Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to The Lounge |
| Jump to newest |  |
If you have ten minutes then perhaps have a ponder and let me know what you think about "stuff"?
Many thanks and if I get any replies to this thread then I'll be amazed but I really appreciate your patience and attention over a series of rather dull, rambling and uninspiring thread titles 
.me. x
P.s. the word "nice" is banned on this thread and all future "stuff" threads (if indeed there are any) and anyone using it is consenting to anal passions with BIG Dave, ok?  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Or maybe when a thread exceeds 20 words nobody can be arsed?
Or perhaps people wanted to reply using n-word but now feel they have to follow my instruction?
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
I think it's possible to change how we feel about things and stuff. Isn't that the idea behind cbt (not the cock version). | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
First, a lot of your interactions on the "negative" thread were taken up with Yasmeen which undoubtedly boosted the number of posts on that thread.
Second - personally I gave a far more detailed response to the positive thread and yet the manner I was received was less than positive.  Perhaps OP your response style differed somewhat in the two? I know it certainly did on a personal level. In turn that could have led to less interaction from each poster which would give the initial impression of people preferring to be negative.
Third - this is similar to those cosmetic ads you see where they have a case study of 8 people and 70% agree and that's good enough for them. Small sample size, not comparing like with like, way too many variables. Not the best of case studies. Look at how popular some of the positive threads are - a chance for people to be silly, a chance to feel seen and included.
I'm not sure what complaining does. Perhaps it's the problem shared/halved thing. Perhaps it's a chance to feel less invisible or get it off your chest, even if that's direct in to a void.
Having typed all that, I do think that a lot of people are finding things more difficult currently and the general apathy or sadness towards lockdown will undoubtedly permeate into the fora on some level - it's to be expected. It's not quite the downward spiral of negativity as depicted in the OP but it is definitely in one of the trough periods rather than its peak. I have every faith things will improve in time, whether that's with the easing of lockdown or a shift in the general mindset.
For now I'm going to keep posting in my mainly positive way and enjoying the fora and appreciating/understanding the different forms of interactions, I might even take the odd second to think if something reads as negative and try and be nice.
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I set off to write a really long reply but then deleted it. The problem is the whole world is negative, but it's all about mind set and how people look at things that happen. Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you deal with it. For us it's all about PMA (positive mental attitude). Yes life is shit but it doesn't help by being negative. We can't change it so instead we look for the positives. We do realise that people struggle with mental health and can't always see the positives, and we see that coming across in the forums. " Thanks for actually reading my ramblings . That's very similar to my approach - really simple and uncomplicated and focused on what we can actually do about our problems and how to make things better rather than the things we can't change. I'm not saying we're right or wrong in that approach but it works for me. And yes I think from what I've seen lately folk are possiblly using the forum almost as therapy or a soother, hoping to hear what they want to hear but then when they don't or if someone thinks differently it all goes tits up and spirals maybe? Idk? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think most people won't read your OP. They cry about people not reading profiles though.... N*ce
I think it's possible to change how we feel about things and stuff. Isn't that the idea behind cbt (not the cock version)."That's mad me laugh! . Thank you X
I hope we can learn to change. I think I certainly have a lot especially in my 40's, helped a lot by a change of job and working for a company heavily supportive with self improvement | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I can't deduce that and I bet you had no idea I'd disagree with you.
First, a lot of your interactions on the "negative" thread were taken up with Yasmeen which undoubtedly boosted the number of posts on that thread.
Second - personally I gave a far more detailed response to the positive thread and yet the manner I was received was less than positive. Perhaps OP your response style differed somewhat in the two? I know it certainly did on a personal level. In turn that could have led to less interaction from each poster which would give the initial impression of people preferring to be negative.
Third - this is similar to those cosmetic ads you see where they have a case study of 8 people and 70% agree and that's good enough for them. Small sample size, not comparing like with like, way too many variables. Not the best of case studies. Look at how popular some of the positive threads are - a chance for people to be silly, a chance to feel seen and included.
I'm not sure what complaining does. Perhaps it's the problem shared/halved thing. Perhaps it's a chance to feel less invisible or get it off your chest, even if that's direct in to a void.
