FabSwingers.com forum: How do people think it's ok?

By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

There are some amazing people in the world. Some absolute diamonds. And a lot of them can be found right here on t'internet, and on fab.

But there are some people who go out of their ways to make others' lives worse, to make them feel crappy and hurt them. For seemingly no reason. I wish they wouldn't. Because regardless of whether "be kind" is an impractical request to make of all the people all the time, surely "don't be deliberately unkind" isn't?

This is a general observation, not specific to anyone on here at all.

What think ye, wise Loungers?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree.

Kindness should be the default. And NSP ... you are the perfect example x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The world gets more toxic every year it seems.

The internet has a massive part in this problem.. online problems spilling into real life and making some people less tolerant and toxic each day that goes by..

That's just my opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely.

Had to with a few on here who were unnessaarily rude towards me. One even called me the rudest c**t on here because I didn't reply to his one message because he lived hundreds of miles from me.

I come on here for escapism not to be abused. Had my fair share of that from my ex.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

It's usually a lot more about the person doing it than the person they're doing it to, even if that doesn't make it any easier for the victim.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Yes it bloody should be . Sadly not everyone is , and that makes me sad !!

Being kind is not a weakness , it's a strength

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I agree.

Kindness should be the default. And NSP ... you are the perfect example x"

Jennie

you're a gorgeous example too xx

I can be a bitch, like anyone. But I do my best to keep it internal. And it's never deliberately cruel....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all comes to mind

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I don't have the energy for negativity. We all have private lives with sh*t going on. But to purposely pull someone down because you're having issues is wrong and nasty behaviour.

We love and it's that simple.

Jo.Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree.

Kindness should be the default. And NSP ... you are the perfect example x

Jennie

you're a gorgeous example too xx

I can be a bitch, like anyone. But I do my best to keep it internal. And it's never deliberately cruel....

I once read that one should never be unintentionally rude!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be kind is a false sentiment and it is sad when people have to be told that

I prefer "let's be a decent human"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could have written this Posh. It does get to you. I’ve experienced this lately and it’s easy to say oh it’s just the internet. I’m pretty tough skinned but you can only take so much. I’ve decided to not bother trying to even defend the lies and bullshit because why should I? People just seem to enjoy it. Keeping a lower profile and walking away at least shows me I won’t sink to that level and hopefully people will make their own mind up about me. I’m just glad the friends who know me know me and without them I probably wouldn’t even have known what was going on and being said.

Although it’s hard you really do have to think those that know me matter and those that don’t know me don’t matter.

Sending hugs my darling xxxx

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think that the internet brings out the best and worst in people, it turns most (if not all) of us into caricatures of ourselves and can exacerbate our best and worst traits.

Often people forget that there’s a living breathing human behind the words on the screen and treat them like characters in a game. Using them for attention, to vent stress, desire or bad moods according to how they feel.

The internet is a place of immediacy whereas conscience can be slow

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

You can't control how other people act but you can control how you respond.

Those people who put out anything but kindness recieve the same in return, what you put into the universe, you shall recieve.

The simplest smile to a person who you pass in the street, can be filled with so many benifits for them and you leading to a riple effect of happyness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that the internet brings out the best and worst in people, it turns most (if not all) of us into caricatures of ourselves and can exacerbate our best and worst traits.

The internet is a place of immediacy whereas conscience can be slow"

Hey you! Yay I’ve got

Someone to argue with now!

. Lovely to see you back!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree OP, I've never said anything unkind to anyone on fab. Even those who insult me just get blocked, no need to retort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That makes complete sense. There are people I don't like and people who don't like me, that's just harsh fact of life people need to deal with and I'm awful at faking kindness to people I don't like.

So the best I can do is be civil when contact can't be helped or avoid them altogether

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"It's usually a lot more about the person doing it than the person they're doing it to, even if that doesn't make it any easier for the victim. "

Agreed. I was talking about this with another forumite - if we could all have a general truth session, air our grievances and leave it be, that would be fantastic. Generally if I have an issue/want to discuss something I go straight to the person. The nasty undercurrents that I've not been aware of until these past few months have made me a bit sick of it all to be honest so I'm taking a step back from various things.

Anyway, I think we've all displayed less than kind behaviour on here at various times - whether that's a passive aggressive reply (I want to burn those thumbs ups at times!), a bitchy status, messages, unkind words about another... the list is endless.

I think don't be deliberately unkind is a far better sentiment than be kind buuut, I'm not going to be telling others what to do.

Instead I'm going to focus on self improvement, putting aforementioned actions to rest and being civil even if others are twunts.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Some people are pleasant, some people are unpleasant, both here and in real life.

I prefer to focus on the good people

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"The world gets more toxic every year it seems.

The internet has a massive part in this problem.. online problems spilling into real life and making some people less tolerant and toxic each day that goes by..

That's just my opinion "

I'd agree, but I don't get why some people feel the need to create problems out of nothing. Online or offline.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think general politeness goes along way even if you have no interest in taking things further. Some people seem to lack this unfortunately.

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Absolutely.

Had to with a few on here who were unnessaarily rude towards me. One even called me the rudest c**t on here because I didn't reply to his one message because he lived hundreds of miles from me.

I come on here for escapism not to be abused. Had my fair share of that from my ex.

Same here.... this should be an escape.

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"It's usually a lot more about the person doing it than the person they're doing it to, even if that doesn't make it any easier for the victim. "

It really is.... but yet as you say, it doesn't make it easier for the victim

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Yes it bloody should be . Sadly not everyone is , and that makes me sad !!

Being kind is not a weakness , it's a strength

xx"

It is. Sadly it's a strength that some people see as weak

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"If you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all comes to mind"

Precisely. Yet some manage to only say the nasty

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I don't have the energy for negativity. We all have private lives with sh*t going on. But to purposely pull someone down because you're having issues is wrong and nasty behaviour.

