FabSwingers.com forum: Fav dialogue in comedy film and tv

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Wondered what some of your favourite funny lines are from comedy film and TV. Here's some of mine:

Red Dwarf

Lister: 'We never take any time out to smell the roses or celebtate.'

Cat: 'We've got nothing to celebrate with bud!'

Kryten: 'That's not true sir. There's that whole case of wine I made from urine recycling.'

Lister: 'Call me pretentious, but a truly great wine shouldn't leave you with a foam moustache you can only remove with turps.'

The Naked Gun

Drebin interviews a witness

Frank: Interesting, almost as interesting as the photographs I saw earlier.'

Jane: 'I was young, I needed the work.'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Badges! We don’t need no stinking badges!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Badges! We don’t need no stinking badges!"

Where's that line from?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Additional, please name the film or TV show the line comes from.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hilledGuerillaMan
over a year ago

In the monkey house

"Badges! We don’t need no stinking badges!

Where's that line from?

Blazing Saddles.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We got a bleeder - there’s something about mary

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

‘Say what you want about the tenets of national socialism, but at least it’s an ethos dude’ - The Big Lebowski

‘Listen boys, I was wondering if you could get me any more of those mushrooms?’

‘Mushrooms?’

‘Aye the magic ones! I sprinkles em on Charlie’s fish fingers ooooh he gets a good relief on them!’ - Twin Town

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Badges! We don’t need no stinking badges!

Where's that line from?

Blazing Saddles. "

'So wat you wanna do. Play chess, ... Screw?'

'...Well let's play chess.'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everything between you and I is split straight down the middle 60-40. You should know this lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otPrinceHarryMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Wondered what some of your favourite funny lines are from comedy film and TV. Here's some of mine:

Red Dwarf

Lister: 'We never take any time out to smell the roses or celebtate.'

Cat: 'We've got nothing to celebrate with bud!'

Kryten: 'That's not true sir. There's that whole case of wine I made from urine recycling.'

Lister: 'Call me pretentious, but a truly great wine shouldn't leave you with a foam moustache you can only remove with turps.'

The Naked Gun

Drebin interviews a witness

Frank: Interesting, almost as interesting as the photographs I saw earlier.'

Jane: 'I was young, I needed the work.'

All time favourite is also from Frank Drebin, but the earlier Police Squad.

"Who are you, and how did you get in here?"

Drebin- "I’m a locksmith… and I’m a locksmith."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Everything between you and I is split straight down the middle 60-40. You should know this lol "

Kingpin

f'ing love that film.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What are you doing with my truck......and this whale?

Free willy

I dunno why but it makes me giggle everytime

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only Fools and Horses:

This tobacco tin belonged to your uncle. You see that dent? That's where it was in his top pocket and it stopped a snipers bullet that was aiming for his heart.

Wow, it saved his life.

Well, not really. You see the bullet ricocheted up his nose and blew his brains out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only Fools and Horses:

This tobacco tin belonged to your uncle. You see that dent? That's where it was in his top pocket and it stopped a snipers bullet that was aiming for his heart.

Wow, it saved his life.

Well, not really. You see the bullet ricocheted up his nose and blew his brains out."

Classic!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I forgot about one of my all time favourite Red Dwarf episodes with this belter;

Rimmer : I can't let you out.

Lister : Why not?

Rimmer : Because the king of the potato people won't let me. I begged him. I got down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you here... keep you here for 10 years.

Cat : Could we see him?

Rimmer : See who?

Cat : The king.

Rimmer : Do you have a magic carpet?

Lister : Yeah. A little three-seater.

Rimmer : So let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet, to see the king of the potato people... and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you're completely sane?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Only Fools and Horses:

This tobacco tin belonged to your uncle. You see that dent? That's where it was in his top pocket and it stopped a snipers bullet that was aiming for his heart.

Wow, it saved his life.

Well, not really. You see the bullet ricocheted up his nose and blew his brains out."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I forgot about one of my all time favourite Red Dwarf episodes with this belter;

Rimmer : I can't let you out.

Lister : Why not?

Rimmer : Because the king of the potato people won't let me. I begged him. I got down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you here... keep you here for 10 years.

Cat : Could we see him?

Rimmer : See who?

Cat : The king.