Having typed all that, I do think that a lot of people are finding things more difficult currently and the general apathy or sadness towards lockdown will undoubtedly permeate into the fora on some level - it's to be expected. It's not quite the downward spiral of negativity as depicted in the OP but it is definitely in one of the trough periods rather than its peak. I have every faith things will improve in time, whether that's with the easing of lockdown or a shift in the general mindset.
For now I'm going to keep posting in my mainly positive way and enjoying the fora and appreciating/understanding the different forms of interactions, I might even take the odd second to think if something reads as negative and try and be nice.
"How were you feeling when you wrote this reply Meli? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I like to make light of crappy situations, especially concerning my own crappy situations. I am "at risk" of redundancy at work and am in the consultation period. For my first consultation meeting (via Microsoft Teams meeting) with the HR manager and one of the company directors I wore a tee shirt with "R.E.D.U.N.D.A.N.T. Spells Misery" written on it "We've regularly been at risk of redundancy for the last few years. It's a stressful situation to be in. Losing more and more people to redundancy but the people left behind having to take up the extra work. Hope you do ok. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I like to make light of crappy situations, especially concerning my own crappy situations. I am "at risk" of redundancy at work and am in the consultation period. For my first consultation meeting (via Microsoft Teams meeting) with the HR manager and one of the company directors I wore a tee shirt with "R.E.D.U.N.D.A.N.T. Spells Misery" written on it "Awww no, well I hope your situation pans out positively and I'm sure you're attitude will carry you through, whatever is ahead | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Lots of pondering and navel gazing in this OP. Life is a journey of peaks and troughs. There's the good and bad things that will happen in life. I think some people are inherently positive and those that are negative. And I think there are numerous reasons why they are the way they are, sometimes to feel better about themselves, how they were brought up and life experiences. However, the biggest things I've ever learnt in life after my dad is that you can't dwell on your past else you are doomed to relive it. Just cause someone is mean to you doesn't give you free reign to act like a dick. And I sometimes thing people mistake being nice (sorry OP) with being a doormat. They are two very very different things. " I wholeheartedly agree, having spent a few years of my own life living in the past and not moving on. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I like to make light of crappy situations, especially concerning my own crappy situations. I am "at risk" of redundancy at work and am in the consultation period. For my first consultation meeting (via Microsoft Teams meeting) with the HR manager and one of the company directors I wore a tee shirt with "R.E.D.U.N.D.A.N.T. Spells Misery" written on it
We've regularly been at risk of redundancy for the last few years. It's a stressful situation to be in. Losing more and more people to redundancy but the people left behind having to take up the extra work.
Hope you do ok. "This is the 2nd time in just over a year at this firm. I survived the Christmas Cull of 2019. I have been offered an internal transfer but am waiting on hearing from an external interview I had before jumping in. As you say, it's stressful, but I don't let these things get me down. It is what it is and stressing won't get me anywhere. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I like to make light of crappy situations, especially concerning my own crappy situations. I am "at risk" of redundancy at work and am in the consultation period. For my first consultation meeting (via Microsoft Teams meeting) with the HR manager and one of the company directors I wore a tee shirt with "R.E.D.U.N.D.A.N.T. Spells Misery" written on it
Awww no, well I hope your situation pans out positively and I'm sure you're attitude will carry you through, whatever is ahead "I ran rings around the director. How he has a job like that beggars belief. I got him to admit in front of the HR manager he'd misinformed those of us at risk, which had him blustering and the HR manager tutting and rolling eyes 
I quite enjoyed watching their uncomfortable expressions. I have since been offered an internal transfer on my terms and have been interviewed externally for a totally different job which went very well, so whatever happens, I've a job to go to. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm generally a positive person. Negativity is hard work for me, to do and to deal with. I made a huge change in my life 5 or 6 years ago. I left my family in one country and came to another country to work and live. I was so proud of myself and up until 12 months ago, I could say I was truly happy. Post-covid I'm not so sure I can say that. I'm locked down in work and home is 3 hours away. I only got to see my loved ones, maybe 12 times last year. Haven't seen them this year. I have noticed a rather negative change in the forums. People seem a bit short with others. I think there's a lot of sense in 'misery loves company'. I think it's a way of reaching out that we humans need to do to continue to feel like we are still a community. " I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I hope things get closer to