FabSwingers.com forum: Dangerous things

By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Parents say.

We've all heard parents say things, whether it be frustration of whatever.

Some of these things can be really damaging.

One of my mums favourites was "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"

That's soooooo crushing. It makes you feel like your emotions are wrong, that there's something wrong with you as a person.

It also creates a void because you grow up not having the trust that you can approach that parent with a problem you may be having because you think you'll get scolded for it.

Over to you lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sitting too close to the TV will make your eyes go square

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I love you because you're my daughter, but I don't like you"

So love is conditional and ONLY because you gave birth to me?

Don't I feel special.

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By *oxyVikingCouple
over a year ago

East Anglia

“Father Christmas won’t come if you don’t behave/go to bed/listen/etc” surely it is better to deal with problems at that specific moment rather than threaten with something that won’t happen for a very long time. Freya x

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

The bogey man will get ya

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Everybody i know of my generation their parents used to say i will give you something to cry about. It was just a thing of the times same as most people i know got smacked or the wooden spoon across their arse.

Noone would do it now but it was common

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t poke your finger in your belly button or your bum will fall off

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

Ah dollface! I’m sorry you weren’t more supported.

My mother dearest has always been a shady bitch so we learned to brush it off early. She doesn’t half come out with some zingers! ‘Are they new shoes? Hmmmm. Did you know they make your ankles look really fat?’

But as you get older it’s stuff you do actually appreciate as no one else tells you. Other than stuff like that she was grand

I try, try and try to be the supportive mum. I pray I’m doing ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can be whatever you want to be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The worst was Mum saying

"Get to your room till your father gets in from work!"

It put the fear of God in us and we stressed for a few hours wondering what terrible punishment was coming our way

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By *00KissesCouple
over a year ago

Stourbridge

Finish everything on your plate or no pudding..

Now I feel like I can't stop eating even if full

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Stop masturbating or else you’ll go blind.

What a load of sgrghkikjfdx.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Finish everything on your plate or no pudding..

Now I feel like I can't stop eating even if full

Definitely this - usually adding ‘there are children in Ethiopia that would be glad to have that’

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Some of the bad things they said

"You were an accident" at a very young age

"You're like a back end of a bus" peach you've seen a pic of me at 18 I was slim.

"I wish you were a boy"

God and there's so much more

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

My mother was/is a curious mixture. She never said anything really awful to me but some of her actions were nasty and it wasn't until I spoke to Mr N about it and he was utterly shocked that I even realised it.

My father is as much to blame though because he stood by.

I had an aunt and an uncle who looking back used to try and make up for it though.

I know my mother's periods of mental ill health contributed to her behaviour but when you're young you don't understand that.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

""I love you because you're my daughter, but I don't like you"

So love is conditional and ONLY because you gave birth to me?

Don't I feel special."

That's really sad! My biological Dad placed a lot of emphasis on looks when I was younger and would do that lovely thing of comparing me and my sister - she was beauty and I was brains because clearly you couldn't have both.

Or he'd sit me down and tell me that I needed to study harder and be smarter than the other students because I didn't have my looks to fall back on. I think that's why now I quickly poo poo any compliment about my looks and push to do well at work. Maybe.

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

Eat your carrots and you will be able to see in the dark.

Not once have I gain the ability to have head lights for eyes but instead forced to stumble my way in the dark to the bathroom. It becomes a game of Takeshi's Castle: in the dark edition most of the time

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham

Too much vinegar on your food will dry your blood up

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"“Father Christmas won’t come if you don’t behave/go to bed/listen/etc” surely it is better to deal with problems at that specific moment rather than threaten with something that won’t happen for a very long time. Freya x"

Agree completely.

And let's be honest, I've never known Father Christmas no show so it's an idle threat that holds no weight and only reinforces no consequences anyway

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Do not, under any circumstances, dunk a Rich Tea biscuit. Way too dangerous!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

My dad was horrendous he told us from a really young age that he had wanted boys (i have a sister) and never once did he call me his princess or any other terms fathers call their daughters. We knew we could never please him

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I can' repeat the crueliest thing my mother said to me. But at the end of the day no matter how hurtful she was she is still my mum, I love her but could never forgive her.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

I also had the "we wanted a boy but got lumbered with you instead"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Parents say.

We've all heard parents say things, whether it be frustration of whatever.

Some of these things can be really damaging.

One of my mums favourites was "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"

That's soooooo crushing. It makes you feel like your emotions are wrong, that there's something wrong with you as a person.

