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He waits, that what he does

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.

They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every time! Leave for a second or venture to the garden and this is when they come!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The worst is when it says they're X amount of stops away and you really need a pee.

Those 5 stops could take between a minute and half an hour

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too."

I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Every time! Leave for a second or venture to the garden and this is when they come!!"

Guaranteed!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Sometimes I look out for a delivery when I haven’t even ordered anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks now all I can think of is the tune to that advert.

Bah bahbahbah bah bah

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The worst is when it says they're X amount of stops away and you really need a pee.

Those 5 stops could take between a minute and half an hour "

It’s all part of their game.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove


"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.

I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place "

Did you ever find the parcel ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trick the delivery man then!

You KNOW he’s waiting jusssst-out-of-site for you to leave right? because his day is all the fun of cocking yours up lol ... so go out ... but hide round the corner!

Thennnnn ... just as you see him going up your path jump out and shriek!!!

Obvs I’m in a silly mood, sorry xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thanks now all I can think of is the tune to that advert.

Bah bahbahbah bah bah"

Left field. What a tune. Tick follows tock.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.

I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place

Did you ever find the parcel ?"

Yes, it was left on my path outside.

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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

I can't even get Amazon to deliver to me, as apparently, my address is undeliverable and the local post office and several other locations they won't deliver to either.

Might have something to do with my stated occupation as being a cat burglar, and absolute rotter.

EBay will, as it appears they're not too fussy.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove


"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.

I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place

Did you ever find the parcel ?

Yes, it was left on my path outside. "

Oh, that was 'safe'

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Never mind going out, when you’re expecting a parcel do you dare to go to the toilet?

Number ones are probably alright, especially if you can stop mid-flow, but if it’s a poo then it’s fraught with difficulties. There’s the worry of it not coming out as quickly as you expect and then what if the wiping turns into a big smeary debacle?

If there’s a knock on the door at the wrong time it leaves you with a few options and I don’t really like the look of any of them

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Trick the delivery man then!

You KNOW he’s waiting jusssst-out-of-site for you to leave right? because his day is all the fun of cocking yours up lol ... so go out ... but hide round the corner!

Thennnnn ... just as you see him going up your path jump out and shriek!!!

Obvs I’m in a silly mood, sorry xx"

I’ll lock the front door, shouting ‘I’m going out now, I really hope the delivery guy doesn’t come in the next 20 minutes as there is no one home!’ Then just walk around to the back door and walk straight in the house again. Probably see the little card saying he’s been and gone anyway!

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By *hampagne_Supernova_91Man
over a year ago

Manchester

I'm usually fairly lucky as they'll leave my package in the blue bin if they can't post it. Hermes are terrible though. Banged up packages and occasionally dropped off at the wrong place

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.

I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place

Did you ever find the parcel ?

Yes, it was left on my path outside.

Oh, that was 'safe' "

Yep, I couldn’t believe it.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

We had a parcel delivered to the wrong address once (not even close to the right street name or post code), and when we complained we were told to go round and ask for it, because yes someone who was happy to take a £1k+ delivery that wasn’t addressed to them would gladly hand it over!

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Phat Planet!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Never mind going out, when you’re expecting a parcel do you dare to go to the toilet?

Number ones are probably alright, especially if you can stop mid-flow, but if it’s a poo then it’s fraught with difficulties. There’s the worry of it not coming out as quickly as you expect and then what if the wiping turns into a big smeary debacle?

If there’s a knock on the door at the wrong time it leaves you with a few options and I don’t really like the look of any of them "

I’ve covered this eventuality by wearing incontinent pants

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We had a parcel delivered to the wrong address once (not even close to the right street name or post code), and when we complained we were told to go round and ask for it, because yes someone who was happy to take a £1k+ delivery that wasn’t addressed to them would gladly hand it over!"

Hope you got it back

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Or you need a poo. You can't tell if it's gonna be a slipstream speedy one or a stuck there half hour one so don't wanna chance it

Knock next door and ask them to keep an eye out while you pop to the shop

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove


"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.

I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place

Did you ever find the parcel ?

Yes, it was left on my path outside.

Oh, that was 'safe'

Yep, I couldn’t believe it. "

Someone I know reported a parcel as missing. The delivery driver was adamant he had left it. He eventually produced a photo as evidence of delivery. It was a photo of the parcel on her doorstep. She lives on an enormous estate, no fence, no gate, no hedge. Doorstep visible to all passing

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Never mind going out, when you’re expecting a parcel do you dare to go to the toilet?

Number ones are probably alright, especially if you can stop mid-flow, but if it’s a poo then it’s fraught with difficulties. There’s the worry of it not coming out as quickly as you expect and then what if the wiping turns into a big smeary debacle?