normal for you soon my lovely. Misery does indeed. I guess that's why people listen to blues music. Oddly I recently started listening to Johnny Cash - I don't know what that says about me lolol | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Changing mindset and the language we use isn't easy. As we often do it subconsciously. For example if someone sneezes I'll automatically say bless you without thinking. It would be difficult to alter this without concerted effort. I don't think some people see themselves as negative even though others may think they are. I also think I may see a sentence negatively whilst others may not due to past experience. I think it's open discussion between people about how things make them feel, is what results in a positive attitudes in the long run. " Covid stopped the auto-instinct I used to have at work to shake hands quickly enough! Bless you | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I like to make light of crappy situations, especially concerning my own crappy situations. I am "at risk" of redundancy at work and am in the consultation period. For my first consultation meeting (via Microsoft Teams meeting) with the HR manager and one of the company directors I wore a tee shirt with "R.E.D.U.N.D.A.N.T. Spells Misery" written on it
Awww no, well I hope your situation pans out positively and I'm sure you're attitude will carry you through, whatever is ahead
I ran rings around the director. How he has a job like that beggars belief. I got him to admit in front of the HR manager he'd misinformed those of us at risk, which had him blustering and the HR manager tutting and rolling eyes
I quite enjoyed watching their uncomfortable expressions. I have since been offered an internal transfer on my terms and have been interviewed externally for a totally different job which went very well, so whatever happens, I've a job to go to."Cool, well done! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Changing mindset and the language we use isn't easy. As we often do it subconsciously. For example if someone sneezes I'll automatically say bless you without thinking. It would be difficult to alter this without concerted effort. I don't think some people see themselves as negative even though others may think they are. I also think I may see a sentence negatively whilst others may not due to past experience. I think it's open discussion between people about how things make them feel, is what results in a positive attitudes in the long run. Covid stopped the auto-instinct I used to have at work to shake hands quickly enough! Bless you "I hate shaking hands with people in work, so glad that is something from the past now | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Changing mindset and the language we use isn't easy. As we often do it subconsciously. For example if someone sneezes I'll automatically say bless you without thinking. It would be difficult to alter this without concerted effort. I don't think some people see themselves as negative even though others may think they are. I also think I may see a sentence negatively whilst others may not due to past experience. I think it's open discussion between people about how things make them feel, is what results in a positive attitudes in the long run. Covid stopped the auto-instinct I used to have at work to shake hands quickly enough! Bless you
I hate shaking hands with people in work, so glad that is something from the past now "I miss it - it does something for the relationship and kinda says, "idk what's been in your hands or where you've been, let's talk friend!" | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Changing mindset and the language we use isn't easy. As we often do it subconsciously. For example if someone sneezes I'll automatically say bless you without thinking. It would be difficult to alter this without concerted effort. I don't think some people see themselves as negative even though others may think they are. I also think I may see a sentence negatively whilst others may not due to past experience. I think it's open discussion between people about how things make them feel, is what results in a positive attitudes in the long run. Covid stopped the auto-instinct I used to have at work to shake hands quickly enough! Bless you
I hate shaking hands with people in work, so glad that is something from the past now
I miss it - it does something for the relationship and kinda says, "idk what's been in your hands or where you've been, let's talk friend!" "See it's something you think is positive in my experience it's a negative thing. Especially men holding my hand too tight or pulling me in too close into them. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" I might even take the odd second to think if something reads as negative and try and be nice.
How were you feeling when you wrote this reply Meli?
"Like I could do with a back scratch but very happy overall - I managed to go for a jog which I'm proud about and I have a cup of tea. Simple things.
I can have a differing opinion to you OP on a number of points, it doesn't mean I'm negative or in a negative mindset. More likely I have far too much time on my hands at that moment in time, too much energy so I've decided to squander it on here.
We are in a trough stage of the fora but I have hope it can change - there have been displays of genuine support on here recently, of kindness etc. I'm open to learning and changing, that's why I like navel gazing on a Sunday morning on a thread like this. I'm going to spend more time focusing on the positives and encouraging those, this thread has helped confirm that for me.