It also creates a void because you grow up not having the trust that you can approach that parent with a problem you may be having because you think you'll get scolded for it.

Over to you lot."

Totally agree with this I taught myself not to cry when I was younger because apparently "real men" don't cry, so as much as I can get upset by something I won't cry and it haunts me to this day

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Also got told if I was born first my sister would have never even been considered as I put her off having kids for life.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I'm lucky, my parents never said anything to make me feel bad about myself.

I didn't realise parents could be so insensitive.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Don't you cry those crocodile tears" didn't cry for years and years, had to relearn to

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm lucky, my parents never said anything to make me feel bad about myself.

I didn't realise parents could be so insensitive.

I think we all damage our children to a greater or lesser degree. None of us are perfect.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Never in my whole life did my dad tell me he loved me. Every day of my sons life that ive been with or spoken to him i tell him i love him constantly. Im a very over affectionate mother even though hes 30 and its because i never had it. He understands why im like i am and gives me affection back

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

To be fair, my dad always wanted me to be an engineer like himself but it something I was never into. so anything else I tried to pursue as a career due to interest or encouragement from others, he will always put me down for it.

Probably why we don't have such a strong relationship now

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

I think it's good to talk about this stuff and the lasting impact. It can sometimes help other people recognise something about themselves that they might not understand or be able to put their finger on, then all of a sudden reading one comment that strikes a chord and kapow, lightbulb moment

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

"I think it's good to talk about this stuff and the lasting impact. It can sometimes help other people recognise something about themselves that they might not understand or be able to put their finger on, then all of a sudden reading one comment that strikes a chord and kapow, lightbulb moment "

Definitely

Or that experiences of today could be lessons learned for tomorrow. I got kids myself and I do try to do my best for them. We all do really but as the saying goes.. there is no manual to parenting, just gotta do your best

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By *on-snowedMan
over a year ago

harlow

They say the first 7 years of your life is massively shaped by your parents.

Its why its so important.

My mum had a shit life, early on...really shit now im older i clearly see her depression and anxiety and obviously at a young age I never did.

There's a huge part of me thats an absolute party animal who's always had a very big rock image used to be an easy target for bullies at the pubs and clubs.

Led to high anxiety myself and just bored of being ridiculed.

Thing is people can tell, without knowing just body language.

I wear my shit a lot better now days. A lot more confident in who I am and thing I always will be.

I do have server depression.

I think a lot of stuff how I am and was is shaped from my childhood. Dad was always at the pub most evenings but to be fair most dads were around here anyway.

Used to just be a part of it.

Putting my kids through a really messy break up left my eldest very insecure. And has clearly taken a massive effect on her.

Shame really bad parenting definitely sticks with us.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Something I read that resonated so hard with me

When you continually criticise your children they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I love you because you're my daughter, but I don't like you"

So love is conditional and ONLY because you gave birth to me?

Don't I feel special."

Whereas I will say that "sometimes I dont like you very much right now, but I always love you", wondering about that now

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

[Removed by poster at 16/02/21 14:08:20]

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

""I love you because you're my daughter, but I don't like you"

So love is conditional and ONLY because you gave birth to me?

Don't I feel special.

Whereas I will say that "sometimes I dont like you very much right now, but I always love you", wondering about that now

I'd probably change it to I don't like how you're behaving rather than "you"

To me "you" felt so very encompassing on me as an entire being

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I love you because you're my daughter, but I don't like you"

So love is conditional and ONLY because you gave birth to me?

Don't I feel special.

Whereas I will say that "sometimes I dont like you very much right now, but I always love you", wondering about that now

I'd probably change it to I don't like how you're behaving rather than "you"

To me "you" felt so very encompassing on me as an entire being"

I agree and shall change my language going forward xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’d be so pretty if you lost a few lbs ! I was a size 12 ffs !

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

You can only do your best, there is no manual and hopefully learnt not to do the things that hurt you as a child.

I know I’m different with my lad than my parents were with me, but the core values they taught me are still there in discipline, basic manners, how to behaviour. The rest you figure out between your child and you and a lot of that comes down to whether they trust you and you can both communicate properly and apologise if needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When i was a boy there was a children's home a few miles away. My dad would threaten to send me there whenever i misbehaved.

It's an old folks home now so i guess it won't be long before my kids are threatening to send me there too.

Guess you just can't win.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nearly two years ago, I left an abusive relationship and have struggled with anxiety and depression since.