If there’s a knock on the door at the wrong time it leaves you with a few options and I don’t really like the look of any of them "

See, we've both been there!

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I have one of those Amazon yellow lockers (can't remember what they are called) about 2 miles away so, if I'm likely to be out (which these days is never), I opt for my Amazon parcel to be delivered to the locker, I can then collect it when I'm free.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tick full of tock full of Tick full of tock lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Or you need a poo. You can't tell if it's gonna be a slipstream speedy one or a stuck there half hour one so don't wanna chance it

Knock next door and ask them to keep an eye out while you pop to the shop "

Just tightening up the incontinent pants now!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.

I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place

Did you ever find the parcel ?

Yes, it was left on my path outside.

Oh, that was 'safe'

Yep, I couldn’t believe it.

Someone I know reported a parcel as missing. The delivery driver was adamant he had left it. He eventually produced a photo as evidence of delivery. It was a photo of the parcel on her doorstep. She lives on an enormous estate, no fence, no gate, no hedge. Doorstep visible to all passing "

Jeez, good luck finding that

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove


"Or you need a poo. You can't tell if it's gonna be a slipstream speedy one or a stuck there half hour one so don't wanna chance it

Knock next door and ask them to keep an eye out while you pop to the shop

Just tightening up the incontinent pants now! "

Are they the sexy ones for women on the TV that are reaaallly discreet

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I've a secure spot for them to leave it In

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Trick the delivery man then!

You KNOW he’s waiting jusssst-out-of-site for you to leave right? because his day is all the fun of cocking yours up lol ... so go out ... but hide round the corner!

Thennnnn ... just as you see him going up your path jump out and shriek!!!

Obvs I’m in a silly mood, sorry xx

I’ll lock the front door, shouting ‘I’m going out now, I really hope the delivery guy doesn’t come in the next 20 minutes as there is no one home!’ Then just walk around to the back door and walk straight in the house again. Probably see the little card saying he’s been and gone anyway! "

Would end up a game of who’s the quickest lol

Hopefully you ... then you could get round the back, run through the house and lie on the floor under the letterbox ... just when you hear him laughing and posting that little evil card through make like a huge dog snap-snapping at his fingers and frighten him to death lol

Those cards .... ewww those cards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.

I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place

Did you ever find the parcel ?

Yes, it was left on my path outside.

Oh, that was 'safe'

Yep, I couldn’t believe it.

Someone I know reported a parcel as missing. The delivery driver was adamant he had left it. He eventually produced a photo as evidence of delivery. It was a photo of the parcel on her doorstep. She lives on an enormous estate, no fence, no gate, no hedge. Doorstep visible to all passing "

We had similar, in that it got to the photo proof stage ... yes the parcel was still there ... hid in the electric or gas (not sure, don’t look at that thingy) box outside - but he’d not left a flippin card and I’d never said yeh stick it in there lol xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've a secure spot for them to leave it In"

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Brown boxed parcel left in the snow on the doorstep, visible a few feet from the footpath and road a couple of weeks ago. Was in when it was delivered but no knock, card etc.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I wait, as it's likely to be stolen from my doorstep if it's left.

Saying that though, I didn't hear the courier leave my wool parcel on the doorstep and my dogs didn't bark. It was still there when my son got in from work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have an email saying my parcel has been delivered, but it hasn't.

Yes it has.

No it hasn't.

The driver took a picture of your house, it says no 24.

Send it to me.......that's not my house, not even my road.

Oh..

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I got an e mail the other day......

Our driver will knock on your door. Move away. Then take a picture of the parcel and the open door.

Bell rings.

I walk to the door. I'm a fucking agile old bird with a short hall.

Parcel is in the porch cos HE opened the outside door , dumped and run.

Cheeky bastard then sent me a pic of the parcel in front of my CLOSED door cos HE'D opened the glass slider.......

BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.

They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’

"

Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.

They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’

Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching? "

He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.

They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’

Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?

He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional "

Excellent

Emotional? Oh? ... what was in the parcel?

also ... please tell me you lay on the floor and scared him like I suggested earlier lol xx

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings


"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.

They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’

"

You mean you pay for delivery but have to go and pick it up lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.

They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’

Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?

He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional "

Oh thank God!

I was unable to rest!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.

They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’

Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?

He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional

Oh thank God!

I was unable to rest!"

Now, now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.

They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’

Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?

He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional

Excellent

Emotional? Oh? ... what was in the parcel?

also ... please tell me you lay on the floor and scared him like I suggested earlier lol xx"

Foam roller and lacrosse ball. Not, I repeat not a 10’ strap on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.

They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’

Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?

He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional

Oh thank God!

I was unable to rest!

Now, now. "

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