We love and it's that simple.

Jo.Xx "

And that's one of the reasons you're so loved

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I agree.

Kindness should be the default. And NSP ... you are the perfect example x

Jennie

you're a gorgeous example too xx

I can be a bitch, like anyone. But I do my best to keep it internal. And it's never deliberately cruel....

I once read that one should never be unintentionally rude!"

There are different definitions of rude.....

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By *yantico86Man
over a year ago

drumchapel

For 95% of the time this please is great I've met someone awesome people and chatted to people who I Maybe never will meet

I use this place to escape the reality sometimes as life can be tough

Love the positive vibes off most people

But the minority can be ass holes I've learned to inform them and get on with things good luck everyone stay safe xx

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Some people take great pleasure from being horrible. I pity them as their lives must be so unfulfilled that they have to try and make others feel bad. Everyone can be a bitch at times but overall most of the population are decent human beings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could not have worded it better NSP

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

I get it loads here, I'm practically bring hounded off the site now and it's slowly getting worse.

Single man? Former couple? An issue because there's now now OH to be attracted to? Who knows?? I just stayed to make new friends but apparently even THAT seems to be a reason to be nasty and start vindictive whispers.

Ah well.... Tomorrow is Monday.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Usually self absorption. Occasionally other things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of damaged people .... in order to shift their downward spiral, they project it on others

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By *lipy123TV/TS
over a year ago

Birmingham

"If you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all comes to mind"

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Be kind is a false sentiment and it is sad when people have to be told that

I prefer "let's be a decent human""

I agree. "Be kind" can be false. But not if it's meant genuinely. Unfortunately it has been overused and become a social media tagline, which often means a thing ends up twisted into something it never was.

"Let's be a decent human being" and "don't be deliberately unkind" are both better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I genuinely don’t understand why people do it.

It says everything about them, and nothing about the person they are bitching about, and they deserve compassion really, because what has happened to make them that way?

I’m not excusing it by saying that, but it must be an unhappy place to be in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People is people.

If everyone was as arrogant and self adsorbed as me then the world would be utopia.

Negativity, criticism, ridicule and insults only serve to strengthen my opinion that I’m just the greatest human being ever created.

But I don’t like to mention it in case it makes people feel sad about any comparison they might make.

I’m dead thoughtful like that.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I think that if you can't do something kind for someone then don't do them anything!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't have the energy for negativity. We all have private lives with sh*t going on. But to purposely pull someone down because you're having issues is wrong and nasty behaviour.

We love and it's that simple.

Jo.Xx "

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"People is people.

If everyone was as arrogant and self adsorbed as me then the world would be utopia.

Negativity, criticism, ridicule and insults only serve to strengthen my opinion that I’m just the greatest human being ever created.

But I don’t like to mention it in case it makes people feel sad about any comparison they might make.

I’m dead thoughtful like that."

Well I don't know about anyone else but, I WAS having a good day

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I could have written this Posh. It does get to you. I’ve experienced this lately and it’s easy to say oh it’s just the internet. I’m pretty tough skinned but you can only take so much. I’ve decided to not bother trying to even defend the lies and bullshit because why should I? People just seem to enjoy it. Keeping a lower profile and walking away at least shows me I won’t sink to that level and hopefully people will make their own mind up about me. I’m just glad the friends who know me know me and without them I probably wouldn’t even have known what was going on and being said.

Although it’s hard you really do have to think those that know me matter and those that don’t know me don’t matter.

Sending hugs my darling xxxx

Love you beautiful.

Stay xxx

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By *estcountryDadBodMan
over a year ago

Exeter

Shouldn’t need a movement to be kind, you’d hope that’s just human nature!!

Won’t find a kinder soul than you though Posh!

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People is people.

If everyone was as arrogant and self adsorbed as me then the world would be utopia.

Negativity, criticism, ridicule and insults only serve to strengthen my opinion that I’m just the greatest human being ever created.

But I don’t like to mention it in case it makes people feel sad about any comparison they might make.

I’m dead thoughtful like that.

Well I don't know about anyone else but, I WAS having a good day

The ooofffts should perk you up..

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I think that the internet brings out the best and worst in people, it turns most (if not all) of us into caricatures of ourselves and can exacerbate our best and worst traits.

The internet is a place of immediacy whereas conscience can be slow

Hey you! Yay I’ve got

Someone to argue with now!

. Lovely to see you back!

hi Nora!

Nice to see you too!!

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I don't have the energy for negativity. We all have private lives with sh*t going on. But to purposely pull someone down because you're having issues is wrong and nasty behaviour.

We love and it's that simple.

Jo.Xx

And that's one of the reasons you're so loved

I second this..loved by me for sure x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Absolutely.

Had to with a few on here who were unnessaarily rude towards me. One even called me the rudest c**t on here because I didn't reply to his one message because he lived hundreds of miles from me.

I come on here for escapism not to be abused. Had my fair share of that from my ex.

I agree with you, we come here for escapism and to talk to somebody. I am always nice to people both on here and in life, however some people are not, and that really does my head in. But sod em just don't let it get to you too much. And if it does my inbox is always open for a chat and to let off steam.. that goes for anyone..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't take any notice of Negativity and criticism online...if I was getting it from the people I Love then I would sit up and take notice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/02/21 12:52:54]

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I think that the internet brings out the best and worst in people, it turns most (if not all) of us into caricatures of ourselves and can exacerbate our best and worst traits.

The internet is a place of immediacy whereas conscience can be slow"

So very true. Wise words as always

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"People is people.

If everyone was as arrogant and self adsorbed as me then the world would be utopia.

