FabSwingers.com forum: Red Dwarf

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Its Sunday. Throw some Red Dwarf Quotesfor the Nostalgia.

"Mr Flibble is very cross" -Greatest Scene.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

So ...what is it?

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Are you sure it does mean changing the bulb.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast

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By *tefe-MartyCouple
over a year ago

Cambs

Smeg head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everybody’s dead Dave

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

Just the look on the Cat’s face when he came out from behind the bush on the way to Nodnol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast "

Or: Stoke me a clipper I'll be back be for Christmas.

(When Rimmer becomes Ace for the first time)

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By *angOnBunnyCouple
over a year ago

Ipswich

Well spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska

Nothing should give you a double polaroid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Alright then. Let's get out there and twat it!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

We are talking the jape of the decade

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By *heKinkExplorerMan
over a year ago

leicester

Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sir, they've taken Mr Rimmer!

Quick, let's get out of here before they bring him back!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'I'll just recalibrate the time gauntlet and send myself back, so we can get ourselves into the mess we're now In. All in all this day's been a bit of a bummer hasn't it. sir.'

(The Inquisitior)

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By *erms and conditionsCouple
over a year ago

Alton

Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal.

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By *ony2269Man
over a year ago

Radcliffe

Thankski very muchski budski

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By *ony2269Man
over a year ago

Radcliffe

"Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal. "

Fish

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

Everybody's dead Dave

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By *angOnBunnyCouple
over a year ago

Ipswich

Are you sure Mr Rimmer Sir? It will mean changing the bulb

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let’s hit it hard ... with a really good leaflet campaign

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your nickname was never Ace. Maybe Ace Hole. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Oh,... That!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Screw down my diodes and call me Frank.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal.

Fish"

Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“One week in my body and you’ve given me breasts”

Lister shoving his face into mashed potato always made me laugh

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By *unmatt888Man
over a year ago

Duns

Would you like some toast?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Apparently Sir, she's the looker!'

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Would you like some toast?"

Some Hot Buttery Toast!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His name was Gilbert but he preferred it if we called him, Rameses Niblick the third, kerplunk kerplunk whoops where's my thribble. A sad case.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Smeg head"

Smeeeeeeeeggggggg.....Heeeeeaaaaddddd

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By *ony2269Man
over a year ago

Radcliffe

No electrical appliance should give you a

double Polaroid!

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By *ony2269Man
over a year ago

Radcliffe

Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal.

Fish

Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal. "

I wil

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Saw a

"Give Quiche A Chance" shirt on Etsy

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Just let me check: thermos, sandwiches, corn plasters, telephone money, dandruff brush, animal footprint chart, and one triple thick condom... you never know!

- Duane Dibbley, Emohawk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'What a guy!'

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"'What a guy!'"

Smoke me a Kipper....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never seen one before, no one has but I'm guessing it's a white hole

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'What a guy!'

Smoke me a Kipper....

Want to message you both, but filtered.

wink me?

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By *unmatt888Man
over a year ago

Duns

"Would you like some toast?

Some Hot Buttery Toast!!!"

How about a crumpet?

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By *.The.Busty.Fox.xWoman
over a year ago

Bournemouth

Todays Fish is trout a la creme.....*presses the button again....FISH!!

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By *obulaterMan
over a year ago

macclesfield

Is it a moose ?

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By *newinkMan
over a year ago

Durham

Am Dwayne dibble

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By *rank speakerMan
over a year ago

Worcester

Sorry I can't think of any better than everybody's done. But thank you OP that's made me smile! We need more smiles

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other milk, dog's milk.

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By *exybreeksMan
over a year ago

East Calder

Of course... Lager! The only thing that can defeat a vindaloo!

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By *ustcyberMan
over a year ago

North Herts

This is mine. And this is mine. Oh look, shiny thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've seen Westerns, I know how to speak cowboy."

[Steps up to the bar]

"Dry white wine and Perrier, please

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By *akedduo66Couple
over a year ago

Near Bordon

The Cat

"Hey, I feel good."

Stands in front of mirror.

"Hey, I look good too!"

When Lister's cantaloupe sized (whatever it was) thing on his head burst all over Cat.

"Red and green don't go together, just kill me now"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

both cheeks man! she nearly wore them down to the bone........

That Yvonne McGruder got around a bit! haha

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

There are two reasons this is a bad idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other milk, dog's milk."

PaaaaahahahaHAHAHA omg I love him

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By *eannaTV/TS
over a year ago

Cwmfelifach, nr Newport

You can't confuse Rimmer with a book.

A book has a spine!

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By *unmatt888Man
over a year ago

Duns

"Its Sunday. Throw some Red Dwarf Quotesfor the Nostalgia.

"Mr Flibble is very cross" -Greatest Scene. "

Could I ask you a question?

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By *rgoodnbadMan
over a year ago

greenock

I know it's long but I loved this scene.

