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"I’ve Burt too many bridges because of my pride and couldn’t possibly take it back ... " I know that feeling  | |||
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"I think by the time I get round to burning bridges, they've usually been smouldering for far too bloody long anyway" I can live with those that others burn, it is the one I burnt that keeps me awake  | |||
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"Yes, I threw away a brilliant relationship with an amazing lady on here as I was scared of commitment issues. A decision that has haunted me for many years "Isnt there any possibility of rekindling it? | |||
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"Triple Fire sign Aries... get angry real quick and then calm real quick too.. so yes... many a word said in anger my end. I've burnt bridges and also I apologise once I've reflected on how things made me feel.... if I feel bad I apologise... and clear my slate.. then it's up to the other person to do with it as they wish... I won't be dying wallowing in regret for things not said or anything i've said... brings me a sense of peace tbh. I also revel in my imperfect nature as it makes life more manageable for me." I am just like this 
It never used to weigh on me until I cut someone I really really miss out of my life because I couldnt get him to do what I thought I wanted. | |||
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"Yes, I threw away a brilliant relationship with an amazing lady on here as I was scared of commitment issues. A decision that has haunted me for many years
Isnt there any possibility of rekindling it?"Sadly that ship sailed a long time ago, we remain on good terms but I don't think we'd ever be able to get back to how it was as life has moved on so much for us both. | |||
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"Yes, I threw away a brilliant relationship with an amazing lady on here as I was scared of commitment issues. A decision that has haunted me for many years
Isnt there any possibility of rekindling it?
Sadly that ship sailed a long time ago, we remain on good terms but I don't think we'd ever be able to get back to how it was as life has moved on so much for us both."Never say never | |||
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"Yes, I threw away a brilliant relationship with an amazing lady on here as I was scared of commitment issues. A decision that has haunted me for many years
Isnt there any possibility of rekindling it?
Sadly that ship sailed a long time ago, we remain on good terms but I don't think we'd ever be able to get back to how it was as life has moved on so much for us both.
Never say never"It's a nice thought | |||
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"Triple Fire sign Aries... get angry real quick and then calm real quick too.. so yes... many a word said in anger my end. I've burnt bridges and also I apologise once I've reflected on how things made me feel.... if I feel bad I apologise... and clear my slate.. then it's up to the other person to do with it as they wish... I won't be dying wallowing in regret for things not said or anything i've said... brings me a sense of peace tbh. I also revel in my imperfect nature as it makes life more manageable for me. I am just like this
It never used to weigh on me until I cut someone I really really miss out of my life because I couldnt get him to do what I thought I wanted."Bless you... XO It's the self talk/nagging I can't handle.. so i just cut that out... swallow my pride and tell the person where I was at at the time the situation happened. Most of us believe in black and white thinking when there's a whole array of grey shades to take on board imo... You can't change what happened but you can stop the internal self nagging = I can't stand doing my own head in lol... That said not many peeps have forgiven me.. those that have you know are real gems and they know life's imperfect as are we. | |||
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"Yes, I threw away a brilliant relationship with an amazing lady on here as I was scared of commitment issues. A decision that has haunted me for many years
Isnt there any possibility of rekindling it?"Not the sex, which was like a devine drug. He was not and never would be into this lifestyle. But maybe the friendship. I miss the way he got me and always showed he cared in little ways most people would never consider. I could trust him completely and tell him anything. The only person who I ever opened up to. I treated him appallingly and spat the most vengeful bile at him when he would not consider being in the lifestyle with me. He was very hurt but my hurt was more important to me at the time. He never even said anything meant to hurt me, just wished me well and said he would always be there for me in the future but I was angry and messaged him very hurtful things. He eventually stopped messaging. | |||
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"Yes, I threw away a brilliant relationship with an amazing lady on here as I was scared of commitment issues. A decision that has haunted me for many years
Isnt there any possibility of rekindling it?
Not the sex, which was like a devine drug. He was not and never would be into this lifestyle. But maybe the friendship. I miss the way he got me and always showed he cared in little ways most people would never consider.
I could trust him completely and tell him anything. The only person who I ever opened up to.