Negativity, criticism, ridicule and insults only serve to strengthen my opinion that I’m just the greatest human being ever created.

But I don’t like to mention it in case it makes people feel sad about any comparison they might make.

I’m dead thoughtful like that.

Well I don't know about anyone else but, I WAS having a good day

The ooofffts should perk you up.."

Yes. Who doesn't love a Sunday ooofffting

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"You can't control how other people act but you can control how you respond.

Those people who put out anything but kindness recieve the same in return, what you put into the universe, you shall recieve.

The simplest smile to a person who you pass in the street, can be filled with so many benifits for them and you leading to a riple effect of happyness."

I agree with the last part, but someone very wise has said to me on more than one occasion "bad things don't happen to bad people". And it's actually pretty true.

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I agree OP, I've never said anything unkind to anyone on fab. Even those who insult me just get blocked, no need to retort. "

My thoughts exactly Kitty.

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"That makes complete sense. There are people I don't like and people who don't like me, that's just harsh fact of life people need to deal with and I'm awful at faking kindness to people I don't like.

So the best I can do is be civil when contact can't be helped or avoid them altogether"

Wise words from one with such dodgy footwear choices

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are some amazing people in the world. Some absolute diamonds. And a lot of them can be found right here on t'internet, and on fab.

This is a general observation, not specific to anyone on here at all.

What think ye, wise Loungers?"

As Mike Tyson said, people have too comfortable disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face! Keyboard worriers looking to stir things are the worst, guarantee most people who pipe up and have nasty things to say wouldn’t dare in real life face to face. That’s why I never trust a personality online until I’ve met them in person. Too easy to sound confident, funny and intelligent with time and google at your disposal

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I think you shouldn't call me a "Lounger" Miss Posh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So the best I can do is be civil when contact can't be helped or avoid them altogether

Wise words from one with such dodgy footwear choices

Thank you, it's where I draw my powers from

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

It's nice being nice

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

As with most human traits, agreeableness exists on a spectrum that ranges from narcissists to doormats. Neurobiology is largely responsible as our nervous systems are wired to reward us for dominating others, which is why money and power is so intoxicating. Some people are just wired to get a greater kick out of being nasty than others.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I agree.

Kindness should be the default. And NSP ... you are the perfect example x

Jennie

you're a gorgeous example too xx

I can be a bitch, like anyone. But I do my best to keep it internal. And it's never deliberately cruel....

I once read that one should never be unintentionally rude!"
Eh ?

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"It's usually a lot more about the person doing it than the person they're doing it to, even if that doesn't make it any easier for the victim.

I think don't be deliberately unkind is a far better sentiment than be kind buuut, I'm not going to be telling others what to do.

Instead I'm going to focus on self improvement, putting aforementioned actions to rest and being civil even if others are twunts."

I'm sick of it also. And I almost deleted this morning. But that felt like the wrong answer.

A mass air clearing would be ideal. But it'll never be possible sadly, not least from a practical standpoint. We just have to hope people can be as forward as you and go straight to the person. Which I've always appreciated from you.

All we can do is work on ourselves. And I'm trying so hard to not let the negative from others get me down, I can get myself down enough on my own.

I will continue with civility and friendliness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone has a different personality and 'be kind' can mean something different for each person.

You never know who you are upsetting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/02/21 13:09:46]

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Some people are pleasant, some people are unpleasant, both here and in real life.

I prefer to focus on the good people

As do I....it's hard when you're feeling down or unsure and the unpleasant thrusts itself into your path not to be affected though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to treat people how I’d like to be treated myself

And struggle to understand people who go out of their way to be mean and make fun of others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you're OK.

I think what other people have to say about you* usually speaks volumes about them and it isn't any reflection on you at all.

*By you I just mean in general.

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I think general politeness goes along way even if you have no interest in taking things further. Some people seem to lack this unfortunately."

I think all we can do is our best.

And sometimes general politeness masks cruelty well.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

So the best I can do is be civil when contact can't be helped or avoid them altogether"

Surely deserving kindness doesn't rest upon whether someone is liked by you or not ?

If we should be kind we should be kind to all. Otherwise... why should others be kind to you...

This is self defeating.

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"For 95% of the time this please is great I've met someone awesome people and chatted to people who I Maybe never will meet

I use this place to escape the reality sometimes as life can be tough

Love the positive vibes off most people

But the minority can be ass holes I've learned to inform them and get on with things good luck everyone stay safe xx"

I'm so glad you find the positivity! Keep that going!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people are so unhappy in their lives that they need to make others unhappy.

Being kind isn't everyone's default setting unfortunately.

And let's not even get started on peoples 'kind masks'

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Its about power or the perception of power.

To be a negative influence, to bring others down, to revel in the misery or misfortune of others can trigger behavioural aspects of superiority. Its why shows like Jerry Springer and Jeremy Kyle were so poplar and why gossip magazines and sites like TMZ are still going. By making others feel bad, some people hope to make themselves feel better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people are so unhappy in their lives that they need to make others unhappy.

Being kind isn't everyone's default setting unfortunately.

And let's not even get started on peoples 'kind masks' "

Indeed but if everyone went around telling everyone else what they thought of them, there would be a lot of tears.....

If you don't like someone or what they stand for, keep away from them I say.

Meeting people in person can give you a completely different outlook of an individual, it is easy to get caught up in someone's forum persona.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People cant take any criticism.so you end up with a molycoddled society where people burst into tears and the slightest thing.

Where noone has a fault,anything they do wrong has to have a concocted medical reason that frees them of responsibility.give me intolerant judgemental people all day.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

It’s a really sad state of affairs, particularly online. It seems being unkind has become some kind of sport. I’m sure there’s a secret competition where idiots compete to be the biggest twat.. bad behaviour should not go unchallenged, yet it’s important to not let that kind of ignorance affect you. Total double edged sword. Hope you’re ok OP

try not to carry the baggage of other peoples insecurities. They sleep well because they know no better.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

We can’t get on with everyone or like everyone, so best to just be polite if end up in the same circle or avoid if you can.

