FabSwingers.com forum: Bdsm???

By *aura 2000 OP Woman
over a year ago

yarm

I’ve totally changed my sexual desires. I’ve recently found a love of anal sex and bdsm but I’m totally new to the wanting of these sexual desires

I would love to listen to stories or fantasies and advice in exploring this world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me too. I love to be dominataed abused and used

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

It would very much depend on what kind of BDSM you like, there's lots of different dynamics just like vanilla relationships.

A like of anal doesn't signify a like of BDSM or vice versa. You maybe more successful finding what you're after if you narrowed down what you're seeking. There's lots of info online to figure out what it is you desire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wise words Miss........ But Im into the whole thing. Its up to the Mistress or master how you are used. I would not be there fopr myself. but for my Mistress or master pleasure

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"wise words Miss........ But Im into the whole thing. Its up to the Mistress or master how you are used. I would not be there fopr myself. but for my Mistress or master pleasure"

If that's your prearranged dynamic that is fine, but not everyone seeks that kind of BDSM relationship. Hence why it's important to do your research before you engage in play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess he wasnt a real master. but a pimp. A true Mistress or a master is a rare person...... Still I live in hope of finding one xxx

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I miss going to the Fetish clubs and intend to visit another soon. I enjoy bondage especially being left in a compromising position in the club, so anyone can touch me up or spank me etc...

It maybe worth looking into the lifestyle and any events near you or a club doing a BDSM night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

This

Find out how to vet people, join a BDSMcommunity and find out who can be trusted (although not perfect as there are still abusers who hide within them).

If you are developing an interest in BDSM there are quite a few online classes at the moment that you can check out (look under online events on Fet).

Go slow, be vigilant with your submission and only give it to people who deserve it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish I could find a Mistress or master to Dominate me......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose I could visit a pro Domme

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I’ve totally changed my sexual desires. I’ve recently found a love of anal sex and bdsm but I’m totally new to the wanting of these sexual desires

I would love to listen to stories or fantasies and advice in exploring this world

But yourself a copy of Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" read that and sort out in your own mind what you want from a bdsm relationship. Once you're clear on that you will be in a better position to assess the type of person you're interacting with and whether they're genuine. There are an awful lot of bullies and people who think their way is the only way.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Some very good advice here already OP and the best thing I'd suggest right now, is take a step back, learn as much about yourself and your desires in a BDSM perspective as you can - decide where you think you fit into it. Think about the following:

Whether you're dominant, submissive or switch

Whether you see your interest as a casual one to spice things up or more a 24/7 full on extreme thing - the BDSM spectrum is incredibly broad and can be as simple as the occasional spanking or complete ownership and some fairly extreme play.

What kind of dynamic do you think you'd be looking for - for some D/s is simple servitude, for others a lot more defined and covering pain, humiliation and more.

All that and more are things you should be thinking about no matter what role you think you'd take in it - so use the time you have now to read and research, seek out blogs and sites that cater to your areas of interest, look up on-line questionnaires on the subject that will help shape your understanding and interest.

Screw The Roses is indeed a good recommendation, another is SM101 - read those and again use them to understand the subject and yourself better.

Ask questions not only of others but yourself - knowing yourself and your desires really will help you, and also protect you against those that will tell you you're not a "true" whatever because you see things differently to them.

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

"Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

WTAF!! This is a proper warning.

You had a lucky escape there Peach. Thank god you were put off and saw through him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

Jesus Peach

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

WTAF!! This is a proper warning.

You had a lucky escape there Peach. Thank god you were put off and saw through him

Defo. Knocked my confidence somewhat but just proves how easily others will jump on those wanting to learn and explore as "naive and easily taken advantage of"..... which you really can be when you're thinking you want to push your boundaries.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

Jesus Peach

Aye, after some of the experiences and people I've come across it's a wonder I'm still here.

It's little wonder I find it difficult to trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

so love you to DOMME me Miss....

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"so love you to DOMME me Miss...."

Not sure who you were referring to - but would you really want someone to dominate you who you've not had any interaction with? Don't know the first thing about? Let alone what their BDSM interests are or whether they'd put your safety, limits and boundaries as a priority?