My Mum came round my house one day and declared it such a mess (it really wasn't, some crumbs on the kitchen floor and washing that needed putting away) that if social services saw the state, they'd take my daughter away.

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

"My mother was/is a curious mixture. She never said anything really awful to me but some of her actions were nasty and it wasn't until I spoke to Mr N about it and he was utterly shocked that I even realised it.

My father is as much to blame though because he stood by.

I had an aunt and an uncle who looking back used to try and make up for it though.

I know my mother's periods of mental ill health contributed to her behaviour but when you're young you don't understand that. "

Still think my mum bi polar stil is.. One minute I was her princess next a slag or a nasty bitch when younger

Now 50 I'm the best daughter in the world and when I can't do something for her I'm selfish and crap mother bringing him up as a friend rather than a mother lol learnt I can't win xx

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Telling kids the policeman is gonna come get them

Fuck sake that one drives me mad. Let's teach kids to fear and lack respect for those who are there to protect them!

And they will lack respect for the police if their entire childhood experience of the police is based around negativity

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I deleted this earlier because it felt too close to the core, but fuck it, I'll share....

"It's because of you (I try to kill myself)"

"I should have given you away like I wanted to, we would all be happier"

And my personal favourite...

"I wish you were dead"

This has been going on for over 25 years, and it took a long time for it to stop cutting me right to the heart every time.

These days I roll my eyes, or to the the last one she just gets "oh, right now so do I. Would save us having this conversation again"

My mother is a delight

We have only spoken a handful of times in the last 2.5 years, after I decided I can't have the toxicity in my life any more.

I am lucky that my dad has always been my rock, and even though he's only recently found out about any of this (and was devastated when he did), he's always known she's not been very nice to me since I was a teenager.

I'd agree with this...

"When you continually criticise your children they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves. "

To a point.... eventually they can stop loving you as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nearly two years ago, I left an abusive relationship and have struggled with anxiety and depression since.

And even if it was such as mess, she should have identified maybe you needed a bit of support not criticism! Things said by parents sting more because they are our pillars that we have looked up to, sometimes their comments are very damaging to self

esteem.

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I deleted this earlier because it felt too close to the core, but fuck it, I'll share....

"It's because of you (I try to kill myself)"

"I should have given you away like I wanted to, we would all be happier"

And my personal favourite...

"I wish you were dead"

This has been going on for over 25 years, and it took a long time for it to stop cutting me right to the heart every time.

These days I roll my eyes, or to the the last one she just gets "oh, right now so do I. Would save us having this conversation again"

My mother is a delight

We have only spoken a handful of times in the last 2.5 years, after I decided I can't have the toxicity in my life any more.

I'd agree with this...

When you continually criticise your children they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.

To a point.... eventually they can stop loving you as well."

It's the eventually that does the most damage tho eh, it takes years to happen and by that time... *sigh*

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

Your not mine ...true story.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I deleted this earlier because it felt too close to the core, but fuck it, I'll share....

"It's because of you (I try to kill myself)"

"I should have given you away like I wanted to, we would all be happier"

And my personal favourite...

"I wish you were dead"

This has been going on for over 25 years, and it took a long time for it to stop cutting me right to the heart every time.

These days I roll my eyes, or to the the last one she just gets "oh, right now so do I. Would save us having this conversation again"

My mother is a delight

We have only spoken a handful of times in the last 2.5 years, after I decided I can't have the toxicity in my life any more.

I'd agree with this...

When you continually criticise your children they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.

To a point.... eventually they can stop loving you as well.

It's the eventually that does the most damage tho eh, it takes years to happen and by that time... *sigh*"

Yep. Definitely....

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I used to be called "unbelievable", (and not in the good way), and without any explanation of what I've done or how I could improve

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately there's no guide to parenting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I deleted this earlier because it felt too close to the core, but fuck it, I'll share....

"It's because of you (I try to kill myself)"

"I should have given you away like I wanted to, we would all be happier"

And my personal favourite...

"I wish you were dead"

This has been going on for over 25 years, and it took a long time for it to stop cutting me right to the heart every time.

These days I roll my eyes, or to the the last one she just gets "oh, right now so do I. Would save us having this conversation again"

My mother is a delight

We have only spoken a handful of times in the last 2.5 years, after I decided I can't have the toxicity in my life any more.

I'd agree with this...

When you continually criticise your children they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.

To a point.... eventually they can stop loving you as well."