If someone asked me if I liked them or not, I’d tell them the truth, I don’t like fakeness.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 28/02/21 13:25:57]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Everyone has a different personality and 'be kind' can mean something different for each person.

You never know who you are upsetting. "

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Some people take great pleasure from being horrible. I pity them as their lives must be so unfulfilled that they have to try and make others feel bad. Everyone can be a bitch at times but overall most of the population are decent human beings."

That's so true Sparkle.

Most are xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope once people can get out and the socials can go ahead etc someone of the nasty will stop but I have fanned for over 10 years and the snarly has always been there.

People be cray

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hope once people can get out and the socials can go ahead etc someone of the nasty will stop but I have fanned for over 10 years and the snarly has always been there.

People be cray"

Also waiting patiently for socials, to meet people one on one rather than it all be online

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hope once people can get out and the socials can go ahead etc someone of the nasty will stop but I have fanned for over 10 years and the snarly has always been there.

People be cray

Also waiting patiently for socials, to meet people one on one rather than it all be online"

Definitely, you get a better sense of a person then and can make a better judgement.

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By *cloversCouple
over a year ago

Hull

I try to stick to 3 questions when I speak or post in response to threads or messages or in life in general

Is it true

Is it necessary

Is it kind

If I can't be any or all of these things I try to move on without being the person to hurt someone else. I don't understand why some people want to inflict pain & sadness onto someone else without thinking how they feel when it's done to them.

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By *entlemanrogueMan
over a year ago

Motherwell

It is a common act of a bully, tohurt ors to make themselves feel better, or more important, the truth is that they are usually hurting from something amd /or afraid of being like their victims.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often wonder why people bother sending that nasty message or making a snide commemt. I posted a status a few weeks ago saying I need a bubble buddy. I received an extremely nasty message accusing me of been a dole merchant causing this mess.

It definitely says more about the person sending the message.

Thankfully have made some really good friends and most of the time I enjoy this site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had the hardest 6 months of my life...made worse by those if believed to be friends totally malicious to the point I had no option but to leave my workplace.

The biggest surprise has been fab...whisky for a while I stepped away (and things seem a bit different now but I think it’s more me) the biggest support I’ve had is from those I’ve made acquaintance with here...a couple I’d met prior to lockdowns and some I’ve never laid eyes on.

We will get arseholes in every walk of life some because of things that have happened to them and some for no other reason than putting you down...

What you (I, me, us) have been through leaves no excuse for treating others like crap.

Be human or walk on by.x

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I think whatever you send out into the universe will come back, so if you send out negativity, you’ll get it back. Conversely, if you send out good vibes, back they’ll come to balance things out

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

There’s just people out there that love causing others misery ... and to many on this site who take it to serious and spit venom ... we all have bad days and moods but so many have bed weeks, months, years lol

What happened to light hearted fun ... oh well, fuck it, onwards and upwards

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I’ve had the hardest 6 months of my life...made worse by those if believed to be friends totally malicious to the point I had no option but to leave my workplace.

We will get arseholes in every walk of life some because of things that have happened to them and some for no other reason than putting you down...

What you (I, me, us) have been through leaves no excuse for treating others like crap.

Be human or walk on by.x"

That top paragraph I can totally empathise with , same with me . Its hard but believe in your own kindness and try not to react to cruel assholes , especially ones who you thought were friends , and in the long run , I believe we will be the winners in the end

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

Someone said " think there's a lot of damaged people on here" and whilst I see a lot of posts regarding bad experiences and said "bad things don't happen to bad people" which I concur with, It's being too nice & kind that gets you in those situations as you taken advantage of.

I would like to say I think there are plenty of neurodiverse people on here (adhd is me) which also means we don't see the world like others due.

1. our brans are wired differently, s our worlds are different.

2. our views can be jaded due to lifetimes of discrimination and expelled from societal groups for just being different .

for instance: I cannot explain anything in a few words, small talk is boring, I interrupt because I can't help it, blunt & candor (like german's) with no filter & destractable (bounce round subjects, loos track etc), love to learn (hence being able to dip into many subjects)

passion is often misunderstood as aggression

knowledge undermined due to memory issues meaning you can struggle to make your point.

and my mind bounces all over the place between on connected subject to another...there's often don't see the connection (can you keep up with Robin Williams on his live shows?, he's adhd & demonstrates this well, jim carrey & russell brand too.)

Hence why I shout about freedoms and rights & laws alot...these are the areas that me & folk like me fall through the cracks because the rule makers are often not neuro diverse and don't see the potential issues.

along with personally I have either experienced seen or had people close to me that have seen the very worst of human behaviors towards them and over the years it amounts to a lot of incidences. to the point there is actually little in the way of nasty things I haven't experienced, yet the same could be said for good experiences too.

The terms like 'ride of die' or 'you only live once' are very true in our lifes (I can say that with confidence, knowing so many others).

funny thing is is ADHD is the hunter/gather gene so one of the oldest behavior we have...this world is difficult for us because it is so factory lined, we like to wander, explore & learn.

so yes, have a good debate, say your opinion, just don't attack people personally, they usually have reason to believe what they say and more opinions brings a greater understanding overall.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Spot on nsp

Sadly some of the worst offenders I've seen on fb have that be kind thing on their profile pic.

Nobody should have to be told treat others with respect or be nice.

We never know what others are going through and this last year has been so hard for us all.

Love to all who need it

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

oh tone & humor can be very hard to differentiate between via text/written word so these can be misconstrued as attacks with out meaning.

especially if the humor being used comments a lot on things someone has said previously and actually undermines that persons views as being stupid.