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Changing mindset and the language we use isn't easy. As we often do it subconsciously. For example if someone sneezes I'll automatically say bless you without thinking. It would be difficult to alter this without concerted effort. I don't think some people see themselves as negative even though others may think they are. I also think I may see a sentence negatively whilst others may not due to past experience. I think it's open discussion between people about how things make them feel, is what results in a positive attitudes in the long run. Covid stopped the auto-instinct I used to have at work to shake hands quickly enough! Bless you
I hate shaking hands with people in work, so glad that is something from the past now
I miss it - it does something for the relationship and kinda says, "idk what's been in your hands or where you've been, let's talk friend!"
See it's something you think is positive in my experience it's a negative thing. Especially men holding my hand too tight or pulling me in too close into them. "Omg so it's a positive and negative!  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I wouldn't enjoy a forum that was just a positive affirmation schmooze fest. Is that me being negative? I like that there's a range of stuff to read through " I agree with this. Hugs and glitter fake sycophants make me barf. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" I might even take the odd second to think if something reads as negative and try and be nice.
How were you feeling when you wrote this reply Meli?
Like I could do with a back scratch but very happy overall - I managed to go for a jog which I'm proud about and I have a cup of tea. Simple things.
I can have a differing opinion to you OP on a number of points, it doesn't mean I'm negative or in a negative mindset. More likely I have far too much time on my hands at that moment in time, too much energy so I've decided to squander it on here.
We are in a trough stage of the fora but I have hope it can change - there have been displays of genuine support on here recently, of kindness etc. I'm open to learning and changing, that's why I like navel gazing on a Sunday morning on a thread like this. I'm going to spend more time focusing on the positives and encouraging those, this thread has helped confirm that for me.
"I'd totally scratch your back  x
If opinions didn't exist and differ then there'd be no point in discussion or even existence imo, as nothing could ever change or progress | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I wouldn't enjoy a forum that was just a positive affirmation schmooze fest. Is that me being negative? I like that there's a range of stuff to read through I agree with this. Hugs and glitter fake sycophants make me barf. " Having that opinion isn't negative at all (in my opinion lol). Attempting to stop others from enjoying their own preferred experience or telling them they're wrong to behave a certain way, or insulting them or bombing their thread or lifestyle with such opinion could however be viewed as negativity
I'm not even saying negativity is always wrong/right or means the same to all of us tbh, it just seems to be beating positivity hands down from what I can see in the world lately. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I wouldn't enjoy a forum that was just a positive affirmation schmooze fest. Is that me being negative? I like that there's a range of stuff to read through I agree with this. Hugs and glitter fake sycophants make me barf. Having that opinion isn't negative at all (in my opinion lol). Attempting to stop others from enjoying their own preferred experience or telling them they're wrong to behave a certain way, or insulting them or bombing their thread or lifestyle with such opinion could however be viewed as negativity
I'm not even saying negativity is always wrong/right or means the same to all of us tbh, it just seems to be beating positivity hands down from what I can see in the world lately."What's your definition of positivity? Does it have to be agreement with something? Explicit praise? Is anything else negative? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I wouldn't enjoy a forum that was just a positive affirmation schmooze fest. Is that me being negative? I like that there's a range of stuff to read through I agree with this. Hugs and glitter fake sycophants make me barf. Having that opinion isn't negative at all (in my opinion lol). Attempting to stop others from enjoying their own preferred experience or telling them they're wrong to behave a certain way, or insulting them or bombing their thread or lifestyle with such opinion could however be viewed as negativity
I'm not even saying negativity is always wrong/right or means the same to all of us tbh, it just seems to be beating positivity hands down from what I can see in the world lately.
What's your definition of positivity?
Does it have to be agreement with something?
Explicit praise?
Is anything else negative?"Something that builds, like a 1 + 1 = 2 or even 3 kind of thing, rather than taking something apart or destroying it (3 = 2 + 1 , or 3 - 2 = 1). It's very subjective as taking things apart could potentially be good for one side and bad for the other. I think overall you can only view it from your own perspective otherwise positivity won't exist, so maybe it's a selfish concept, who knows? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think if you are grumpy or cross you are more likely to jùmp in and reinforce a position or thought or dabble in an arguement. Whereas if you're happy, you are too busy wallowing in that happiness and can let things pass or not need to justify it so feel less need to respond. Maybe. " I'd agree with that! I've completely stopped typing and even reading the forum if I'm 'angry' now. Saves a fuck load of energy you'd otherwise expend arguing with folk who are in the same boat unnecessarily, when in truth you might actually have something in common on a good day | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Changing mindset and the language we use isn't easy. As we often do it subconsciously. For example if someone sneezes I'll automatically say bless you without thinking. It would be difficult to alter this without concerted effort. I don't think some people see themselves as negative even though others may think they are. I also think I may see a sentence negatively whilst others may not due to past experience. I think it's open discussion between people about how things make them feel, is what results in a positive attitudes in the long run. Covid stopped the auto-instinct I used to have at work to shake hands quickly enough! Bless you
I hate shaking hands with people in work, so glad that is something from the past now
I miss it - it does something for the relationship and kinda says, "idk what's been in your hands or where you've been, let's talk friend!"