I treated him appallingly and spat the most vengeful bile at him when he would not consider being in the lifestyle with me. He was very hurt but my hurt was more important to me at the time. He never even said anything meant to hurt me, just wished me well and said he would always be there for me in the future but I was angry and messaged him very hurtful things. He eventually stopped messaging."Sometimes we don't see the bigger picture when we have our interests at the forefront of our minds. Only later do we see what we have done and by then it's normally too late to rectify. Just hope to learn from the experience and not repeat it. | |||
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"Yes, I threw away a brilliant relationship with an amazing lady on here as I was scared of commitment issues. A decision that has haunted me for many years
Isnt there any possibility of rekindling it?
Not the sex, which was like a devine drug. He was not and never would be into this lifestyle. But maybe the friendship. I miss the way he got me and always showed he cared in little ways most people would never consider.
I could trust him completely and tell him anything. The only person who I ever opened up to.
I treated him appallingly and spat the most vengeful bile at him when he would not consider being in the lifestyle with me. He was very hurt but my hurt was more important to me at the time. He never even said anything meant to hurt me, just wished me well and said he would always be there for me in the future but I was angry and messaged him very hurtful things. He eventually stopped messaging."Sorry guys that was not meant for me  | |||
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"Triple Fire sign Aries... get angry real quick and then calm real quick too.. so yes... many a word said in anger my end. I've burnt bridges and also I apologise once I've reflected on how things made me feel.... if I feel bad I apologise... and clear my slate.. then it's up to the other person to do with it as they wish... I won't be dying wallowing in regret for things not said or anything i've said... brings me a sense of peace tbh. I also revel in my imperfect nature as it makes life more manageable for me. I am just like this
It never used to weigh on me until I cut someone I really really miss out of my life because I couldnt get him to do what I thought I wanted.
Bless you...
XO
It's the self talk/nagging I can't handle.. so i just cut that out... swallow my pride and tell the person where I was at at the time the situation happened.
Most of us believe in black and white thinking when there's a whole array of grey shades to take on board imo...
You can't change what happened but you can stop the internal self nagging = I can't stand doing my own head in lol...
That said not many peeps have forgiven me.. those that have you know are real gems and they know life's imperfect as are we."That is so honest of you. He is a very special person with rare depth and understanding. I have never met anyone like him. He was an absolute treasure chest in my life and probably in someone elses life now | |||
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"Yes, I threw away a brilliant relationship with an amazing lady on here as I was scared of commitment issues. A decision that has haunted me for many years
Isnt there any possibility of rekindling it?
Not the sex, which was like a devine drug. He was not and never would be into this lifestyle. But maybe the friendship. I miss the way he got me and always showed he cared in little ways most people would never consider.
I could trust him completely and tell him anything. The only person who I ever opened up to.
I treated him appallingly and spat the most vengeful bile at him when he would not consider being in the lifestyle with me. He was very hurt but my hurt was more important to me at the time. He never even said anything meant to hurt me, just wished me well and said he would always be there for me in the future but I was angry and messaged him very hurtful things. He eventually stopped messaging.
Sometimes we don't see the bigger picture when we have our interests at the forefront of our minds. Only later do we see what we have done and by then it's normally too late to rectify. Just hope to learn from the experience and not repeat it."I try not to but I will always regret my selfishness in that situation | |||
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"If I've ever cut someone off, it's always been very well deserved. And final. No regrets here." I wish I could say the same  | |||
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" I'm very lucky to have amazing people in my life who understand me and get my quirks although when I was younger that wasn't always the case but to be honest they were bridges that probably needed to be burned. I don't regret any of the people that are no longer in my life however there is one person that I worry about often, i would like to reconnect just to see how they are doing but it probably isn't a good idea for either side." He is that person for me. He lives hundreds of miles away now and is very private, so I could not even follow him online if I tried. | |||
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" I'm very lucky to have amazing people in my life who understand me and get my quirks although when I was younger that wasn't always the case but to be honest they were bridges that probably needed to be burned. I don't regret any of the people that are no longer in my life however there is one person that I worry about often, i would like to reconnect just to see how they are doing but it probably isn't a good idea for either side. He is that person for me. He lives hundreds of miles away now and is very private, so I could not even follow him online if I tried." It was a difficult situation and still something I struggle with from time to time. He was my best friend for many years and we haven't spoken for 6 years now. We did have some mutual friends so I used to be able to see how he was through them but hes cut everyone off now and I haven't heard about him in about 3 and a 1/2 years.
