FabSwingers.com forum: Accepting a compliment gone wrong.

By *radleyandRaven OP Couple
over a year ago

Herts

I have always been accused of not being able to accept compliments, so I thought I would give it a go.

Unsurprisingly, quite a few people are very quick to change their tune if they're not met with disbelief or amazement.

So the last time someone told me I was sexy, (not on here) I simply said "Why, thank you".

Only for their face to go completely blank and to then come out with "Yeah, actually you're not, you stuck up fat Bitch".

So, are we supposed to accept compliments or not?

I'm assuming there are many others out there who people have felt the need to tear down if they show any ounce of confidence?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not sure that’s an issue with you not taking the compliment! More to do with them thinking that by accepting the compliment you were stuck up.....which doesn’t really make sense!

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By *radleyandRaven OP Couple
over a year ago

Herts

"I’m not sure that’s an issue with you not taking the compliment! More to do with them thinking that by accepting the compliment you were stuck up.....which doesn’t really make sense!"

That's what I mean.

Is it expected to be met with automatic bashfulness or denial?

What the Hell are you supposed to say? Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always been the same, I don't know any other response than thank you as I find it awkward. Guess if someone's compliment is genuine, they won't mind how you respond anyway

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

I dont know how to accept compliments either so for a long time I would kind of throw it back at them and tell them they need to go to specsavers or that the dont see the cuntish side of me properly etc.

Eventually someone explained it to me that it was a negative thing I was doing and to just accept the compliment as it was given so now I mostly just say thankyou while not knowing what else to say, do you give a return compliment or do you come across as arrogant? I dont know but saying thanykyou works for me.

Whoever it was that said this to you OP was probably fishing for one in return or hoping it got them somewhere with you, it says more about them and their intentions than it does you so forget it and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That was an odd comeback! One less prick to converse with in your life

I usually answer with thanks, or I know and a grin

But that matches my personality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we all have a bit of difficulty accepting compliments. Its not something that happens in everyday life, outside of those who dont adore us.

Its a form of praise in some respects, I think society has built us to be better equipped to deal with negativity than praise.

I'm beating around the bush here, there is nothing wrong with a simple thank you. Seems the person and as a lot of people do we're hoping the "favour" would be returned.

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By *radleyandRaven OP Couple
over a year ago

Herts

"I dont know how to accept compliments either so for a long time I would kind of throw it back at them and tell them they need to go to specsavers or that the dont see the cuntish side of me properly etc.

My exact conundrum.

I'm socially awkward at the best of times, and it feels automatic just to say "You must need your eyes tested" or "Nooooooooooo".

But I'm also terrible at lying if I feel like they're fishing for one back, and it often then leads to unwanted flirting. And then what?

You're left having to change your tune or making excuses, etc when they ask for your number after you've just told them you think they're handsome too.

But both genders are guilty of it. Even if it's non-sexual.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've never been met with that response when accepting a compliment. That's most odd

I do think a lot of people really hate self confidence though. Especially in women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reminds me of something I saw on twitter a guy was tweeting about how a beautiful girl is more beautiful when she doesn’t know it. Someone replied with “you’re attracted to the insecurity”.

I find that to be somewhat true. Guys want to be the character in the movie who makes a forlorn beautiful girl realise she’s beautiful, then she is ever grateful to him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My exact conundrum.

I'm socially awkward at the best of times, and it feels automatic just to say "You must need your eyes tested" or "Nooooooooooo".

But I'm also terrible at lying if I feel like they're fishing for one back, and it often then leads to unwanted flirting. And then what?

You're left having to change your tune or making excuses, etc when they ask for your number after you've just told them you think they're handsome too.

But both genders are guilty of it. Even if it's non-sexual."

I think you are right about fishing for a compliment back, which makes their compliment to you meaningless.

As for the fat bitch bit, I think they should have gone to specsavers,

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By *radleyandRaven OP Couple
over a year ago

Herts

"I've never been met with that response when accepting a compliment. That's most odd

I do think a lot of people really hate self confidence though. Especially in women."

I think that particular occasion was him just hoping to get his dick wet, and he got butt-hurt that I wasn't grateful for him gracing me with his presence. But it stuck in my mind that many people act differently to compliments and there seems to be some sort of social etiquette around it which can go any which way really, unless you know the person well.

It does seem to have more of a negative reaction for Women, but I have also seen it with Women complimenting other Women.

It's a minefield out there!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Reminds me of something I saw on twitter a guy was tweeting about how a beautiful girl is more beautiful when she doesn’t know it. Someone replied with “you’re attracted to the insecurity”.

I find that to be somewhat true. Guys want to be the character in the movie who makes a forlorn beautiful girl realise she’s beautiful, then she is ever grateful to him."

