidets.

I want to wash more than my arse

Oh so not THAT short then?

(PS. Your arse would be a start!)

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

I am finding myself sexually attracted to radiators. Should I mention this on my profile or in my usual, ‘FAF?’ introductory messages?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/03/21 19:39:47]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh all knowing, most sexy Jennie....

Will all my deepest wishes and desires come true?"

They will.

But be careful not to be caught or you risk jail time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just how much is that doggie in the window ? "

The one with the waggly tail?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do you never see white dog poo anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

Or long people for that matter?

I can lay flat in my bath

I have to choose between cold boobs or cold knees

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am finding myself sexually attracted to radiators. Should I mention this on my profile or in my usual, ‘FAF?’ introductory messages? "

Leave it for the FAF message.

Always nice to have a little surprise in reserve

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am finding myself sexually attracted to radiators. Should I mention this on my profile or in my usual, ‘FAF?’ introductory messages? "

You’ve always had a bit of a thing about heaters!

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Have you ever used a face strap on for pegging Jennie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

They do, but they call them bidets.

I want to wash more than my arse

Oh so not THAT short then?

(PS. Your arse would be a start!)"

Will Sensuallovers beardy bottom fit in it

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Oh all knowing, most sexy Jennie....

Will all my deepest wishes and desires come true?

They will.

But be careful not to be caught or you risk jail time "

Noted.

Um.... even THAT one. You know.... the one with the thing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

Or long people for that matter?

I can lay flat in my bath

I have to choose between cold boobs or cold knees

Ah ... lay face down then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

Or long people for that matter?

I can lay flat in my bath

I have to choose between cold boobs or cold knees

I have to choose between snorkel or armbands

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why do you never see white dog poo anymore"

Cosxm we are out of the EU

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"I am finding myself sexually attracted to radiators. Should I mention this on my profile or in my usual, ‘FAF?’ introductory messages?

Leave it for the FAF message.

Always nice to have a little surprise in reserve "

Thank you Jennie; I have another problem involving my penis presently being wedged stuck in a half empty bottle of Stella Artois but I’ll save that one for another day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

will I ever receive a Faf message?

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"I am finding myself sexually attracted to radiators. Should I mention this on my profile or in my usual, ‘FAF?’ introductory messages?

You’ve always had a bit of a thing about heaters!

It’s my kink - warm and sensual

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have you ever used a face strap on for pegging Jennie"

No.

I had a chin strap on my crash helmet though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh all knowing, most sexy Jennie....

Will all my deepest wishes and desires come true?

They will.

But be careful not to be caught or you risk jail time

Noted.

Um.... even THAT one. You know.... the one with the thing

Even that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will I get offered the job oh wise one ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

They do, but they call them bidets.

I want to wash more than my arse

Oh so not THAT short then?

(PS. Your arse would be a start!)

Will Sensuallovers beardy bottom fit in it

It will... a perfect fit

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Where exactly IS the centre of the universe mystic Jenny.

Google maps has no idea.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Where exactly IS the centre of the universe mystic Jenny.

Google maps has no idea..... "

Tooting

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Oh all knowing, most sexy Jennie....

Will all my deepest wishes and desires come true?

They will.

But be careful not to be caught or you risk jail time

Noted.

Um.... even THAT one. You know.... the one with the thing

Even that one"

Ooooooh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why have I got a headache?

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Why don’t they make baths for short people Jennie

Or long people for that matter?

I can lay flat in my bath

Likewise, taking a soak is remembering to float

I have to wear armbands

I put my snorkel on

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Will I get offered the job oh wise one ? "

You will be offered the job you deserve when the white owl shrieks twice and the small dog barks at the moon

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Is there a fountain of youth oh oracle oh wise one.....or is it just oil of ulay......

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

How much longer will I have to wait?

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

"Where exactly IS the centre of the universe mystic Jenny.

Google maps has no idea.....

Tooting"

I KNEW IT!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is a Jaffa’s cake a cake or biscuit.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Should I get the truck of my dreams or a sensible car?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So Jennie what's the meaning if life ???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"will I ever receive a Faf message? "

Within the next 15 minutes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So Jennie what's the meaning if life ???"

Obvs x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is a Jaffa’s cake a cake or biscuit. "

A cake

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Should I get the truck of my dreams or a sensible car?"

A Triumph Speed Triple

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How much longer will I have to wait? "

A bit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why's my chinese not here yet?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is there a fountain of youth oh oracle oh wise one.....or is it just oil of ulay......

There was, but I used it all.

Soz n shit

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Would it be wrong to chivvy Mr KC on to get the tea cooked?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why's my chinese not here yet?"

There's a hold up on the High Street. It won't be long

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Would it be wrong to chivvy Mr KC on to get the tea cooked?!