See it's something you think is positive in my experience it's a negative thing. Especially men holding my hand too tight or pulling me in too close into them.
Omg so it's a positive and negative! "Indeed, I could view every man as some kind of perve. Shudder at one colleague who loved a handshake which progressed into a hand on my knee in a meeting (vomit) But although I don't see handshakes as positive I know not everyone is like that. I now wait for men to come over to me to shake hands so I'm not travelling into them so can't be pulled in. I'm now cautious but open minded. I kind of think we need see beyond our own prejudice if possible, but stay comfortable in our own settings also. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Changing mindset and the language we use isn't easy. As we often do it subconsciously. For example if someone sneezes I'll automatically say bless you without thinking. It would be difficult to alter this without concerted effort. I don't think some people see themselves as negative even though others may think they are. I also think I may see a sentence negatively whilst others may not due to past experience. I think it's open discussion between people about how things make them feel, is what results in a positive attitudes in the long run. Covid stopped the auto-instinct I used to have at work to shake hands quickly enough! Bless you
I hate shaking hands with people in work, so glad that is something from the past now
I miss it - it does something for the relationship and kinda says, "idk what's been in your hands or where you've been, let's talk friend!"
See it's something you think is positive in my experience it's a negative thing. Especially men holding my hand too tight or pulling me in too close into them.
Omg so it's a positive and negative!
Indeed, I could view every man as some kind of perve. Shudder at one colleague who loved a handshake which progressed into a hand on my knee in a meeting (vomit)
But although I don't see handshakes as positive I know not everyone is like that. I now wait for men to come over to me to shake hands so I'm not travelling into them so can't be pulled in. I'm now cautious but open minded. I kind of think we need see beyond our own prejudice if possible, but stay comfortable in our own settings also. "I once had a client with a false right arm and someone had already warned me to shake with my left hand and not my right in advance of meeting him, but I still pushed out my right hand like a fool instinctively and bless him he did a kind of backwards shake with his left hand upside down and my right hand | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I wouldn't enjoy a forum that was just a positive affirmation schmooze fest. Is that me being negative? I like that there's a range of stuff to read through I agree with this. Hugs and glitter fake sycophants make me barf. Having that opinion isn't negative at all (in my opinion lol). Attempting to stop others from enjoying their own preferred experience or telling them they're wrong to behave a certain way, or insulting them or bombing their thread or lifestyle with such opinion could however be viewed as negativity
I'm not even saying negativity is always wrong/right or means the same to all of us tbh, it just seems to be beating positivity hands down from what I can see in the world lately."Many of the hugs and glitter brigade derail threads that they don't approve of. They start chatting between themselves and wreck the thread. Then bitch that people should #BeKind. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I wouldn't enjoy a forum that was just a positive affirmation schmooze fest. Is that me being negative? I like that there's a range of stuff to read through I agree with this. Hugs and glitter fake sycophants make me barf. Having that opinion isn't negative at all (in my opinion lol). Attempting to stop others from enjoying their own preferred experience or telling them they're wrong to behave a certain way, or insulting them or bombing their thread or lifestyle with such opinion could however be viewed as negativity
I'm not even saying negativity is always wrong/right or means the same to all of us tbh, it just seems to be beating positivity hands down from what I can see in the world lately.
Many of the hugs and glitter brigade derail threads that they don't approve of. They start chatting between themselves and wreck the thread.
Then bitch that people should #BeKind. "Yeah I know (Lou and Andy voice). I kinda covered that with my mathematical equations statement above. Cunts come in all shapes and sizes, right? x | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