I know these sayings only too well. Another classic was me and my sister are walking abortions that never happened ! Very deep. I resented my mother for many years until I was old enough to try and understand why she was so hard and cold

I used to just say it how she it but that’s not ok, I realised she had had a breakdown when my

Dad cheated and our family was broken, it doesn’t justify or excuse cruelty but as an adult and a single

Parent it really did help see things in a diff perspective. It also helped my how NOT to be, with my own xx I find that this experiences if they don’t break you, make you us who we are today xxx

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"I deleted this earlier because it felt too close to the core, but fuck it, I'll share....

"It's because of you (I try to kill myself)"

"I should have given you away like I wanted to, we would all be happier"

And my personal favourite...

"I wish you were dead"

This has been going on for over 25 years, and it took a long time for it to stop cutting me right to the heart every time.

These days I roll my eyes, or to the the last one she just gets "oh, right now so do I. Would save us having this conversation again"

My mother is a delight

We have only spoken a handful of times in the last 2.5 years, after I decided I can't have the toxicity in my life any more.

I'd agree with this...

When you continually criticise your children they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.

To a point.... eventually they can stop loving you as well."

My dad said the exact same thing. He threw an empty bottle of pills at me said it was my fault and that my sister will always hate me and then drove off at speed.

I stopped talking to him for 5 maybe more years after that and have little contact with him now. I do not love him haven't since I don't know when. Think that was the most difficult thing to accept that just because they are your parent you don't have to love them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My parents have never said "I love you" to me. I mean, I think they do. But they've never said it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I deleted this earlier because it felt too close to the core, but fuck it, I'll share....

"It's because of you (I try to kill myself)"

"I should have given you away like I wanted to, we would all be happier"

And my personal favourite...

"I wish you were dead"

This has been going on for over 25 years, and it took a long time for it to stop cutting me right to the heart every time.

These days I roll my eyes, or to the the last one she just gets "oh, right now so do I. Would save us having this conversation again"

My mother is a delight

We have only spoken a handful of times in the last 2.5 years, after I decided I can't have the toxicity in my life any more.

I'd agree with this...

When you continually criticise your children they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.

To a point.... eventually they can stop loving you as well.

My dad said the exact same thing. He threw an empty bottle of pills at me said it was my fault and that my sister will always hate me and then drove off at speed.

No we don’t, and when we learn to love ourselves enough truly we then know who is and isn’t worthy of our! We all

Find ourselves at diff stages in live but when we do, WE DO. Self love is the purest of all and the most important yet we don’t think we’re worthy of it because of childhood experiences like those above xxx forums like these are great as they highlight things and give ppl a platform to out their experience without shame or feeling inadequate xx Thankyou OP I feel lifted after reading and sharing xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I love you because you're my daughter, but I don't like you"

So love is conditional and ONLY because you gave birth to me?

Don't I feel special.

Your dad was very much mistaken.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I deleted this earlier because it felt too close to the core, but fuck it, I'll share....

"It's because of you (I try to kill myself)"

"I should have given you away like I wanted to, we would all be happier"

And my personal favourite...

"I wish you were dead"

This has been going on for over 25 years, and it took a long time for it to stop cutting me right to the heart every time.

These days I roll my eyes, or to the the last one she just gets "oh, right now so do I. Would save us having this conversation again"

My mother is a delight

We have only spoken a handful of times in the last 2.5 years, after I decided I can't have the toxicity in my life any more.

I'd agree with this...

When you continually criticise your children they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.

To a point.... eventually they can stop loving you as well."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum is genuinely one of the worst people I've ever known. When I was 11 she told me I was a massive tease and she said I did nothing but flirt with my 60 year old uncle. So yeah, that gives you an idea. She also told me to keep self harming when she caught me and walked out of the room, I was 12 years old. And that isn't even the worst of of.

I am happy to be alive and be in this world, but why the fuck do people have children when they can bring them up in such toxic environments? Fuck it makes me so fucking mad. Some people shouldn't have kids.

I will never ever let my daughter feel the way I did growing up.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

It took me till i was 52 to realize my whole life had been affected by how my dad treated me. I was in complete denial until someone made a throw away comment and i realized my whole life had been mapped out by my dad. Why i ended up with an older man? It upsets jay as he is a fantastic dad and his kids adore him

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

"I deleted this earlier because it felt too close to the core, but fuck it, I'll share....

"It's because of you (I try to kill myself)"

"I should have given you away like I wanted to, we would all be happier"

And my personal favourite...

"I wish you were dead"

This has been going on for over 25 years, and it took a long time for it to stop cutting me right to the heart every time.

