FabSwingers.com forum: Trust

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do you struggle to let people in or trust easily?

Do you give people the benefit of the doubt until they don't deserve it?

How do you get close to someone who has trouble trusting or do you decide it's too much like hard work?

Will you give someone a second chance if they have broken your trust before?

Does it depend on your relationship with that person?

I'm just musing and nosey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does depend on the relationship with the person and what was broken

I can forgive x

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I struggle to trust people due to my childhood. But that doesn't mean I'm not open to it. I'm upfront and honest with people that I find it difficult and that it will take time. So I give them option to back out if they want to.

Trust once lost is hard to regain. But again if an open and upfront discussion is had then it's possible to learn and grow from a situation.

Sometimes it's more about trusting yourself to trust someone over anything else.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I have major trust issues, thanks to the behaviour of an ex.

I’m not very trusting at all now really. I’m like Miss Marple, constantly reading people and their actions. Slightest whiff of dishonesty and I tend to go off them.

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

I think as an adult I prefer to put the trust into people.

Until the day you give me a reason to not trust you.

After that it'll never happen again unfortunately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dead simple with me... trust has to be earned.

i'm also a bit of an arse and as soon as someone breaks my trust once there isn't really a second chance. life is too short!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I take it on a person by person basis.

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By *ottoncandy42Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

"It does depend on the relationship with the person and what was broken

I can forgive x"

I agree with you however he needs to earn trust again from me, from scratch xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust is something that has to be earnt. The things I've been through in the past have left some scars so I don't let people in easy.

That being said once I trust someone, I do so until they give me reason not to. If the trust is broken, there's no going back for me

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I used to trust very easily. But now it takes a lot more to make me trust. Saying that, it depends on the person.

I also used to give people the benefit of the doubt until it was undeniable that they were the ones I should be doubting. I don't do that any more.

All you can do with someone who has trouble trusting is decide whether it is worth putting in the work. Because it is work, and it can hurt your soul to be constantly distrusted through no fault of your own.

If someone has broken my trust I always think "that's it". But it does depend on the person,and on how they've hurt me. I can't even say the trust never comes back, but there is always a part of me that will hold back a little.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

depends on here if so one keeps avoid question such as simple as just face time chat or meeting for a social first hand break the ice i tend to be unsure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Again, for me, trust has to be earned. I don’t start out by thinking someone is a pathological liar, but I am usually on a heightened state of alert in the short term. Some people are very deluded and think they can get away with lying. Having seen it time and time again, even the smartest of people get caught out eventually.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

My divorce has changed me I always thought I could trust her implicitly, but I was wrong. So due to that experience I’m no longer as trusting as I once was. It doesn’t mean I won’t trust again but I’m more likely to be more cautious about that other person’s motivations.

It’s hard to trust when those closest to you break it, unfortunately

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Again, for me, trust has to be earned. I don’t start out by thinking someone is a pathological liar, but I am usually on a heightened state of alert in the short term. Some people are very deluded and think they can get away with lying. Having seen it time and time again, even the smartest of people get caught out eventually. "

Some people don't care if they can get away with it or not. They simply believe that once they've said something it becomes fact. If challenged they continue to repeat the lie even in the face of evidence to the contrary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just give ppl enough rope to hang themselves with. They’ll either prove dodgy or prove honest. I try to just remain neutral now until they show me different

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Relationship wise - I'm apparently a professional wall builder.

If I start to take them down and I'm given reason to doubt, they then go back up double quick time!!

Friends wise, I do like to give people the benifit of the doubt of being a good person but I will always keep my initial instincts of the person to hand.

God I really am an untrusting person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My last two relationships highlighted that I used to trust too easily. I'm a slow learner.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'm not sure if I struggle to let people in as such, it's more there's only so much I have any desire to tell them.

I try and trust people because I have faith and hope, we're not all that bad really. Crossed wires, self protection. I get that there are a myriad of reasons for lies in some form.

I do overthink sometimes and that can lead to me to doubt what people are saying but that's more when it coincides with something that highlights a worry of mine.

Most of the questions do depend on the relationship I have with the person. What about you OP?

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By *razzyhorseMan
over a year ago

cambridge

Trust is something that can only develop over time. It can't be rushed and the time it takes is different for every single person.

A couple of times I've been too naive & regretted the people I trusted but on the other hand there's a few that have proved my trust in them over and over again. Hopefully I've repaid that equally & will do for as long as we are in touch.

Take your time people it's worth it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take people in good faith until they prove otherwise but equally I don’t invest too much emotional energy in our relationship too early so I’ll be disappointed rather than crushed if they let me down.

My experience is that people either trust too much, too soon and are devastated when it goes wrong, or are too suspicious which makes it hard for the relationship to develop in a positive way. Not easy I know but somewhere in between in best, imo.