Get his bitch ass in the kitchen to make you some pie!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why have I got a headache?"

Because I was about to suggest a shag

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

"Is there a fountain of youth oh oracle oh wise one.....or is it just oil of ulay......

There was, but I used it all.

Soz n shit"
.

Should have guessed you would have used it all.......

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Would it be wrong to chivvy Mr KC on to get the tea cooked?!

Get his bitch ass in the kitchen to make you some pie!"

I'll just shout that down to him, verbatim

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By *lipy123TV/TS
over a year ago

Birmingham

Will i be able to get to the bar when the pubs open

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Would it be wrong to chivvy Mr KC on to get the tea cooked?!

Get his bitch ass in the kitchen to make you some pie!

I'll just shout that down to him, verbatim

Do so.

It is instruction from the sacred oracle herself

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Should I get the truck of my dreams or a sensible car?

A Triumph Speed Triple"

Er Jennie. You know how clumsy I am.... is 2 wheels really likely to be sensible?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Will i be able to get to the bar when the pubs open

You will, but you might have quite a wait!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Should I get the truck of my dreams or a sensible car?

A Triumph Speed Triple

Er Jennie. You know how clumsy I am.... is 2 wheels really likely to be sensible?"

Sensible be damned!

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Just found a falafel mix in the cupboard best before July 2013. What shall we have with them ?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Should I get the truck of my dreams or a sensible car?

A Triumph Speed Triple

Er Jennie. You know how clumsy I am.... is 2 wheels really likely to be sensible?

Sensible be damned!"

Will you look after me when I break all my bones?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Should I get the truck of my dreams or a sensible car?

A Triumph Speed Triple

Er Jennie. You know how clumsy I am.... is 2 wheels really likely to be sensible?

Sensible be damned!"

But maybe invest in some stabilisers

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just found a falafel mix in the cupboard best before July 2013. What shall we have with them ? "

The out of date hummus and those stale pitta breads

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Should I get the truck of my dreams or a sensible car?

A Triumph Speed Triple

Er Jennie. You know how clumsy I am.... is 2 wheels really likely to be sensible?

Sensible be damned!

Will you look after me when I break all my bones?"

I shall.

Bed baths included!

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Just found a falafel mix in the cupboard best before July 2013. What shall we have with them ?

The out of date hummus and those stale pitta breads"

Mmmmm.... mouths watering now. Thanks

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Should I get the truck of my dreams or a sensible car?

A Triumph Speed Triple

Er Jennie. You know how clumsy I am.... is 2 wheels really likely to be sensible?

Sensible be damned!

Will you look after me when I break all my bones?

I shall.

Bed baths included! "

Deal. I'll order it now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does Santa never deliver my Xmas wish of Tom Hardy & Jamie Dornan for the ultimate threesome I desire.

I’ve been asking for years and still nothing.....and I’m a good girl

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why does Santa never deliver my Xmas wish of Tom Hardy & Jamie Dornan for the ultimate threesome I desire.

I’ve been asking for years and still nothing.....and I’m a good girl

Because Tom and Jamie are actually the same person. Think about it .... you never see them together at the same time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why does Santa never deliver my Xmas wish of Tom Hardy & Jamie Dornan for the ultimate threesome I desire.

I’ve been asking for years and still nothing.....and I’m a good girl

Because Tom and Jamie are actually the same person. Think about it .... you never see them together at the same time

In that case just the one will do, can you get Santa to deliver TomJam this year please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"will I ever receive a Faf message?

Within the next 15 minutes"

That wasnt from the couple that I fancy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why does Santa never deliver my Xmas wish of Tom Hardy & Jamie Dornan for the ultimate threesome I desire.

I’ve been asking for years and still nothing.....and I’m a good girl

Because Tom and Jamie are actually the same person. Think about it .... you never see them together at the same time

In that case just the one will do, can you get Santa to deliver TomJam this year please.

I will have a word ... although the tooth fairy has bagsied first dibs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"will I ever receive a Faf message?

Within the next 15 minutes

That wasnt from the couple that I fancy

That wasn't your question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why have I got a headache?

Because I was about to suggest a shag

Oh it’s gone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will I resurrect the blue undie Monday thread?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why have I got a headache?

Because I was about to suggest a shag

Oh it’s gone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Will I resurrect the blue undie Monday thread? "

No.

You will think about it then won't be arsed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Will I resurrect the blue undie Monday thread?

No.

You will think about it then won't be arsed"

Ok.

Who gets to break the news to Chunkygent?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Will I resurrect the blue undie Monday thread?

No.

You will think about it then won't be arsed

Ok.

Who gets to break the news to Chunkygent? "

Hex will work it out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why have I got a headache?

Because I was about to suggest a shag

Oh it’s gone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why have I got a headache?