I occasionally feel like reaching out although I'm in a similar situation and hes not on social media and I think hes moved so I wouldn't know how to contact him now. | |||
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"Sometimes the fuckers simply need to have both barrels. " Defo but its the times they deserve to be understood and listened to when I have blasted them, thats my problem  | |||
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"Burning one at the moment, looking for the bucket full of sand to put it out x" It's such a tricky time at the moment for so many and I really hope you find that bucket of sand in time. X | |||
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"Sometimes the fuckers simply need to have both barrels. Defo but its the times they deserve to be understood and listened to when I have blasted them, thats my problem "Maybe we can do a role swap. You give em both barrels on my behalf and I'll sit down and have a natter for you and come to an amicable agreement. I'll even throw in a free herbal tea to calm your nerves afterwards. | |||
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" I'm very lucky to have amazing people in my life who understand me and get my quirks although when I was younger that wasn't always the case but to be honest they were bridges that probably needed to be burned. I don't regret any of the people that are no longer in my life however there is one person that I worry about often, i would like to reconnect just to see how they are doing but it probably isn't a good idea for either side. He is that person for me. He lives hundreds of miles away now and is very private, so I could not even follow him online if I tried. It was a difficult situation and still something I struggle with from time to time. He was my best friend for many years and we haven't spoken for 6 years now. We did have some mutual friends so I used to be able to see how he was through them but hes cut everyone off now and I haven't heard about him in about 3 and a 1/2 years.
I occasionally feel like reaching out although I'm in a similar situation and hes not on social media and I think hes moved so I wouldn't know how to contact him now. "Thats awful I can only imagine how much you worry about him. I was the one in self-destruct mode then, not him. I was always trying to distract from my problems by getting lost in partying, meaningless sex with guys who I could control and I think a deep and real relationship with someone who saw me and not just a body really frightened me. | |||
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"If I've ever cut someone off, it's always been very well deserved. And final. No regrets here. I wish I could say the same "Oh don't get me wrong, I give far too many chances first. To the point where I've been annoyed at myself for not cutting ties sooner. | |||
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"Burning one at the moment, looking for the bucket full of sand to put it out x" I hope you find a sand truck full  | |||
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"Sometimes the fuckers simply need to have both barrels. Defo but its the times they deserve to be understood and listened to when I have blasted them, thats my problem
Maybe we can do a role swap. You give em both barrels on my behalf and I'll sit down and have a natter for you and come to an amicable agreement. I'll even throw in a free herbal tea to calm your nerves afterwards. " | |||
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" I'm very lucky to have amazing people in my life who understand me and get my quirks although when I was younger that wasn't always the case but to be honest they were bridges that probably needed to be burned. I don't regret any of the people that are no longer in my life however there is one person that I worry about often, i would like to reconnect just to see how they are doing but it probably isn't a good idea for either side. He is that person for me. He lives hundreds of miles away now and is very private, so I could not even follow him online if I tried. It was a difficult situation and still something I struggle with from time to time. He was my best friend for many years and we haven't spoken for 6 years now. We did have some mutual friends so I used to be able to see how he was through them but hes cut everyone off now and I haven't heard about him in about 3 and a 1/2 years.
I occasionally feel like reaching out although I'm in a similar situation and hes not on social media and I think hes moved so I wouldn't know how to contact him now.
Thats awful I can only imagine how much you worry about him.
I was the one in self-destruct mode then, not him. I was always trying to distract from my problems by getting lost in partying, meaningless sex with guys who I could control and I think a deep and real relationship with someone who saw me and not just a body really frightened me."Oh im sorry and I totally get that. My friend was doing the same and unfortunately I became to drained. I know it probably feels little Consolation but I'm sure hes thinking about you and there is still hope that you can start menting that bridge. Sometimes even though it's painful it's best to move on for both sides, i do hope you get some sort for a solution that you can sit comfortably with. | |||
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"If I've ever cut someone off, it's always been very well deserved. And final. No regrets here. I wish I could say the same
Oh don't get me wrong, I give far too many chances first. To the point where I've been annoyed at myself for not cutting ties sooner.
Other way around for me in that situation. He was the one who put up with my temper until I tried to manipulate him too far.