I had to set away from one the other day as reading it did feel like a personal attack on many points I had brought up else where, even if it was unintended.

if I have done the same to others unintentionally I apologise.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Definitely agree,there's a breed of people that think that because they can hide behind a screen it gives them the right to be an absolute twunt to people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Definitely agree,there's a breed of people that think that because they can hide behind a screen it gives them the right to be an absolute twunt to people"

Twunt, brilliant - how have I not heard that before??

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Someone sent me a message this morning to say they hadn’t seen me in the forums so much lately. I replied with ‘ it’s not the most exciting place to be at present - too many angry/needy people’

I can’t say I’ve witnessed anyone being deliberated horrible in posts (well except one or two MLS clashes last week) but there is an undercurrent of negativity at times.

I’m sorry you feel that way Posh - you would be the last person I would of thought would attract unkind attention.

Sending hugs x

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Definitely agree,there's a breed of people that think that because they can hide behind a screen it gives them the right to be an absolute twunt to people

Twunt, brilliant - how have I not heard that before??

I posted the word above. Geeeez.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Some people are power hungry, some value having lots of friends as currency, even meeting face to face won't change the uneasy feelings as it spills out. We all show what we want others to see, sometimes what we don't want to show slips out and that can change a persona. I stand by not taking sides, providing an ear if needed and if you don't want it repeated don't say it.

Hope your OK Posh x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find this thread makes very interesting reading. This idea of ‘let’s be kind’. Kind meaning what exactly?

Agreeing with what everyone says? Not giving your opinion? Creating an environment where a person with a different POV is vilified for sharing? Setting seeds of discord between people to divide and conquer? Being spiteful to a single person for their own good?

Rumours, gossip and games of Chinese whispers are rife atm. Too many people everywhere reading the worst meaning into what others are saying instead of simply accepting another opinion and let’s not forget the key manipulators playing their games. All this me, me, me under the pretence of let’s be nice to each other. This is happening everywhere but internet fora with their faceless interactions are suffering the worse. This isn’t just a Fab phenomenon.

Threads like this are just feeding the paranoia. Just my opinion.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I find this thread makes very interesting reading. This idea of ‘let’s be kind’. Kind meaning what exactly?

Threads like this are just feeding the paranoia. Just my opinion."

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By *hampagne_Supernova_91Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Toxic people usually Behave like they do because they think that just because they're sat behind a keyboard or screen they can't be held responsible for how they act on here, whether it's vulgar language and disrespect to trolling or straight up bullying. It's sad they are wired like that unfortunately x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are some amazing people in the world. Some absolute diamonds. And a lot of them can be found right here on t'internet, and on fab.

This is a general observation, not specific to anyone on here at all.

What think ye, wise Loungers?"

Interesting question. It’s a bit like a school bully situation for some - they’re complex themselves with issues and insecurities they can’t regulate or have no support etc, but that doesn’t help the victim or most perceptions of them. The rise of the internet hasn’t helped many, and the social media disease that affects many. Also, when people can act or say extreme things, the ones that feed off attention try to go a bit further.

Plenty of good people out there, and the majority are still good even on bad days. But there are some where it’s a bit more complicated

It’s extremely rare I engage with negative people, primarily it’s what many of them want or need and I’ve just not got an outlook to join in that conversation

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

"People cant take any criticism.so you end up with a molycoddled society where people burst into tears and the slightest thing.

Where noone has a fault,anything they do wrong has to have a concocted medical reason that frees them of responsibility.give me intolerant judgemental people all day."

There's a big difference between criticism and being downright horrid to someone

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Sometimes I think some people don't realise the hurt their words can do. There's some on here I feel are abrasive but I think it's just the way they are and I'm too delicate.

But there are those who want to pull you into their disputes with others. And it all comes down to the perceived power of popularity. Yeah it's nice to be popular but I'd hope I'd moved on from school and see there's so much more to life. People will always seek to pull others down, it's not right but it's a fact of life unfortunately

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I go around in my own little world and am oblivious to so much!

Posh...learning of this is really sad and makes me feel bad that you have been made to feel this way.

I have only ever seen you as a warm, friendly intelligent, beautiful woman.

And, I'm sorry to see things have become so bad!

Sending hugs and love xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was always told the nicest person will always shine the brightest so I try to be as nice to people as I possibly can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are some amazing people in the world. Some absolute diamonds. And a lot of them can be found right here on t'internet, and on fab.

This is a general observation, not specific to anyone on here at all.

What think ye, wise Loungers?"

It's just all sad, sad, sad in my view. I just stay away from the drama.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find this thread makes very interesting reading. This idea of ‘let’s be kind’. Kind meaning what exactly?

Threads like this are just feeding the paranoia. Just my opinion."

I do think it’s interesting too. A real cancel culture for many, or a lack of acceptance of just genuine argument / discussion. Some movements have definitely helped to increase disharmony too, which isn’t helpful. It all seems less accepting or straightforward these days too.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"I find this thread makes very interesting reading. This idea of ‘let’s be kind’. Kind meaning what exactly?

Threads like this are just feeding the paranoia. Just my opinion."

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

People who put you down are already beneath you.

People can be very hurtful with words and actions. That's one reason why we keep our circle small, we know who we love and trust.

We try not to get involved in others people's dramas, but will defend strongly if one of those who we love is getting grief from someone.

