FabSwingers.com forum: Let's pretend we work for a haulage company...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Anyone that comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Send an 'email' to your 'collegues'

We have some important delivery's and loads to take care off.

Make it professionally rude and naughty.

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

To the lady in the rear bay, can you please move around so we can all get to the front

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To the warehouse manager,

We have a particular large load coming in today that is going to require a lot of delicate attention.

Can you make you sure you get the exact amount of people on this task ASAP?

Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Re: Entrance

May I please remind all colleagues that due to continuous maintanence, the back door will no longer be used for entry.

Anyone who attempts to do so will incur serious consequences.

Thank you for your understanding.

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By *aughty Nas xxxMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

can i get a pay rise !!

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By *aughty Nas xxxMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Re: Entrance

May I please remind all colleagues that due to continuous maintanence, the back door will no longer be used for entry.

Anyone who attempts to do so will incur serious consequences.

Thank you for your understanding."

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By *ovestruck69Man
over a year ago

Southampton

The woman at the front desk won't accept my load!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi gang, me again, hope this email finds you all well, I don’t want to be that guy but whoever keeps putting my packed lunch on top of the warehouse roof pack it in, I haven’t eaten in 3 days.

STEVE I KNOW ITS YOU!!!!!!

Warm Regards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I remind Tracey that tachos must not be stored on her erect nipples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Re: New Starter

I would like to introduce everyone to the new apprentice that will be joining us soon. I'm sure we'll be lucky to have her.

If you refrain from making any sexual comments about the new starter that are reported to HR, then we'll have no chance of beating last year's record!

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By *orkspoonMan
over a year ago

nearby

Re : large load. Please can people go careful. Last time it wasn't wrapped properly and left a hell of a mess

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
over a year ago

Torquay

Come on guys that boom needs to be erect or we will never get it in

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By *estcountryDadBodMan
over a year ago

Exeter

Evening all,

As many of you are now working remotely the risk assessments we asked you to fill out on load handling are now long over due.

I ask you all hop on a zoom call with me tomorrow morning 9am and you can show me how you correctly handle a load.

Kind regards,

WDB

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By *orkspoonMan
over a year ago

nearby

Polite reminder. Please can you ensure all visitors ring the bell. I am tired of them playing with the knockers all day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi gang, me again, hope this email finds you all well, I don’t want to be that guy but whoever keeps putting my packed lunch on top of the warehouse roof pack it in, I haven’t eaten in 3 days.

STEVE I KNOW ITS YOU!!!!!!

Warm Regards"

Hi CityJeans,

As you have no evidence of me taking your lunch, I would appreciate it if you could stop accusing me of these serious allegations.

P.S. a little more mayo on the next one please. That sandwich was dryer than the Sahara

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
over a year ago

Torquay

I'm told Bob has rear steering is that right?

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By *orkspoonMan
over a year ago

nearby

Re : backdoor

Whilst it is not company policy to use it, please make sure you do on Thursday when we have the painters in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To all employees

This year's Christmas outfits and presents from the local sex toy manufacturer are now in the warehouse ahead of this Fridays office Christmas orgy.

Will all employees please come to the warehouse office at some point during this week and collect your gifts from the lucky dip barrel.

Looking forward to seeing you playing.

Regards

The stores management

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As i used to work in haulage. We have a wide load cumming soon

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

To all drivers

Can I please remind you that all "inflatables" are to be correctly stored whilst the vehicle is in transit

As a side note we have a new stock of puncture repair kits for the more zealous among you

Regards Dolly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To all employees

Further to my email below outfits and not exchangeable and must be worn during attendance

Regards

The stores management

"To all employees

This year's Christmas outfits and presents from the local sex toy manufacturer are now in the warehouse ahead of this Fridays office Christmas orgy.

Will all employees please come to the warehouse office at some point during this week and collect your gifts from the lucky dip barrel.

Looking forward to seeing you playing.

Regards

The stores management "

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Memo

From: HR

To: Derek, the DIY Man

Derek,

Please refrain from carrying out DIY in front of the CCTV cameras, Steve the Security Guard has complained. However, Sheila from accounts has a slot that is opening at 3pm and said you’re more than welcome to take advantage of that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi gang, me again, hope this email finds you all well, I don’t want to be that guy but whoever keeps putting my packed lunch on top of the warehouse roof pack it in, I haven’t eaten in 3 days.

STEVE I KNOW ITS YOU!!!!!!

Warm Regards

Hi CityJeans,

As you have no evidence of me taking your lunch, I would appreciate it if you could stop accusing me of these serious allegations.

P.S. a little more mayo on the next one please. That sandwich was dryer than the Sahara

Hi Steve, I take it you have no baguettes about taking my packed lunch, you were spotted by most of the office staff and the cleaner, Claire in HR is fully aware of the situation, as she mentioned the sandwich needed more Mayo too.

Should you need further clarification, please don’t hesitate to contact me as per our convo this morning. I’m off to achievement city, I will see you in the P.M

Regards

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To All

We require skilled large load drivers for a convoy.

We have a classified NASA load to deliver. All we can reveal at this stage is that it is a highly sought after invention and is and at this point is priceless.

Drivers will need to be fit, alert and go the distance for a long time.

This is set to be a repeat performance for the foreseeable future.

Regards.

Salvage Dept.

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

"To All

We require skilled large load drivers for a convoy.

We have a classified NASA load to deliver. All we can reveal at this stage is that it is a highly sought after invention and is and at this point is priceless.