" | |||
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"I don't build them in the first place, that way they can't get burnt. " That's got me thinking. Maybe I ought to construct mine with a mechanical lever which I can easily operate. And underneath that bridge lies starving crocodile and sharp spikes. Oh and lava. | |||
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" I'm very lucky to have amazing people in my life who understand me and get my quirks although when I was younger that wasn't always the case but to be honest they were bridges that probably needed to be burned. I don't regret any of the people that are no longer in my life however there is one person that I worry about often, i would like to reconnect just to see how they are doing but it probably isn't a good idea for either side. He is that person for me. He lives hundreds of miles away now and is very private, so I could not even follow him online if I tried. It was a difficult situation and still something I struggle with from time to time. He was my best friend for many years and we haven't spoken for 6 years now. We did have some mutual friends so I used to be able to see how he was through them but hes cut everyone off now and I haven't heard about him in about 3 and a 1/2 years.
I occasionally feel like reaching out although I'm in a similar situation and hes not on social media and I think hes moved so I wouldn't know how to contact him now.
Thats awful I can only imagine how much you worry about him.
I was the one in self-destruct mode then, not him. I was always trying to distract from my problems by getting lost in partying, meaningless sex with guys who I could control and I think a deep and real relationship with someone who saw me and not just a body really frightened me.
Oh im sorry and I totally get that.
My friend was doing the same and unfortunately I became to drained.
I know it probably feels little Consolation but I'm sure hes thinking about you and there is still hope that you can start menting that bridge. Sometimes even though it's painful it's best to move on for both sides, i do hope you get some sort for a solution that you can sit comfortably with."I hope so. Maybe I am too selfish in wanting him in my life in any capacity at this stage but the emptiness is enormous. Its like he filled my life with so much honesty and understanding that no amount of friends could fill the void he has left. | |||
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" I'm very lucky to have amazing people in my life who understand me and get my quirks although when I was younger that wasn't always the case but to be honest they were bridges that probably needed to be burned. I don't regret any of the people that are no longer in my life however there is one person that I worry about often, i would like to reconnect just to see how they are doing but it probably isn't a good idea for either side. He is that person for me. He lives hundreds of miles away now and is very private, so I could not even follow him online if I tried. It was a difficult situation and still something I struggle with from time to time. He was my best friend for many years and we haven't spoken for 6 years now. We did have some mutual friends so I used to be able to see how he was through them but hes cut everyone off now and I haven't heard about him in about 3 and a 1/2 years.
I occasionally feel like reaching out although I'm in a similar situation and hes not on social media and I think hes moved so I wouldn't know how to contact him now.
Thats awful I can only imagine how much you worry about him.
I was the one in self-destruct mode then, not him. I was always trying to distract from my problems by getting lost in partying, meaningless sex with guys who I could control and I think a deep and real relationship with someone who saw me and not just a body really frightened me.
Oh im sorry and I totally get that.
My friend was doing the same and unfortunately I became to drained.
I know it probably feels little Consolation but I'm sure hes thinking about you and there is still hope that you can start menting that bridge. Sometimes even though it's painful it's best to move on for both sides, i do hope you get some sort for a solution that you can sit comfortably with.
I hope so. Maybe I am too selfish in wanting him in my life in any capacity at this stage but the emptiness is enormous. Its like he filled my life with so much honesty and understanding that no amount of friends could fill the void he has left."Does he know you feel like this? | |||
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"I don't build them in the first place, that way they can't get burnt. " I was exactly the same. People got as close as I let them. They may even have thought they knew me well but he wasnt interested or taken in by the fortress facade and got right to my core. He loved me for what he saw in there and not for what I could do for him. But we used to bloom together even when we just spoke. | |||
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"Parents - big time, then they died A good friend from forums, but I got the hump, and really sorry now" Awww I feel so much for you. you must be an amazingly strong person. | |||
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" I'm very lucky to have amazing people in my life who understand me and get my quirks although when I was younger that wasn't always the case but to be honest they were bridges that probably needed to be burned. I don't regret any of the people that are no longer in my life however there is one person that I worry about often, i would like to reconnect just to see how they are doing but it probably isn't a good idea for either side. He is that person for me. He lives hundreds of miles away now and is very private, so I could not even follow him online if I tried. It was a difficult situation and still something I struggle with from time to time. He was my best friend for many years and we haven't spoken for 6 years now. We did have some mutual friends so I used to be able to see how he was through them but hes cut everyone off now and I haven't heard about him in about 3 and a 1/2 years.
I occasionally feel like reaching out although I'm in a similar situation and hes not on social media and I think hes moved so I wouldn't know how to contact him now.
Thats awful I can only imagine how much you worry about him.
