FabSwingers.com forum: What do you think constitutes a gentleman?

By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Following on from my other thread which was very nice thank you all for giving input to it.

This is for all, men and ladies.

What do you think constitutes a gentleman?

Ladies do you like doors opening for you? Do you like being thanked if you hold the door for a man when you’ve walked through? What other things do you think a ‘gentleman’ should do? Do you think men say too easily they are one?

Men do you act like a gentleman? Do you get annoyed at women that don’t acknowledge you being a gentleman? If you are one, do you like being a gentleman?

I myself like a gentleman but for me it’s all about manners and respect.

I’m intrigued.

This is not a thread to upset or hurt anyone. I’m just musing.

Thank you

Bhubaysi xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

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By *dward_TeagueMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

If treating other people the same way you like to be treated yourself then if that makes me a gentleman, so be it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Holding a door for any person or saying thank you is called manners and not being a gentleman x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Holding a door for any person or saying thank you is called manners and not being a gentleman x"

I'm glad somebody said that!

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By *tephanjMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Having manners and treating everyone with respect if that makes me a gentleman then so be it

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By *orenzoVonMatterhornMan
over a year ago

Lincoln

Manners maketh man... or something

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

Good manners, respectful, kind, caring, chivalrous, brave, emotionally intelligent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good manners, respectful, kind, caring, chivalrous, brave, emotionally intelligent "

Define emotionally intelligent? x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Holding a door for any person or saying thank you is called manners and not being a gentleman x

I'm glad somebody said that!

I think that's the definition of a gentleman though isn't it? Having manners and treating others with respect, regardless of gender. The female term is a lady, not sure there really needs to be gender defined terms these days, but the principle is the same. It's how you treat others, showing respect and manners to all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Holding a door for any person or saying thank you is called manners and not being a gentleman x

I'm glad somebody said that!

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By *estcountryDadBodMan
over a year ago

Exeter

"Holding a door for any person or saying thank you is called manners and not being a gentleman x

I'm glad somebody said that!

Agree. Manners and respect full stop. Doesn’t matter who. I’d hold a door for a guy as well... just good manners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

chivalrous, courteous, honourable, polite, well mannered, acting a certain way because its right and not for any kind of acclaim and treating all people the right way.

I consider myself a gentleman, but dont mind if its not acknowledged as for me it's just how i am and not something that really needs to be pointed out as special or out of the ordinary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man who asks where you want his jizz!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A man who asks where you want his jizz!

A man who always comes second, surely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A man who asks where you want his jizz!

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By *exycouplesswingCouple
over a year ago

tunbridge wells

Mr always walks next to the road to protect mrs from splashes from the horses!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A man who asks where you want his jizz!

A man who always comes second, surely

Depends if he's a repeater or not! I'm not fussed who cums first, or even if I do cum, just so long as everyone is having fun!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like courtesy and good manners in everyone, not just men, and I'm always polite if people are considerate. However, I really don't like being infantilsed. My ex wanted me to wait in the car until he got out to open my door for me. If I'd had mobility issues I'd have appreciated the concern, but since I didn't it just felt patronising. I'd been opening my own car doors for many years prior to meeting him! He also used to try to place himself on the road side of the pavement whenever we walked anywhere as he thought it was chivalrous. As one of my autistic foibles is to walk on the left of a person it didn't go down well. I'm an adult, not a child or an invalid. A man who has to tell me he is a gentleman raises my hackles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A man who asks where you want his jizz!

A man who always comes second, surely

Depends if he's a repeater or not! I'm not fussed who cums first, or even if I do cum, just so long as everyone is having fun!"

Now that is what I call good manners !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Following on from my other thread which was very nice thank you all for giving input to it.

This is for all, men and ladies.

What do you think constitutes a gentleman?

Men do you act like a gentleman? Do you get annoyed at women that don’t acknowledge you being a gentleman? If you are one, do you like being a gentleman?

I myself like a gentleman but for me it’s all about manners and respect.

I’m intrigued.

This is not a thread to upset or hurt anyone. I’m just musing.

Thank you

Bhubaysi xx

I don’t think there’s many traditional gentlemen out there anymore sadly, I think chivalry died out.

I do like doors being opened for me, not because I expect it but in this day and age it’s so rare for a man to act like a gentlemen and do small things like open the car door for you etc.

