FabSwingers.com forum: When a fab friendship ends ...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ouch

Been a few years being his friend. Tonight it ended, it was me who initiated it ending for various reasons.

But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Like pit of my stomach hurt.

I have no one else to tell for various reasons ... its fab, friends wouldn't get it. So came here to tell you lot

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

It does hurt, you have my sympathy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can empathise totally. It’s not nice when anything ends, going through a slightly similar thing although I’ve not known him as long as you knew yours.

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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Very sorry for you Lucy. Especially if you can’t talk about it with others close.

Not that it will help but after a year plus myself and a very very close friend from here broke up after a misunderstanding (my fault) and we were both gutted. We’d previously always promised to be friends for life. And guess what. We may well be back on track for that.

(Left out lots of details but I hope you get the jist). Future can still be positive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive not felt this yet but you do have my sympathy...im sorry to hear about it and im sure for whatever reasons they were, im sure he will understand and accept it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I wish we could hide peoples profiles. I don't want to block him because we aren't hostile like that. I just don't want to see him online and miss him you know.

Thanks everyone xxx

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

Sorry to hear that. It must be difficult. Just needs time thats all

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Sorry to hear this OP.....

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By *iverpooljMan
over a year ago

Ellesmere Port

Sad hearing that,

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By *iverpooljMan
over a year ago

Ellesmere Port

Hope your OK.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww sending hugs just takes time and well done opening up too

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Sorry to hear your friendship has ended in these difficult times

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By *iverpooljMan
over a year ago

Ellesmere Port

Yes agree, hugs here as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww sending a cwtch i hope your ok

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

I'm so sorry to hear this. I went through it in 2019, he ended it very nicely but it hurt a lot so I feel your pain and send you lots of hugs.

He got back in contact last year and we had a couple of coffees before strict lockdown kicked in, he is trying to charm me back into bed and I'll probably do it but with a guarded heart

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

So sorry to hear this OP and yes it does hurt but time is a great healer....very clichéd but it's none the less true.

Find other things to keep you busy if you can and look for the positives in it all. You had some great times and probably learned much about yourself too and soon you can be moving on to the next chapter.

It helped me to delete all pictures and conversations with them so you have nothing to keep checking back to or seeing if they were online etc.

I hope your hurt ends soon, just take care of you as much as you can.

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By *ittycenMan
over a year ago

south west

I had same last year - we had a really good year or so, expanding each boundaries. It was very much more than just sex to be honest.

Unfortunately (for me, great for her!) she found someone who could be more than I could so did the right thing and ended it. I can’t be angry at her as she is happy but at the time, I was gutted as I would be for any breakup, but couldn’t tell anyone

Unfortunately it’s the anniversary of a great weekend coming up, so thinking about her quite a bit at the moment. We had a brief exchange of messages over New Years but I don’t want to risk messing things up for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry too hear that try and talk to someone that you can trust and don't bottle it up inside,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It definitely hurts. You build connections with people here, especially if you see them regularly. It's never nice to say goodbye

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm so sorry to hear this. I went through it in 2019, he ended it very nicely but it hurt a lot so I feel your pain and send you lots of hugs.

He got back in contact last year and we had a couple of coffees before strict lockdown kicked in, he is trying to charm me back into bed and I'll probably do it but with a guarded heart "

Why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It always hurts..

Blocking is really horrible for the person on the other end, especially if you want to remain friends, but i don't know how you avoid them otherwise ... i guess it just takes time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am guessing it was heartbreaking for both of you by the sounds of it x but if you feel that’s what’s best for you then so be it as your only here for you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had same last year - we had a really good year or so, expanding each boundaries. It was very much more than just sex to be honest.

That's so unselfish and mature of you, genuinely.

Virtual pat on the back and fist bump.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"I'm so sorry to hear this. I went through it in 2019, he ended it very nicely but it hurt a lot so I feel your pain and send you lots of hugs.

He got back in contact last year and we had a couple of coffees before strict lockdown kicked in, he is trying to charm me back into bed and I'll probably do it but with a guarded heart "

Rather than guarding your heart why not tell him to fuck off and to go find someone else to mess about?

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By *ice and PeasCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands

*hugs*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it hurts like hell. Sending massive hugs x

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I'm so sorry to hear this. I went through it in 2019, he ended it very nicely but it hurt a lot so I feel your pain and send you lots of hugs.

He got back in contact last year and we had a couple of coffees before strict lockdown kicked in, he is trying to charm me back into bed and I'll probably do it but with a guarded heart "

Why, I'm curious.

If someone tells/shows you who they are and you take them at their word and you get hurt, why expect different second time round?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Just remember, time does heal juicy Lucy. Not the time itself, but you'll deal with it and will feel better in the long run.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

It can hurt a lot OP which is daft and not 'what this is all about'. You were friends at the end of the day and when that comes to an end for whatever reason it's tough.

When I experienced something similar I spoke a lot to my friends from here because I could be open to them. And then I gave myself a chance to be sad (we don't do that enough) and busied myself in other hobbies, indulged in baths and walks and wanks. Over time that sad faded and I realised I'd made the right choice, I could be happy about what was and wish him well for what was to come. I hope your sad lessons soon, x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ouch

Been a few years being his friend. Tonight it ended, it was me who initiated it ending for various reasons.