I was the one in self-destruct mode then, not him. I was always trying to distract from my problems by getting lost in partying, meaningless sex with guys who I could control and I think a deep and real relationship with someone who saw me and not just a body really frightened me.
Oh im sorry and I totally get that.
My friend was doing the same and unfortunately I became to drained.
I know it probably feels little Consolation but I'm sure hes thinking about you and there is still hope that you can start menting that bridge. Sometimes even though it's painful it's best to move on for both sides, i do hope you get some sort for a solution that you can sit comfortably with.
I hope so. Maybe I am too selfish in wanting him in my life in any capacity at this stage but the emptiness is enormous. Its like he filled my life with so much honesty and understanding that no amount of friends could fill the void he has left.
Does he know you feel like this?"He has no idea. The last he heard from me was a message belittling him. I said I had lied about how good he was in bed and that I had had so much better before and after It was complete lies. Sex with him was like being surrounded in sensation. I never experienced anything like it he just knew how to orbit me in another dimension. Fucking since then has just been that. I will never experience something so amazing again but I can live with that. I never valued his presence in my life outside the bedroom. He knew what I was feeling before I did and he calmed me like a drug when he spoke with me. I would give anything to have never have done what I did then. | |||
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""Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear" This is like a background mantra to me these days... it gets easier the more hurdles you cross... also it really does help you self regulate, self validate and realise how very resilient human beings are and yourself in particular. If we can meet a total strangers off fabs who are potential psychos (lol).. then we can also sooner or later cross the fear barrier of something we really really want but are afraid of... imo... (I have a lot of opinions lol)" That rings so true for me. I feared genuine love because I never knew it until he showed me it. I could never understand why he was so unselfish and I think I just kept pushing him to find his boundries. But I was too caught up in trying to manipulate him to see even he had a limit to how much he would endure. | |||
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"Personally I would try to move on. What's to say he wants to hear from you? Maybe he is with somebody else now as you say. Are you prepared for these possibilities? You may be facing further pain. But nobody can tell you not to attempt getting in touch if that's how you feel. " I am almost positive he has surely found someone else. He is a very rare kind of person like a galaxy covered in a cloak and any stable woman who sees inside would ever walk away from him. I know I will never be his lover again and I have accepted that. I just want him in my life. | |||
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"Acceptance is your path to peace. Get some rest OP. " I accept I need to sleep | |||
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"Burning one at the moment, looking for the bucket full of sand to put it out x" Well you are near a big sandy beach... ?? | |||
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""Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear" This is like a background mantra to me these days... it gets easier the more hurdles you cross... also it really does help you self regulate, self validate and realise how very resilient human beings are and yourself in particular. If we can meet a total strangers off fabs who are potential psychos (lol).. then we can also sooner or later cross the fear barrier of something we really really want but are afraid of... imo... (I have a lot of opinions lol) That rings so true for me. I feared genuine love because I never knew it until he showed me it. I could never understand why he was so unselfish and I think I just kept pushing him to find his boundries. But I was too caught up in trying to manipulate him to see even he had a limit to how much he would endure. " You're not to blame you know.. sounds like a below the veil of consciousness automated response to something you (and all of us) really really want but are afraid of... The subconscious kicks in when we don't fully understand things Love's scary shit, especially the kind he gave you... there's no boundaries to it.. and if the maturity levels between you vary, you have to grow up real quick to meet the person where they're at... Scared the shit out of me too at one point.. now I love myself that way which helps love other people that way too. Bless human beings is all I can say.. very trying for us is life in general lol. | |||
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"Have you ever cut someone out of your life because of your pride, anger or stubborn streak ? A really good friend, lover of family member who did not say or do as you wished ? Did you ever try to build that bridge again ? Or was your pride / shame / embarrassment too great to try ? Were you fair minded enough to try and succeed after your temper had cooled ? I would love to hear some hopeful tales but all honest tales and outcomes are welcome. " I think the main deciding factor is trying to imagine how you'd feel if the worst thing happened and they passed away. If you would be devastated that you'd missed out on good years with them then it's worth trying to rebuild the burnt bridge. If they're a total cock womble that has hurt you deeply then forget them and leave the bridge burnt | |||
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"I don't think that I've ever instigated any bridge burning. There are relationships that have changed over time, and people that I'm no longer close to but still mean a great deal to me. I do have siblings that I doubt I will ever communicate with again, but that is through their actions not mine. In my darker moments I do worry that, like Cerebus, I might "die alone, unmourned and unloved". " I am sure most of the people we cut from our lives we do for good reasons. It never weighs on my mind when I know thay were bad for me. | |||