These days I roll my eyes, or to the the last one she just gets "oh, right now so do I. Would save us having this conversation again"

My mother is a delight

We have only spoken a handful of times in the last 2.5 years, after I decided I can't have the toxicity in my life any more.

I'd agree with this...

When you continually criticise your children they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.

To a point.... eventually they can stop loving you as well.

If things are getting me down or I have a problem, my parents even my siblings were and still the ones I wouldnt turn to.. As they would either put me down or use it on me later.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Think that was the most difficult thing to accept that just because they are your parent you don't have to love them "

That's so true. I know it made me feel like a total failure. I couldn't even love the person who had given birth to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mother used to compare me to my peers

Because they were all better than me

Obviously

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Think that was the most difficult thing to accept that just because they are your parent you don't have to love them

That's so true. I know it made me feel like a total failure. I couldn't even love the person who had given birth to me."

Unfortunately that realisation is often a long time coming.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Think that was the most difficult thing to accept that just because they are your parent you don't have to love them

That's so true. I know it made me feel like a total failure. I couldn't even love the person who had given birth to me."

There is most definitely a huge feeling of being a complete failure as a human being. How can anyone love you when your own parent doesn't? Takes a hell of a lot of work to get to the point where you realise it wasn't you who was unliveable but them.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Think that was the most difficult thing to accept that just because they are your parent you don't have to love them

That's so true. I know it made me feel like a total failure. I couldn't even love the person who had given birth to me.

That's exactly it. And I'm working on it

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Think that was the most difficult thing to accept that just because they are your parent you don't have to love them

That's so true. I know it made me feel like a total failure. I couldn't even love the person who had given birth to me.

Unfortunately that realisation is often a long time coming."

Too long

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My so called mum was an evil bitch.. Red shoes no knickers. Slags wear leather pencil skirts. She believed it all that much when it came to our engagement party I saved for ages to buy a red leather skirt for the party and she did not come because I would not take it off. I was Punk in my teens and she used to tell me my hair will fall out with all the dies I used lol. When I got 40 I disowned her she never had a nice thing to say about me even in front of my kids. So when she died 6 weeks after I got my last nasty letter off her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Overheard a mum talking to their spawn at a bus stop many many years ago.

“If you don’t start behaving, the pedophiles will get you”

Still to this day I know if I was impressed or appalled. Fucking funny either way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you want to do that for?

That's about as motivational as my father ever got. Twat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many of us reflect on how we were parented through the lense of becoming parents ourselves and think...fuck, this job is hard.

And then forgive, or at least understand

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"How many of us reflect on how we were parented through the lense of becoming parents ourselves and think...fuck, this job is hard.

And then forgive, or at least understand "

I have thought long and hard about this and definitely tried not to repeat their mistakes, there are some things I can't forgive or understand BUT I'm well aware that I will have made mistakes with my own children some I'm painfully aware of and others (and this is probably worse) that I'm not. The Larkin poem This Be The Verse is very apt.

I'm of the attitude that you can't change the past but you can change how you live with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.

Philip Larkin, High Windows

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham

If my daughter does or says something ridiculous. I always tell her she's adopted,,,,,, she's 25..... Going on 10 at times

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I'm lucky, my parents never said anything to make me feel bad about myself.

I didn't realise parents could be so insensitive.

I think we all damage our children to a greater or lesser degree. None of us are perfect. "

I honestly can't think of anything that my parents said or did to damage me. I may have been upset now and then but I wouldn't say it damaged me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How many of us reflect on how we were parented through the lense of becoming parents ourselves and think...fuck, this job is hard.

And then forgive, or at least understand

I'm of the attitude that you can't change the past but you can change how you live with it"

Yes, I was thinking about Larkin as I read through.

It's uncomfortable to put our own parenting under the microscope, so I acknowledge I haven't always got it right and then move my thoughts on

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"How many of us reflect on how we were parented through the lense of becoming parents ourselves and think...fuck, this job is hard.

And then forgive, or at least understand "

One of the reasons I can be less sad about not having kids is because it means I'll never be able to fuck up a human that badly.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"How many of us reflect on how we were parented through the lense of becoming parents ourselves and think...fuck, this job is hard.

And then forgive, or at least understand "

I always think parenting is hard it was difficult decision to become a parent after the mess of if it my parents made. I did genuinely consider not having children as I didn't want to "turn into" my parents.

Although as an adult I accept what they did and even forgive to a point, I will never understand how you can treat another human being in such a way. In my circumstances they didn't speak to other grown ups in such a manner, indicating they were at least aware it wasn't acceptable.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"How many of us reflect on how we were parented through the lense of becoming parents ourselves and think...fuck, this job is hard.