You see a lot of that in here too. Women are expected by lots of men to be modest and self deprecating. They're described as "up themselves" or "stuck up" if they dare to display a level of self esteem above rock bottom. Really some attitudes are medieval

. There's also a tendency to equate beauty with a personality.

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By *radleyandRaven OP Couple
over a year ago

Herts

"Reminds me of something I saw on twitter a guy was tweeting about how a beautiful girl is more beautiful when she doesn’t know it. Someone replied with “you’re attracted to the insecurity”.

I find that to be somewhat true. Guys want to be the character in the movie who makes a forlorn beautiful girl realise she’s beautiful, then she is ever grateful to him."

That's very well put.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"I have always been accused of not being able to accept compliments, so I thought I would give it a go.

Unsurprisingly, quite a few people are very quick to change their tune if they're not met with disbelief or amazement.

So the last time someone told me I was sexy, (not on here) I simply said "Why, thank you".

Only for their face to go completely blank and to then come out with "Yeah, actually you're not, you stuck up fat Bitch".

So, are we supposed to accept compliments or not?

I'm assuming there are many others out there who people have felt the need to tear down if they show any ounce of confidence?"

I think they had serious issues themselves

In no way is that any kind of rational answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m not sure that’s an issue with you not taking the compliment! More to do with them thinking that by accepting the compliment you were stuck up.....which doesn’t really make sense!

That's what I mean.

Is it expected to be met with automatic bashfulness or denial?

What the Hell are you supposed to say? Lol"

Haha apparently you were meant to say no I’m not sexy you twat!

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By *hrissielegsTV/TS
over a year ago

Henfield

"I have always been accused of not being able to accept compliments, so I thought I would give it a go.

Unsurprisingly, quite a few people are very quick to change their tune if they're not met with disbelief or amazement.

So the last time someone told me I was sexy, (not on here) I simply said "Why, thank you".

Only for their face to go completely blank and to then come out with "Yeah, actually you're not, you stuck up fat Bitch".

So, are we supposed to accept compliments or not?

I'm assuming there are many others out there who people have felt the need to tear down if they show any ounce of confidence?"

For the record you look gorgeous to me I think maybe the person that said that to you was hoping for a different response probably expecting you to say the same back then expecting to be able to chat you up, then when they didnt get the expected response turned nasty dont let it upset you to many idiots in this world.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I've never been met with that response when accepting a compliment. That's most odd

I do think a lot of people really hate self confidence though. Especially in women.

It does seem to have more of a negative reaction for Women, but I have also seen it with Women complimenting other Women.

It's a minefield out there! "

I genuinely have never come across a negative reaction. I usually just smile and say "thank you" but maybe they walk away muttering "old hag, who does she think she is"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've never been met with that response when accepting a compliment. That's most odd

I do think a lot of people really hate self confidence though. Especially in women."

I (mr) absolutely love self confidence in people. Genuine self confidence that is, sometimes it can overstep to arrogance though.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Reminds me of something I saw on twitter a guy was tweeting about how a beautiful girl is more beautiful when she doesn’t know it. Someone replied with “you’re attracted to the insecurity”.

I find that to be somewhat true. Guys want to be the character in the movie who makes a forlorn beautiful girl realise she’s beautiful, then she is ever grateful to him.

. There's also a tendency to equate beauty with a personality.

With a bad personality that should say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most often, I think a compliment is more about the person giving it than who it is aimed at.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I accept them with a thank you and a

So many variables to what happens next though which can completely ruin the compliment

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By *lirty-CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bexley

"I have always been accused of not being able to accept compliments, so I thought I would give it a go.

Unsurprisingly, quite a few people are very quick to change their tune if they're not met with disbelief or amazement.

So the last time someone told me I was sexy, (not on here) I simply said "Why, thank you".

Only for their face to go completely blank and to then come out with "Yeah, actually you're not, you stuck up fat Bitch".

So, are we supposed to accept compliments or not?

I'm assuming there are many others out there who people have felt the need to tear down if they show any ounce of confidence?"

There's no right way. Whatever you do there will be those who throw it in your face. You should behave how you feel comfotable and try not to let the idiots affect your confidence.

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By *radleyandRaven OP Couple
over a year ago

Herts

"I accept them with a thank you and a

So many variables to what happens next though which can completely ruin the compliment

Lol, I'm intrigued. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Reminds me of something I saw on twitter a guy was tweeting about how a beautiful girl is more beautiful when she doesn’t know it. Someone replied with “you’re attracted to the insecurity”.

I find that to be somewhat true. Guys want to be the character in the movie who makes a forlorn beautiful girl realise she’s beautiful, then she is ever grateful to him."

Oh very insightful!

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By *radleyandRaven OP Couple
over a year ago

Herts

"Reminds me of something I saw on twitter a guy was tweeting about how a beautiful girl is more beautiful when she doesn’t know it. Someone replied with “you’re attracted to the insecurity”.