But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Like pit of my stomach hurt.

I have no one else to tell for various reasons ... its fab, friends wouldn't get it. So came here to tell you lot

Why can't you tell your friends? Just say he's an on off boyfriend kind of thing, or a friend.

You ended it for a reason.

Hope it feels better today after a sleep.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"Ouch

Been a few years being his friend. Tonight it ended, it was me who initiated it ending for various reasons.

But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Like pit of my stomach hurt.

I have no one else to tell for various reasons ... its fab, friends wouldn't get it. So came here to tell you lot

Why can't you tell your friends? Just say he's an on off boyfriend kind of thing, or a friend.

You ended it for a reason.

Hope it feels better today after a sleep. "

Telling your friends you have a husband and an on off boyfriend isn't possible for most people!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that. I’ve had to walk away from a few long-standing friendships over the years, some which have been ‘with benefits’ so the connection was just that little bit more.

It’s shitty, but it does get better with time.

You’re welcome to one of these, though....

((((( hug )))))

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It can hurt a lot OP which is daft and not 'what this is all about'. You were friends at the end of the day and when that comes to an end for whatever reason it's tough.

This really^

Both of you rise above better for it in the end

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

What you have to remember OP is all the things you are feeling are perfectly "normal" - there's a perception that because it is largely "virtual" or because it is Fab that we shouldn't feel anything and just move on to the next person, but friendships here can be and are just as "real" as those we form in our real world, in some ways more so because we're more open here and expose ourselves in ways we might not out there.

That sense of loss is then exacerbated by the very abrupt ending of contact without necessarily having been able to see the emotions experienced by the other person as part of it, so the mind is left to wander and overthink.

Although you initiated it, sorry you've had to go through it, guess all you can do is focus on knowing you ended it for the right reasons for you and with time those feelings will start to ease.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ouch

Been a few years being his friend. Tonight it ended, it was me who initiated it ending for various reasons.

But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Like pit of my stomach hurt.

I have no one else to tell for various reasons ... its fab, friends wouldn't get it. So came here to tell you lot

Why can't you tell your friends? Just say he's an on off boyfriend kind of thing, or a friend.

You ended it for a reason.

Hope it feels better today after a sleep.

Telling your friends you have a husband and an on off boyfriend isn't possible for most people! "

Oops. I don't look at profiles.

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By *ittycenMan
over a year ago

south west

"I had same last year - we had a really good year or so, expanding each boundaries. It was very much more than just sex to be honest.

That's so unselfish and mature of you, genuinely.

Virtual pat on the back and fist bump.

Thank you - she made the first approach as well, so was a bit special in all the best ways!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What you have to remember OP is all the things you are feeling are perfectly "normal" - there's a perception that because it is largely "virtual" or because it is Fab that we shouldn't feel anything and just move on to the next person, but friendships here can be and are just as "real" as those we form in our real world, in some ways more so because we're more open here and expose ourselves in ways we might not out there.

Although you initiated it, sorry you've had to go through it, guess all you can do is focus on knowing you ended it for the right reasons for you and with time those feelings will start to ease."

I love this.

I'm sorry OP. It's ok to be sad, it will get easier as time goes on I'm sure.

virtual hugs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I didn't expect this this morning, but I knew if anyone would understand it would be you lot. Feeling those icky butterflies this morning xxx

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

It does not matter where or how a friendship started, when it ends it is about loss and grief, and the very understandable natural emotions, irrespective of whether you ended it or not. I think everybody on this thread will be able to empathise.

I hope you will feel a little better soon. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still struggle with it months later

If you need to chat, feel free to message

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

"I wish we could hide peoples profiles. I don't want to block him because we aren't hostile like that. I just don't want to see him online and miss him you know.

Thanks everyone xxx "

that would be a good option

I feel for you I've had this happen before (yrs ago) and I've had to take a step away from current at his request (medical), It's hard, especially now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah totally it hurts and when u find u wasn’t the only one it worse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been there OP.

On a previous fab life, met a woman, who actually initiated contact. Had the single most amazing six months together. I fell in love with her, deeper and more completely than I had for anyone, ever. Amazing sex, and even better friendship, but it ended at her behest abruptly. Took me closer to suicide than I ever thought I'd get, but fortunately I managed to stop the clock at a minute to midnight.

I feel your pain OP. I still love her, and will forever, and the breakup left a mark on me like a heart attack leaves on the body. Keep busy, don't allow the darkness to consume you, and remember there is always hope.

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By *rhugesMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

It's happened to me before, it's a really strange feeling of loss without anyone's sympathy because you can't tell them.

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"I'm so sorry to hear this. I went through it in 2019, he ended it very nicely but it hurt a lot so I feel your pain and send you lots of hugs.

He got back in contact last year and we had a couple of coffees before strict lockdown kicked in, he is trying to charm me back into bed and I'll probably do it but with a guarded heart

Why?"