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"I've burnt a few where my honesty of a situation has been the issue that caused it do now if asked my opinion I say that's for you to figure out as I'm not the one who has to deal with fallout ,that way you don't come across as the bad guy who said I told you so" That sounds like a very fair philosophy  | |||
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""Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear" This is like a background mantra to me these days... it gets easier the more hurdles you cross... also it really does help you self regulate, self validate and realise how very resilient human beings are and yourself in particular. If we can meet a total strangers off fabs who are potential psychos (lol).. then we can also sooner or later cross the fear barrier of something we really really want but are afraid of... imo... (I have a lot of opinions lol) That rings so true for me. I feared genuine love because I never knew it until he showed me it. I could never understand why he was so unselfish and I think I just kept pushing him to find his boundries. But I was too caught up in trying to manipulate him to see even he had a limit to how much he would endure. You're not to blame you know.. sounds like a below the veil of consciousness automated response to something you (and all of us) really really want but are afraid of... The subconscious kicks in when we don't fully understand things Love's scary shit, especially the kind he gave you... there's no boundaries to it.. and if the maturity levels between you vary, you have to grow up real quick to meet the person where they're at... Scared the shit out of me too at one point.. now I love myself that way which helps love other people that way too. Bless human beings is all I can say.. very trying for us is life in general lol." I did not used to blame myself but my personality. Now I know that did not serve me well and I work to not let my personality control my growth but I do uderstand what you mean. | |||
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"It can be a means of self-preservation. We are scared of some element that another person has brought to the surface. Burning the bridge enables us to push that feeling/memory that we don’t want to face/feel back down. Some people have the opposite problem though, they don’t burn a bridge even when it’s very unhealthy for them. I know someone in my life who should get out of a toxic situation, they need to see it for themselves though. " I know there are toxic people in my life I should cut loose. I do not know why I havent already as I know they play with my emotions for fun. But i plan on having them out of my life when the world changes again. | |||
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"I don't burn bridges easily and will often spend a lot of time doing the opposite and trying to repair them, which can be painful when they're being burned from the other end. On the handful of occasions where I've burned one it has been with very good reason." I am not a good builder. Wish I was | |||
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"No, not really. Both times they'd built up over time. I spend too long trying to make things right, do right by the other person so for me to get to the burning a bridge stage, it will have been a lot of things that results in me being too tired to try and fix/come back from. I'm not *that* hotheaded a person, I tend to regret saying anything even slightly offensive/rude to those I care about. I'm more a slow dismantler of a bridge rather than a burner. " I slowly try to slowly dismantle with people I mistrust. | |||
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"No, not really. Both times they'd built up over time. I spend too long trying to make things right, do right by the other person so for me to get to the burning a bridge stage, it will have been a lot of things that results in me being too tired to try and fix/come back from. I'm not *that* hotheaded a person, I tend to regret saying anything even slightly offensive/rude to those I care about. I'm more a slow dismantler of a bridge rather than a burner. I slowly try to slowly dismantle with people I mistrust." How long ago was the bridge burnt op? | |||
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"I can't say I have. There are a couple of people I've cut out of my life, but that's because they were frequently unpleasant and cruel and I regret nothing. Saying cruel things in a temper is not something I understand really and if I have fucked up and made a mistake with someone I own it and apologise. It's caused me huge distress in the past to be treated like that, so I wouldn't do it to anyone else. " I know there are some people I have lost it with and picked up with them again months later. They are usually the people I should have left out of my life. I know this situation is different. Alot of genuine people see a late apology as too little too late. Someone once told me I was like a child who treats people like dolls. I put one down to play with another and then cant understand why they are not there where I left them when I return to find them | |||
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"Have you ever cut someone out of your life because of your pride, anger or stubborn streak ? A really good friend, lover of family member who did not say or do as you wished ? Did you ever try to build that bridge again ? Or was your pride / shame / embarrassment too great to try ? Were you fair minded enough to try and succeed after your temper had cooled ? I would love to hear some hopeful tales but all honest tales and outcomes are welcome. I think the main deciding factor is trying to imagine how you'd feel if the worst thing happened and they passed away. If you would be devastated that you'd missed out on good years with them then it's worth trying to rebuild the burnt bridge. " That would be my worst nightmare in this situation | |||