I find that to be somewhat true. Guys want to be the character in the movie who makes a forlorn beautiful girl realise she’s beautiful, then she is ever grateful to him.

Oh very insightful!

Or is there the hope that they'll NEVER accept that they're beautiful and they think the low self-esteem means they'll never leave them or go elsewhere?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Compliments given in that way are sadly a form of narcissistic love bombing. If they are expecting a self deprecating response the compliment is a form of control game. The extreme response is further evidence of narcissism at work.

Horrible!

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By *radleyandRaven OP Couple
over a year ago

Herts

"Compliments given in that way are sadly a form of narcissistic love bombing. If they are expecting a self deprecating response the compliment is a form of control game. The extreme response is further evidence of narcissism at work.

Horrible!"

Love bombing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horrible!

Love bombing? "

Yes bombarding people with affection and compliments at an early stage of a relationship. It is a technique narcissists use to seduce their targets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn’t complement someone’s appearance on Fab as an opening message simply because I imagine women get so many of these, and are probably rightly suspicious of the motive in some cases.

Equally there is a lot of speculation and projection here about those motives. It seems rather sad that people should have to think twice about saying something positive because that won’t be taken in good faith, but I guess it’s understandably different on Fab than in real life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m useless at accepting compliments. I feel uncomfortable when I do. Especially since the one time I did say “thank you” I was told I was a stuck up bitch too. So now I just reply with a

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horrible!

Love bombing?

Yes bombarding people with affection and compliments at an early stage of a relationship. It is a technique narcissists use to seduce their targets."

Ouch ! That seems a rather dark view of human relations. Don’t know about ‘bombarding’ but don’t most potential romantic and sexual relationships start off with an excess of mutual affection and attention, a sign of passion and excitement?

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By *nna WulfWoman
over a year ago

Wandsworth

The thing is... I am a stuck up bitch...

And I know what I look like ( a thirst trap). So why would I entertain the unsolicited opinion of a random (man) attempting very poorly to groom or manipulate me into a conversation based around a generic line he could send to anybody?

Get in the bin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some folk give a compliment expecting one back

It's a hook into acknowledgement of a mutual attraction

So, if one is given, accepted, then not reciprocated, they see their arse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read an article on a group page about the idea that when a woman agrees with a compliment a man takes a negative view, example... Man, 'You have great legs'

Woman 'yes I think so too'

Man'youre full of yourself'

Denial and bashfulness is the expected response, not confidence. If you've a great car and someone says so, you're hardly going to say ohh noooo it's nothing special

I've tried it out on here, guy sends a compliment of great xxxx

I respond by, yeah I think so too.... The responses have been entertaining lol, try it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This exactly...

90% of my messages are guys saying they like my x, y, or z. No question or positive engagement so I just say thanks.

Most of those treat it as a convo and then start continually messaging me though and then get a bit uppity when I stop replying x

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By *rad670Man
over a year ago

South Lakes

Funny thing compliments and the way they are taken, like someone has already said some folk give a compliment expecting one back and then get shitty if they don't. I beleive in giving a compliment if I like a profile or a photo, I don't expect one back as it is my way of saying I like you/ your profile, it is nice then if they then view your profile to see if there is a mutual attraction but if I got shirty for every time I was blanked I would be constantly wound up. On the whole peole are very nice and respectful/mature on here but there are a few in every walk of life who need to chill.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

It depends what the compliment is.

If its some pointless tripe to try and curry favour such as talking about physicality then I blow it off and tell them to not bother.

If its about elements of my personality or hobbies or other interests I enjoy then I acknowledge them, usually with a thanks or a cheeky response such as “I know” or “what else did you expect?”.

If someone then tried to take it back in such a rude manner, then its one less person on my life to worry about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/01/21 11:24:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horrible!

Love bombing?

Yes bombarding people with affection and compliments at an early stage of a relationship. It is a technique narcissists use to seduce their targets.

Yeah that’s why it is worth being aware that narcissists use it as a technique to try to control the behaviour of their target. I’m actually much more optimistic about human nature than that post might imply. Being aware of the dark side means we can be attuned to the early warning signals. I’m also acutely aware of the narcissist in me that has in the past attempted to manipulate and control the behaviour of others and some of the things I did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm rubbish at accepting compliments or hearing positive things about me but I find if I say sometimng like oh I'm sure that's not true then the way they go on pushing the complement on you is worse and way more uncomfortable so now I just say something like thankyou, that's very sweet of you to say....neither confirming or denying if you think what they said is true lol

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By *uHorny1Man
over a year ago

Cannock

"I have always been accused of not being able to accept compliments, so I thought I would give it a go.

Unsurprisingly, quite a few people are very quick to change their tune if they're not met with disbelief or amazement.