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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago

Milton keynes

I tend to keep myself close around people I don't know and it takes a while for me to open up as probably out of fear of being hurt, betrayed or rejected. I know not everyone is the same and have the same intentions but I just can't help it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, but he’s been voted out of office now abs is facing a second impeachment trial

Seriously, though, I agree. Some don’t give a flying fuck whether they’re believed or not. I tend to give those people a wide berth. It’s the only way to deal with them.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Full trust. Very few people will ever get that from me anymore.

High levels of trust, that can be earned eventually.

I have a basic trust for most people but that varies and always comes with lots of being never truely sure.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I think also some people actually don't realise they're being dishonest. They actually believe what they are saying, and it becomes their truth. Unfortunately that's probably more worrying and dangerous than a liar in some ways, as they "know" their version is right and they therefore see anything as different to that truth as a lie.

Perception is tricky.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I don’t have a problem. I trust everyone until they let me down. Then I’m gone.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

"I think also some people actually don't realise they're being dishonest. They actually believe what they are saying, and it becomes their truth. Unfortunately that's probably more worrying and dangerous than a liar in some ways, as they "know" their version is right and they therefore see anything as different to that truth as a lie.

Perception is tricky."

This is true too.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Trust is a multi-levelled thing for me - everyone starts out with a certain amount of trust that I place in them e.g. that they're a decent person and aren't about to attack me in some way - that level of trust can be easily and very quickly removed and may only be very fleeting.

As I get to know people that level of trust will grow until ultimately I trust someone completely, and very few people make it to that level with me and once they do it's possibly the hardest level of trust to lose, but also the hardest to come to terms with when it is lost.

People may move up and down my levels of trust and some will display behaviours that it's lost completely and not to be regained, others may retain a level of trust but be held at arms length out of wariness - depends what has been done to break it in the first place.

I also think trust goes hand in hand with respect, and if I lose respect for someone it's inevitable that I'll also lose any trust I had in that person too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I take it on a person by person basis. "

Me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust is where I keep money for my kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone starts from a position of zero trust with me and it takes a lot to build it

There are a handful of people I trust, who know me inside out

The rest get told what I am comfy with, which is generally just piffle and inconsequential, but looks like I am more open than I actually am

I am also a natural born cynic, which doesn't help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always thought I was particularly untrusting but Fab has proved me wrong in the past. I am now trying to close off to people and make them work for my trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it hard to trust people at first because I don't know anything about them but the more we talk in depth about each other or the more I see their actions, that allows that trust to grow.

If someone has broken my trust, depending on who they are, I may never trust them again and I start to find faults even with their good intentions.

It's probably not the best way to go about it but if I trust someone, I'm all in because it means I feel comfortable and safe around them. As soon as you break that, I start to question myself and my judge of character which I hate...

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By *evil-AngelWoman
over a year ago

...

If anything, getting hurt has damaged my trust in myself. I don't believe I can make good judgement calls about people so I keep them at a distance so I don't have to.

Also, I know that in the past I've trusted too much and given too many chances so I've gone the other way and don't trust anyone now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If anything, getting hurt has damaged my trust in myself. I don't believe I can make good judgement calls about people so I keep them at a distance so I don't have to.

Also, I know that in the past I've trusted too much and given too many chances so I've gone the other way and don't trust anyone now."

I agree and think that's what I alluded to in the last bit of my post but you put it so much better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust is a funny old word. Do you mean trust them never to not let you down OP? I personally think that's an impossible weight room hang around someone's neck in a relationship or otherwise. I'd rather have FAITH in them instead, faith that they'll do and try their best not to fuck up, but recognise that it's a distinct possibility because I can't expect any more than that in return. We're all human after all.

I think trust as a word is overrated and overused (kinda in the same category as genuine and fake etc) and we all beat ourselves and others up far to much with it. Motivation I find more interesting, it's always at the core of any action, good or bad

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I've learnt it covers many spectrums.

I can trust someone in the sense I'd let them into my home, but not trust them to be in the same area as me when they've had a drink.

I can trust someone with my secrets but not my money.

All subjective and it's a case of learning who you can trust for what.

The second I feel I've been lied to tho, I back away. People know me and know that's something I won't stand for.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Depends on the context and my relationship with that person.

A new friend? No I will distance myself until we are mere acquaintances

An old friend. Yes, and try to decipher why the lie was necessary, this may lead to the above

A colleague. Yes. But I will be guarded in the future.

A lover. No. Time to move on.

A partner. Yes, initially, if I agree with the reason why they have lied if not. No. Time to move on

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

A tricky subject this , as even at my age certain people I thought I could trust over the past few months have proven they cant be and I've lost friends ( no great loss most of them ) .

Trust is definitely earnt , and I think respect is more or less the same thing , along with honesty .

All under the same bracket , you cant have one without the other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I operate on a Robert De Niro style "circle of trust"....

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