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"Yes, I threw away a brilliant relationship with an amazing lady on here as I was scared of commitment issues. A decision that has haunted me for many years "I think many men on here have done just that. You have it to live with though....... | |||
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"It takes a lot for me to actually sever ties to the point there is no going back. But if I do, it’s permanent. I’ve done it a handful of times in my life, I regret 1. V x " Can I ask what makes that one time different ? | |||
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"Same here. On reflection, I realised I had too many toxic "friends" in my life. Chances were given - repeatedly - but I set fire to those bridges without regret. When the bad times more than double the good times, it's time to light that match " So much. | |||
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"Same here. On reflection, I realised I had too many toxic "friends" in my life. Chances were given - repeatedly - but I set fire to those bridges without regret. When the bad times more than double the good times, it's time to light that match So much. " I just wish I'd done it in my 30's.....xx | |||
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"Why don't you try and get in contact with him OP? Then at least you will have tried." I really want to once I track him down. I think he is living in France now. I need to see his face to apologise properly. But maybe if I can get word to him he might be willing to talk on webcam. I hope | |||
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"Same here. On reflection, I realised I had too many toxic "friends" in my life. Chances were given - repeatedly - but I set fire to those bridges without regret. When the bad times more than double the good times, it's time to light that match So much. I just wish I'd done it in my 30's.....xx" Life's about learning. We get there in the end. | |||
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"On the contrary, there are bridges that I wish I'd burnt earlier With hindsight, I spent way too much time putting out fires on bridges that should have just been allowed to burn" As Swing says above, it's a learning process. Don't regret it, just move on xx | |||
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"Why don't you try and get in contact with him OP? Then at least you will have tried. I really want to once I track him down. I think he is living in France now. I need to see his face to apologise properly. But maybe if I can get word to him he might be willing to talk on webcam. I hope "What would you hope to gain? | |||
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"It takes a lot for me to actually sever ties to the point there is no going back. But if I do, it’s permanent. I’ve done it a handful of times in my life, I regret 1. V x Can I ask what makes that one time different ?" Well the bridge burning was the right thing to do. The regret comes from wishing I hadn’t had to. V x | |||
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"Why don't you try and get in contact with him OP? Then at least you will have tried. I really want to once I track him down. I think he is living in France now. I need to see his face to apologise properly. But maybe if I can get word to him he might be willing to talk on webcam. I hope
What would you hope to gain? "I'm gonna say it. It's gonna turn into one of those threads but I may as well bring it up now. But I'm pretty certain if a man was considering this course of action he'd be labelled as stalker-ish and obsessive. This person in France has a new life, probably with someone new. Attempts to reintegrate into his life may confuse his feelings and cause friction in any new relationship. If you really cared for this man, I'd suggest just letting him go and hope that he is happy. | |||
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"No, not really. Both times they'd built up over time. I spend too long trying to make things right, do right by the other person so for me to get to the burning a bridge stage, it will have been a lot of things that results in me being too tired to try and fix/come back from. I'm not *that* hotheaded a person, I tend to regret saying anything even slightly offensive/rude to those I care about. I'm more a slow dismantler of a bridge rather than a burner. I slowly try to slowly dismantle with people I mistrust. How long ago was the bridge burnt op?" Its been just over a year and a half. A friend on here tells me Im about 18 months too late to ever be allowed see his true self again. She says he wont be cold to me but will I will not get to know the real him again just the pleasant superficial him that most of the world ever sees
I think deep down I just want him to know I am grateful for what he did for me and I want him to know I am sorry for how I treated him. | |||
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"I'm not sure I'm a bridge burner, but equally, I've not got the hose out when bridges have caught fire. I've two friends with whom the bridge has been burned, and in each case by them. One, I'd entertain building a new bridge, but it would be different and never as big or as strong as before. The other? Almost certainly not. But to the OP... You've identified things in your earlier behaviour that sucks, and conduct unbecoming, that you regret and hopefully have learnt from. But, and it's a big but, are you still that person? You've also identified a key incompatibility between yourself and the individual, i.e., swinging. Attempt contact, even if its just to apologise. I know in my own life I do appreciate an apology if it's heartfelt and genuine, even long after the fact. They may have moved on. They may accept and appreciate the apology. Maybe the only thing to come of it will be your own inner peace, but that alone may not be a bad thing." 
