FabSwingers.com forum: Neither a borrower or a lender be.....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Grrr I subber my house mate £50 a few weeks ago n she wont give it me back........ I have her (spare) laptop and wont give it back till I get my money but boy do i feel a git playing hard ball with someone i live with.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Grrr I subber my house mate £50 a few weeks ago n she wont give it me back........ I have her (spare) laptop and wont give it back till I get my money but boy do i feel a git playing hard ball with someone i live with......."

oohh,, need to check the legal position...

lending her the money is a personal loan to which you agreed, unless you agreed terms with her, it could be said it is open ended.

withholding her laptop without her consent could be deemed as theft..

tricky i know, but make sure she doesnt play hardball back..

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

yeah, we are finding this the hard way.

Em has lent hundreds out over the last few years, and now she wants it back to take the kids away on holiday, you think anyone is interested?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

oohh,, need to check the legal position...

lending her the money is a personal loan to which you agreed, unless you agreed terms with her, it could be said it is open ended.

withholding her laptop without her consent could be deemed as theft..

tricky i know, but make sure she doesnt play hardball back..

"
im not too worried about the legal position tbh. There was a defined date for payment of the loan and the lappie was lent to me prior....

Its more the feeling of being a cnut for having to play that game.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"yeah, we are finding this the hard way.

Em has lent hundreds out over the last few years, and now she wants it back to take the kids away on holiday, you think anyone is interested?"
sub me a tenner?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

they never intrested in ur plight for the money 2 b paid back ,only them blagging u for more cash ,,,,learn by the mistake n dnt b a lender unless u get it in writing n they sign real name

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I have been suckered for loans more time than I can remember and heard every simpering story imaginable... and probably 50% have paid back.

Learn from it and don't unless you are prepared to lose any friendships over it.

The second you stop loaning, they flutter away to the next honey trap/mug

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I've learnt only to lend money to certain friends. And when I do I mentally consider it a gift.

Some then break their necks to get it back to you at the first possible moment. Others take longer or suddenly aren't around...

But by mentally telling myself it's gone, it's a bonus when it comes back.

But I've also learnt that by simply saying no you can loose friends. Which I find blackly humorous as they are usually the ones who never leant a hand or paid for stuff when I wasn't flush! But they're also the ones who never object when I buy dinner or pay for stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been suckered for loans more time than I can remember and heard every simpering story imaginable... and probably 50% have paid back.

Learn from it and don't unless you are prepared to lose any friendships over it.

The second you stop loaning, they flutter away to the next honey trap/mug"

the cheques in the post.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I have been suckered for loans more time than I can remember and heard every simpering story imaginable... and probably 50% have paid back.

Learn from it and don't unless you are prepared to lose any friendships over it.

The second you stop loaning, they flutter away to the next honey trap/mug

the cheques in the post.

have you learned the hard way

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I've learnt only to lend money to certain friends. And when I do I mentally consider it a gift.

Some then break their necks to get it back to you at the first possible moment. Others take longer or suddenly aren't around...

But by mentally telling myself it's gone, it's a bonus when it comes back.

spot on

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

"yeah, we are finding this the hard way.

Em has lent hundreds out over the last few years, and now she wants it back to take the kids away on holiday, you think anyone is interested?sub me a tenner?"

really do wish i could, mate, but i wouldnt want it to ruin our special friendship lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't lend money anymore due to problems getting it back. I just say sorry I don't have it to lend out. If they take the huff then they aren't really friends. Hope you get your money back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been suckered for loans more time than I can remember and heard every simpering story imaginable... and probably 50% have paid back.

Learn from it and don't unless you are prepared to lose any friendships over it.

The second you stop loaning, they flutter away to the next honey trap/mug

the cheques in the post.

have you learned the hard way

.... lend us a fiver.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I have been suckered for loans more time than I can remember and heard every simpering story imaginable... and probably 50% have paid back.

Learn from it and don't unless you are prepared to lose any friendships over it.

The second you stop loaning, they flutter away to the next honey trap/mug

the cheques in the post.

have you learned the hard way

.... lend us a fiver."

APR 1786%... I have learned my lesson

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I don't lend money anymore due to problems getting it back. I just say sorry I don't have it to lend out. If they take the huff then they aren't really friends. Hope you get your money back."

I don't lend money because I have none to lend. In my defence I don't borrow it either.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well it will teach you to lend out money.

If any of my friends where in a position where they needed to borrower some id give them it cause there must be a damn good reason.

I may as well set fire to any money i give my son thats as much likely hood i have of getting it back. Although he did pay me back £200 i lent him not so long ago to be fair

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well it will teach you to lend out money.

If any of my friends where in a position where they needed to borrower some id give them it cause there must be a damn good reason.

I may as well set fire to any money i give my son thats as much likely hood i have of getting it back. Although he did pay me back £200 i lent him not so long ago to be fair"

My son paid for two new tyres for my car bless him, I was gobsmacked!

He said he owed me ....... must have been the thought of those two cars I've bought him.

I don't mind though, he is family, I always try and help family. xx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Well it will teach you to lend out money.

I blame no one bar me... all my own making

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After learning the hard way, my new rule is I'll lend money if I have it to spare, but if they don't pay it back, they never get anymore. I believe in giving everyone a chance.