Kryten : I ask the court one key question: Would the Space Core ever have allowed this man to be in a position of authority where he might endanger the entire crew? A man so petty and small minded, he would while away his evenings sewing name labels onto his ship issue condoms. A man of such awesome stupidity...

Rimmer : Objection.

Justice Computer voice : Objection overruled.

Kryten : ...a man of such awesome stupidity, he even objects to his own defence counsel. An over-zealous, trumped up little squirt...

Rimmer : Objection.

Justice Computer voice : Overruled.

Kryten : ...an incompetent vending machine repairman with a Napoleon complex, who commanded as much respect and affection from his fellow crew members as Long John Silver's parrot.

Rimmer : OBJECTION.

Justice Computer voice : If you object to your own counsel once more Mr. Rimmer, you will be in contempt.

Kryten : Who would allow this man, this joke of a man, this man who could not outwit a used tea bag, to be in a position where he might endanger the entire crew? Who? Only a yoghurt. This man is not guilty of manslaughter, he is only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime; it is also his punishment. The defence rests.

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By *ustcyberMan
over a year ago

North Herts

We’ve transmitted the distress signal in all known galactic languages and Welsh.

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By *hilledGuerillaMan
over a year ago

In the monkey house

"Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal. "

Fish!

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By *andy_CaneCouple
over a year ago

Orgasm Quay

Thanks for the thread op.

Rimmer: “Step up to Red Alert.”

Kryten: “Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.”

"I am a fish"

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By *hilledGuerillaMan
over a year ago

In the monkey house

Boys from the dwarf!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're 3 million years in deep space, can someone explain where the Smeg I got this traffic cone!

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By *osco78Man
over a year ago

Sheffield

I am a fish

I am.a fish

I am a fish

Walks out officers exam

Rimmer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer, without him life would be much grimmer!

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By *aggy dollsCouple
over a year ago

Bradford

"Is that a cigarette you're smoking lister?"

"No... it's a chicken"

Mr H.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Lister:

Look, I don't want any toast, and he doesn't want any toast. In fact, no-one around 'ere wants any toast!

Talkie Toaster:

How 'bout a muffin?

Lister:

Or muffins, we don't like muffins round 'ere! We don't want muffins, no toast, buns, baps, bagets or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no teacakes, no potato cakes and no hot cross buns! And definitely no smegging flapjacks!

Talkie Toaster (after a very brief pause):

Ah, so you're a waffle man!

Dwarf fact...the voice of talkie toaster is actually the actor that played the original Kryten in his first appearance in series 2.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Campaign for the Liberation and Integration Of Terrifying Organisms and Their Rehabilitation Into Society or CLITORIS for short

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's better to have loved and lost than to listen to an album by Olivia Newton-John

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By *uddly GoblinMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Not a quote but the tongue-tied song from the Kat's dreams in one of the early episodes was rather funny

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I tell you one thing. I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle

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By *urtyGentMan
over a year ago

eastleigh

But, I don’t wanna be Dwayne Dibbly!!!

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By *iggy5Man
over a year ago

Northamptonshire

Gazpacho Soup!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No silicon heaven? Preposterous! Where would all the calculators go?

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By *arbarianzCouple
over a year ago

BARNSTAPLE

Game over boys.

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By *eardyBikerMan
over a year ago

nr stonehaven

"Alright then. Let's get out there and twat it!"

favourite

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By *ighland gentlemanMan
over a year ago

Ardgay

Ding-dong! Another great idea from the people who brought you beer milkshakes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cat:

“Hey, this has been a really good day. I’ve eaten five times, I’ve slept six times, and I’ve made a lot of things mine. Tomorrow, I’m going to see if I can have sex with something!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They've taken Mr Rimmer, they've taken Mr Rimmer!

Quick, let's get out of here before they being him back!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Last time we met I was wearing a cute little black number with peach trim and gold spangles, and although it looks like I'm wearing the same outfit today, it is in fact an entirely different cute little black number, with completely different gold spangles!

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By *edkent69Man
over a year ago

maidstone

Well, she won't be much use to you on Fiji now. Not unless it snows and you need something to grit the path with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never thought it funny first time around. It's had more repeats than a curry addict on a vindaloo only diet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take a peek gentlemen.

Its an asteroid bigger than king Kong's first dump of the day .

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By *namCarasCouple
over a year ago

dundee

"I've never seen one before, no one has but I'm guessing it's a white hole"

“so what is it ?”

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/02/21 12:02:23]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well, she won't be much use to you on Fiji now. Not unless it snows and you need something to grit the path with."

Lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cat:

“Hey, this has been a really good day. I’ve eaten five times, I’ve slept six times, and I’ve made a lot of things mine. Tomorrow, I’m going to see if I can have sex with something!”"

It’s the plot of my life

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an IQ of 6000; the same IQ as 6000 PE teachers.

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By *sh6866Man
over a year ago

halifax

You are the most obnoxious, trumped up, farty little smeg head it has ever been my misfortune to encounter...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are the most obnoxious, trumped up, farty little smeg head it has ever been my misfortune to encounter..."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Pub." Ah, yes: a meeting place where people attempt to achieve advanced states of mental incompetence by the repeated consumption of fermented vegetable drinks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

STOP YOUR FOUL WHINING YOU FILTHY PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM!