Also there aren’t many men who dress like “gentlemen” these days, that’s fine and all because fashion has changed but for me there’s nothing classier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not saying too much.

minding ones business

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly think the term gentleman has morphed into misogynist....

If I take a woman out , I never let them pay.. This has caused fights in the past...

If I stand up when a woman returns to the dinner table. Women have given me Wierd looks...

If a successful man tells a woman to give up her career and become a housewife... Some people would view him as a Neanderthal.....

It’s a very tricky slope being a gentleman... Some women would view your actions as not treating them as equals....

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By *arker secrets 321Man
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Bien a gentleman is something I try 2 b ..call me old fashioned but thats my values .kindness .respectfull honest open all values my dad installed in me growing up .think also ur attitude towards orther people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm unsure, it apparently means a man of good conduct and courteous. But I thought that was something most people would want to aspire to.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I like courtesy and good manners in everyone, not just men, and I'm always polite if people are considerate. However, I really don't like being infantilsed. My ex wanted me to wait in the car until he got out to open my door for me. If I'd had mobility issues I'd have appreciated the concern, but since I didn't it just felt patronising. I'd been opening my own car doors for many years prior to meeting him! He also used to try to place himself on the road side of the pavement whenever we walked anywhere as he thought it was chivalrous. As one of my autistic foibles is to walk on the left of a person it didn't go down well. I'm an adult, not a child or an invalid. A man who has to tell me he is a gentleman raises my hackles."

Same sentiments here. And I DO have mobility issues, but I can still open a door and move myself from A to B. I will ask for help if I need it. Someone tried to push my wheelchair the other day. I presume it looked like I was struggling but actually I was fine and him grabbing the chair was a) unnerving and b) unhelpful and counterproductive.

I don't believe in gendered roles so I won't be trying to define a gentleman or lady.

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By *luebellRacerCouple
over a year ago

Shropshire

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman. "

This. It's a quiet confidence, owning a room just by their prescence. Uses respectful language and treats everyone like a decent human being.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A true gentlemen would never describe himself as such, or ever consider that he wasn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Decorum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I honestly think the term gentleman has morphed into misogynist....

If I take a woman out , I never let them pay.. This has caused fights in the past...

If I stand up when a woman returns to the dinner table. Women have given me Wierd looks...

If a successful man tells a woman to give up her career and become a housewife... Some people would view him as a Neanderthal.....

It’s a very tricky slope being a gentleman... Some women would view your actions as not treating them as equals...."

Saying stuff like "would never let" or "tells a woman" are the complete oppostie of gentlemanly behaviour. Taking other people's feeling into consideration are a part of being a gent, whereas forcing your will upon someone isnt.

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By *razzyhorseMan
over a year ago

cambridge

Don't think anyone would call themselves a gentleman. That's up to those he interacts with to consider him to be one.

If treating others in a kind, considerate, caring, generous, helpful way is gentlemanly then that's fine by me. However that should be considered the norm not the exception.

Treat others as you'd wish to be treated and the world would be a better place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I honestly think the term gentleman has morphed into misogynist....

If I take a woman out , I never let them pay.. This has caused fights in the past...

If I stand up when a woman returns to the dinner table. Women have given me Wierd looks...

If a successful man tells a woman to give up her career and become a housewife... Some people would view him as a Neanderthal.....

It’s a very tricky slope being a gentleman... Some women would view your actions as not treating them as equals....

You are 100 percent right......

My mind is really stuck in the 50’s - 60’s....

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

To be honest I'm not sure what constitutes a gentleman or a lady these days. I kind of expect the same manners and politeness from each gender.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Manners good.

Performative gendered manners, not for me thank you.

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By *wingamajigsCouple
over a year ago

Folkestone

Manners

Knowing how to dress

The art of conversation

Grooming

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Calling someone a gentleman is quite old fashioned. I think all genders should uphold the same standards towards each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A true gentlemen would never describe himself as such, or ever consider that he wasn't."

This.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Calling someone a gentleman is quite old fashioned. I think all genders should uphold the same standards towards each other. "

Agreed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Calling someone a gentleman is quite old fashioned. I think all genders should uphold the same standards towards each other. "

Agreed, but unfortunately many are equally unpleasant and rude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a gentleman isn't just about holding a door for a lady or insisting on paying the bill, any fool can replicate such acts Falseley in an attempt to impress.