Hope you aren't letting people drag you down OP, from what we've seen youre a very warm hearted genuine lady

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

" But there are those who want to pull you into their disputes with others. And it all comes down to the perceived power of popularity. Yeah it's nice to be popular but I'd hope I'd moved on from school and see there's so much more to life. People will always seek to pull others down, it's not right but it's a fact of life unfortunately "

Veiled accusations also fits with your above comment Frida .....

if someone here has a ‘beef’ with another go and talk to them about it. Don’t throw out bullying accusations randomly in public posts! If you court gossip go and sort it out without involving everyone else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really have no idea why NSP. On fab I have always stayed away from drama and negativity... I don’t have the energy, if I’m honest to go out your way and be unkind you must have deeper issues within. I always go back to treating others how you wish to be treated and I’m a firm believer if you do good you’ll get it back like karma...

Especially on fab we’re all here to enjoy ourselves and have a good time, healthy discussions on threads is completely fine we don’t all agree with each other and it would be boring if we did...but sometimes you see comments and you just wonder why

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't read the whole thread and I'm not involved in any cliques or dramas on here - but I hope you're OK OP.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Veiled accusations also fits with your above comment Frida .....

100% if you're brave enough to air dirty laundry in public then you're brave enough to confront the individual. Half the time I've no doubt it's a misunderstanding, buy where's the drama in that?

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Although it’s hard you really do have to think those that know me matter and those that don’t know me don’t matter.

Sending hugs my darling xxxx

You're worth so much more than those who spread bullshit.

Rise above it, and show us your boobs

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I stopped replying to everyone because it was too much this time. So I'm sorry if anyone felt like they hadn't been heard.

What I will say though is that I'm not looking for drama. I'm not saying "be kind", and I'm not trying to create discord.

I genuinely do not know why people think it's ok to be randomly cruel to others. It is something I've been mulling over for a while and I wanted to pose the question.

Thank you all for adding thoughts to the post.

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Do people cast criticism and pull down those who they believe are inferior? Undeserving of being part of the whole community? Because they believe that they see a formerly timid and unconfident person they once saw as a target area to provoke amusement for others now growing confident and powerful beyond their control and feel the desperate urge to belittle what they have achieved to pull them back to the position of weakness where they can pose no threat?

Human psychi

The most powerful untamed force in existence.

Once learned to be controlled is unable to be breached by anyone.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Do people cast criticism and pull down those who they believe are inferior? Undeserving of being part of the whole community? Because they believe that they see a formerly timid and unconfident person they once saw as a target area to provoke amusement for others now growing confident and powerful beyond their control and feel the desperate urge to belittle what they have achieved to pull them back to the position of weakness where they can pose no threat?

Human psychi

The most powerful untamed force in existence.

Once learned to be controlled is unable to be breached by anyone. "

No. I don't think so.

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Human psychi

The most powerful untamed force in existence.

Once learned to be controlled is unable to be breached by anyone.

No. I don't think so. "

D'you not? I dunno. I think it's possible. Difficult but possible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are some people who take great pleasure in making you feel inferior, like shit and just generally not being very nice.

I've experienced it, my very first meet nearly 5 years ago, what happened killed all confidence I had and it took me a year to be confident enough to try again. It's still there in the back of my mind and rears its head now and again.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Okay. I'll go for possibly ......

Not the psychi bit tho .....

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Human psychi

The most powerful untamed force in existence.

Once learned to be controlled is unable to be breached by anyone. "

This feels very directed and pointed - at who I don't know but why not message them instead? It avoids it becoming airing dirty laundry that way.

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

"Okay. I'll go for possibly ......

Not the psychi bit tho ..... "

I imagine somewhere out there the "most powerful force" is possible, maybe we'll kept hidden away but I think it's a possible theory to assume the mind is capable of dealing with absolutely anything without causing uneccessary stress. It deals with grief in an amazingly unique way, I dare say it's possible to learn to cope and deal with absolutely anything.... Maybe.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Human psychi

The most powerful untamed force in existence.

Once learned to be controlled is unable to be breached by anyone.

This feels very directed and pointed - at who I don't know but why not message them instead? It avoids it becoming airing dirty laundry that way."

A lot has seemed pointed with some in the know and some not.

But what would I know? ( rhetorical )

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Human psychi

The most powerful untamed force in existence.

Once learned to be controlled is unable to be breached by anyone.

This feels very directed and pointed - at who I don't know but why not message them instead? It avoids it becoming airing dirty laundry that way."

No, not at all. It just generalises "bullying" after all, it's age old fact that bully's thrive on belittlement and controlling attributes. Once the control is gone the bullying also disappears

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Okay. I'll go for possibly ......

Not the psychi bit tho .....

I'd agree with that. However, dealing isn't always alleviating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all my years in the Forums, this type of thread is not uncommon. It's the very reason why I will Not join groups to chat outside of Fab or groups on Cams etc. Because that, in my opinion, is where all the bitching starts. Only last week I made a comment about something, was not being rude, it was just an observation, and a few people in their little "gang" made veiled catty remarks on the thread and I also received a few shitty messages. I am not a rude person, I'm a kind and honest human being but I do have a voice and although I mainly stick to the fun and flirty threads now, occasionally I will voice my opinion on something. I do not believe that everybody on this thread is so bloody perfect that they have never made an underhand comment or a snide remark? I think that you do have to be mentally strong to participate in open Forums, maintain your integrity and walk away from the snide remarks, hold your head up high and know you are able to be the bigger person.

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

"Okay. I'll go for possibly ......

Not the psychi bit tho .....

I'd agree with that. However, dealing isn't always alleviating. "

This is also true, but the mentality to drive forward is the key I think

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

"I find this thread makes very interesting reading. This idea of ‘let’s be kind’. Kind meaning what exactly?

Threads like this are just feeding the paranoia. Just my opinion."

You could not have said it more eloquently. And for that I applaud you, you, gorgeous lady, you.

