FabSwingers.com forum: Council funnies

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Extracts from letters written to local councils:

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more

I bet some of you lot have written some of these

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By *unkybbwWoman
over a year ago

Feltham

thanx for giving me a laugh this morning

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"thanx for giving me a laugh this morning

Your welcome, I get lots of them e mailed to me at work, I'll keep posting the better ones up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh god, they made me laugh!

Reminds me of way back when I was about 10 years old and my mum/dad was suffering from real bad condensation on one of there windows.

I went to the council with them, and my dad blurts out to the lady behind the desk, "we need something doing with our windows as they are always covered with 'constipation'" ffs the looks we got

Tony

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh god, they made me laugh!

Reminds me of way back when I was about 10 years old and my mum/dad was suffering from real bad condensation on one of there windows.

I went to the council with them, and my dad blurts out to the lady behind the desk, "we need something doing with our windows as they are always covered with 'constipation'" ffs the looks we got

Tony

You should see about getting the damp proofing done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You should see about getting the damp proofing done

haha thats Sharons addition to the profile

Tony

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