FabSwingers.com forum: Request

By *luebellRacer OP Couple
over a year ago

Shropshire

Having a meh day.

This is a totally selfish thread... but please amuse me...

Pleaae post awful cheesy jokes.

Any cowboy hat pics, boobies in corsets, hairy legs and chests, long hair/ponytails, sharp suits. (Not in our inbox though please).

See I'm not fussy

Please and thank-you

Bluebell

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Dads outside the front washing the car with his son .

His son says " Dad cant you use a sponge please "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did everyone think the cowboy was so

Funny

Because he was always horsing around

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By *luebellRacer OP Couple
over a year ago

Shropshire

good start guys

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

A guy is sitting at the doctor's office.

The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating."

"I don't understand, doc," the patient says.

"Why?"

"Because," the doctor says "I'm trying to examine you."

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

I have none of these things. Sorry

LvM

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

painter says to his apprentice "wow you finished painting the porch in just two hours?" Apprentice says

"it wasn't that big really and it's not a porch it's a Ferrari".

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

The wife asked me to go and get 6 cans of Sprite up from Tescos .

It wasnt till I got home I realised I'd picked 7 Up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got my hairy legs out just for you

Also... Where does a general keep his armies?

In his sleevies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two hardcore Trump supporters die and go to heaven...

Then they get deported for being illegal immigrants.

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By *olex99Man
over a year ago

Hull

The wife threatened to divorce me if I didn't stop singing I'm a Believer by the Monkees around the house.

I was about to laugh at her...and then I saw her face....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Elephant stands next to a man... looks him up and down and asks..."how are you meant to eat with that?"

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By *andyMinx_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

Leeds

The food inspector in a bakery catches Peter using his false teeth to make the design on the edge of the apple pies.

"Bloody hell" she roars, "Have you not got a tool?"

"Yes" replies Peter. "But I use that for the doughnuts".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a cowboy hat and hairy legs

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By *luebellRacer OP Couple
over a year ago

Shropshire

All making me smile! Much needed!

This is why I love the forums

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or head?

Matt.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Most children are kind, but German children are Kinder.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Profile picture change - not a cowboy hat, but inspired by one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s fluffy and blue?

Blue fluff!

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By *ambozaMan
over a year ago

kilburn park

Have you read Cats Revenge by Claude Balls ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did yoda say when he saw himself in 4K resolution?

HDMI

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By *luebellRacer OP Couple
over a year ago

Shropshire

Mr Racer just bought Ben and Jerry's, crisps and popcorn.

I'll be cheered up in no time!

Now if someone could diagnose my inexplicable stomach pain, that would be great

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By *luebellRacer OP Couple
over a year ago

Shropshire

"What did yoda say when he saw himself in 4K resolution?

HDMI"

Oh I do like that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How much money does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two cowboys come upon an Indian on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”

“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.

“Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”

Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon, “he says, about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”

“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”

The Indian looks up and says, “Ran over me about half hour ago.”

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By *luebellRacer OP Couple
over a year ago

Shropshire

Anymore for anymore

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

I shamelessly sent you all of my favourite hairy legs

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

A thief entered a house, tied up the woman, and at knife point said to the man Show me where all your money and her jewelry is

The man started sobbing, and said please take anything you want, But I beg you untie her

Blimey you must love her very much said the thief

It's my next door neighbours wife said the man. Mine will be home in 10 minutes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Profile picture change - not a cowboy hat, but inspired by one

Ohhh I wonder who

I remember you doing that photo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboooom!

What do you call a magicians dog?

A labracadabrador

I have a pic in cowboy boots if that of any use?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s got 4 legs, is red, green, yellow, brown, pink and black and if it fell out of a tree and hit you on the head it would kill you?

A snooker table

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Profile picture change - not a cowboy hat, but inspired by one

Ohhh I wonder who

I remember you doing that photo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can you spot a blind man on a nudist beach?

It’s not that hard

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By *andRCouple
over a year ago

barry

What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant.

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?.

To hide in cherry trees. Obviously

What's the loudest noise in Africa?.

Giraffes eating cherries.

Xx G

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By *obajxMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing £10 in 50p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.

At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

'I think so. Provided those wankers at Wickes deliver the fucking bricks on time.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a horny square?

An erectangle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? "

"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees

Ees

Ees a ham bush....

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By *luebellRacer OP Couple
over a year ago

Shropshire

"I shamelessly sent you all of my favourite hairy legs

They've been my favourite

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

"I shamelessly sent you all of my favourite hairy legs

They've been my favourite

I have a lot of videos too if you ever need cheering up again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A policeman pulled me over and told me "Papers"

So I said "Scissors I win" and drove off.

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By *aynLexiCouple
over a year ago

Bridgwater, Somerset

Awesome thread, love the jokes been giggling for 20 minutes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did Nelson sat to his men before they got on the boat?

Get on the boat men

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By *ollymollWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

What do you call a three legged donkey?..........

A wonkey

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By *ollymollWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

Why did the giraffe win a Nobel prize?........

Because he was outstanding in his field!

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By *asilForty77Man
over a year ago

a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road

I bought a dog from a blacksmith and as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

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