I wholeheartedly agree.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"In all my years in the Forums, this type of thread is not uncommon. It's the very reason why I will Not join groups to chat outside of Fab or groups on Cams etc. Because that, in my opinion, is where all the bitching starts. Only last week I made a comment about something, was not being rude, it was just an observation, and a few people in their little "gang" made veiled catty remarks on the thread and I also received a few shitty messages. I am not a rude person, I'm a kind and honest human being but I do have a voice and although I mainly stick to the fun and flirty threads now, occasionally I will voice my opinion on something. I do not believe that everybody on this thread is so bloody perfect that they have never made an underhand comment or a snide remark? I think that you do have to be mentally strong to participate in open Forums, maintain your integrity and walk away from the snide remarks, hold your head up high and know you are able to be the bigger person."

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Okay. I'll go for possibly ......

Not the psychi bit tho .....

I'd agree with that. However, dealing isn't always alleviating.

This is also true, but the mentality to drive forward is the key I think"

Yay we agree. Marcus Aurelius said ( only last week .... ) stop thinking that shit he said...

There is nothing that can harm you but thinking it is so.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I think we could easy guess who they were as well Dana, it’s so obvious it stands out like a sore thumb

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Indeed.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I try to be fair, to be honest, and to be tolerant, but to be informed and informative in the things that I say. And when reading the words of others, particularly people that I have no personal knowledge of, I try to err on the side of assuming they are good people meaning well, rather than trying to hunt for offence in their words.

I have no idea how I come across to others in general. It does appear to me that the majority of those I know in real life accept me as having good intentions and being tolerable company, though that might just be selection bias.

Very possibly there are some that see me as self opinionated, argumentative and unwilling to compromise. And I guess that more than a few would call me out as being "woke". [Personally I hate the term, but that's just because I'm an old fashioned lady. However if woke is just a quick way of expressing "tolerant, informed, caring of others, hoping for a better society, attempting to know one's own faults and do better, trying to do well by others" then I guess call me woke.]

But if anybody thinks I'm a twunt, then please call me a twunt to my face, so that I can try to improve myself.

Peace and love, Polly xx

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

"Okay. I'll go for possibly ......

Not the psychi bit tho .....

I'd agree with that. However, dealing isn't always alleviating.

This is also true, but the mentality to drive forward is the key I think

Yay we agree. Marcus Aurelius said ( only last week .... ) stop thinking that shit he said...

There is nothing that can harm you but thinking it is so. "

Excellent summary to it.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Peace and love Polly

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I find this thread makes very interesting reading. This idea of ‘let’s be kind’. Kind meaning what exactly?

Threads like this are just feeding the paranoia. Just my opinion."

Perfectly stated and about sums it up for me.

The only thing I'd add to that is to expand on the "kind mask" thing someone referenced earlier - those that publically display one behaviour, yet privately quite the opposite, which I find quite hypocritical and nauseating to be honest.

For me personally I won't go out of my way to "be kind" to people I don't get on with, but I also won't go out of my way to "be unkind" either - I may offer a differing opinion, and have seen plenty of examples where that has been taken as "being unkind" rather than simply being accepted as a different opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know without the body language and intent of what is said, it is easy [for all of us] to take things out of context... but that being said, generally low self confidence, jealousy + envy are usually the main drivers of people putting others down, making snide comments

I would also add though, that we are so unique and individual, with different levels of resilience and stuff happening in our lives that we might react differently to comments at different times

I see things posted in offline groups and it makes me roll my eyes - generally people are very self absorbed and drama is a drug for some, no matter the level... And there are a LOT of enablers in life

To anyone feeling vulnerable .. Just remember very few people on here know who you are, or your self worth, so my advice is to ignore them and move on..the most powerful thing you can do is ignore them.. Don't feed them.

Sorry that was a bit long +rambly. Hugs to anyone going through this

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Wasn't rambly. It was informative.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Wasn't rambly. It was informative. "

Agreed and pretty much spot on too

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I find this thread makes very interesting reading. This idea of ‘let’s be kind’. Kind meaning what exactly?

Threads like this are just feeding the paranoia. Just my

Absolutely this GM

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Agreed, it's not difficult to keep your mouth shut if got nothing nice to say!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Agreed, it's not difficult to keep your mouth shut if got nothing nice to say!! "

Do you consider that comment a nice thing to say? I don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You know without the body language and intent of what is said, it is easy [for all of us] to take things out of context... but that being said, generally low self confidence, jealousy + envy are usually the main drivers of people putting others down, making snide comments

I would also add though, that we are so unique and individual, with different levels of resilience and stuff happening in our lives that we might react differently to comments at different times

Sorry that was a bit long +rambly. Hugs to anyone going through this

Bang on as always

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"Agreed, it's not difficult to keep your mouth shut if got nothing nice to say!!

Do you consider that comment a nice thing to say? I don't "

How is there anything wrong with what I said?

If you got nothing nice to say then keep your mouth shut is a common saying and not offensive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Someone sent me a message this morning to say they hadn’t seen me in the forums so much lately. I replied with ‘ it’s not the most exciting place to be at present - too many angry/needy people’

I can’t say I’ve witnessed anyone being deliberated horrible in posts (well except one or two MLS clashes last week) but there is an undercurrent of negativity at times.

I’m sorry you feel that way Posh - you would be the last person I would of thought would attract unkind attention.

Sending hugs x

You told someone to button it.

She was clearly upset but she should 'shut up'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I stopped replying to everyone because it was too much this time. So I'm sorry if anyone felt like they hadn't been heard.

What I will say though is that I'm not looking for drama. I'm not saying "be kind", and I'm not trying to create discord.

I genuinely do not know why people think it's ok to be randomly cruel to others. It is something I've been mulling over for a while and I wanted to pose the question.

Thank you all for adding thoughts to the post."