Because I was about to suggest a shag

Oh it’s gone

The oracle cannot be distracted, however hard you try.

Probably

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is dance music really dead?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is dance music really dead? "

Really really dead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When is belly button fluff blue and bum fluff black?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why does Santa never deliver my Xmas wish of Tom Hardy & Jamie Dornan for the ultimate threesome I desire.

I’ve been asking for years and still nothing.....and I’m a good girl

Because Tom and Jamie are actually the same person. Think about it .... you never see them together at the same time

In that case just the one will do, can you get Santa to deliver TomJam this year please.

I will have a word ... although the tooth fairy has bagsied first dibs "

Right I’m off to see if I have any wobbly teeth. I can handle the loss of a tooth if I get Tom/Jam

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who decided that eggs were edible?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is dance music really dead?

Really really dead"

Thank God for that

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

What will be the lottery winning numbers on Saturday

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What will be the lottery winning numbers on Saturday "

There will be six of them and they will all fall between 0 and 50.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When is belly button fluff blue and bum fluff black? "

It is just one of nature's constants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why have I got a headache?

Because I was about to suggest a shag

Oh it’s gone

The oracle cannot be distracted, however hard you try.

Probably"

Pfft, I’ll put my clothes back on then (pouty sulky face)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why have I got a headache?

Because I was about to suggest a shag

Oh it’s gone

The oracle cannot be distracted, however hard you try.

Probably

Pfft, I’ll put my clothes back on then (pouty sulky face)"

Although .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do I get rid of my studmuffin image?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/03/21 20:40:44]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do I get rid of my studmuffin image?"

You can't

Studmuffin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do I get rid of my studmuffin image?

You can't

Studmuffin "

Dammit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When will it be safe to put this year's tomatoes in the greenhouse

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When will it be safe to put this year's tomatoes in the greenhouse "

Oooh for Scotland ... no earlier than April

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jennie

Please tell me how I should eat my creme egg.

Her x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does turning 40 count during a lockdown or do I get a redo of being 39?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh Jennie the Omniscient, I really need a cuddle buddy. When will this person appear in my life? Your devoted servant, Nell.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Jennie

Please tell me how I should eat my creme egg.

Her x"

Tease the tip with your tongue. Gentle nibbles, till the cream oozes. Greedily lap at the cream, whilst making noises of appreciation. Then consume the rest like its the last you will ever have.

Then watch as it rolls over, farts and goes to sleep.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does turning 40 count during a lockdown or do I get a redo of being 39?"

It does not count.

You get another year at 39.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jennie

Please tell me how I should eat my creme egg.

Her x

Tease the tip with your tongue. Gentle nibbles, till the cream oozes. Greedily lap at the cream, whilst making noises of appreciation. Then consume the rest like its the last you will ever have.

Then watch as it rolls over, farts and goes to sleep."

My next question is that if I have a multipack box of creme eggs and do as you instruct am I truly a greedy lady?

Her x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does turning 40 count during a lockdown or do I get a redo of being 39?

It does not count.

You get another year at 39."

Thank you beautiful and wise Jennie.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh Jennie the Omniscient, I really need a cuddle buddy. When will this person appear in my life? Your devoted servant, Nell."

Please take a number and join the queue. Cuddles are provided on a purely first come first served basis. You are currently 29th in the queue

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Jennie

Please tell me how I should eat my creme egg.

Her x

Tease the tip with your tongue. Gentle nibbles, till the cream oozes. Greedily lap at the cream, whilst making noises of appreciation. Then consume the rest like its the last you will ever have.

Then watch as it rolls over, farts and goes to sleep.

My next question is that if I have a multipack box of creme eggs and do as you instruct am I truly a greedy lady?

Her x"

Like ... creme egg bukakke x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Jennie

Please tell me how I should eat my creme egg.

Her x

Tease the tip with your tongue. Gentle nibbles, till the cream oozes. Greedily lap at the cream, whilst making noises of appreciation. Then consume the rest like its the last you will ever have.

Then watch as it rolls over, farts and goes to sleep.

My next question is that if I have a multipack box of creme eggs and do as you instruct am I truly a greedy lady?

Her x

Like ... creme egg bukakke x"

Phwoar

Her x

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"Who decided that eggs were edible? "

What did we eat first, the chicken, or the egg?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Who decided that eggs were edible?

What did we eat first, the chicken, or the egg?

Evolutionary theory would say the egg came first.

If we accept evolution as a gradual and constant flow of minuscule and incremental changes, then the bird that laid the egg was very very nearly a chicken. Nearly but not quite.

The bird that hatched had evolved just enough to be a chicken. Thus the egg was first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When should I quit fab?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When should I quit fab?"

Never.

You are Fab royalty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When should I quit fab?

Never.

You are Fab royalty"

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