These are the kind of hard truths he used to make me realise without ever saying them so bluntly. But I really appreciate you comments. There was a time such honesty would offend me but strangely thats not how I am now. Maybe I am changing for the better | |||
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"Why don't you try and get in contact with him OP? Then at least you will have tried. I really want to once I track him down. I think he is living in France now. I need to see his face to apologise properly. But maybe if I can get word to him he might be willing to talk on webcam. I hope
What would you hope to gain? "I think at low water closure and peace. High water his friendship again | |||
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"It takes a lot for me to actually sever ties to the point there is no going back. But if I do, it’s permanent. I’ve done it a handful of times in my life, I regret 1. V x Can I ask what makes that one time different ? Well the bridge burning was the right thing to do. The regret comes from wishing I hadn’t had to. V x " Sound like the sadness that comes with knowing you did the right thing | |||
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"Why don't you try and get in contact with him OP? Then at least you will have tried. I really want to once I track him down. I think he is living in France now. I need to see his face to apologise properly. But maybe if I can get word to him he might be willing to talk on webcam. I hope
What would you hope to gain?
I'm gonna say it. It's gonna turn into one of those threads but I may as well bring it up now. But I'm pretty certain if a man was considering this course of action he'd be labelled as stalker-ish and obsessive. This person in France has a new life, probably with someone new. Attempts to reintegrate into his life may confuse his feelings and cause friction in any new relationship. If you really cared for this man, I'd suggest just letting him go and hope that he is happy. "Good point | |||
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"Once I did with my sister, it wasn't really pride though, it was hurt, anger and frustration. It was a messy and complicated situation that neither of us could see an end too. I cut all ties and walked away. Turns out a new bridge was built years down the line and it was actually good for us, we are now working on making that a lot stronger and not letting others piss all over it. We both had a lot of regrets but with time and a lot of talking, we've managed to work through them and see how impossible the situation was for both of us. We no longer blame each other. I have no issues whatsoever cutting people off if they are toxic to my life. Same as Petite Woman said " if I cut all ties, Chances are you handed me the scissors" I wouldn't say I live by that but it's been very true to a few experiences. " This has made my day
Thank you for sharing that uplifting outcome | |||
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"I burnt the bridge with my best friend from childhood after him and a fellow friend questioned my decisions for me wedding. Not something I regret" Did they question your wedding day plans or your relationship or who you were going to marry ?  | |||
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The air still hasn’t been cleared fully and it’s a bit odd. Although she’s alluded to having had a lot of personal stuff going on for at the time which clouded her judgement. I haven’t fully forgiven and forgotten but I don’t have the energy to make an issue of it.
It is what it is. | |||
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"Why don't you try and get in contact with him OP? Then at least you will have tried. I really want to once I track him down. I think he is living in France now. I need to see his face to apologise properly. But maybe if I can get word to him he might be willing to talk on webcam. I hope
What would you hope to gain?
I'm gonna say it. It's gonna turn into one of those threads but I may as well bring it up now. But I'm pretty certain if a man was considering this course of action he'd be labelled as stalker-ish and obsessive. This person in France has a new life, probably with someone new. Attempts to reintegrate into his life may confuse his feelings and cause friction in any new relationship. If you really cared for this man, I'd suggest just letting him go and hope that he is happy.
Good point"As _naswingdress suggested... Pouring your heart out in a letter can be therapeutic. You don't need to follow through by sending it. You just need to forgive yourself to move on. Letting him go would be a big step. If you really must let him know, maybe ask the friend to pass on your regards and leave it at that with no expectations. Maybe he will reach out, maybe not. | |||
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"I burnt the bridge with my best friend from childhood after him and a fellow friend questioned my decisions for me wedding. Not something I regret Did they question your wedding day plans or your relationship or who you were going to marry ? "the plans for it. The marriage its self lasted just under 8 years | |||
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"
These are the kind of hard truths he used to make me realise without ever saying them so bluntly. But I really appreciate you comments. There was a time such honesty would offend me but strangely thats not how I am now. Maybe I am changing for the better "I'm a firm believer that while the truth can be painful, the respect it brings lasts longer than any pain it causes, and is a positive. You can argue with sentiment, but not honesty. I respect the truth, and can handle it far better than lies or deception. | |||
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"Burning one at the moment, looking for the bucket full of sand to put it out x It's such a tricky time at the moment for so many and I really hope you find that bucket of sand in time. X" | |||
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