Rimmer : Do you have a magic carpet?

Lister : Yeah. A little three-seater.

Rimmer : So let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet, to see the king of the potato people... and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you're completely sane?

Quarantine. Awesome episode. I love the line:

Lister: 'Kryten man, are you OK?'

Kryten: 'I have a medium size fire axe embedded in my spinal chord.'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago

The South

My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father..........prepare to die.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

The "phoney dog poo" scene from Top Secret. - Two and a half minutes of comedy gold.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

Janice Garvey:

My mother's not been to the toilet since Tuesday.

Mick Garvey:

Why? Is there no smoking in there?

..Benidorm

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Picking up on the Something about Mary angle, the bit where Matt Dillon is telling Cameron Diaz about his charity work is priceless:

- I work with retards at the weekend.

- Retards? Isn't that a little politically incorrect?

- Well, some people think that but those goofy bastards are the best thing in my life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Frasier:

Frasier: [responding to a caller] Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.

I love this quote so much. The build up and the execution was phenomenal

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otPrinceHarryMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

There is a beautiful piece of dialogue in "Pimpernel Smith," a pro-Allies thriller from 1941. It is very much not played for laughs at any point, and is a serious piece about the threat the Nazis posed.

But, somehow, this made it in.

Horace: "Is there another way out of here? Apart from the front door?"

Ludmilla: (pauses) (thinks) (suddenly excited) "Yes! The back door!"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Frasier:

I love this quote so much. The build up and the execution was phenomenal

Frasier has been getting me through lockdown (and much of the rest of life!)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They're calling him Rodney, after Dave

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iddylad87Man
over a year ago

kidderminster

"Only Fools and Horses:

This tobacco tin belonged to your uncle. You see that dent? That's where it was in his top pocket and it stopped a snipers bullet that was aiming for his heart.

Wow, it saved

Well, not really. You see the bullet ricocheted up his nose and blew his brains out.

Classic!!

See this broom Dave, I’ve had the same broom for 15 years,

Del:Have you actually swept any roads?

Trig: yes it’s had 15 new heads an 10 new handles

Sid: how the hell is it the same broom then?

Trig: well here’s a pic of it what more you want? See we have a saying at the council, look after your broom....

Rodney: and your broom will look after you

Trig: no Dave just look after your broom

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Frasier:

I love this quote so much. The build up and the execution was phenomenal

Frasier has been getting me through lockdown (and much of the rest of life!)"

Top 3 sitcoms for me. I want to watch Cheers too but I can't seem to find anywhere to watch it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

The Naked Gun series is full of them.

Nordburg is in a critical condition in hospital after having been shot several times. His colleagues are talking to his wife.

Ed: Wilma, as soon as Nordberg is better, he's welcome back at Police Squad.

Frank Drebin: Unless he's a drooling vegetable. But I think that's only common sense.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, Scrubs:

Molly: Perry, no one's pure evil! I mean, yeah, some people have a hard outer shell, but inside, everybody has a creamy center.

Dr. Cox: There are plenty of people here on this particular planet who are hard on the outside and hard on the inside.

Molly: So they'd have more of a nougaty center?

Dr. Cox: Lady, people aren't chocolates. D'you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with a bastard filling. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine

I could fill the whole thread with Dr. Cox quotes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never knew my dad. He died 2 years before I was born...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rying2niteMan
over a year ago

Egremont

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Ferris buellers day off

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rying2niteMan
over a year ago

Egremont

"You fucked up......you trusted us "

Animal house

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Coupling is one of my favourites...

Sally: *holding up a ticket* A motor show?

Patrick: Yeah, I thought we could go together. You like cars, right? *he laughs* Everybody likes cars.

Sally: Would this… be a date?

Patrick: I’m sorry?

Sally: I’d love to go Patrick, but strictly as your friend.

Patrick: What do you mean ‘friend’, exactly?

Sally: I wouldn’t be your date. I’d be your friend.

Patrick: …No, sorry, still not with you.

Sally: Okay… let’s take it slowly. What do you call people you go out with, but you don’t try to sleep with?

Patrick: …Men.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arren and AliciaCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Trigger from only fools and horses

Same broom since he started working with the council, 3 new shafts and 5 new heads

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread