FabSwingers.com forum: Red flags...

By *innie The Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

How good are you at spotting them?

And do you heed them, choose to ignore them or do they pass you by and you are oblivious until they bite you on the arse?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I spot red flags very easily, what with me being a bull. Moooo!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Red flags used to be my superpower.

As I'm getting older I find people more complicated and I don't understand them as much so I have been bitten

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I spot red flags very easily, what with me being a bull. Moooo!"

You’re funny!

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

Sometimes you can spot them, like a message that doesn't quite sound right, or a profile that just doesn't add up but there are times when a person can let their guard down a bit. Saying that, we are humans after all so I would say I am cautious most times but possibly,like so many others, I do slip up then kick myself for it

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I'm rather good at spotting them. But we all display red flags now and again, even the most rational of people will have an off day. My issue is that I know I can have a crazy bitch day so I can't always tell the difference between having a bad day and someone being a bad person.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I can spot a red flag (or at least, what is a red flag to me) a mile off.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"I can spot a red flag (or at least, what is a red flag to me) a mile off.

And I never ignore them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know that I could specify what behaviours I'm alert to, but there are definitely some that I just wouldn't tolerate, particularly when just getting to know someone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Poor spelling. Three word profiles. Inability to hold a conversation, virtually or otherwise. Photos of a messy house (a bit judgey that one admittedly

)

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By *innie The Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I think it takes a cetain amout of self awareness to recognise them sometimes.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"I think it takes a cetain amout of self awareness to recognise them sometimes.

Definitely has taken a lot of work for me to recognise some of mine. Especially the really subtle ones, not all of mine are really obvious common ones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm pretty good at noticing them but I'm cautious and I don't trust anyone so I can go looking for them when they aren't there too.

If any kind of negative behaviour shows itself that I've delt with before, I'm off. I'm not hanging around to see the outcome of that situation.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Very good at spotting them! But not so good at ignoring them sometimes x

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

"I think it takes a cetain amout of self awareness to recognise them sometimes.

I suppose experience counts as well I believe. An experience user of the site would have a higher chance of spotting red flags than say.. a newbie. I'm constantly learning new things on here, which is why I love these forums

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m getting pretty good at it now, but I’m aware I may overreact at a red flag, due to past experiences.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I can see a red flag waving from miles away. I made one huge mistake when I was 19 but never since.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

There are some behaviours that are definite red flags for me and I've ended relationships (of varying degrees) at first sight of it.

Having typed that - I know once a month my hormones send me a bit dolally so I'm a bit more understanding of when people have off days - life is difficult, especially right now and I don't know what's fully going on in their mind.

I guess it depends on how red the flag is and my relationship with that person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get better with experience. I notice the patterns more often, but still get hooked from time to time. And as for my red flags I wave them around and tell people what they are

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

Red flags are handy

They flap in the breeze behind you when you lose the plot in lockdown and run naked through the streets.

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By *on-snowedMan
over a year ago

harlow

Anyone else noticed aswell, typical with girls profiles that are shut down Pretty quickly or get deleted have grainy photos that look as if they date to 2005 ish? Good looking girls just seems the photos are much older, also just has a generic bio aswell.

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple
over a year ago

Maidstone

On here people are aware of their own likes and dislikes and you’re either attracted to someone or not. If the situation feels odd or something doesn’t seem true or right to you, go with your gut instinct and politely walk away. Don’t let your genitals rule your brain.

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By *innie The Minx OP Woman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"I can spot a red flag (or at least, what is a red flag to me) a mile off.

And I never ignore them."

I've learnt to spot them but I'm guilty of ignoring a red flag (or 10!) in the past.

Sometimes I've given someone the benefit of the doubt when they really didnt deserve it, or I've gone with a situation that it would have been healthier to avoid.

It's always come back to bite me hard on the arse ( and not in a good way!)