Have you not read Princess Peach's post above, and seen the dangers of diving into something without knowing any of that? The prospective dangers of meeting can apply just as equally to men as they do women.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I agree with many of the contributions already.

I would add that it is important for the submissive to add to the dynamic most reasonable dom/mes would want to know what you want and what you add rather than just a body.

Rather than reading stories I would suggest you do your homework. There are a number of good books out there. As well as Screw the Roses are:

The New Bottoming Guide Dossie Eaton and Janet Hardy

Bdsm for Beginners Bo Blaze

SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer videos Evie Lupine on YouTube has good videos

Proud to be kinky is a good British Podcast.

Good luck

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By *aura 2000 OP Woman
over a year ago

yarm

Thanks for you reply.. which good bsdm site or community’s should i look at please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree with many of the contributions already.

I would add that it is important for the submissive to add to the dynamic most reasonable dom/mes would want to know what you want and what you add rather than just a body.

Rather than reading stories I would suggest you do your homework. There are a number of good books out there. As well as Screw the Roses are:

The New Bottoming Guide Dossie Eaton and Janet Hardy

Bdsm for Beginners Bo Blaze

SM 101 Jay Wiseman

If you prefer videos Evie Lupine on YouTube has good videos

Proud to be kinky is a good British Podcast.

Good luck"

Ooh two more titles for me to order and read.

That'll add to the 6 books I need to read through already. A couple of them mentioned above.

Thank you. Always love your posts.

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By *aura 2000 OP Woman
over a year ago

yarm

"Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

This

Find out how to vet people, join a BDSMcommunity and find out who can be trusted (although not perfect as there are still abusers who hide within them).

If you are developing an interest in BDSM there are quite a few online classes at the moment that you can check out (look under online events on Fet).

Go slow, be vigilant with your submission and only give it to people who deserve it"
could you recommend any BDSM community or apps???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve totally changed my sexual desires. I’ve recently found a love of anal sex and bdsm but I’m totally new to the wanting of these sexual desires

I would love to listen to stories or fantasies and advice in exploring this world

Ive still got my copy of that in the attic somewhere. I found it useful when I was trying to work out if my desires made me odd

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

This

Find out how to vet people, join a BDSMcommunity and find out who can be trusted (although not perfect as there are still abusers who hide within them).

If you are developing an interest in BDSM there are quite a few online classes at the moment that you can check out (look under online events on Fet).

Go slow, be vigilant with your submission and only give it to people who deserve it could you recommend any BDSM community or apps???"

Can't name other sites here but try Googling for BDSM blogs or similar and am sure if you look beyond the porn you'll find some good research material - just go with an open but guarded mind

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

This

Find out how to vet people, join a BDSMcommunity and find out who can be trusted (although not perfect as there are still abusers who hide within them).

If you are developing an interest in BDSM there are quite a few online classes at the moment that you can check out (look under online events on Fet).

Go slow, be vigilant with your submission and only give it to people who deserve it could you recommend any BDSM community or apps???

Can't name other sites here but try Googling for BDSM blogs or similar and am sure if you look beyond the porn you'll find some good research material - just go with an open but guarded mind "

As the man said there is a site which a load of kinky people are members and is usually recommended by people.

We are not allowed on Fab to discuss other sites or name them.

In any case I am wary of recommending it to newbie women because it is similar to Fab and I have heard that women who join are inundated with messages from men wanting to dominate them. So you have the same wheat from chaff situation. My suggestion would be to talk to the women submissives on Fab and get their views. There are many very experienced and knowledgeable subs on Fab.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

This

Find out how to vet people, join a BDSMcommunity and find out who can be trusted (although not perfect as there are still abusers who hide within them).

If you are developing an interest in BDSM there are quite a few online classes at the moment that you can check out (look under online events on Fet).

Go slow, be vigilant with your submission and only give it to people who deserve it could you recommend any BDSM community or apps???

Can't name other sites here but try Googling for BDSM blogs or similar and am sure if you look beyond the porn you'll find some good research material - just go with an open but guarded mind

As the man said there is a site which a load of kinky people are members and is usually recommended by people.

We are not allowed on Fab to discuss other sites or name them.

