FabSwingers.com forum: Messaging first, etiquette

By *aneyy OP Man
over a year ago

london

Right so as I single guy on here I’m well aware of the fact that women and couples are inundated with messages every day. Because of this I rarely send a message first. What are the thoughts on this? Does it seem lazy? Or maybe that I’m not interested?

Also I have profiles that view me multiple times a week but no message? would you guys and girls message first in this instance or is the silence a loud message in itself?

Monday thoughts??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would only message someone or a couple I fancied or wanted to learn more about, I don’t know who even views my profile sometimes I’ll send a wink first or a few flirty fabs and and take it from there

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By *uHorny1Man
over a year ago

Cannock

"Right so as I single guy on here I’m well aware of the fact that women and couples are inundated with messages every day. Because of this I rarely send a message first. What are the thoughts on this? Does it seem lazy? Or maybe that I’m not interested?

Also I have profiles that view me multiple times a week but no message? would you guys and girls message first in this instance or is the silence a loud message in itself?

Monday thoughts?? "

"I rarely send a message first"

That's a bold strategy Cotton- let's see if it pays off for him...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would love to know what really works but with restrictions of COVID it’s hard to judge nowadays as everting has changed now.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Also I have profiles that view me multiple times a week but no message? would you guys and girls message first in this instance or is the silence a loud message in itself?

Monday thoughts?? "

I can't speak for the people who view you. I do view certain profiles multiple times. Sometimes we're looking for different things but I like their photos and like to have a perv. Sometimes I've just forgotten I've already viewed them (one poor bloke I seem to look at every single week and it's only when I get half way down the profile text I realise who he is and that we've spoken in the past).

These threads crop up quite a lot and it seems most women don't message first, so yes it's possible you could be missing out on someone great for the sake of a hello.

Ultimately though you run the profile however you want, whether that's sending a million messages or none at all, it's whatever works for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep, woman and couple get more messages than single guys do on here. But sending the first message is an indication of interest from you to them.

I'd send the first message as a way of standing out from the crowd of guys who just wink their way through a first impression. Take the approach as you would in the real world in a bar/club. Would you expect the girl to make the first move or you. And what would you say to grab their attention.

Just like in the real world, the first few seconds are irrelevant on what you say, but the intent behind your words needs to come across.

So, yes and no. You're not exactly lazy. But, you're not making any noise as well. So how do you expect to get any attention. The king of the jungle makes himself aware through his roar (please don't roar in your first message haha, But i'm sure you'd get the point).

I would look at the profile before messaging someone. Again, just like in the real world. Just because someone give you attention, it doesn't mean they are the right fit for you.

Shaun

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

I personally do not give any attention to views as I use forums fairly regularly and some people just look it out of curiosity.

Winks and certain fabs yes, do get my attention and don’t mind sending the first message if I really intrigued by what I see

Not receiving a message definitely better than receiving” hi”only or repetitive one liner messages

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By *lirty-CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bexley

Also I have profiles that view me multiple times a week but no message? would you guys and girls message first in this instance or is the silence a loud message in itself?

Monday thoughts?? "

You're right about the numbers and that makes things much harder for guys here.

We don't respond to winks, one line messages, friends invitations etc and our profile clearly states this. If anyone sends us one it just proves that either they haven't bothered to read our profile or they just ignored it. Either way, we would feel no obligation to reply to them.

We've also found that people who can't be bothered to read other people's profiles rarely bother to compile a proper one for themselves so checking them is almost always a waste of our time.

We always read messages of a decent length and respond to most of them even if it's just a polite no to those who aren't what we're looking for. Having said that, if the senders had read and digested our profile first they could have avoided wasting their time and ours. :D

In our experience many people tend to view profiles just to see the images and may do so multiple times. That would account for them not contacting you. They may simply like your pics but feel you're not what they're looking for for other reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send the first message, show interest and make the message more than a “hi” or “hey”.

Always introduce yourself and more than just the fab side of things

If it’s read and not replied to or unopened then I take it as a no.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Also I have profiles that view me multiple times a week but no message? would you guys and girls message first in this instance or is the silence a loud message in itself?

Monday thoughts?? "

I'd say just message people you like the look of and don't over think or look on it as a strategy.

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By *aneyy OP Man
over a year ago

london

Also I have profiles that view me multiple times a week but no message? would you guys and girls message first in this instance or is the silence a loud message in itself?

Monday thoughts??

"I rarely send a message first"

That's a bold strategy Cotton- let's see if it pays off for him..."

I have veries, so so far so good lool

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By *aneyy OP Man
over a year ago

london

"I would only message someone or a couple I fancied or wanted to learn more about, I don’t know who even views my profile sometimes I’ll send a wink first or a few flirty fabs and and take it from there "

I do the old wink and fab trick to

thought it was just me

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By *aneyy OP Man
over a year ago

london

Also I have profiles that view me multiple times a week but no message? would you guys and girls message first in this instance or is the silence a loud message in itself?

Monday thoughts??

These threads crop up quite a lot and it seems most women don't message first, so yes it's possible you could be missing out on someone great for the sake of a hello.

Ultimately though you run the profile however you want, whether that's sending a million messages or none at all, it's whatever works for you."

I don’t know how people keep up when playing the numbers game to be honest. I know I couldn’t do it. I wonder why a couple is more likely to message first over a single women’s profile? I do get more messages from couples then single women.

I think maybe it’s the male half of the couple putting in all the ground work if he gets the ok?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

At the moment not applicable because my filters are set to "no", but...

When my filters are open, if I'm looking, I get too many messages to look myself. I don't look at winks, I don't look at Fabs. I look at messages and on the forum. I suspect a lot of women are the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once first messaged someone who had been a multiple profile viewer, only to get blocked...

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