Being a gentleman is a state of mind, when this is the case everything you do naturally exudes kindness and respect and not just a few predetermined ideals and clichés.

Its about respect, manners, kindness and natural thought process that always puts the lady first without smothering or patronising her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gentleman is an overly evolved and broad term, so means different things to different people.

A 'decent person' is probably a more acurite term nowadays.

Someone who :-

naturally considers others,

accepts they themselves have weaknesses,

are mostly without malice,

knows their own power and doesn't abuse it.

A hundred years ago a gentleman meant a property owner of 'respectable' stock, with independent means who did not need to work....none of which ever ensured more decency than others.

Unfortunately decency can't be gauged by opening doors or standing when others join a table. It takes time and familiarity to recognize but it's always something I appreciate when I do get to know these people.

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman. "

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen. "

David Niven was a monster.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

one who stands up for women, win me every time

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

True gentleman? Someone who offers his second from last custard cream

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Or who gives you his last rolo.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.

David Niven was a monster. "

I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen. "

Well that’s a plot twist I didn’t see coming.

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

"Or who gives you his last rolo. "

Damn

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.

David Niven was a monster.

I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human."

Exactly right. I've been making a conscious effort not to refer to, or think of, evil people as "monsters".

They're not monsters. They're *people*. Just like we are. We don't get the comforting fiction of believing they're something else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.

David Niven was a monster.

I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human."

David Niven didn't actually murder six people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.

David Niven was a monster.

I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.

David Niven didn't actually murder six people. "

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By *aptain PeteMan
over a year ago

stamford

I always open a door for a lady. I walk on the curb side or the road and enjoy paying for food and drink.

Nothing more than the way I was brought up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a gentleman encompasses civility beyond good manners.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

A gentleman, amongst other things, is one who conducts himself properly when in public. He is a man who respects all around him, displays manners, gives his seat up for vulnerable people on public transport.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A gentleman, amongst other things, is one who conducts himself properly when in public. He is a man who respects all around him, displays manners, gives his seat up for vulnerable people on public transport. "

And he is respectful to wait staff...

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

And he is respectful to wait staff..."

That comes under conducting himself properly in public category.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

A gentleman never feels the need to put others down when in a group. Specially in front of women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its nice to do gentlemanly things as long as women don't think their entitled to it and men don't feel like they have to do it. Works both ways, men deserved to be looked after too

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By *aughty Nas xxxMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

manners and respect !!

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

And he is respectful to wait staff...

That comes under conducting himself properly in public category. "

Good point - and integrity (which to me is quintessential a trait of a gentleman/ lady, means doing the right thing, displaying the right behaviour when nobody is looking rather than just for show.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's an archaic or anachronistic concept that has little or no relevance today.

It has been used in recent times however as shorthand for respect, courtesy and tolerance. These are timeless attributes that every right-minded chap should subscribe to IMHO.

Cheers Mark

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By *nna WulfWoman
over a year ago

Wandsworth

"I think it's an archaic or anachronistic concept that has little or no relevance today.

It has been used in recent times however as shorthand for respect, courtesy and tolerance. These are timeless attributes that every right-minded chap should subscribe to IMHO.

Cheers Mark"

This.

Outdated and should go the same way as 'gentlewoman'

Being respectful is not gender specific.

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By *razzyhorseMan
over a year ago

cambridge

Shouldn't that just be the norm?

Nothing on that list should need thinking about twice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm another who finds it a really outdated term

And it irks me more than a little when the same trite examples are trotted out as characteristics of gentlemanly behaviour

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

"Good manners, respectful, kind, caring, chivalrous, brave, emotionally intelligent

Define emotionally intelligent? x "

Ability to understand and empathise with people, to display maturity and defuse conflict situations

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"Good manners, respectful, kind, caring, chivalrous, brave, emotionally intelligent "

Exactly this in my book!

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Good manners, respectful, kind, caring, chivalrous, brave, emotionally intelligent

Define emotionally intelligent? x

Ability to understand and empathise with people, to display maturity and defuse conflict situations "

Which dictionary did you copy that from?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As far as Sting is concerned... "gentleman will walk but never run"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As far as Sting is concerned... "gentleman will walk but never run""

He also said "de do do do, de da da da" so who knows what to believe.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'll know it when I find it.