Drivers will need to be fit, alert and go the distance for a long time.

This is set to be a repeat performance for the foreseeable future.

Regards.

Salvage Dept. "

I can be a lert

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I can deliver a small load in quite a short time

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
over a year ago

Torquay

I'm regrettably told that Samantha will be leaving us shortly to take up a "new position" on the radio show sorry I haven't a clue. She asked me to convey how satisfied she often felt during her time here and I'm sure many of us feel the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To All

We require skilled large load drivers for a convoy.

We have a classified NASA load to deliver. All we can reveal at this stage is that it is a highly sought after invention and is and at this point is priceless.

Drivers will need to be fit, alert and go the distance for a long time.

This is set to be a repeat performance for the foreseeable future.

Regards.

Salvage Dept. "

Just to add to this, the route for the convoy will be marked out in red flags, this should also help drivers avoid the rather large pot holes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Memo to staff.

Will the owner of the long vehicle remove kindly remove it from Miss Smith's personal space.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Sharon from accounts has asked can the men stop commenting on her figures. She said 38.24.34 was the company sort code and NOT her stats.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"I'm regrettably told that Samantha will be leaving us shortly to take up a "new position" on the radio show sorry I haven't a clue. She asked me to convey how satisfied she often felt during her time here and I'm sure many of us feel the same."
she certainly has a few of us gentlemen friends wishing her well ...I'm prepared to provide a contribution to her whip

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"Sharon from accounts has asked can the men stop commenting on her figures. She said 38.24.34 was the company sort code and NOT her stats.

"
she behaves as if she has a divine right ....her lefts not bad either

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

It has come to my attention that manual handling rules are not being followed by female employees. Please remember to handle large packages with proper care and attention. Kneeling down if necessary.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"Anyone that comments on the thread is automatically staff.

Send an 'email' to your 'collegues'

We have some important delivery's and loads to take care off.

Make it professionally rude and naughty.

I don’t have to pretend, this is my life

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By *ildbillkidMan
over a year ago

where the road goes on forever

Safety first: all loads will be secured, and will the person responsible for the mess in the break room clean up after themselves ( looks like mayo)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To all staff.

Please do not leave the TV in the rest room turned on when unattended. She is getting quite frustrated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Theses are so funny...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All staff are reminded that dumping their load in the rear bay is strictly against management policy. The front bay will be used at all times except with express permission and prior notice. Any breaches will invoke severe disciplinary proceedings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An the lady with the spare tyre please concentrate on the rim

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Two staff required for a delivery of poles to the local building site - you will be required to assist with their erection on arrival

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reminder to all packers that loads need to be packed tight and hard.. If they are too loose, use appropriate binding to strap it down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To All

We require skilled large load drivers for a convoy.

We have a classified NASA load to deliver. All we can reveal at this stage is that it is a highly sought after invention and is and at this point is priceless.

Drivers will need to be fit, alert and go the distance for a long time.

This is set to be a repeat performance for the foreseeable future.

Regards.

Salvage Dept. "

MEMO

Ms Petite Woman

Salvage Dept.,

Thank you for the advance notice concerning your need for a large load, driver. I understand multiple loads may be involved requiring more than one driver at a time?

I have contacted NASA for further details of their packages. Whilst they cannot provide full details owing to confidentiality, they have advised that the packages relate to their Phallus 5 booster rocket jointly developed with SpaceXXX. The packages are very long and have sensitive tips. The utmost care must therefore be taken otherwise they could “go off” at any moment if not handled correctly. The slightest vibration could set them off.

Our people therefore have to be very skilled in handling them to make sure that the loads reach their intended destinations safely. We cannot have them going off into valleys and such like. We also cannot have a rerun of the debacle we had last year when we thought we could save on costs by transporting 2000 gallons of Swarfega and 6000 dildos in the same consignment. This became an unmitigated disaster when our driver shed his load on the M25 because he was watching PornHub while driving! And I’m still trying to forget what happened the year before when we were asked to transport the heavy cream for the local dairy. The litigation is still ongoing.

We need to up our game this time around if we are to rise to the occasion. There will be on the job training for all staff involved and they must be hard at work at all times. There will be no slacking and certainly no lying down on the job.

Lastly, I also suggest that we, at logistics, plan a route that avoids taking the NASA packages into long tunnels where they could become stuck. I think we would all like to avoid the time and expense of having to come out to lubricate the stuck packages and then repeatedly and vigorously trying to move the packages in-and-out of the tunnels until they either work free from the tunnels or we lose our loads.

Kind regards,

Ben Derhover

Logistics

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

To All Drivers,

The practice of reversing on to a unit to couple with it, by way of accepting a load needs to be done carefully and slowly. Too many loads are being lost far too quickly as a result of over eager couplings.

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

To all Female Warehousing personnel.

If any ladies want Fork Lift Training, please report to Dave, warehouse manager to learn how to Fork and be taken to great heights.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

To: Packing Dept

From: Sandra

Can someone show me the ropes?

.........................

To : Sandra

From: Packing Department

Fraid Not (get it) we are all tied up right now.

No seriously, we’ve been robbed.....send help, STAT.

Ps. I typed this with my penis. Soz.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To Gertrude

Loved the way you sucked me off in the training room last night.

Same again tonight?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*recall email*

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

Message over the PA

Can we have a house keeping crew to the rear of the docking bay to clean up the spilt load

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