An ex owes me £400 and even though I really need it, I know I'll never get it back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I loan money, I always do it via online transfer, that way I have a record.

I took an ex to small claims court once because I loaned her 1200 quid for the deposit and first months rent on a flat after we broke up.

It ended up costing her an extra 400 quid because I took her to court. I even offered to take instalments and warned her 3 times that I would be taking her to court if she didn't cough up.

20 quid here and there, I let it go, but the next time they ask they get a no.... It might only be a small amount of money, but it wasn't a small amount when they wanted to borrow it.

If it's good enough to borrow, it's good enough to return.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have borrowed money off friends and family, as far as I am concerned as soon as a accept the cash they become a priority debt. I would go to great lengths to get them their money. just the way I am I hate owing anything to friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I loan money, I always do it via online transfer, that way I have a record.

I took an ex to small claims court once because I loaned her 1200 quid for the deposit and first months rent on a flat after we broke up.

It ended up costing her an extra 400 quid because I took her to court. I even offered to take instalments and warned her 3 times that I would be taking her to court if she didn't cough up.

20 quid here and there, I let it go, but the next time they ask they get a no.... It might only be a small amount of money, but it wasn't a small amount when they wanted to borrow it.

If it's good enough to borrow, it's good enough to return."

Ooh that's interesting to know. I loaned an ex £4,000 to buy a new car and never got a penny back from him.

How could I prove that the money was a loan and not a gift which I transferred direct from my account to his though?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If I loan money, I always do it via online transfer, that way I have a record.

I took an ex to small claims court once because I loaned her 1200 quid for the deposit and first months rent on a flat after we broke up.

It ended up costing her an extra 400 quid because I took her to court. I even offered to take instalments and warned her 3 times that I would be taking her to court if she didn't cough up.

20 quid here and there, I let it go, but the next time they ask they get a no.... It might only be a small amount of money, but it wasn't a small amount when they wanted to borrow it.

If it's good enough to borrow, it's good enough to return.

Ooh that's interesting to know. I loaned an ex £4,000 to buy a new car and never got a penny back from him.

How could I prove that the money was a loan and not a gift which I transferred direct from my account to his though? "
check out directgov . com for advice on collecting money.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"yeah, we are finding this the hard way.

Em has lent hundreds out over the last few years, and now she wants it back to take the kids away on holiday, you think anyone is interested?"

I know the feeling. I've loaned my brother hundreds over the years but when I ask for it back he reacts like I'm trying to fookin rob him! Then he fooks off for football weekends with ex-Pros! GRRRR

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quite a few years ago I got into trouble with my mortgage and was £6k in arrears and about to lose the house. I phoned my best mate and simply said, "I'm going to ask you a question to which the only answer you can give is 'Yes', do you want to hear it?"

He said ok, so I asked him for £6k that I can only pay back once the house is sold.

He transferred it that day. He got it back 5 months later and I paid for a night out in London all expenses met by way of thanks. Some friends are there no matter what you need them for and I'd drive from one end of the country to the other if he needed picking up and bringing home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My approach has been a bit different to this. I don't lend money, I simply give it as a gift with no strings or expectation of getting it back. As a result it means I only ever gift what I can comfortably afford, and I only ever give to true close friends or family.

What's surprising is that I'm always rewarded in time, whether financial or in other ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

familes are the worse.

they think you'll never ask for it back or that you have to help them out because they are related to you.

never lend anything to the people you work with.

your there to earn money to live,not to collect friendships or be a charity.

people you work with will fuck you over for promotion or just to stitch you up over something.

so never give them anything.

if you have lent something like money then you are a fool.

kindness is a weakness and you will be prey for the next person. word spreads and people will see your easy and chance it.

so what you do is show your not having it.

and when you ask for the money back and they come out with some crap you hit them and bloody hard.

send the word out your fucked off with them taking the piss.

dont ask for the money back just put the boot in.

people may think im a nasty violent scum of a person but if you are prepared to use force you'll be surprised how many times the money suddenly becomes available to be repayed. money lenders do it and youve lent money right?

you work hard for money, dont give it to anyone!

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

"familes are the worse.

they think you'll never ask for it back or that you have to help them out because they are related to you.

never lend anything to the people you work with.

your there to earn money to live,not to collect friendships or be a charity.

people you work with will fuck you over for promotion or just to stitch you up over something.

so never give them anything.

if you have lent something like money then you are a fool.

kindness is a weakness and you will be prey for the next person. word spreads and people will see your easy and chance it.

so what you do is show your not having it.

and when you ask for the money back and they come out with some crap you hit them and bloody hard.

send the word out your fucked off with them taking the piss.

dont ask for the money back just put the boot in.

you work hard for money, dont give it to anyone!

jesus, hope your friend likes you for who you are then lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hock the laptop at a pornbrokers for £50 and give her the ticket. Up to her then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

simple rules.

you lend money you put it in writing.

the amount, the expected payback time and details of any security that they may be able to offer you if they cant pay it back.

both sign it and take copies and keep one each.

that way if they default you can go to small claism and you have proof that it is a loan and not a gift.

even if they are a friend it shouldnt matter, if they are genuine they wont mind signing.

as to the OP feeling bad about asking for it bad. dont!!, does she feel bad about not paying it back?? probably not..

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