"As far as Sting is concerned... "gentleman will walk but never run"

He also said "de do do do, de da da da" so who knows what to believe. "

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

"Good manners, respectful, kind, caring, chivalrous, brave, emotionally intelligent

Define emotionally intelligent? x

Ability to understand and empathise with people, to display maturity and defuse conflict situations

Which dictionary did you copy that from? "

Ok Einstein please enlighten everyone with what you think it is?

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.

David Niven was a monster.

I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.

David Niven didn't actually murder six people. "

Elliot "Supreme Gentleman" Rodger did, though. Look up the 2014 Isla Vista killings, if you've forgotten them already.

Again, when I see someone billing themselves as a "gentleman", I involuntarily assume they are *at best* an absolute shit merchant, and at worst a murderous incel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A true gentleman doesn't even know he is one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Respect and manners cost nothing at all.

Being a gentleman is different like pulling the chair out for a lady to sit down or giving your coat to a lady that is cold. Buying her flowers and looking after her.

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Gentleman actually derives itself from Latin origin meaning gentillis or noble, it came to middle English in about the 18th century to men born of nobility but without arms to name and became the standard of their conduct of behaviour amidst public surrounding.

I think somewhere in early 20th century the term began to adopt a lot of new traits and modern 21st century sees a lot of men expected to behave in a way seen as gentlemanly that should be seen as common courtesy, politeness and just plain old good manners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Throwing yer coat over a puddle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Gentleman actually derives itself from Latin origin meaning gentillis or noble, it came to middle English in about the 18th century to men born of nobility but without arms"

They really shouldn't have made fun of the disabled

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By *otel PlaymatesCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

"A man who asks where you want his jizz!

"
pmsl

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By *eorge JetsonMan
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

"Gentleman actually derives itself from Latin origin meaning gentillis or noble, it came to middle English in about the 18th century to men born of nobility but without arms

They really shouldn't have made fun of the disabled

Good lord whatever next

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Holding a door for any person or saying thank you is called manners and not being a gentleman x

I'm glad somebody said that!

Agree with what the lady said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Golly gumdrops i like to think i am a gent

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By *crum2020Man
over a year ago

Alton

An English gentleman is one, who whilst knowing how to play the piano-accordion, doesn't!

An English gentleman is one, who,even whilst dining alone, uses the butter knife.

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By *aughty Nas xxxMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

papa drives Jaguaar..

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.

David Niven was a monster.

I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.

David Niven didn't actually murder six people.

Elliot "Supreme Gentleman" Rodger did, though. Look up the 2014 Isla Vista killings, if you've forgotten them already.

Again, when I see someone billing themselves as a "gentleman", I involuntarily assume they are *at best* an absolute shit merchant, and at worst a murderous incel. "

This isn’t projection from experience, is it?

The word is a verb, the rest semantics.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.

David Niven was a monster.

I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.

David Niven didn't actually murder six people.

Elliot "Supreme Gentleman" Rodger did, though. Look up the 2014 Isla Vista killings, if you've forgotten them already.

Again, when I see someone billing themselves as a "gentleman", I involuntarily assume they are *at best* an absolute shit merchant, and at worst a murderous incel.

This isn’t projection from experience, is it?

The word is a verb, the rest semantics."

Sorry, the behaviour is a verb, the noun is not real.

Bad me...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Respect and manners cost nothing at all.

Being a gentleman is different like pulling the chair out for a lady to sit down or giving your coat to a lady that is cold. Buying her flowers and looking after her. "

Which decade do you live in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Respect and manners cost nothing at all.

Being a gentleman is different like pulling the chair out for a lady to sit down or giving your coat to a lady that is cold. Buying her flowers and looking after her.

Which decade do you live in"

In this one funny enough but I’m old school still and I don’t see a problem with that at all

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.

This. Massive red flag.

Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.

David Niven was a monster.

I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.

David Niven didn't actually murder six people.

Elliot "Supreme Gentleman" Rodger did, though. Look up the 2014 Isla Vista killings, if you've forgotten them already.

Again, when I see someone billing themselves as a "gentleman", I involuntarily assume they are *at best* an absolute shit merchant, and at worst a murderous incel.

This isn’t projection from experience, is it?

The word is a verb, the rest semantics."

"Gentleman" is a noun.

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By *ornado69Man
over a year ago

Castle Donnington

Respect, manners, dignity, humility and putting the lady's needs befire his.

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