Talking to women subs is the best advice you have been given.

On the American site there is a forum purely for submissive people (if it’s still there), no lamppost pissing dom perspectives, real submissive buffalo hunters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree

although I have a finger pointing towards the porn industry for developing sexual confidence in this field

Was so bored in lockdown last year saw professional mistresses most were money grabbers and bad actresses, clicked amazingly with one mistress, we’ve done pretty much everything to each and are practically a loving couple now a year later

I suppose with all relationships it takes two to tango correctly ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some very good advice here already OP and the best thing I'd suggest right now, is take a step back, learn as much about yourself and your desires in a BDSM perspective as you can - decide where you think you fit into it. Think about the following:

Whether you're dominant, submissive or switch

What kind of dynamic do you think you'd be looking for - for some D/s is simple servitude, for others a lot more defined and covering pain, humiliation and more.

Screw The Roses is indeed a good recommendation, another is SM101 - read those and again use them to understand the subject and yourself better.

This is very good advice

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By *ondescriptcoupleCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

One small piece of advice, many people enter the kink scene and act like a kid in a sweet shop and take everything given to them, over indulge, burn out and leave.

If people are offering you things (play, experience etc) and are telling you that, as a submissive, you have to accept it, or it is a time limited offer, just walk away.

Both a Dom and a submissive have equal power, this is a yin yang thing, without one you cannot have the other so don't let any stranger tell you otherwise.

Take your time, make friends, get to know people and understand the dynamic. Kink can be quite intensive so best to take your time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tried it last year and we battered each other ??

But seasons change ... now we cuddly?

Is normal?

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By *ogueAngelMan
over a year ago

Near Bath / Bristol

"Be very fucking careful who you trust.

I had a guy who sold himself to me as the real deal, said all the right things.

After a few months of chatting and one meet he then kept trying to send blokes to my house for me to "prove my submission to him and that I trusted him"

I ended up getting freaked out, I was having to tell him I was at work and stuff coz he would say there's someone on their way round, be ready in an hour

I told him to get fucked in the end.

Anywhooo, ages later a guy messaged saying he couldn't find my master on here anymore and would it still be the same price to meet me.

Yep, "master" was trying to use me as a cash cow behind my back. That's why he was so desperate to get all these randoms round to my house!

This is seriously concerning! Glad you're okay now!

OP, hard to find the real deal and it's sometimes too late when you find out they're not. I've always played by the rule SSC (safe, sane, and consensual) or similarly RACK (risk aware consensual kink).

Explore your boundaries and push your limits, but do so within the confines of trust. Nothing needs to be hurried, and things can go quite wrong with someone who doesn't know what they're doing.

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By *asterRopeKnotMan
over a year ago

West Midlands

"I’ve totally changed my sexual desires. I’ve recently found a love of anal sex and bdsm but I’m totally new to the wanting of these sexual desires

I would love to listen to stories or fantasies and advice in exploring this world

Becareful, attend local social events, try and avoid sub frenzy!

Kink is awesome, but its easy to get carried away. Enjoy your journey

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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

The books are a great idea. I started off by going to a local munch and chatting to some people about their experiences. Then I visited a local club and socialised there and went to a few demos. A club is a safe environment to see what you may be interested in and what level you want to start out. Far better than trusting what some random person on a website is going to “tell” you. I’ve never looked back since and have made some great friends. It s a bit like being a kid in a sweetshop at times but take your time learn about the safety aspects and explore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Munch, Munch, Munch!

No I'm not hungry, I'm just emphasizing that attending a few local Munch social meetings will really help your journey. We attended the Manchester Munch lots of times when we didn't have a clue what we were doing. Most of the attendees are extremely friendly, open minded and knowledgeable about all things kink. It was truly eye opening knowing that there was a whole community of fellow kinksters out there having fun.

Just be careful, don't take any shit from so called Dom's. If they truly want to play with you they will respect your wishes and limits and gradually you will feel more and more comfortable about the whole thing.

It's a bit scary going to a munch for the first time but the organisers usually have meeters and greeters to allay the nerves. I am still very good friends with the lady who came to hold my hand the first time I went down into the depths of Via Bar all those years ago.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One small piece of advice, many people enter the kink scene and act like a kid in a sweet shop and take everything given to them, over indulge, burn out and leave.