Just to be clear that's a quote, and not aimed at any of you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I loved the parallel universe episode where they all met their opposites.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pub." Ah, yes: a meeting place where people attempt to achieve advanced states of mental incompetence by the repeated consumption of fermented vegetable drinks"

"Fun" - ah yes, the employment of time in a profitless and non-practical way...

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By * AND R 777Couple
over a year ago

Teesside

No silicone hevan Where would all the toaster's go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Unless it takes away your legs, in which case it makes you shorter.

Mr Kochanski.

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By *r SxxMan
over a year ago

ashford

I'm gonna get a sheep and a cow, and breed horses.

That does mean changing the bulb

So what is it!?

I quote it daily haha

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By *ustcyberMan
over a year ago

North Herts

I used to like pubs...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have given pleasure to the world cuz I have such a beautiful ass!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Hi I’m the genetic mutant”

“Jenny who?”

Squelch...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

‘Of course! Lager! The one thing that can kill a vindaloo!’

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"‘Of course! Lager! The one thing that can kill a vindaloo!’ "

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Your nickname was never Ace. Maybe Ace Hole. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going to lash to within an inch of your life, then I'm going to have you

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By *iggy5Man
over a year ago

Northamptonshire

That's a load of Tottenham, that is. Yeah, a steaming pile of Hotspur.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They're from the NorWeb Federation.

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By *aggy dollsCouple
over a year ago

Bradford

Lister- "Ippy dippy my space shippy

On a course so true

Past Neptune and Pluto's moon

The one I choose is you"

Rimmer - "my god I've been ippy dippied to death"

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By *eachesAndCream99Couple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Cardiff just off the M4

Of course, lager! The only thing that can kill a vindaloo!

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By *eachesAndCream99Couple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Cardiff just off the M4

(To Rimmer) Your nickname was never Ace. Maybe Ace Hole.

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By *eachesAndCream99Couple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Cardiff just off the M4

Does anyone want any toast?

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By *aggy dollsCouple
over a year ago

Bradford

Just let me check: thermos, sandwiches, corn plasters, telephone money, dandruff brush, animal footprint chart, and one triple thick condom... you never know!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

It's the same old story...droid meets droid..droid becomes chameleon... chameleon becomes blob ..blob meets blob ..blob goes off with blob.. droid loses droid chameleon and blob

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By *edkent69Man
over a year ago

maidstone

"It's an orrrrrrr, it's an orrrrrr, it's a... it's a small off duty Czeckslovakian traffic warden!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(Lister) "Hang on. You can't do this. Holly's got an I.Q. of 6,000."

(Holly) "Yeah. Right on."

(Queeg) "Is that what he told you?"

(Lister) "Well what is it, then?"

(Queeg) "It has a six in it, but it's not 6,000."

(The Cat) "What is it?"

(Queeg) "Six."

(Holly) "Six? Do me a lemon. That's a poor I.Q. for a glass of water."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A classic tale

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Favourite scene

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"Favourite scene

The whole episode of backwards.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's the same old story...droid meets droid..droid becomes chameleon... chameleon becomes blob ..blob meets blob ..blob goes off with blob.. droid loses droid chameleon and blob

Classic tale

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm going to lash to within an inch of your life, then I'm going to have you"

Favourite scene

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By *orkDefenderMan
over a year ago

Just East of Wakefield

I was always wanting Cat to dream of being a Policeman on an Island....

Or visa-versa

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ketchup....On Lobster....*head explodes*

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Ace Rimmer is on Dave right now

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

CAT:

I'm so gorgeous, there's a six month waiting list for birds to suddenly appear, every time I am near!"

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal. "

FISH!

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Rimmer: "Erm, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? And I think it comes down to a choice between "The League Against Salivating Monsters," or - and this is my personal preference - "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." Erm, one drawback with that - the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S. "

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

"Rimmer: "Erm, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? And I think it comes down to a choice between "The League Against Salivating Monsters," or - and this is my personal preference - "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." Erm, one drawback with that - the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S. "

My fave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But where do all the calculators go?

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By *ufia SnowbunnyTV/TS
over a year ago

Hastings

You're a total, total. A word has yet to be invented to describe what you are, but you are one and a total, total one at that!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Rimmer is a Smmeeeeeeeh Heeeeeee

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Very apt during these Covid Times

Pete Tranter's Sister : How long has it been since you made love to a woman?

Lister : I admit, it's been a while.

Pete Tranter's Sister : It's been over three million years, Dave.

Lister : I prefer to count it in ice ages, then it's only four. And in leap ice ages, it's barely even one.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I can’t remember what was said but there was a brilliant episode when rimmer explained that he’d planned his whole revision schedule out to pass exams but Lister had coloured a box in on his plan so he’d gone swimming instead of sitting an exam

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