FabSwingers.com forum: Dear Diary ,

By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Today it is fucking bitter. The wind is howling and I am farting a lot.

I have had a fucking fantastic day listening to podcasts and loving life and feeling fortunate.

And farting a lot.

Maybe I should take beans off the shopping list.

P.S. I did clean the kitchen..... that was fun too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Today it is fucking bitter. The wind is howling and I am farting a lot.

I have had a fucking fantastic day listening to podcasts and loving life and feeling fortunate.

And farting a lot.

Maybe I should take beans off the shopping list.

P.S. I did clean the kitchen..... that was fun too

Dear Granny,

Today I have done fuck all, in fact if it wasn't for the lack of milk in the fridge I would not have even got dressed.

Roast cauliflower and some IPAs last night mean my arse is rotten too.

Love Cat

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Dear Diary,

Must tell cat that my arse is not rotten.

I consume a great deal of cruciferous vegetables and pulses......

Must make a note to watch Masked singer at 7.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Granny

Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".

Your Humble Servant,

Dave

Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.

Your

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Granny

Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".

Your Humble Servant,

Dave

Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.

Your "

I lived on a diet of cocodamol and tramadol for a while. Apart from chronic constipation it was bliss.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Dear Diary,

I heard today that Dave has an ostrich. I must get one. No one likes to be out ostriched. It's an existentialist conundrum ....... no ostrich no status....

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Dear Granny

Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".

Your Humble Servant,

Dave

Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.

Your

I lived on a diet of cocodamol and tramadol for a while. Apart from chronic constipation it was bliss."

Dear Diary,

Make a note to tell cat that beans would assist with his chronic constipation ....... as long as he opens the can and takes them orally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Granny

Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".

Your Humble Servant,

Dave

Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.

Your

I lived on a diet of cocodamol and tramadol for a while. Apart from chronic constipation it was bliss.

Dear Diary,

Make a note to tell cat that beans would assist with his chronic constipation ....... as long as he opens the can and takes them orally. "

The drugs were for nerve pain in my face. Eating wasn't fun, but I take your point.

Made a change for my face to be getting on my nerves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Dairy,

Why do I love your milky goodness so, is it the calcium you give me to strengthen my bones, or is that you remind me of days of yore ?

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Dear Dairy,

Please cancel my milk. Well ..... not my milk but the stuff I usually pick up at your place.

I have bought my own vegan freesian.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Diary

Stay on the light hearted threads from now on

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Dear Diary

Stay on the light hearted threads from now on"

Dear Diary,

Do not quote people in some arenas.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Granny

Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".

Your Humble Servant,

Dave

Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.

Your

I lived on a diet of cocodamol and tramadol for a while. Apart from chronic constipation it was bliss.

Dear Diary,

Make a note to tell cat that beans would assist with his chronic constipation ....... as long as he opens the can and takes them orally.

The drugs were for nerve pain in my face. Eating wasn't fun, but I take your point.

Made a change for my face to be getting on my nerves.

As opposed to everyone else's.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Dear Diary,

Sing some songs about war and stuff for Kietonel ..... He gets upset

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Diary

Stay on the light hearted threads from now on

Dear Diary,

Do not quote people in some arenas. "

Accept maybe Wembley and the NEC

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Dear Diary....

I delivered my SIL a birthday gift, went for a crisp snow walk in an area I grew up as a kid and I found a bit of enthusiasm to post some new pics

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Dear Diary,

Had a sneak peek at D.C.'s new pics.

Very tasteful.

I won't be telling her though. Competition n all that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Granny,

Could I please impose upon you to remind me to checkout DCs profile. I have it on good authority there are new photographs displayed therein.

Yours Gratefully,

Vlad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Granny,

Vlad is a slow typist.

Please refrain from posting the same reply as him to quickly. It makes him look like a dick.

Kind Regards

Imran

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear diary

Please remind me that two cups of coffee in the morning is no where near enough to keep me functioning for 16 hours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Granny

Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".

Your Humble Servant,

Dave

Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.

Your

I lived on a diet of cocodamol and tramadol for a while. Apart from chronic constipation it was bliss.

Dear Diary,

Make a note to tell cat that beans would assist with his chronic constipation ....... as long as he opens the can and takes them orally.

The drugs were for nerve pain in my face. Eating wasn't fun, but I take your point.

Made a change for my face to be getting on my nerves.

As opposed to everyone else's.

That was my point yeah. Keep up, codeineface.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Granny,

Cat just called Jennie a bad name and I am now worried they don't love each other. Does this mean they will get a divorce? Who will I have to live with?

Love, Cat and Jennie's lovechild.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear granny,

Today My wheel fell off my truck

I hurt my hand on a spade

My sausage fell out my brioche roll onto the floor and the sausage dog ate it

Im rubbish at tonights catchphrase

Ive learned today that my dad hasnt got my mum a valentine's card in 5 year

Yes todays been shi7.

P.s nothing wrong with afew sphincter love puffs.. just think whenever you fart around 1.2 million other people fart at the same time as you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Diary

I have had 765 murderous thoughts about my bellowing upstairs neighbour with all scenarios leading to me spending the rest of my life in prison

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Diary

Another successful day at being a complete twat

Tomorrow I’m going to attempt at being an arsehole

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

"Dear Diary

I have had 765 murderous thoughts about my bellowing upstairs neighbour with all scenarios leading to me spending the rest of my life in prison

I wonder if your neighbours would be better in prison?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Dairy

I long for your creamy texture, oh how I miss the gold top, where did you go, the rattle of the bottles on the door step and the anticipation of the unknown, was it Unigate or Co-Op. Ah you get the idea with that bollocks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Diary

I have had 765 murderous thoughts about my bellowing upstairs neighbour with all scenarios leading to me spending the rest of my life in prison

I wonder if your neighbours would be better in prison?"

He needs a death sentence

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