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

Would love to have a complete list of the 'Fab' red flags. We're on here just over a year but definitely aren't aware of all of them

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Red flag? I wasn't planning on going to take swim in the sea today anyway

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Better than I used to be.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I am Excellent at spotting red flags. Well I would say that but I am.

My fault/or virtue lies in giving people the benefit of the doubt at times just in case they are being truthful or are in trouble or I have been too suspicious or cynical. Cos.......... I think it's best to help someone than not help and then find out I was wrong....

So..... sometimes when I think someone is utterly fucked up i'd still help.

If it's someone I KNOW is an arsehole who takes people for a ride they can fuck off.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

In short ........ yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just a reminder that red flags on the beach mean don’t go for a swim - you’re welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mostly yes. Took few mistakes to learn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes you can spot them, like a message that doesn't quite sound right, or a profile that just doesn't add up but there are times when a person can let their guard down a bit. Saying that, we are humans after all so I would say I am cautious most times but possibly,like so many others, I do slip up then kick myself for it "

Exactly as you wrote. Even us men get fucked over in life or taken fir a mug on fab. But life just isn't a bed of roses. There are some thorns along the way also. We all make mistakes dispite how careful we are.

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By *DW1983Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield

I think generally I spot them, but it depends on context and what you're looking for or consider a 'red flag'. I might consider a shouty profile and status updates as a red flag, others might see it as someone who is just very open with their emotions or just needs to vent.

Fakes are often easy, some of them might as well be waving a literal red flag.

In terms of behaviour, again depends what you're looking for and what the interaction is like. Its sometimes easier to see the red flags for others than for yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they said in their profile they are a murderer I reckon I would spot that as a red flag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Useless, unless it’s blinding obvious they’re an asshole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have a list of “hidden” or “secret” red lines that if someone crosses, then they're gone.

But mostly they’re really obvious. I remember Ali being asked once about someone wanting to teach her true submission. We played along for a couple messages and he just didn’t have a clue. He assigned a safe word, which wasn’t a work. It was the blink three times. He didn’t accept that it could easily be missed and meant he had to have visual contact 100% of the time. All that is bad enough.. but he wanted her to go to his alone first meet. Where straight away she was to total submit he was going to restrain her and breath play to prove his dominance over her. 8if that’s your thing.. sure.. but submission is earned and trust is needed for certain activities. I’d never let anyone do impact or breath play.

I reported them. One day someone will yes. Probably multiple. But one day he’d kill one.

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By *.D.I.D.A.SMan
over a year ago

London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact

I'm colourblind. But I'm good at spotting idiots.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Red flags are easier to spot in other people’s situations, sometimes we see them within our own but don’t react as we should or take

Longer to place the dots, especially if there are strong emotions

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Dirty and untidy backgrounds in photos turns me off. Possibly a pale pink flag but nevertheless...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have a list of “hidden” or “secret” red lines that if someone crosses, then they're gone.

I reported them. One day someone will yes. Probably multiple. But one day he’d kill one. "

This is very scary!

I see a lot in my DMs with the same attitude and to think there are those who havent looked into this and would just think it's probably normal..

For BDSM there is so much importance in proper vetting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As soon as anyone wants more than a bit of playful kink of first meet.. hmm

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Yeah, I'm a pretty good judge of character. Unfortunately.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Yep! I can spot those

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

This is one of those issues where the disparity in volume of messages results in a different experience for women than men. Admittedly, profiles often contain red flags even if heavily workshopped in the forums.

I think a big red flag would be a woman actually responding to one of my messages!

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I think I’m pretty good at spotting them, but I’m not consistent in acting upon them. Sometimes I cut myself off completely, other times I look for redeeming qualities. I should know better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah, I'm a pretty good judge of character. Unfortunately."

I’d say that’s a blessing a great filter!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Yeah, I'm a pretty good judge of character. Unfortunately.

I’d say that’s a blessing a great filter! "

It's not always appreciated by others, who don't see the same issues until too late (then they retrospectively agree, however grudgingly). It has caused a lot of tension/grief over the years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Semaphorically speaking,

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