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What do mistress’s look for in a sub

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Kinky London guy Interested in finding a mistress

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They look for white baseball caps.

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

Domme friends say there’s no shortage of guys so they look for someone respectful, who has done their homework (read up on BDSM) and who is able to explain what they’re looking for.

I’m told that “no limits” and “I’ll do anything you ask” are off putting because you need to be able to be clear about what you want and don’t want.

Best of luck.

X

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge


"They look for white baseball caps."

Waves at Jim. X

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Kinky London guy Interested in finding a mistress "

You're asking the wrong question so come across as a wannabe.

Mistresses are not homogenous.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton


"Kinky London guy Interested in finding a mistress

You're asking the wrong question so come across as a wannabe.

Mistresses are not homogenous. "

This.

Dommes, Dominas, mistresses are all unique and individual. As are submissives.

If there is any common denominator, it is that most will prefer a sub who has read up on BSDM, perhaps tried attending munches (in non plague times), who is respectful and not entitled.

Some subs are compliant and get off on complying, others are brats who get off on challenging their dominant... And everything in-between. Obviously a domme who desires obedience probably won't be best suited to a brat, and a brat-tamer may not get much fun from a compliant sub.

That's just one aspect. You need to think about what you hope to get from the experience and what you can offer a dominant woman. What are you bringing to the table? Why should she choose you over the other 50 men who messaged her?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Some excellent advice already given OP, take notice of it and act appropriately would be a good move.

If you're talking about finding someone through this site then experience has shown it's not so much about looking for a Domme, but finding each other gradually through interaction and realising that you are compatible in that way - is as much about "feeling" submissive to someone as anything.

It's not simply a case of saying "I'm a submissive, come use me" (unless you're visiting a professional, which doesn't apply on this site) - there's a lot more depth to it than that.

It's no different in principle to meeting anyone else via the site, you need to make sure you appeal in the first instance and can do that through your profile, pics and interactions.

On the subject of profiles, make sure yours reflects your interests, doesn't have to be blatant and out there, but at the very least give a flavour of it - you can't expect to find a dominant if you're not advertising for one - so if your profile doesn't reflect that, update it so it does.

I'd also suggest not diving in with the submissive thing straight off with anyone you talk to, let it come out naturally.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Periscope?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Kinky London guy Interested in finding a mistress

You're asking the wrong question so come across as a wannabe.

Mistresses are not homogenous.

This.

Dommes, Dominas, mistresses are all unique and individual. As are submissives.

If there is any common denominator, it is that most will prefer a sub who has read up on BSDM, perhaps tried attending munches (in non plague times), who is respectful and not entitled.

Some subs are compliant and get off on complying, others are brats who get off on challenging their dominant... And everything in-between. Obviously a domme who desires obedience probably won't be best suited to a brat, and a brat-tamer may not get much fun from a compliant sub.

That's just one aspect. You need to think about what you hope to get from the experience and what you can offer a dominant woman. What are you bringing to the table? Why should she choose you over the other 50 men who messaged her?"

Absolutely agree. I personally like a bit of cheek and pushback but I know many others who wouldn't.

I'm a switch but the biggest thing that puts me off is treating me like a kink dispenser. A lot of submissive men approach you with a list of wants. It's not a mutual discussion it's "I want these things done to me". I'm also slightly nauseated by the whole lowly, obedient submissive act from the get go. If you approach every potential dominant partner like that then it's boring to me as I'm basically interchangeable with the next woman. Approach me as a human being, not just a facilitator of your kinks.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Kinky London guy Interested in finding a mistress

You're asking the wrong question so come across as a wannabe.

Mistresses are not homogenous.

This.

Dommes, Dominas, mistresses are all unique and individual. As are submissives.

If there is any common denominator, it is that most will prefer a sub who has read up on BSDM, perhaps tried attending munches (in non plague times), who is respectful and not entitled.

Some subs are compliant and get off on complying, others are brats who get off on challenging their dominant... And everything in-between. Obviously a domme who desires obedience probably won't be best suited to a brat, and a brat-tamer may not get much fun from a compliant sub.

That's just one aspect. You need to think about what you hope to get from the experience and what you can offer a dominant woman. What are you bringing to the table? Why should she choose you over the other 50 men who messaged her?

Absolutely agree. I personally like a bit of cheek and pushback but I know many others who wouldn't.

I'm a switch but the biggest thing that puts me off is treating me like a kink dispenser. A lot of submissive men approach you with a list of wants. It's not a mutual discussion it's "I want these things done to me". I'm also slightly nauseated by the whole lowly, obedient submissive act from the get go. If you approach every potential dominant partner like that then it's boring to me as I'm basically interchangeable with the next woman. Approach me as a human being, not just a facilitator of your kinks. "

These two posts pretty much sums it up for me.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

I have friends who are professional Dommes, and for paid work it can be a man with a list of things he wants to try, wants them do do to/with him. However when having kink scenes with their partners or with friends it is very different. It's all about mutual interests and mutual satisfaction.

The dynamic when playing for fun or forming a dom/sub relationship is very different. As stated above, a Domme is not a "kink dispenser". She's a human being with her own interests, limits, likes, dislikes, turn ons and turn offs. As a potential sub, you have your own interests, limits, turn ons/offs and so on.

Think about what you really hope to gain from this experience, what you bring to the table yourself. You don't need to be experienced but you need an idea of what you want to experience. And like all things on Fab, bear in mind that your perfect Domme won't suddenly come rushing to you. It takes time, patience and effort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They look for money

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"They look for money "

Professional ones maybe - there are plenty who aren't though, and as pointed out further up even professional ones have their play partners where there is a different dynamic altogether and no fees involved.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton


"They look for money "

I think part of the problem for newbie sub male-types is that when embarking on any kind of exploration of the online kink world they encounter more pro Dommes than interest in play for fun. I've been there, the newbie looking to explore and getting chatting to one or two women...who somewhere down the line ask for money. Though I have to say a respectable pro Domme will be upfront about her work and not lead you on.

Of course there is absolutely nothing wrong with engaging the services of a professional if that might help a newbie figure out what he's into, and become familiar with scenes, equipment, toys and so on. But that's not what this site is about nor what OP wants.

Genuine opportunities for friendly play and for D/s relationships are out there. It takes time and effort, respect and learning. BDSM is a community itself, and it is easier if you get yourself involved at least a little with the kink community. Figure out what you want from this experience, or if you don't know then at least say that you're looking to explore and find out. Either way you'll likely already know some things you want to try, and some which are off limits. That knowledge can give a Domme some ideas to work with. There certainly are dominant women here, but this isn't a kink-focused site and do bear in mind that they may already have playmates. Be respectful, be willing to learn.

I do remember being a newbie and what I did was engage all sorts of kinky people in conversation, including those I had no interest in playing with or who were unavailable...because it's the respectful thing to do and I learned a lot. And in time I found everything I ever could have hoped for.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

Although the usual helpful people have in their usual helpful way given their solid reliable advice.

I think this site can be hard on someone new to kink and wanting to get involved.

The stereotype of kink is that it is easy, and in a world of instant gratitude people are lead into thinking of just jumping in, whereas in reality it is better to stand back, observe and get educated.

So be nice to the people who ask "wrong questions" as civil answers helps people learn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They look for white baseball caps.

Waves at Jim. X"

*Waves back* x

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