He mentored me through my first year as a swinger and I think a small part of me fell in love which was stupid but 18mths have passed I have met more amazing people since we ended and have changed. He is amazing in bed which is why I will probably meet him again after lockdown

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ouch

Been a few years being his friend. Tonight it ended, it was me who initiated it ending for various reasons.

But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Like pit of my stomach hurt.

I have no one else to tell for various reasons ... its fab, friends wouldn't get it. So came here to tell you lot

Sorry to hear that, have a virtual hug

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm so sorry to hear this. I went through it in 2019, he ended it very nicely but it hurt a lot so I feel your pain and send you lots of hugs.

He got back in contact last year and we had a couple of coffees before strict lockdown kicked in, he is trying to charm me back into bed and I'll probably do it but with a guarded heart

Why?

If that's what's important to you then go for it.

But it's not a reason I can understand

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

My sympathies. Been there, done that, yes, it can be awful. Time is a great healer.

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By *orkshrCplCouple
over a year ago

Ripon

"I didn't expect this this morning, but I knew if anyone would understand it would be you lot. Feeling those icky butterflies this morning xxx"

Hugs. My inbox is open x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Discovering emotions can be a bitch.. you have my empathy.. anything that ends hurts in some way. more so when it may not be what you want but for the best in the long run... keep it in mind.x

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Cut away from a loving relationship in January. We met on Fab and have been friends for 7 years. It was the right thing for me but boy it’s ouchie.

Hugs.

V x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

*sigh* late nights when we'd usually talk

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

Never feels to break friends, from playground to older in life.

Hope you're ok

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By *imis3Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

I feel for you OP. Having good reasons for ending helps in the long run, for me anyways. I lost a once in a lifetime relationships for the wrong reasons and I will regret it forever because I betrayed his trust and then blamed him.

You knowing it was the right thing to do will lesson the pain quicker than you think OP. HUGS

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By *reakbedsnotheartsMan
over a year ago

bedford

Hope you feel better soon baby girl

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

How are you doing OP? Are you feeling any better. The first few weeks are dreadful in things like this, hope you’ve turned a corner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When a friendship ends it can take on the shape of Grief. Loss is grief and it can take hold. That's a tunnel that can hurt. Try and remember that as humans this feeling is natural and will eventually run it's course. Time heals us. Our dignity heals us as our inner voice tells us that tomorrow can be better for our hearts. Let's hope the dawn brings you a lemon sunrise and new hope. It might take several Dawns for you to see this..

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"How are you doing OP? Are you feeling any better. The first few weeks are dreadful in things like this, hope you’ve turned a corner."

Living up to your moniker.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How are you doing OP? Are you feeling any better. The first few weeks are dreadful in things like this, hope you’ve turned a corner."

We have spoke a few times since but I can't read his mind and he's a closed book these days, so I have given up trying now.

He is always on my mind though, I miss everything. I know it was for the best though.

Thanks for asking

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

I feel your pain, must be something in the atmosphere. Luv

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry to hear this thinking of you babe xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm so sorry to hear this. I went through it in 2019, he ended it very nicely but it hurt a lot so I feel your pain and send you lots of hugs.

He got back in contact last year and we had a couple of coffees before strict lockdown kicked in, he is trying to charm me back into bed and I'll probably do it but with a guarded heart "

Cold Turkey works best. Block and unfriend and move on. Everything happens for a reason and don’t let him back in.

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By *urls and DressesWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

I’m sorry to hear that, it’s so tough, especially when you can’t talk about it.

I’ve been through it too, although not my choice. He feared he was getting too close and cut all ties. He’s around again now but I’ve got my guard up. Another completely ghosted me, he hasn’t deleted or blocked me, been over 2 years now.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"I wish we could hide peoples profiles. I don't want to block him because we aren't hostile like that. I just don't want to see him online and miss him you know.

Thanks everyone xxx "

I get this. Explain to him. You aren’t mad but it’s best to not see him popping up.

I get what you mean. I’ve lost two good friendships over the years. I miss them both. Fortunately for me I have people to talk to about it.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I do believe you need time to mourn. To feel the loss. When those initial month have passed and in the interests of your own sanity please think about trying. Getting over your ex videos on YouTube. I don’t mind saying I’ve used them. I think they helped me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend with benefits is still a friend, so their loss is felt like that of any friend. It's a shame if contact goes altogether, rather than just a mutual understanding that things have changed and maybe the benefits aren't there anymore, but sometimes it's a change of circumstances that makes it inevitable. Both my long term fwb eventually found someone who offered the life partnership they wanted. That was never an option with me, and it was understood. We still remained in touch for a while so there was no acrimony, but yes you feel a loss.

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

"How are you doing OP? Are you feeling any better. The first few weeks are dreadful in things like this, hope you’ve turned a corner.

We have spoke a few times since but I can't read his mind and he's a closed book these days, so I have given up trying now.

He is always on my mind though, I miss everything. I know it was for the best though.

Thanks for asking

Glad you’re doing ok-ish. These things are never easy, especially at the moment because there less you can distract yourself with. My FWB briefly called it a day last summer and I was lost without him. We picked back up but I always have in the back of my mind how it felt and I’m not looking forward to feeling it again, which I inevitably will.

Keep your chin up x

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