And then forgive, or at least understand

I'm of the attitude that you can't change the past but you can change how you live with it

Yes, I was thinking about Larkin as I read through.

It's uncomfortable to put our own parenting under the microscope, so I acknowledge I haven't always got it right and then move my thoughts on"

Exceedingly uncomfortable.

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By *oxyVikingCouple
over a year ago

East Anglia

Agree completely.

And let's be honest, I've never known Father Christmas no show so it's an idle threat that holds no weight and only reinforces no consequences anyway "

Absolutely, couldn’t agree more. Freya

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By *lowhands7Man
over a year ago

South Leicestershire (willing to travel)

If the wind blows, your face will stay like that.

I don't know if it did or not?!?

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By *lowhands7Man
over a year ago

South Leicestershire (willing to travel)

Eat it, it'll put hairs on your chest.

I was 6

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By *erms and conditionsCouple
over a year ago

Alton

There's no such thing as depression just be happy.

Hilarious as years later she's on antidepressants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I won't bother listing the damaging things said to me and my siblings because I'll be here all day, plus it would take me to a dark place and I don't want to go there right now. Suffice to say I make it my mission to do the exact opposite of them when parenting my own children. Love, compassion and respect is what I do my utmost to give.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had a fairly good relationship with my mum. Had no relationship with my dad. My mum and wife died a little over a year apart, I was devastated. Dad and I appeared to get closer or so I thought. One day I went around and found him hanging in my childhood bedroom. I thought he was dead. He wasn't I cut him down and phoned 999. He survived but wasn't the same man. He died in a nursing home 18 months later. Cant really forgive him because I could have had youngest daughter with me (9yrs old) and she could have found him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Overheard a mum talking to their spawn at a bus stop many many years ago.

“If you don’t start behaving, the pedophiles will get you”

Still to this day I know if I was impressed or appalled. Fucking funny either way. "

Funny as fuck! Question is... did it work?

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

Something we have now that our own parents didn't is better access and acceptance of mental health issues.

I know personally I'm taking stock of my mums life more and thinking of how her own upbringing could have impacted her. It doesn't mean her words haven't damaged me, it doesn't mean those things still don't hurt at times. I'm trying to make sense. If things make sense they're easier to understand and the more we understand it the easier it is to deal with, or at least not fight with myself over but accept.

A lot of our grandfathers will have been in the army, this will probably have impacted our parents.

My mums dad died when my mum was 11. He used to take her to the train station each day for her to go to school.

One day as the train was pulling out of the station and they were waving to each other he had a heart attack and died there and then. She must have felt so helpless and frightened.

That's trauma right there.

It's only now I'm older that it's not just a story I was told, it was something that probably impacted her more than she or anyone else ever realised. I doubt very much whether she was offered any counselling, I doubt there was any even available if she needed it.

Trying to put the jigsaw pieces together I've wondered if subconsciously she was afraid to love us the way a mother "should" because she was scared of losing us, or maybe she was hard on us because she knew how it felt to lose a parent at a young age and was trying to toughen us up just in case.

Who knows.

I'll probably never know, she'll probably never know herself.

But, in filling in the gaps it does help me, and it helps me accept that yeah, my cylinder firing may be off as far as certain things go..... like healthy adult relationships coz I choose the wrong energy

But now I know to avoid them and even though it brings sadness that I'll never have a happy ending that way, I understand it. I've resigned acceptance that to break the cycle I have to leave that dream for someone else to chase.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's actually sad to read and very defeatist.

Don't you want more than that from life?

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By *rincess peach OP Woman
over a year ago

shits creek

That's actually sad to read and very defeatist.

Don't you want more than that from life?"

Yeah, I want to be happy. But ultimately my 'predisposition' I'll call it means the dudes I fall for tend to be the ones that aren't healthy for me. The temporary happiness comes at a cost and that cost is my sense of self. A repetitive cycle I just don't know how to avoid without avoiding it completely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can’t recall specific things that were said, but I remember growing up I was always the one that disappointed my family. I was fat, ugly, smart, but not smart enough. Whenever I found something I was good at my mom could do better.

I’ve never had a close relationship with my family, but my brother and sister think it’s my fault.

I try hard to be different with my children, but saying I love you is still something I find hard to do x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's actually sad to read and very defeatist.

Don't you want more than that from life?

You could break that cycle and make different choices

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