So the last time someone told me I was sexy, (not on here) I simply said "Why, thank you".

Only for their face to go completely blank and to then come out with "Yeah, actually you're not, you stuck up fat Bitch".

So, are we supposed to accept compliments or not?

I'm assuming there are many others out there who people have felt the need to tear down if they show any ounce of confidence?"

I think that "compliment" was never intended as such, but rather as a lead in to his true agenda- thoroughly unpleasant misogynistic abuse. Soften you up by saying something nice then say something horrible. Hes just a nasty piece of work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to be awful for this. I'd always just say something self deprecating to be funny but eventually realised that it came across badly on me.

Now I just say "thank you" and pay a compliment back. Seems easier that way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the things I have learned is that we appreciate most the compliments that recognise things we value in ourselves and are important to us. We will struggle accepting compliments that do not fit with our self perception until we learn to appreciate ourselves and accept ourselves more fully as we are. We will project, as the guy did in this case, our own self loathing onto others at times if we haven’t leaned to love ourselves more fully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horrible!

Love bombing?

Yes bombarding people with affection and compliments at an early stage of a relationship. It is a technique narcissists use to seduce their targets."

I don't always think it's done as some kind of technique with sinister intention.

I quite often see it as indicative of someone who's a bit awkward at interacting with the opposite sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I read an article on a group page about the idea that when a woman agrees with a compliment a man takes a negative view, example... Man, 'You have great legs'

Woman 'yes I think so too'

Man'youre full of yourself'

Denial and bashfulness is the expected response, not confidence. If you've a great car and someone says so, you're hardly going to say ohh noooo it's nothing special

I've tried it out on here, guy sends a compliment of great xxxx

I respond by, yeah I think so too.... The responses have been entertaining lol, try it. "

I love experiments!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not a bashful type of woman, so I always say thank you, I only compliment those I genuinly mean to so wouldn't offer one in return for the sake of niceness.

The person who said that in return was just a cnut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People love to tell people to love and appreciate themselves. But if they do then they're stuck up.

Some weird jealousy or control maybe.

They secretly love that the person feels shit and they hope their compliment will lift them up but also remind them that they feel shit. Reverse psychology or something.

If the person appears to agree with the compliment the sentiment backfires.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reply to my fan mail with agreement and then some kind of cheeky open ended flirt.

“Thanks, the way the light shines of my beautiful veiny forearm is something to behold.

Just imagine yourself stroking my arm as I walk you to greggs for a nice hot drink and a muffin.”

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Horrible!

Love bombing?

Yes bombarding people with affection and compliments at an early stage of a relationship. It is a technique narcissists use to seduce their targets.

I don't always think it's done as some kind of technique with sinister intention.

I quite often see it as indicative of someone who's a bit awkward at interacting with the opposite sex"

I agree with that. It can also appear desperate and a bit creepy. When I see someone complimenting every single person I think they aren't genuine and just want everyone to think what a great person they are.

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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

It’s polite to say thank you to a compliment, kind of think the person was perhaps looking for one back and if you didn’t then they have got grumpy, which isn’t the name of the game, best just ignore and forget about it, carry on giving your thanks

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’ve never had a compliment then had them turn nasty when I’ve said thanks. On here or anywhere else. I guess I’m just lucky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horrible!

Love bombing?

Yes bombarding people with affection and compliments at an early stage of a relationship. It is a technique narcissists use to seduce their targets.

I don't always think it's done as some kind of technique with sinister intention.

I quite often see it as indicative of someone who's a bit awkward at interacting with the opposite sex

I agree inappropriate compliments can be a sign of social awkwardness or just wanting to be nice. The compliment with the intention of knocking confidence in order to control is narcissistic

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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

"I’ve never had a compliment then had them turn nasty when I’ve said thanks. On here or anywhere else. I guess I’m just lucky

Neither have we, so also makes you think it’s somebody who joined Fab just to be a pain in the rear to people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve never had a compliment then had them turn nasty when I’ve said thanks. On here or anywhere else. I guess I’m just lucky

Neither have we, so also makes you think it’s somebody who joined Fab just to be a pain in the rear to people

Finally some positive vibes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horrible!

Love bombing?

Yes bombarding people with affection and compliments at an early stage of a relationship. It is a technique narcissists use to seduce their targets.

I don't always think it's done as some kind of technique with sinister intention.

I quite often see it as indicative of someone who's a bit awkward at interacting with the opposite sex

I agree inappropriate compliments can be a sign of social awkwardness or just wanting to be nice. The compliment with the intention of knocking confidence in order to control is narcissistic "

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I find on here, it goes:

'You're Tina Titz! - you look great for a mid 40s Tgirl with her own Magic Flying Carpet.'

I reply, 'why thanks, that's mighty kind of you,'

And then they say, 'Can I have your autograph and do you want to meet now I've complimented you?'

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