Have you got some good friends who you trust?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would also add though, that we are so unique and individual, with different levels of resilience and stuff happening in our lives that we might react differently to comments at different times

Sorry that was a bit long +rambly. Hugs to anyone going through this

I like you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Agreed, it's not difficult to keep your mouth shut if got nothing nice to say!!

Do you consider that comment a nice thing to say? I don't "

It is much better than some of the things that have been said on here...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Agreed, it's not difficult to keep your mouth shut if got nothing nice to say!!

Do you consider that comment a nice thing to say? I don't

It is much better than some of the things that have been said on here...

Yeah...but it's a bit ironic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Agreed, it's not difficult to keep your mouth shut if got nothing nice to say!!

Do you consider that comment a nice thing to say? I don't

It is much better than some of the things that have been said on here...

Agreed, some of the hypocrisy is laughable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In "

Snog

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"Agreed, it's not difficult to keep your mouth shut if got nothing nice to say!!

Do you consider that comment a nice thing to say? I don't

It is much better than some of the things that have been said on here...

Exactly, I don't see the problem with my comment and anyone that knows me will say I'm genuinely nice

Including NSP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In

Snog"

This

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"In

Snog"

song

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"In

Snog

This

shit

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Agreed, it's not difficult to keep your mouth shut if got nothing nice to say!!

Do you consider that comment a nice thing to say? I don't

It is much better than some of the things that have been said on here...

Agreed, some of the hypocrisy is laughable"

Miss Miss ....... Is that when people are doing exactly what they are accusing others of ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Agreed, it's not difficult to keep your mouth shut if got nothing nice to say!!

Do you consider that comment a nice thing to say? I don't

It is much better than some of the things that have been said on here...

Agreed, some of the hypocrisy is laughable

Miss Miss ....... Is that when people are doing exactly what they are accusing others of ??"

Yes Granny it is....And now for the important stuff, do you have more of those dumplings??

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By *oxyVikingCouple
over a year ago

East Anglia

"I stopped replying to everyone because it was too much this time. So I'm sorry if anyone felt like they hadn't been heard.

What I will say though is that I'm not looking for drama. I'm not saying "be kind", and I'm not trying to create discord.

I genuinely do not know why people think it's ok to be randomly cruel to others. It is something I've been mulling over for a while and I wanted to pose the question.

Thank you all for adding thoughts to the post."

Couldn’t agree more with this.

To go out of your way to say or write something nasty is just beyond me. You are never going to like everyone or get on with them, but better to ignore and move away from them than to do or say something nasty. As said previously, if you can’t be kind, then at least don’t go out of your way to be unkind. Freya

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Agreed, it's not difficult to keep your mouth shut if got nothing nice to say!!

Do you consider that comment a nice thing to say? I don't

It is much better than some of the things that have been said on here...

Agreed, some of the hypocrisy is laughable

Miss Miss ....... Is that when people are doing exactly what they are accusing others of ??

Yes Granny it is....And now for the important stuff, do you have more of those dumplings??"

I do.

I'm saving them for Friday tho.

Is that sad ? To save your dumplings.....

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Hi NSP. This has been a fascinating thread! So many different opinions.

My tuppenceworth - I'm with you, I don't understand why some people go out of their way to be mean online (trolling such as abuse, shitty messages etc). As with many behaviours, it says much more about the person doing it than those they do it to. We all vent in different ways - I tend to be a complete cow to my nearest and dearest rather than strangers online, but we all have our ways of letting off steam.

I've found from time to time that I see only the negatives on here and get frustrated with posters who I don't agree with. At those times I step away from the forums. I generally find that when I return in a more positive headspace, I don't see so much negativity, or I am more able to steer clear of things I know will wind me up. I think it's more to do with my mood than massive changes on here.

As with any group of people, there will be friendships formed and others who we don't click with. I tend to go my own way on here but there are people I've formed bonds with off the forums. I am usually entirely unaware of backstage drama but I have on occasion (historic now) been party to some. I think it's inevitable with a diverse group of people that this will be the case. Meli's idea of a big air-clearing session is striking, and I bet would be hugely successful! It's a difficult environment to resolve issues in on here as many things cannot be publicly discussed due to forum rules. IRL I bet problems could be dealt with much more easily via a wee chat. The written word can be interpreted so differently to the spoken word, not to mention the power of body language. Take into account the additional dynamics of people's moods, sexual agendas, envy etc. and little things can become big things.

Do we feed the paranoia by shining a light on it? Not for me, no — but if I was in a negative head space, the answer would be yes! I think self-awareness and awareness of the potential pitfalls of online forums are vital in enjoying the fab forums for what they are. As the mods say - when the fun stops, stop!

I have tried to be very even-handed in my post. Let's see how I got on

Mrs kf x

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I have tried to be very even-handed in my post. Let's see how I got on

Mrs kf x"

Succeeded I'd say - a good summation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Out

Just don't shake it all about again, not after last time

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

To a point yes, as it is know I dislike the always be kind bullshit because it's not constructive or practical. But if somebody is deliberately and fully intentional on being unkind then, well, my view is the same as be kind. Just why?

What is the purpose, other than the enjoyment clearly gained from belittling, bullying, or just general abusing?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I've been here quite a number of years and seen a lot of unkindness on the forums between women who are fighting over a man.

People who like to keep a kind persona in public being shitty in private.

It happens. Best thing is to not get involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been here quite a number of years and seen a lot of unkindness on the forums between women who are fighting over a man.

People who like to keep a kind persona in public being shitty in private.

It happens. Best thing is to not get involved.

Yep... at least I'm shitty in private too

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

A lot of airing dirty washing going on on this thread and digs at other members while answering the question

To sum up...report anyone who is abusive in mails and block.

Ignore anyone who annoys you on the forum and report the post if needed.

Finally keep issues with other people away from the forum please

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