If people are offering you things (play, experience etc) and are telling you that, as a submissive, you have to accept it, or it is a time limited offer, just walk away.

Both a Dom and a submissive have equal power, this is a yin yang thing, without one you cannot have the other so don't let any stranger tell you otherwise.

Take your time, make friends, get to know people and understand the dynamic. Kink can be quite intensive so best to take your time."

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say do lots or research, join some of the online community's, have a really long and hard think about your limits and hard limits, draw up a contract which outlines your safe words limits, hard limits, likes, acceptable kinda of rewards and punishments etc.. Never meet anyone for Bdsm play without having vetted them propperly and makeing sure you are both on the same page as to what is aloud and what isn't

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By *inky and Playful DoctorsCouple
over a year ago

South london

Hi all

Does anyone have ideas on best gasmask set up for breath play ? do you need a hose and bag too ? How does that actually work and who offers that as a system and not as bits ?

many thanks DR T

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Hi all

Does anyone have ideas on best gasmask set up for breath play ? do you need a hose and bag too ? How does that actually work and who offers that as a system and not as bits ?

many thanks DR T "

Breath play is considered edge play for a reason and as such you really need to do your research as it is a very risky activity. This site is sadly not the best place to do that.

There are lots of gasmask/rebreather set ups, most people find one that fits the aesthetic they are after and cost.

You can find them on reseller sites as well as fetish retailers.

Some rubber fetishers wear gasmasks without any hose/bag as they are not engaging in breath play.

Do you need a hose and bag?

Hose depends on the mask/hood you choose, its attachment points and also if you want to use a hose as part of the play.

The rebreather bag is there for the actual breath play as it forces the wearer to breathe in exhaled air leading to light headedness.

The volume of the bag is linked to the amount of time it can safely be used before it needs to be removed/the wearer is allowed to breathe fresh air.

My advice to anyone who wants to engage in edge play is first up don’t, but as you wont listen to me research research research.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all

Does anyone have ideas on best gasmask set up for breath play ? do you need a hose and bag too ? How does that actually work and who offers that as a system and not as bits ?

many thanks DR T

Breath play is considered edge play for a reason and as such you really need to do your research as it is a very risky activity. This site is sadly not the best place to do that.

There are lots of gasmask/rebreather set ups, most people find one that fits the aesthetic they are after and cost.

You can find them on reseller sites as well as fetish retailers.

Some rubber fetishers wear gasmasks without any hose/bag as they are not engaging in breath play.

Do you need a hose and bag?

Hose depends on the mask/hood you choose, its attachment points and also if you want to use a hose as part of the play.

The rebreather bag is there for the actual breath play as it forces the wearer to breathe in exhaled air leading to light headedness.

The volume of the bag is linked to the amount of time it can safely be used before it needs to be removed/the wearer is allowed to breathe fresh air.

My advice to anyone who wants to engage in edge play is first up don’t, but as you wont listen to me research research research."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all

Does anyone have ideas on best gasmask set up for breath play ? do you need a hose and bag too ? How does that actually work and who offers that as a system and not as bits ?

many thanks DR T

Breath play is considered edge play for a reason and as such you really need to do your research as it is a very risky activity. This site is sadly not the best place to do that.

There are lots of gasmask/rebreather set ups, most people find one that fits the aesthetic they are after and cost.

You can find them on reseller sites as well as fetish retailers.

Some rubber fetishers wear gasmasks without any hose/bag as they are not engaging in breath play.

Do you need a hose and bag?

Hose depends on the mask/hood you choose, its attachment points and also if you want to use a hose as part of the play.

The rebreather bag is there for the actual breath play as it forces the wearer to breathe in exhaled air leading to light headedness.

The volume of the bag is linked to the amount of time it can safely be used before it needs to be removed/the wearer is allowed to breathe fresh air.

My advice to anyone who wants to engage in edge play is first up don’t, but as you wont listen to me research research research."

Good advice. That is one of my hard limits and always has been. Too many idiots who want to try things without doing all the necessary research and training.

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